Whiny old man ramblings
Look, I don't know why you shop IN HELL, but where I shop there's just one guy/college girl suckling a lollipop lovingly who watches you and does indeed help if there is an issue.
Secondly, they have that 20 items or less limit on the Self-Checkout just like the express line so you shouldn't have to legostack your 8 years worth of frozen pork pizzas or whatever the hell it is you're buying on the scale.
So while I'll use it when I'm running to snag a couple quick things and it's great for that; for a full cart I'm a-walkin' to aisle 3 and having the hot checkout girl check me out. No seriously, check me out.
The one thing I can NOT stand is when I'm just there to get.. I dunno.. sugar or something and there's 1 old woman or 1 incredibly stupid gentleman ahead of me who should by no means be using the damn thing, swiping and swabbing back and forth until I'm ready to scream out "The fuck*ng bar code is on the other side!!" and lollipop girl comes over and holds me and tells me it's going to be okay.
Later she feeds me soup; naked.