The real answer:
To whet the whistle, we would start with champagne cocktails or a fine scotch, served neat.
The opening course would be small crudites du pate and bacon-wrapped scallops, which would be followed (if wintry) by a pumpkin-squash soup and a fine, though inexpensive, french table wine, or (if summ'ry) a small bowl of mussels steeped in pinot grigio, garlic, butter, and italian herbs. The same pinot grigio used in the mussels would be served.
These will precede an insalata caprese, made with heirloom tomatos, bufala mozzarella, and oversized basil leaves, lightly drizzled in an earthy, spicy olive oil. A medium-bodied chardonnay will pair quite nicely.
The entree would be braised veal chops, accompanied by a garlic/red-potato mash, with a light mustard gravy. The ladies may stay with the chardonnay, or join the men in an Argentinian syrah.
For dessert, chocolate volcano cakes with small scoops of locally-made vanilla-brown-sugar ice cream atop them, and a port or snifter of Bailey's on the side.
Finally, Sumatran coffee, green tea, and Earl Grey will be provided to keep the guests awake until they arrive at their temporary rooming quarters.
Ain't nobody gonna be at my pad while I'm gettin' my bone on with the missus .