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[misterqueue]

Jough.  His name is Jough.

I thought his name was Robert Paulson?

[wombat]

Do we have a Noob of the Year award?  Because Judy has just won it, I don't care if God itself signs up for an account next week.

[side_show]

Way to go Judy, way to slap God's Own Dick...

[theinevitable]

MQ-- I watched that movie the other day with a girl who thought that it was "about boxing or something, right?"

it was the greatest thing I have ever experienced.

also: judy, that is awesome. I am so proud of you.

[Mite]

I love your little poem, Judy. This is a truly...interesting community here. I love it.

On the weight loss front, I'm down almost 4 pounds from yesterday!

Of course, that's because I had such a bad stomach bug last night I thought maybe I'd somehow contracted ebola. I haven't experienced its like since elementary school.

And of course this had to happen on the one weekend I've had off since March! I'm hoping we can still be on the road to Savannah soon. I need to be on a beach, dammit!

[side_show]

I'm going to curse a bit here, so please remove any children from the room.

Mother Fuckin' bullshit.  That's how my morning is.  fuck*ng hell.  Goddamn it.

So I get up bright and early, to start my week of right.  I put my feet on the floor beside the bed, and I am in so much pain and am so stiff that I limp to the bathroom.  But I look forward to Monday mornings because Monday is my weigh in.  So I get out the scale, step on it, and it tells me I've gained 6 pounds, which is basically impossible, since I'd been being especially healthful all week.  So I step off (this is the new digital scale I mentioned earlier in the thread that I just bought after the other one broke three weeks ago) and the scale says Er0.  I reset it, get back on and it makes what can only be described as a horrible, plastic-y, breaking sound.  Now it tells me I weigh 13 pounds.  It also tells my SO he weighs exactly 13 pounds also...  There is no time for this, as I'm hitching a ride with the SO to our gym which he passes on his way to work.  We have a brief disagreement in regard to why he is taking and out of the way route that is not the normal way he goes to work, the I'm at the gym.  I get there, and hooray, I'm one of three people working out.  Then a former university classmate who I have a very negative history with arrives, and she has lost so much weight that she looks like a walking skeleton.  She looks anorexic, her skin stretched tightly between her two shoulder blades, her arms are bones, her face looks tight and old.  I'm horrified, but keep stealing glances at her, and somehow I feel I need to compete with her, even though I've been running for a half hour straight and am supposed to be cooling down.  I go to take a sip of my water, and to my horror it tastes like the sewer.  Seems work on the pipes a block down from my house has made the water undrinkable.  I see the scale in the change room and weigh myself there.  It tells me I weigh 9 pounds more than my home scale told me I weighed before it broke.  I walk home from the gym. I get home and realize I have long since thrown out both the receipt and the box for the scale.

That was the first three hours of my day.

[pmcd9]

Damn Mel, that's rough.  But is there no chance the store will accept the scale back without a receipt?  It shouldn't be too much of a problem as you'll only be wanting an exchange, not a refund.

~Paul

[side_show]

Paul - they will not take the scale back, I called, so I am going to buy the exact same scale and then return the broken one in the new one's box.  I worked out this plan.  I am devious.

Ash - I hurt every morning because my joints are turning to dust (I mentioned at the very beginning of the long thread that I have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis).  It's never a reflection of how hard I worked the day before for me.  I am focused on numbers, or more specifically on weight loss, because the less weight I carry on my joints, the longer time I have between now and when I'm in a wheelchair.  I know, I know, I'm making steps to be healthier, and that's what's most important, but my central goal is very specifically about weight reduction, and having not had a reliable way to monitor this angers me.  Grr!

I will sooth myself by going shopping for the ingredients for a healthful and tasty dinner.

I was supposed to be writing today, but I'm thinking the day's shot.

[Mite]

Yikes dear, that's a rough way to start a week. Maybe a different brand of scale would be in order? You don't want this one going sproing on you in a month, either.

[theinevitable]

man, I'm sure Smells has enough problems with fellows "sproing"-ing at her as it is. We can't help it! it's a natural thing-- a reflex, even!

[slink]

Eeeks. I missed all the scary... Sorry to hear about all this, shittiness.
I admit I read this thread he other night on my lurky return and ran away again. I wouldn't say I've been in the best place, and came back to find the world being about as depressing as I could find it.
I seem to be on a cusp. Over the summer, after another rather bad winter, I have been managing to gain some actual muscle mass. usually, if I do anything, I pay for it later with three days of not being able to move. OK, my legs are stiff as all hell today, and hurt like hell last night, but that was the first time in a couple of weeks. And that brief phase was the first time in about 12 years of pain. I'd like to understand a bit more why they went back to hurting, but have far too many theories.
Now the big downside is my brain. I can barely think anymore, let alone work. I have developed, more than ever, this horrible cloudy, empty headed feeling the minute I try to concentrate on anything, which just ends up making my body writhe in discomfort. I've read that I should cut out dairy and wheat, or eat protein and vitamin D rich foods in the morning, and many other remedies. I don't know that I can face giving up wheat, even for three weeks as a test (especially if it turned out to be the problem!). My best bet so far seems to be something along the lines of meditating and being stubborn with myself, but it's not at all easy. I just figure it's my brain and it's about time it did what I asked of it!
I guess though, at the moment, my biggest fear is the onset of another autumn. I know clearly, afetr the past couple of years that winter has an adverse effect on my mental health, and subsequently physical health, and so am going to have to try really hard to not just undo all the work I've been putting in over the last couple of months. All of this and I could do without a physician even my mother advises me not to visit.
*One hell of a sigh*
I hope you can keep up the good work y'all are doing on yourselves, and I hope you guys being better at it than me motivates me some more!
So, how come Achewood fans are all invalids!?

