Hi Auggie and Dawgy
Well as some of you may remember, I made the terrifying leap from high paying Mastercard employee to full time artist about a year and a half ago. After about four months as a full time writer, working in my own little private office, I found the stress of depending on me, myself and I alone to pay the bills much too much. Instead of taking another soul crushing job that would pay well, but... crush my soul, I opted for something a little better. I found a part-time job "beside" my field of preference, as a contract employee with a 20 hr work week in a managerial position at a theatre where I design theatrical workshops for children, hire and manage the people who teach them, and track a budget. Yes it's not the exact match to being a full time artist, but I have one half time job that just barely pays the bills. The fact that I need to make a little more money if I want the creature comforts and do more than just scrape by pushes me to find the work that I love - yes I make about a quarter as much $$ in the afternoon as I do in the morning for the exact same, if not more hours, but I get to do what I really want to do. And I fill the other half of my day persuing the work that feeds my soul, which I've come to recognise is far more valuable than any monitary reward. I have just the right mix of stablity and freedom, order and chaos. I voted for happiness, because even though it's about balance, I know exactly where my priorities lie, and if it came down to chosing between being in rehearsal for a day, or in writting up contracts, I know exactly where I'm using my sick day. I would suggest, at least to Auggie, and possibly to Dawgy that it is about finding a way to balance your life, but that the most important goal should be your own happiness. I have absolutely no regrets from leaving the bank, but I soon came to see that floating out in space (like in your case Aug.) was far too scary a proposition for me.
I don't understand the world of Lawyering, but is it possible to work for a firm (or whatever) part time, and persue your own interests part-time? Same goes for you AD. Could you do the half/half thing?
Both of you, don't crush your soul, do what matters. My dad is a man's man, my mom a stay at home mom. My dad wasn't an inward looking guy. His dad (my grandpa) killed himself when I was in my late teens without giving any indication of emotion turmoil . Since dad was the product of his dad's mind set of quiet suffering for the cause... well you can figure it out. Having come from a home where daddy paid all the bills, didn't talk about feelings, and eventually had a break down, I know I would have rather had my dad emotionally available to me than a car when I was sixteen. I would have given it all up - I would have walked to school, worn thrift shop clothes and gotten a weekend job cleaning out stalls at the race track - I'd have done anything to prevent the hole in the middle of my house where the happiness should've been. I knew my dad hated his job even back when I was eight - so don't think you're fooling your kids if you're going to follow that route. He didn't have to say a word for me to know he was miserable - kids are very sensitive, they pick up on these things quicker than most adults.
As you meditate on all the material things that a high paying job can give your kids, remember that the central things that your kids want are for you to love them, and for you to be happy. Notice how neither of these things have anything to do with money. Yes, it's about to be Christmas, and they want an X-box, but seriously. Seriously.
Being a father, and being a man, is about having courage - have the courage to face up to the lie of the stereotypical role of bringer of the bacon, even if your peers still hold it as the bastion of truth. Being strong for your kids doesn't mean suffering for you kids. Fuck those other people who look at you with a critical eye. If your children go to bed at night knowing they are loved, that home is a happy place, then their souls are nourished. It took me years and years to learn that I needed to be happy to survive, because the model I saw at home was the exact opposite of that. I accepted suffering as a way of life, because that was the model I was presented with. I had horrible, painful relationships with boys who broke my heart. I stayed at a job for six months where I was being sexually harassed and bullied. I sank into a depression so deep that is nearly killed myself. Only because I loved books, and have always been introspective, did I realize after five years of self inflicted pain that I finally needed to step back and see that I was driving myself into the ground. I chose the path of suffering, just like my dad taught me how. I could have just as easily followed that same path to it's natural end. Do you want your kids to choose suffering in their own lives, like you're considering doing now? Parents need to make choices that nourish their own self esteem and well-being - not as selgiraffe acts toward personal happiness - but because their children are watching. Your children are always watching, and will pattern their behavior after what they see. Plain and simple. If you want your children to be kind to themselves, then be kind to yourself.
An old-y, but a good-y: teach by example.
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Topic: Thread to talk about work and your philosophy on it (Read 10108 times)