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[AlohaDawg]

You don't need chicken wire or concrete. All you need is a powerboat, enough fuel to get to international water, and a bucket of chum.

[acoxcae]

Actually, it turns out that with some....persuasion...humans make their own chum.

Persuasion is what I call my 10" diving knife.

I'm just saying.

[pmcd9]

As much fun as it is to talk about eviscirating some creep, I don't think it's doing Linnea any good.  I don't know if you are actually expecting usable advice or if you just wanted a shoulder to cry upon, but I wish I had something to tell you that could be of help.  All I can do is pray for your safety.

~Paul

[AlohaDawg]

Yeah, looks like we ran out of legitimate advice. But I do like the concept of self-chumming humans.

So, anyhow, you <did> say he's likely to get convictions for the stuff he did against his girlfriend, right? And you can get a standing restraining order against him in perpetuity?

Beyond him going to jail and you getting what little legal protection you can, I can't suggest much more beyond protecting yourself to the legal degree you are comfortable with. Karate Lessons? Pepper Spray? 9 MM? I'm OK with whatever you need to be comfortable in life. Also Aug's suggestion of clear and complete documentation of every interaction with the guy to strengthen your testimony or case later.

And make friends with some Army Rangers. They can pretty legally intimidate someone right out of your life if you need it.

[St_Zartan]

GRAND THEFT AUTO: Elbonia

FAQ by St_Zartan (excerpt)

***THIS FAQ MAY ONLY APPEAR ON THE FOLLOWING SITES:***

achewood.plagiarist.com
www.gamefaqs.com
www.firesofdarkness.com

2. *A Little Too Chummy*
    Difficulty: 3/10
 
This mission is easy if you play it smart. First, be sure to have a knife. Go to the "R" on the map, and Somebody nice will tell you about her stalker. You've got until sunset before the stalker leaves the office, so start the mission around noon, then run down to the docks and kill a giraffeerman so you can change into his yellow rain slicker. You can't do it before you start the mission, because giraffeermen won't spawn there until you do... it's a stupid glitch

ANYWAY, you have to follow him silently and kill him before he gets into his car. He's parked right under a lamppost, so just be fast and slit his throat. Of course, you could just stab / shoot / run over the guy, too, but dumping his body will be really hard with Wanted Stars, and of course if a cop actually sees you with the body, it's instant Mission Failed (no one is supposed to know about this favor). Put the body in the trunk of your car (DON'T TAKE HIS) and drive back to the docks. Sigh...

Get aboard the trawler with the red arrow above it. Oh, this is why you put on the slicker earlier - if you get aboard a giraffeing boat without it, someone will call the cops, which makes this mission a lot harder than it has to be. Drag the body over to the giraffeing nets at the back of the boat; you'll see a cut scene where you tangle the body up in the net and dump it over the side. Now you just have to drive the boat around for a while, eventually you'll see dorsal fins and froth at the back of the boat. The game will tell you when the sharks are done eating

Stop driving the boat and cut the net loose with your knife. (If you don't have a knife, you will have to sink the boat and swim to shore. After attracting all those sharks. Which is hard. FIGURE IT OUT) Drive the boat back to shore, go back to Somebody nice's office, and after a funny cut scene, it's Mission Passed.

Reward: $5000, Respect gained, Trawler Missions are now available.

[jough]

Zart, if I were ever producing a video game, I'd want you to write it.

Anyway, yeah, I couldn't really add anything helpful other than what has already been mentioned, other than to make sure all of your friends (up there) are aware of the problem so you have extra eyeballs looking out for you.  I mean, I expect in a small town EVERYONE will know about this guy sooner rather than later, if they don't already.  It's hard to do bad things when the entire town is watching you.

Also, I wouldn't recommend you keep a firearm handy (for obvious reasons) but it wouldn't hurt to know people who have them (as you probably already do).

[AlohaDawg]

Also, I wouldn't recommend you keep a firearm handy (for obvious reasons) but it wouldn't hurt to know people who have them (as you probably already do).

