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[V-Adore]

It is with trembling hands that I write this post. I fear great social ostracization, perhaps even being branded with the signs of my shame lest other enclaves be tempted to take me in. I quiver at the thought of justice being pursued...

... oh, fuck it. I turn 21 today, I've had all of one drink total in my entire life, and I need alcohol-related recipes and/or advice. I know the basics -- drink lots of water and eat to avoid incredible hangover death, how to make Diamond Juice, etc. -- but could use some drinker lore, and besides, I feel this crazy need for an initiation ritual.

Can I get some help here, o elders?

[arkabee]

1- drinking lot's of water is not "the basics", unless you count BREATHING AIR "the basics".

2- if you drink TOO MUCH ALCOHOL you die.

3- lore: Dr. Art, a grad student working on his Phd in biochemical DOOM i use to know politely explained to me several times (the joy of heavy drinking) that if you want a "free drunk" (depending on your healthcare plan...) run to the emergency room and tell them you drank antifreeze.  antifreeze will kill you, and the killing part is some type of alcohol molecule Phd thingee.  so the Doctors would have to hook you up to machines that pump you up with regular old DRUNKEN alcohol molecules that "attach" chemically to the antifreeze KILLING molecules and you would not die.

now, the LORE of this is not the antifreeze, it's the OH MY GOD DON'T I JUST RAMBLE ON ABOUT THE MOST RANDOM SHIT WHEN I'M DRUNK OFF MY ASS.  and, scarily intelligent people are still scarily intelligent when their drunk, but, they're also drunk.

4- vitamin B-Complex is your friend.

5- DO NOT TAKE TYLENOL before, during, or after drinking.  apparently it KILLS DEAD your liver and other body parts you need.  the poker-friend doctor of my bro-in-law has said that. (you wanted LORE).  also, he says that tylenol is the best, but just do not take it with the booze as it will hurt your insides bad.

6- there are CORE differences between the "hard liquors".  they WILL affect you differently.  how they will affect you is unknown, finding out is the fun part:  note- Rum makes me PISSED OFF, Tequilla makes me WANT TO DO stuff, whiskeys make me want to sit and chain smoke and reminesce, etc.  

7- as a young college student, you are most likely poor, or pretending to be poor if you are rich and don't want all the poor college students around you to hate you, or just plain cheap.  as such, you will be drinking 2 disctinct types of liquors:
CHEAP ROTGUT CRAP
and
OTHER PEOPLE'S LIQUOR.

7a- if you are going to drink OTHER PEOPLE'S LIQUOR, please be kind and not PISS OFF THE ALCOHOL GODS by, i dunno, mixing Dr. Pepper with, i dunno, 50 year old single malt.  'K?

7b- if you are going to drink rotgut, then by all means mix whatever you want in whatever concoctions you can think up.  i'll give you one for free- coffee and vodka.  

7c- note: when you first start drinking, there is a GOOD CHANCE that most alcohol is going to taste like CRAP.

that's because it all tastes like crap.  you have to drink enough of it to kill taste buds so that you can appreciate it.  or, think of it as a role playing game.  you need to "level up" your "tequilla" or you "miss your saving throw against appearing in a Girls Gone Wild Video".

that being said, it all tastes like crap.  do not waste your money on "the good stuff" until you "level up" a bit.  mix it with mixers, don't drink your liquor straiight, until about level 5 or 6.


8. The "opaquer" is an excellent choice of a glass, because it is large, cheap, and opaque.   thus, noone can easily see through your glass and say "hey, that looks a lot like my 50 year old Glenmilleriddich!!!"  Also, they are plastic, so once you drink an opaquer full of scotch and nock the glass over as you fall into a coma, it shouldn't break.


etc, etc, ad nauseum (if you aren't careful...)

[CortJstr]

think of it as a role playing game.  you need to "level up" your "tequilla" or you "miss your saving throw against appearing in a Girls Gone Wild Video".

akrabee wins! Or, to continue the RPG metaphor, arkabee has ascended!

I very rarely drink but I can say don't order _____ and Red Bull. Because they charge you for the liquor and the Red Bull and your drink will cost $10 which is just silly. And Smirnoff Ice is the best tasting "drink that isn't beer but we have to label it as beer."

[Va]

Drunkeness can cause you to become clumsy, slur your speech, become loud, weepy, obnoxious, or any number of surprising personality changes.  For these reasons and many others, some people prefer marijuana to alcohol as an intoxicant.  You might want to perform your first drunkeness experiments in the privacy of your own home or that of a trusted friend rather than in public.

