Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[spex]

I keep thinking that maybe the 2nd-day feast used to be a lot more opulent. Maybe the GOF has fallen on hard times and can't afford the hero's banquet that army leaders deserve. If Ray had had to share the feast with that cowboy dude, there would have been much fighting over the turkey.

I mean, the snack bar can't pull in that much money, since there's no live audience, and there aren't any TV revenues. Who funds this madness? WHO IS THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN?!?!?

EDIT: It is early. I am a goofball.

[keef]

Something tells me the utter classlessness of the repast and ambiencelessness of the environs will enrage Ray far more than 2,999 dudes trying to kill him.

The only way you could get Ray more riled up than by giving him Safeway turkey and cheap brandy would be to insult his mama.

I don't know about that-- this is the man, after all, who keeps Boston Market on his speed dial, and who would love to eat nachos for every meal of the day.

[misterqueue]

The image of a GOF-based elementary-school math worksheet fills me with delight. We could even expand it to elementary physics: "The Toronto Man Machine, weighing 6.2 kg, is running east at approximately 25 m/s when Furious Jacob Forsyth, weighing 4.7 kg and running north at 32 m/s, collides with him. Find their final velocity and the direction of their combined motion. Assume a perfectly elastic collision and that neither cat loses mass from the resulting face-ripping."

I had a Physics teacher who used this method to get me interested in the subject.  I couldn't give a flying cow over the moon for the stuff until he asked me this question (I'm paraphrasing, it has been a bit of a while):

"Johnny is a football player for his local high school who weighs 250 lbs.  He's crossing the road and doesn't look both ways when an 18-wheeler collides with him.  If the 18-wheeler weighs 80,000 lbs and is travelling at 75 mph, how far will Johnny be thrown if he's hit head on.  Ignore real world applications such as wind speed and drag but account for gravity."

I remember distinctly when he asked this in class and we were supposed to be working it out on our paper in front of us.  My eyes sparkled.  Finally I got to run over a football player in my dreams FOR CREDIT.

I raised my hand hurriedly.

"Yes Mr. Q (only my real last name, not Q)?"

"Are we to assume he stays in one piece or should we calculate per organ the distance each would fly based upon mass and proximity to site of impact?"

He looked at me and said, "You're an odd duck Mr. Q; let's just assume he stays in one piece okay?"


Thank you Mr. Calcaterra if you ever run across this; you made me enjoy math.  (Though it didn't make me any better at it, I appreciate it.)

[pmcd9]

Man this GOF story is so awesome it's even brought Keef out of the woodwork.  Keef!!!  Dude you hadn't posted in like 12 years.  What's next, Furious J?

~Paul

[Immortal]

as someone who has worked at safeway for the last 6 years, i've gotta say that it was a little funny to see the "s" in today's strip.

kind of like when i'm watching tv and i see safeway-branded merchandise in characters' kitchens.

other than that, today's strip will obviously be better in book form.

[L.J. Anonymous]

Somebody must have gone several hours out of their way to get this meal considering there are no Safeways in Bakersfield (looks like there used to be one) ... I don't know if there are even any left in California for that matter.  Perhaps Safeway is an affilate of the GOF from long ago in the before time and they are still providing the catering?

[wombat]

there are no Safeways in Bakersfield (looks like there used to be one) ... I don't know if there are even any left in California for that matter. 

Now this is what I call a promising n00b. 

[Drygioni]

Man, what? That meal is not fit for the meanest bums in Camden. Like many others, I am intrigued: is this an ironic flipside of the supposed banquet organised by the.. organisers? Is the 'banquet' merely an exaggeration of the truth? Or can they simply not afford Ray's tremendous appetite?

Speculations on a postcard.

[Hobot]

Remember story problems?

Ray Smuckles is treated to a feast after a hard day of ripping off faces and breaking backs.  It includes a bottle of brandy that cost $10.99, a packet of No-Doz at $6.99, and some roasted turkey that rang in at $1.29/lb.  If the feast costs a total of $28.95, how many pounds of roasted turkey was Ray treated to?  Please, no calculators and show all work.

Ray's LDL cholesterol level at the start the Safeway feast (assume 12 PM) is 145 mg/dL.  At 12:30 his LDL cholesterol level is 155 mg/dL.  What is our best prediction for his cholesterol level at 4 PM?

Let L(t) = LDL cholesterol level at time t (t hours after noon).  Form the tanget line at t = 0.

L'(0) = L(0 + change in t) - L(0)/change in t

The formula for the tangent line at t = 0 is:
y = L'(0)(t - 0) + L(0)

GOOD LUCK.

[Roger]

This arc won't stop playing with our expectations. When we thought Ray would make his way through the GOF by giving out Hummers he starts ripping faces. And when I was picturing the 2nd Day Feast as something like that KISS video for Lick It Up we are presented with that depressing tent. Life is good.

Notice also that the spork does not appear on the receipt.  This is a leftover spork from last year's feast, and the feast from the year before, etc.  Pine Box Pyrell ate from this spork and Rufus, making the most of his privacy, used it to comb his hair in 1971.

Ain't no way a true champion would leave a spork behind when he could bring it back to the fight and use it as a weapon. That thing could at least gouge an eye or two.

[weareas1]

I don't know about that-- this is the man, after all, who keeps Boston Market on his speed dial, and who would love to eat nachos for every meal of the day.

At least Boston Market has side dishes, none of which, as far as I can recall, are No-Doz.

[robot_roll_call]

The fight is a bunch of dudes who think 3 dollars is a good price for wine, according to one of the alt texts. I think a Safeway turkey and some bad brandy upholds the spirit of the fight perfectly.

Second, why would the spork be on the receipt? What kind of store charges for plastic utensils?

[Emergent_C]

When we thought Ray would make his way through the GOF by giving out Hummers...

Dang, dude, you were the only one thinking that. Ray don't swing from that side of the plate!

Or were you talking about the cars?

[Roger]

Dang, dude, you were the only one thinking that. Ray don't swing from that side of the plate!

Or were you talking about the cars?

AW F*CK when am I gonna learn to search Urban Dictionary before typing anything on this board.

Yeah, I was thinking about the wheels. But thanks for updating my vocabulary, C.

[Hobot]

AW F*CK when am I gonna learn to search Urban Dictionary before typing anything on this board.

Yeah, I was thinking about the wheels. But thanks for updating my vocabulary, C.

Sex Education.