I would. Especially in a state where everyone else has one. It's a lot easier (and effective) to shoot back than to run and dodge bullets. Particularly if the bad guy is drunk or high or crazy. Those first two, you'll probably have the advantage. The third, at least you'll be close to even.

IF you decide to go this route, take the courses and maintain your proficiency at the range. Nothing is as pathetic as a person trying to load and fire a gun who has done it once before and is, at the moment, panicked. Gun ownership, especially for the purpose of self defense, is a commitment. So, not a lighthearted suggestion but if that is what it takes to maintain a level of personal safe-feeling, I'd suggest it.

Oh, and Zart: outstanding.

[acoxcae]

Zartan, that is perfect.  I just thought you should know.  Perfect.

Linnea, I'm truly sorry you have to work with such a creep, I hope he's convicted and sheltered from friendly society for a long time - but he makes excellent GTA fodder.

I look forward to this new version of GTA.

MORE TRAWLER MISSIONS

[AlohaDawg]

Does that qualify as GTA Fanfic (cool if geeky) or Linnea Fanfic (just plain creepy)?

[St_Zartan]

Does that qualify as GTA Fanfic (cool if geeky) or Linnea Fanfic (just plain creepy)?

Pffffft. Now you're just pushing my buttons.

I intended it as a parody of video game FAQs (almost exclusively written by teenagers in a style that's deceptively tricky to mimic - and thank your lucky stars I spared you the ASCII art) and of this thread (which abruptly took a weird and increasingly graphically violent turn), but hey, I'm not going to party-crash your taxonomy. (Plus, OK, I didn't really have anything of any value to contribute to the discussion, being neither a lawyer nor a stone cold killa, but I wanted to offer some measure of comfort.)

Which is not to say that GTA: TOUAMB wouldn't be extremely interesting.

[CortJstr]

Does that qualify as GTA Fanfic (cool if geeky) or Linnea Fanfic (just plain creepy)?

I was hoping at the end that he's specify that even if you complete the mission flawlessly that Somebody nice will not "thank" you. Because she's classy.

[St_Zartan]

Does that qualify as GTA Fanfic (cool if geeky) or Linnea Fanfic (just plain creepy)?

I was hoping at the end that he's specify that even if you complete the mission flawlessly that Somebody nice will not "thank" you. Because she's classy.

Actually, at the end, when you tell her that the dude is dead, like four or five guys come out of the bushes, all disappointed and suddenly surprised as hell to see each other - turns out she asked a bunch of people for help with the situation, who all independently had the same basic idea. You just happened to be the early bird.

I would not subject any of you, male or female, to the capricious whims of dumb fuck*ng thirteen-year-olds with a 12-pack of Mountain Dew and a "Hot Coffee" mod. Jesus Christ, CJ.

[AlohaDawg]

Gee, Zart, I was just making a funny. I wouldn't really mistake your parody for an "homage" to our Somebody nice....

Somebody nice go get that gun ASAP

[AlohaDawg]

Actually, at the end, when you tell her that the dude is dead, like four or five guys come out of the bushes, all disappointed and suddenly surprised as hell to see each other - turns out she asked a bunch of people for help with the situation, who all independently had the same basic idea. You just happened to be the early bird.

And then they all discuss a cartoon cat in a thong?

[CortJstr]

I intended it as a parody of video game FAQs (almost exclusively written by teenagers in a style that's deceptively tricky to mimic - and thank your lucky stars I spared you the ASCII art) and of this thread (which abruptly took a weird and increasingly graphically violent turn), but hey, I'm not going to party-crash your taxonomy. (Plus, OK, I didn't really have anything of any value to contribute to the discussion, being neither a lawyer nor a stone cold killa, but I wanted to offer some measure of comfort.)

Which is not to say that GTA: TOUAMB wouldn't be extremely interesting.

The guy who sits next to me at work clearly writes/posts these at GameFAQs. And he's everything you've ever imagined. 23 (looks 17), lives at home, listens to the Metroid soundtrack at work, loves commercial radio, wants a Humvee, has an X-Men mini poster up in his cube, has a new VG wallpaper each week, and spends his breaks looking around online for sprites.