I do not recommend starting out with spirits, which are an acquired taste. Since you don't know how your body handles alcohol yet, i.e. how much you need to drink to feel the buzz you want and also not vomit, I would recommend starting with a beverage with a fairly low alcohol content, such as beer.  Guiness is delicious and also has a relatively low alcohol content compared to other beers.  Also, it still tastes good even if it is not ice-cold, making it more possible to enjoy by drinking it slowly.

Wine can also be a good introduction to the wonderful world of drunkeness.  Red wine is a good choice, as it is consumed at room temperature, which, again, is conducive to drinking SLOWLY.  I recommend Bolla Bardolino or Valpolicella, which are both cheap but good Italian reds you should be able to find at your local grocery store.

Even if you have never smoked a cigarette in your life, even if you are normally disgusted by cigarettes, you may find that you desire one when you are drunk.  This does not make you a "smoker" and it does not mean you will take up smoking habitually.

Drink 8oz (or more) of water for each alcoholic beverage you drink and take one ibuprofen before you go to bed.

WARNING: If the room is spinning, closing your eyes will cause it spin faster.

[AugustWest]

Don't feel obligated to drink.  Drink if you want to or if you enjoy it.  It isn't required.  It can be fun.  It can fuck up your life seriously.

[wombat]

Wine with the appropriate food is good.  It is the same as milk and cookies - they are better together than apart.  Same for sake in my opinion.

The only hard liquor I can drink is a really good frozen margarita or mojitos with lots of nice fresh mint.  The rest of it, I don't get the point at all.  If I'm going to consume empty calories with mind-altering substances, I can't see spending money on liquor that you could use on really expensive chocolate instead.

[arkabee]

WARNING: If the room is spinning, closing your eyes will cause it spin faster.

oh my goodness gracious, i can not believe i forgot to warn her of bedspins.  good, no great, call Va.

growing up i had a "stomach of hard metal substance", i never got car sick, etc, etc, etc.  bedspins, for me, were one of the most terrifying experiences i've ever experienced, if only because it was so foreign.

you may never get bedspins, or you might not be affected by them the way i am.  but if you do, then remember:
1- you are NOT dying.  it WILL be ok.
2- DO NOT CLOSE YOUR EYES OR LAY DOWN.  Va is absolutely correct.
3- STAY AWAKE.  i've always found that when i'd have the worst bedspins, i'd be the most tired.  but you'll only feel worse if you try to sleep.  sit up as straight as you can, and just be as still as possible.  try and keep your eyes open.
4- vomitting can be your friend.

to touch on what Va brought up, you won't know your "limit" yet, and it is very easy once you get your buzz on, to just drink more because it seems like a good idea.  and it's a narrow line between "good buzz" to "oh my god".  and once you get to "oh my god" you are going to stay there until all that alcohol sitting in your stomach is parsed.  if it's a choice between discretely emptying your stomach, and sitting there for 5 hours as your body keeps parsing a stomach full of cider, well, i know what i choose.

also, i highly agree and disagree with Va, as to where to start your drinking.  do not drink alone!  if you go past your limit, it can be very scary.  drink with friends in a relaxed, safe environment.  once you've found something you like and you understand (level 1), do not try new things until later (level 4 or 5).  and if you are trying new things, and might get to "oh my god", be with good friends who will sit with you and and remind you that you will not die until 5 am when you finally feel ok enough to pass out.

for instance- you find you like some sort of wine.  you can drink 5 glasses of it, get your buzz on, and walk back to the dorm room with your friends.  ok, it's party night.  it's dollar shots of goldschlager! don't do it!  there's a difference between throwing up so you can make the bedspins stop, and getting thrown out because you just puked up gold flakes on the bouncer.

also, i'd recommend stearing clear of any "shlagers", jeaigermeister, firewater, etc, etc.  it's all a scam to make you die.

i know absolutely nothing about wine.  as a recovering catholic, the taste of wine makes my knees ache.  however, i remember friends in college saying that the various Boone's Farms wines tasted "beter than ass", and were fairly cheap.  just keep in mind, some of the flavors are horrid.

inre: augustwest's "it can fuck up your life".  yes, it can.  it's bad not to be able to remember periods of your life.  

beer- beer is good, and can be as expensive or as cheap as expensive as you'd like.  
the various maltliquors in beer bottles like zima, mike's hard lemonade,  etc, all vary.  if you hate one, another might be good.  i like mike's hard lemonade.
cider- i'm a particular fan of hard cider.  there's not a lot of it down here, but it's popular in the north east and in england. (strongbow on tap, mmmmmm).  woodchuck is pretty good.
wine- no clue.