[AugustWest]

Slink!  Great to see you.

Sounds like you have SAD.  You need a full spectrum light.  Relatively cheap (I think mine was around $100) -- it helped me.

[side_show]

Hey Slink - I was so happy to see you back here posting, but then so sad to hear how rough it's been for you.  Living in the land of "my body doesn't do what it's supposed to" I have deep sympathy for what you're going through.

RE: what AW said: Have you heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? It's pretty common here in Canada, and I'd imagine with your climate that it's something you might want to look into, even if only to rule it out. I'm not too sure about the light thing - my mom used one of those lights and it never helped her so I never bothered to try it myself.  Both myself and a good friend of mine suffered from it during University, and have both more or less conqured it through dietary change.  I've found eating a localized seasonal diet is very important to me.  I still worry every winter that it's going to come back because it was such a dark and opressive time for me, but now that I've been free of it for three years now, I'm hopeful that it's gone for good.  And basically all that it came down to was that I wasn't getting enough of certain vitamins and nutrients, and all I really needed to do to correct this was eat more potatoes and other winter vegetables in fall and winter.

As for the wheat thing, I dated a guy who found out he was allergic to wheat while we were dating, and you're right, it was basically hell for him to cut out of his diet, but it solved all of his health problems quite quickly.  He felt better within the first month or so, and totally well again after about three months.  He was quite pissed off to cut it out of his diet, but had to admit it was worth it to not feel so off kilter.  Basically it's worth a try, if you think it's a problem.

Finally, for the love of all that is holy, find yourself another doctor another doctor, it's well worth the time and productivity that would otherwise be lost to being ill, or (even worse) time lost to following and invalid course of treatment.  Having a good doctor is so important.  My doctor is far away - it basically takes up more than half a day if I'm going to see him, but at least he knows what the fuck is going on.  I've tried several other doctors much closer to me, but they've either been incompitent, rushed or pill pushers.  It's well worth the investment of time if it will lead to you feeling well again.

It's great to hear you've put on some muscle mass - but what will be call you if your not slink-y anymore?

[slink]

Thanks guys. It's nice to be back!

Well... As far as the wheat allergy goes, I am kind of, 90% sure it can't be. I mean, it's not like I've ever noticed anything that made me think so before, until this feeling in my haed that has been changing of late. It's kind of tricky, with putting my usual brain problems down to CFS which, particularly by it's original name did point straight to the brain (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) and thus seeed to have some erally odd effects. My dad for instance falls asleep if he has caffeine. I just find a cup of coffee is like snorting a line of speed nowadays. As for adrenaline...
But I've been told by both my physician and a specialist now that there's nothing wrong with me. Well, my doctor thinks it's all depression, which I don't dispute I suffer badly from, but the specialist I saw pointed to a flu epidemic I'd had as a young child (showed up in blood tests) and that it was only Post-Viral Fatigue Syndrome, and that I should stop complaining and be better in no time. Well, aside from the fact I am making a difference to my overall health now, it has taken me 12 years to get from the first real  signs of my symptoms to here, and probably since I was 5 or 6 and had bacterial pneumonia. So now I don't know what to think about what's going on up there!

For the last couple of years I've certainly been putting my winter slumps down to SAD. I need to look into the particular lights you use to treat that, but I do have a HPS filling in daylight for a range of plants I'm growing, which I would have thought would be helping me, but to no avail as far as I can tell. Then again, I guess I am indeed not relying on photosynthesis, so I might be needing different wavelengths... Indeed, HPS misses out quite a lot - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Spectrum-hp-sodium.jpg. I might get round to that then...
I've always considered myself as having a very good diet, but again I guess I tend to not think so much about it, as I assume I'm eating fine. But you know my hatred of processed foods and well, anything not home cooked, and I don't really dislike anything.

I will get round to switching doctors. I promise! I have always just been shot down by my family every time I say I'd like to... I know of at least one doctor in town who I wouldn't mind seeing if I could swing it, but he does work at the same practice so I don't know how that would work.

It's nice to see Fluoxetine being touted as a great treatment for SAD. It cut out all my depression when my doctor put me on it as a miracle cure. It also cut out all emotions and creativity. At least at the moment I have emotions...

[side_show]

A doctor and a specialist telling you there is nothing wrong with you, when you are going to them because you know there is something wrong with you?  Totally.  Fired.  That is garbage.

As for the other doctor in the same office, go for it.  Your current doctor is supposed to be a professional, and shouldn't take this personally, and if he does, he is failing at his job on yet another level, so fuck him.  What do you have to lose?  If you try the other doctor and he also sucks, then you're back to having the same crap level of care, and if the other doctor is great, then you are off and running. 

When it comes to family pressure, even your closest family members only see you from the outside, and probably when you're putting on your best face so as not to make them worry for you - they can't possibly be aware of what it's like to live in your body.  They see you, they see you are mostly in one piece, so they belive your doctor is doing something right.  They might not get or want to acept that you know what "slink being well" feels like, and that you are currently "slink not feeling well," because it's such a deeply internal and personal state.  If they have a personal preference for your current doctor, then don't talk about your current doctor, talk about the state your in, and your desire to investigate all your options for getting well.  It's perfectly resonable and normal to get a second opinion, and if you tell your family this without taking it to a personal level, hopefully they'll understand.