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@achewood I am composing a tone poem about eagles, lawnmowers, and Ted Nugent. It is composed only of the sounds of those things.

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Author Topic: Baby updates - ongoing  (Read 205443 times)

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V-Adore

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #975 on: September 30, 2007, 11:54:43 pm »
Quote from: AugustWest on September 30, 2007, 11:40:33 pm
Who is at preschool functions?

Young mothers with small children.

What are they apt to do while there?

Bend, crouch or stoop over whilst interacting with their pre-schooler.

What's the result?

Very delectable plumber-itis.

Also, preschool teachers, who are likely to be young women in casual dress. Same deal. (At least, I assumed he meant preschool teachers there.)
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iron_felix

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #976 on: October 04, 2007, 08:15:36 am »
Current kid status, 10/03
Dad Cooks Breakfast:  two popsicles, fifteen crackers, four episodes of Curious George. This is steadily becoming a Cosby routine.
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Victoria Waterfield

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #977 on: October 07, 2007, 05:42:13 pm »
Current kid status, 10/06
This poor one year-old kid did an open-mouthed faceplant in the goat petting pen. It was the stuff of nightmares. Yes, he got some of that stuff.
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Golfhaus

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #978 on: October 07, 2007, 09:44:20 pm »
And thus his career in niche porn is started...
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linnea

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #979 on: October 20, 2007, 12:09:01 am »
Thank god that one is off the main page. Yuck.

Current kid status, 10/19
We had a little "Oktoberfest" of our own: apple slices, chocolate milk, and a fight about putting ##### on.
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wombat

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #980 on: October 30, 2007, 12:37:14 pm »
Current kid status, 10/30
She cooked me giraffe soup in a pitcher of water on the deck, using only a fork and a few decomposing tissues.
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wombat

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #981 on: November 02, 2007, 08:20:53 pm »
Current kid status, 11/2
You can unspool a roll of toilet paper all over the floor, yes, but it’s really just a waste of money.
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What is this, the fuckin' Algonquin Round Table or some shit?  - Nabu

If you're going to change your life then you have to change it every day, not just the days the world isn't taking a shit on you. -Doc

jaydub

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #982 on: November 02, 2007, 09:38:59 pm »
Truthfully though, not very much money.

The problem with kids though, as I alluded to in an earlier thread, is that once is never enough.  Even unspooled TP after the 50th pass retains toddler amusement value.

Plus the dog is likely to be pretty backed up by that point.
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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #983 on: November 05, 2007, 03:09:27 am »
Very delectable plumber-itis.

Shows you where I'm comin' from.  I had in mind a camel toe, but with jeans, yeah, you are prolly right.  Also it has to be extra delectable to spy a "stripper tat" peakin' out.

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theinevitable

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #984 on: November 05, 2007, 04:56:51 am »
dude, what?

I can appreciate butts, but the plumber-crack part is not a good part. It's about the meat, goddamnit!
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Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #985 on: November 05, 2007, 05:04:28 am »
Quote from: theinevitable on November 05, 2007, 04:56:51 am
dude, what?

I can appreciate butts, but the plumber-crack part is not a good part. It's about the meat, goddamnit!
The Salmon or the Ham?
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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #986 on: November 05, 2007, 05:57:35 pm »
Quote from: theinevitable on November 05, 2007, 04:56:51 am
dude, what?

I can appreciate butts, but the plumber-crack part is not a good part. It's about the meat, goddamnit!
One takes what one can get, I suppose.
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Victoria Waterfield

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #987 on: November 14, 2007, 09:09:18 am »
Current kid status, 11/14
I actually told my child that if she finished her chocolate she could have some tater tots. To my credit, I immediately decided that I was garbage.
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linnea

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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #988 on: November 27, 2007, 01:18:13 pm »
Current kid status, 11/27
Today, she departs bittersweet. She waves to you, in her trendy clog shoes with the aftermarket Tinkerbell pin. She wears her Alice in Wonderland costume, but then chooses to be naked while scrubbing the popsicle mold in the kitchen sink. She asks for a piece of chocolate as big as herself, pretends her bed is a big red airplane, and wisely says that if we fill the bathtub up more deeply tomorrow, we might get a whirlpool when it drains.

That's it for the kid status. The hundreds of collected updates are now available here.

Yes, it's nostalgic for me too.
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Re: Baby updates - ongoing
« Reply #989 on: November 27, 2007, 02:06:11 pm »
When it's time, it's time, I guess.
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What is this, the fuckin' Algonquin Round Table or some shit?  - Nabu

If you're going to change your life then you have to change it every day, not just the days the world isn't taking a shit on you. -Doc
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