i normally do not remember my dreams.
in fact, up till recently, there's been ONE dream i've remembered over a long period of time, which involved a fogged in ice rink, a circular staricase up from there, and a couch which i fell into/it ate me. oh, and luscious lips. anyways.
so, in the past week, i've rememberd 3 dreams:
dream 1- i am going to applebees to pick up a to go order. i have my baby with me. the baby needs her diaper changed. i go into the bathroom, put her up on the changing table. i reach down for a diaper in the diaper bag, turn back, and she is falling off the changing table. in my dream, i feel ABSOLUTE TERROR. in slow motion i somehow catch her right before she hits the floor. in the dream i sit there crying and holding her until someone comes in.
this dream is odd, because i do not have a baby, nor have i ever changed a diaper. also, it allows me insight into Evangelion's theory of Absolute Terror, and etc.
dream 2- i am at applebees, eating dinner with my family (wife and child [chrildren?] and extended family) when my daughter walks up to me and says "...", trying to say "daddy" but she is bleeding from her mouth. apparently glass or something was in her food. there is a rush to the emergency room, and then i'm suddenly back at the restaraunt interogating the cooking staff as to how this happened, and who i would have to kill slowly.
again, i do not have children, nor am i married.
dream 3- i am in prison. it is an odd prison, rather minimum security, because most of the inmates are leaving the gates through the park that's right outside. only, it's understood that they would soon be back.
and there are small lizards wandering around, trying to bite the achilles tendons of people. mostly my tendons.
--
i think maybe my relationship is more serious than i had previously consciously realized, and i think that i have serious doubts as to my ability to be a good father.
the lizards were very scary, and i have no idea what they represent other than things trying to bite my ankles, which i worry about anyways.
the terror of being unable to protect my child, though, was an emotion i never recall feeling.
is it possible to experience emotion in a DREAM STATE that you had never experienced in an AWAKE STATE?
or had i experienced such terror previously, and simply do not recall it?