Dear Friend of Achewood,
Hello! You are receiving this email because your patronage has helped us continue to keep our doors open. This newsletter is a way for us to send even more hot new "Achewood mental schwag" your way. It is not a "spam" in the way that you might normally think of such a thing, mainly because our boner pill was rejected by the FDA.
Thank you for your readership and your patronage,
Chris.
ITEM OF INTEREST: JUNE 2005.
Roast Beef Got Depressed at a Hofbrau
All who know him will tell you that Roast Beef genuinely enjoys corny, low-class American restaurant food. Beef in fact knows this about himself, and that many consider it a shortcoming, but he considers enjoying the stuff a badge of honor from his low-class upbringing. Thus it is all the more surprising that he recently became extremly depressed at Kleinermann's Hofbrau in East Achewood, just as he was about to tuck into an open-faced meatloaf sandwich with mashed potatoes and gravy, creamed spinach and mac'n'cheese on the side. According to Roast Beef, the "whole pitiful wheel of life, just munching on high sodium bad-treated animals, to fatten a man's pockets, families just fooled into pen-eating like the meat they stuff themselves with..." (at this point Roast Beef put his head in his hands for a while and then got his food packaged to go).
New! "The Dude Has Got No Mercy" Apparel
From annihilating a strong enemy to polishing off a grilled lamb-burger on rosemary focaccia, let them know that you act without mercy no matter what the stakes. Imply, using your clothing, that mercy is a weakness of the indecisive and unfocused. These made-to-order styles ship in 3-6 weeks. QuickShip shirts coming early July!
New! Achewood Vintage Logo Apparel
Travel back to the days of nickel "sliders," to a day when a man wouldn't shake hands with a woman in public, to a day when an 83°F afternoon was considered extremely hot. This t-shirt belongs in that day. These made-to-order styles ship in 3-6 weeks. QuickShip shirts coming early July! Click here to view this design on all available styles of garment.
New! GEOMETRY Apparel
What is it about geometry that tickles us so? No matter. This shirt is a proof that you know where the action is (the action is in the study and application of geometry). These made-to-order styles ship in 3-6 weeks.
Can't wait for a custom shirt? Shop our huge in-stock inventory! We also stock books, buttons, and dozens of accessories.
We stock thousands of items at all times for quick delivery. Click here to see them all displayed on one magnificent page. We ship worldwide - shop with confidence!
ITEM OF INTEREST: JUNE 2005.
Philippe and Todd Ate Something Which Did Not Belong to Them
A tin of Almond Roca, a popular candy which features a toffee center dipped in chocolate and sprinkled with minced almonds, was discovered beneath the sink in the laundry room by Philippe last Sunday. Todd, who was nearby at the time, suggested that they eat all of the candy, an idea which was immediately embraced by Philippe. Soon Philippe was making a ruckus in the living room and Chris, the owner of the house, divined from the torn wrappers and chocolate-stained faces that someone had gotten into his secret stash of private sweets. He went and got the can and held it extremely seriously in front of Philippe's face, which put the little fellow into a heart-swallowing fear. "Did anyone tell you that you could have this?" asked Chris, in a markedly stern manner. "N...no..." answered a terror-stricken Philippe.
Philippe was sent to his room with twenty probations and Todd, who sat quietly during the entire ordeal trying to wipe the chocolate from his ugly puss, had a size ten Saucony thrown at him, and then another. Both narrowly missed their mark, but insult was added to injury when Todd's simple body left a scared trail of urine across the front doormat.
Author
Topic: Achewood Town Newsletter: June 29, 2005 (Read 1635 times)