from
www.fuckthesouth.com --which has links included in the text below.
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the fuck*ng Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?
Cause we fuck*ng founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fuck*ng sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fuck*ng blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fuck*ng monuments are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fuck*ng Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fuck*ng stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fuck*ng blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fuck*ng Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fuck*ng arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fuck*ng cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fuck*ng arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fuck*ng bridges, bitch.
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fuck*ng Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fuck*ng swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fuck*ng orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fuck*ng dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fuck*ng our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fuck*ng stop signs, assholes.
Let’s talk about those values for a fuck*ng minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fuck*ng Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fuck*ng Massachusetts, the fuck*ng center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fuck*ng nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fuck*ng blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fuck*ng guess? 10 of the top 10 are fuck*ng red-ass we're-so-fuck*ng-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fuck*ng part.
But two guys making out is going to fuck*ng ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fuck*ng get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fuck*ng towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fuck*ng Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fuck*ng Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.
Well this gravy train is fuck*ng over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.
And no, you can't have your fuck*ng convention in New York next time. Fuck off.
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