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[Mantonio]

Hi folks, I came across this blog post about the great holiday of Halloween, which will fast be upon us. Here's a good money quote:

Michele doth writ:
I had an unnerving moment last Halloween. I was standing on my neighbor's porch eyeing the cache of goodie bags he had ready for the mass of costumed kiddies heading his way. He had a few dozen little plastic baggies stuffed with carrot and celery sticks. Yes. Carrots and celery. For a Halloween treat. As I backed away from this evil man's house, I thought "I am so fisking this guy when I get home."

So how about y'all? What's the worst item ever plunked down in you halloween sack. Likewise, have any of you personally out-Pat Reynoldsed the fellow who handed out carrots and celery?

Also, this from the comments sounds like a good idea:

Darleen doth writ:
I change up the scare routine each year... but the best was the year I dressed up as a "dummy" oversized clothes which I padded so no angles would give me a way..put on a knit cap, ski googles and scarf to cover my face, stuffed gloves too. I sat slumped on a bench in the midst of other decorations while kids walked by me to get the treats from my eldest daughter. Since I was just a decoration while they first passed me, they didn't give me a second look as they were heading by the second time...at that point I would move swift and silent up and at them... (I was saving this specifically for the jr high crowd).... the shrieking of terror was enormous! Then followed by much laughter and admiration of a stunt well pulled.

If I didn't live in an apartment or live in such a cold climate, I'd sooooo be doing that this year.

[AlohaDawg]

What does it mean to 'fisk' someone?

Also, here is my trick. Make a whole bunch of caramel apples. Then make a couple of caramel onions. They are pretty hard to tell apart once wrapped and sticked.

Funny stuff.

[Mantonio]

What does it mean to 'fisk' someone?

Also, here is my trick. Make a whole bunch of caramel apples. Then make a couple of caramel onions. They are pretty hard to tell apart once wrapped and sticked.

Funny stuff.

ahem

Edit: Carameled onions? Funny indeed. But do you actually enjoy having your house pelted with eggs or having the six pouches performed on your door mat?

[Carlos del Vaca]

Pennies were always a wonderous thing to get in your trick-or-treat bucket.

Last year on Halloween, in the middle of trick-or-treaters coming to our door, I had to take out the recycling.  I thought it would be pretty funny to drop an empty soda can or beer bottle in each kid's bag.

Funny for me, anyway.

[andalucia]

I wonder if I can pull off another year of trick or treating.  I was kinda pushing it last year, but now I'm in university and stuff.  I guess I probably should be drinking or something that night, but drinking doesn't give me free candy and soda.

[CortJstr]

I'd heard the caramel onion thing as part of Harland Williams' stand-up routine but I've never see it done.

I've gotten toothbrushes, usually along with raisins or some other horrid item.

[arkabee]

So how about y'all? What's the worst item ever plunked down in you halloween sack.

anything not prepackaged and sanatized.  possibly due to moving often and not "knowing the neighbors/neighborhood", paranoia of "razor blades in the apples" always meant anything not prepackaged and SEALED was tossed.  tootsie rolls were difficult, in that i wanted them, but they were far too easliy unwrapped, coated in poison, and rewrapped.

in hindsight, i don't know why as an 8 year old i was convinced that people were poisoning tootsie rolls.

[Va]

"Waaaaaah, the strangers giving me free food gave me something I don't like!  In retribution, I will deface and/or destroy their property!"

Halloween is weird.

[Mantonio]

"Waaaaaah, the strangers giving me free food gave me something I don't like!  In retribution, I will deface and/or destroy their property!"

Halloween is weird.

Yes it is. Normally, I'm all against appeasment. But let's face it - Water balllons are NOT funny.  So you buy them off with candy and hope they leave you alone. Otherwise I'd be all about handing out Jack Chick tracts each year - not for religion, but for PUNISHMENT.

[jough]

Oh man, I love Chick tracts.

The worst is always a baggie of ANYTHING.  Because yeah, it gets tossed.

I never did anything to retaliate against the people who gave out shitty treats, though, because they were usually old people who meant well, just didn't know that they were supposed to give out "Fun Size" Snickers and Kit Kat bars.

[arkabee]

indeed, the sweet old people who gave out fresh homemade fudge or shiny apples were/are quite vexxing, because it is/was difficult to be angry with them due to their inherent niceness.

because, honestly, to them some fresh homemade caramel corn wrapped up into a ball and covered with wax paper and tied with a pipe cleaner WAS SO MUCH BETTER than that pre-processed tiny two bars of kit kat.  

of course, i'd be more scared to eat trick or treat candy now as an adult, then i ever was worried when i was a kid.

paranoia just gets better with age, it seems.

[jough]

The paranoia is now part of the Halloween tradition, which is great especially since no kid has ever been poisoned by Halloween candy EVER, except once in the 60s a boy was poisoned to death.. BY HIS OWN PARENTS who used the paranoia as a cover-up (which didn't work).

GOD BLESS US, EVERYONE

[jay-ell]

I was just over at snopes.com looking this up, actually, but Jough went and beat me to the post.  

Ah, well.

[AlohaDawg]

One year when I was about 9 I was doing to loot sort wrap-up at the kitchen table the next morning when I ran into some of that cheap gum that gets wrapped in the twist on both ends wax paper.  Figuring some gum would go well with the sorting task, I opened it up and found it contained one perfectly sized dirt clod.

The Peanuts Halloween Special had been played earlier in the week, so of course I got to run around telling everyone, in my best Charlie Brown voice, "I got a rock".

Best damn dirt clod I ever got.

I have a litter box that endlessly supplies me with things I could wrap in wax paper and twist the ends.

Which reminds me of a true story/recipe: I saw this in a magazine. It's hilarious.


Litter Box Cake

For the proper presentation, use a brand new (and definitely unused) plastic cat litter box and spoon it onto plates with a new (NEVER used) pooper scooper.

1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large pkg vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared (I like Bird'sŪ dessert mix)
1 large pkg vanilla sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie RollsŪ

1 new kitty litter box
1 new catbox scoop
 
Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans).

Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble.

Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix until completely colored.

When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. Important: mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don't want it too soggy. Combine gently.

Line a new, clean kitty litter box. Put the cake/pudding/cookie mixture into the litter box.

Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls bury them in the mixture. Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly on top of everything -- this is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.

Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around for a truly disgusting effect.

[Mantonio]

Man, I actually tried to cook one of those once about ten years ago but it didn't really come out looking right. Oh well, my dad's birthday is coming up in December. Time to try again.  He'll get a kick out of it.