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[AlohaDawg]

For those of you interested in maintaining or cultivating long term relationships, I just got through this amazing epiphany with a book called "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman.

Basically he breaks down into really intuitive terms the ways the people accept and express love and shows you how to figure out what ways work for you and for your mate, and how to both identify that someone is doing things for you out of love and how to love them back in ways that they perceive as love.

It's a great book for anyone interested in better relating to people they love and with a little thought is easily adapted to other kinds of relationships besides a marriage or a long-term committed relationship.

So that's my plug. Discuss if you like...

[arkabee]

so, um, if i have a friend,
and this friend does things to express care such as empty a cat's litter box,
and this friend's lady perceives that differently such as she feels guilty because someone is doing something for her,
um,
then this book would potentially be a good read for my, uh, friend?

[AugustWest]

Be careful not to freeze your ovaries.

[AlohaDawg]

so, um, if i have a friend,
and this friend does things to express care such as empty a cat's litter box,
and this friend's lady perceives that differently such as she feels guilty because someone is doing something for her,
um,
then this book would potentially be a good read for my, uh, friend?

In a nutshell, yes. There are 5 major love languages according to this guy:

Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Giving Gifts

Maybe she doesn't respond to acts of service as an expression of caring...if acts of service is your primary love language, it'll take a little extra effort on both of your parts both to express love in the others primary way and also to accept other things they do.

The book is a lot better at explaining this.

[Choop]

Why didn't I just write this down years ago? I'd be a bestseller. Seriously, that's the advice I've given for years - and I've never read the book about which you're talking.

It's kept me and mrs.choop very happy indeed.

[linnea]

Damn, I'll have to check into that book. I had learned a little bit about Imago theory, which was explained by Dr Harville Hendricks in his book "Getting The Love You Want".  The languages of love sound very interesting indeed. Thank you for the recommendation - since I live on a godforsaken rock, perhaps I can get an e-book or something.

[AlohaDawg]

Love Languages

I think they deliver to your rock. They deliver to mine. :-)

[arkabee]

i finally remembered what a public library is, and am now reading the book.  was apprehensive at first but author is, um, good with the words?

[AlohaDawg]

That's a good assessment - his style is really easy, totally not preachy or self-righteous, and he doesn't congratulate himself on how great he and his theories are. The stories about real people seem genuine enough, too, which is sometimes difficult for writers I think.