[AugustWest]

as a recovering catholic, the taste of wine makes my knees ache.

Brilliant!

I didn't mean to come across as all Carrie Nation up there.  I drink -- regularly and too much.  I've got plenty of stories.  I guess I just hate to see anybody do something just because they're supposed to.

Draft beer is good, especially on a hot day.  Or a cold night.  

Good champagne can be incredible.  It is like drinking stars.

Try a gin and tonic, a bloody mary and a rum and coke.  Just not on the same night.

My main rule is drink homogenously -- that is, whatever you start with, stick with.  Do not mix beverages.  If you're drinking whiskey, do not start drinking wine, gin, vodka or otherwise.  

Tequila is sinister.  It's good stuff which provides a good buzz, but it whispers in your ear: "One more shot senor.  Would not one more shot be so tasty?"  Each subsequent shot lowers your resistance further creating a drunken feedback loop.  Now that I think about it, I'd kinda like some tequila now...

[AugustWest]

How has this not been CJ'ed yet?

[CortJstr]

How has this not been CJ'ed yet?

Liquor Cabinet Taste Test is beyond mere CJing. It is the unifying strip of greatness. It is in our minds always.

Plus I was lazy.

[Turbo Ninja]

On Drinking Adult Beverages:

Most of the best advice has already been given.  Do not mix across genres.  Do not use Tylenol to pre-empt a headache - use a different variety of painkiller.  Do not waste money on expensive booze until you're of a high enough tolerance to appreciate it, except for vodka (more on that later).  And, most importantly, do not feel compelled to drink.  It's your head, your stomach and your personal safety.  Therefore, it's your responsibility.

I learned to drink beer by practicing on Pete's Wicked CUNT Blonde and Woodchuck Cider (particularly Granny Smith).  Try some different imports and micros and you'll probably find a handful that you really do like.  

Cheap vodka should be avoided at all costs.  Grocery store vodka tends to taste like nail polish remover, so you should treat yourself to a mid-range brand name if you want to avoid making the Cheap Vodka Face all night.

Captain Morgan and Tuaca are gentle spirits and mix well with Coke, Sprite or pretty much any other soft drink of choice.

A recipe: how about a Fast Gin Fizz?  It's ice, gin and Code Red Mountain Dew, mixed to taste.

[AugustWest]

Cheap vodka should be avoided at all costs.  Grocery store vodka tends to taste like nail polish remover, so you should treat yourself to a mid-range brand name if you want to avoid making the Cheap Vodka Face all night.

I could not disagree more.  Cheap Vodka rocks.  I'll bet in a blind taste test you couldn't taste the difference between $9/1.75 liter Heaven Hill Vodka in the big ol' plastic jug and the $37/fifth Rain in the fancy bottle.  I expect to get hollered down over this, but dang, it's a neutral spirit.  NEUTRAL!!!

A recipe: how about a Fast Gin Fizz?  It's ice, gin and Code Red Mountain Dew, mixed to taste.

Brilliant!

[Va]

also, i highly agree and disagree with Va, as to where to start your drinking.  do not drink alone!

I did not mean to suggest for a moment that you should drink alone.  Firstly, it's no fun.  Secondly, what arkabee said.  When I said "drink at home", I meant with company.

A little more on the spins and urges to vomit in general--cold air can do wonders.  I personally find vomiting so traumatic that I always fight it with everything I have.

[Va]

Try a gin and tonic, a bloody mary and a rum and coke.

Mmm, don't forget white russians.  But seriously, don't start with liquor.  Really.  It's much harder to regulate your input.

Hard cider is also yummy, but is higher in alcohol than beer.  Also, it gives some people painful gas.  (I'm just saying).  Woodchuck Amber cider mixed half and half with ginger ale (the spicier the better--try Buffalo Rock) is super-delicious.

I have to disagree with those who suggest Boon's Farm or malt beverages.  They taste like candy, so you'll tend to drink them too fast.

[AugustWest]

I know, V.  Why don't you go out and get all drunked up good with your friends, then come back here and post incoherently.  That should be good for a laugh or two.

Works for me.