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[AlohaDawg]

Scrotal Safety[/i]"]Due to the aggressive nature of tiny, uncontrollable legs -- baby-sitting may not be a solid career choice for those of you with "fragile scrotums". Sadly, new fathers may not be able to avoid the willy-nilly, groin-magnets that a baby's feet often are. In a case such as this, heavy padding and a generous application of expanding foam (available at your local hardware supplier) will help protect your region.

Amen. Thank God I don't have a fragile scrotum. I think it's the age of about 1 1/2 - 2 that the little legs are calibrated to the father's nuts.

[slink]

I wish I hadn't done that.

I did the same! Fortunately I realised before I clicked the link what it actually was, but goddamn you google!

[wombat]

Maybe it has some kind of evolutionary explanation along the lines of since the testes are the things which make it possible to reproduce but are also just hanging there, so so vulnerable, they need to be protected.  Their extreme sensitivity to pain, which can be triggerred without even being touched, remind us that we need to protect them if we want to carry on our genetic line (which, biologically, we all want to do).

Thinking back to JL's childbirth description post, which I am too lazy to link to... I like to think that the explanation is that it's only fair to even things out in the reproductive-related pain department.

[miles]

Maybe it has some kind of evolutionary explanation along the lines of since the testes are the things which make it possible to reproduce but are also just hanging there, so so vulnerable, they need to be protected.  Their extreme sensitivity to pain, which can be triggerred without even being touched, remind us that we need to protect them if we want to carry on our genetic line (which, biologically, we all want to do).

Thinking back to JL's childbirth description post, which I am too lazy to link to... I like to think that the explanation is that it's only fair to even things out in the reproductive-related pain department.

Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.

[Noah]

Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.

i'm sure childbirth hurts more in the long run, but i bet a serious blow to the testicles hurts more than pretty much anything. and it's not just the amount of pain, it's the type of pain. it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.

[slink]

it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.

Indeed, while I have avoided it for the majority of my life, it happens, and just thinking about it brings the phrase 'it's bad' to mind. Only in a Dustin Hoffman, Rainman type voice.
It's kind of like how when you get hit in the nose in the right place, you taste metal and can't even think coherently for a few seconds, only worse and for longer. So, so, so much worse.

[CortJstr]

Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.

i'm sure childbirth hurts more in the long run, but i bet a serious blow to the testicles hurts more than pretty much anything. and it's not just the amount of pain, it's the type of pain. it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.

There's also the delay between impact and when it actually hurts. That brief moment of self-delusion where you're all, "maybe it wasn't as bad as I thouuuuuaaaaagh!"

[arkabee]

Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.

i'm sure childbirth hurts more in the long run, but i bet a serious blow to the testicles hurts more than pretty much anything. and it's not just the amount of pain, it's the type of pain. it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.

There's also the delay between impact and when it actually hurts. That brief moment of self-delusion where you're all, "maybe it wasn't as bad as I thouuuuuaaaaagh!"

indeed.  there's nothing quite as demasculating as thinking you are man enough to "walk it off", and as you start to walk it off, you knees go weak, your eyes tear spontansously, and you fall over.

there is no way "i meant to do that" is going to cut it when you are laying on the ground crying.

[Golfhaus]

My first serious Swift Kick To The Nuts was in the 7th grade, in my gifted class. We had just put on two HORRIBLE shows of "A Christmas Carol" - bad to the point where the teacher felt the need to apologize to some of the classes that came to see it. After the show, as we were moving props and such back to the classroom, something was said, probably by me although I can't remember for sure, and next thing I know, the foot of Alneader Kenner (who I remember SOLELY for this action) made contact with me. I remember dropping to my knees, making DAMN SURE not to cry, and taking a good ten minutes to get up off the floor. It was only then that I knew - men may be the physically stronger gender in general, but we have A Weakness.

[jough]

There was a movie where someone got kicked in the bozack and he said "That's gonna hurt." which is pretty accurate.  It's too stunning to really hurt right away, but you can feel the inkling of a throb, like a doppler shift - that race car is coming up the track and you know that by the time you hear that high-pitched squeal you're going to be the one making it.

[miles]

My first serious Swift Kick To The Nuts was in the 7th grade, in my gifted class. We had just put on two HORRIBLE shows of "A Christmas Carol" - bad to the point where the teacher felt the need to apologize to some of the classes that came to see it. After the show, as we were moving props and such back to the classroom, something was said, probably by me although I can't remember for sure, and next thing I know, the foot of Alneader Kenner (who I remember SOLELY for this action) made contact with me. I remember dropping to my knees, making DAMN SURE not to cry, and taking a good ten minutes to get up off the floor. It was only then that I knew - men may be the physically stronger gender in general, but we have A Weakness.

I remember mine too.  5th grade.  Brian Porter.  Motherfucker.  It was a knee to the balls.  And it's not like you can do anything back, at least not right away, and you definitely can't tell on the bastard.

Also, even a soft hit to the area is bad.  It brings about this dull ache, almost a stomach ache.

Goddamn why didn't nature build us better?

[Silverberg]

Nature just wanted us to know how precious our balls are, man.

[AugustWest]

I guess all of us have a story...

I was about 11 or 12.  I was at the Lake Malone Inn, a "Resort" that is now owned by the Everly Brothers, but at that time was brand spanking new.  They had a piece of playground equipment that was (supposedly) shaped like a caterpillar.  It had a runged tail section connected to a runged circular loop section connected to a runged head section.

It was time to go home.  We had a 45 minute drive to get home.  Dad was calling.  I was hanging from the topmost rung of the loop section.  I let go.

WHAM!  The rung below struck me squarely in the groin.

I could not breathe properly for three solid hours.  I wonder if I've been the same since.

[Bozack]

God. Third fuck*ng grade. Street hocket in gym. I was goalie. A slapshot with one of those tiny, steel-hard rubber balls we used in lieu of pucks. Straight to the Mean Bean Machine.
GOD!

[Turbo Ninja]

My name is Turbo Ninja and I have been kneed in the ballsack.  I was in sixth grade.  I don't remember the context of the action, like if it was provoked or not, but one Brian Perkins grabbed me squarely by the shoulders and planted a solid knee shot in my vault.

I crumbled to the ground and suppressed tears as Brian quickly backed away, saying "I didn't do it that hard."  I think he was feeling guilt at what he had done but, more than that, he was also realizing just how vulnerable to attack his own junk was.

I missed two days of school after that.