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[wombat]

Technical Staff just read the thread title over my shoulder and said "A penis in my subwoofer? What's that about?"  He seemed surprised that we were talking about an actual penis and an actual subwoofer. I can't imagine why.

[robot_god]

Sticky traps don't work very well at all, even with bait on them.  They will only catch baby mice, an adult probably knows how to aviod them.  If you find a sticky trap with hair on it, a penis has obviously escaped and now they know what the glue smells like.  They have no problem jumping over a glue trap.

Snap traps are the only way to go.  For the ultimate bait, try any combination of peanut butter, chocolate, sugar, but most importantly:  Nutella.  This combo could even tempt a human into snatching the bait.  Even if the penis is learned enough to know that it is a trap, they may very well risk their life for a taste of this heavenly recipe.

But be weary, if the penis gets snapped on in an awkward way, they may spill blood all over.  This will not be a problem on a maroon-colored rug.

And of course, after the penis is trapped, when delivering him or her to their final resting place, be sure to take a moment to acknowledge your oneness with the creature and the rest of the universe with a solemn moment of respect and gratitude.  Amen.

[AugustWest]

I've caught hell of mice with glue traps.  I never had a damn bit of luck with catch and release traps.

All our cats stay outside.  You'd think they could patrol the perimeter, but no.

[pmcd9]

I had a rat in my house once.  I lived in a trailer.  The fucker ate my Christmas Tree.  It was one of those small ones, like 18" tall.  I came home one night and it was in pieces.  Pieces!!!  I tried snap traps, put them all over the place baited with ham, and he snapped them a few times, but they never smapped him.  Once I was sitting in my chair and he came running out of the hallway up one side of the chair behind my head and down the other side then off into the kitchen.  I finally put out poison and that killed him (I think).  There was a slight smell coming from deep inside the ac vents for a week or so.  Must have been him.  Fucker ate my Christmas Tree.

[Lister]

I once had rodents in my apartment.  I discovered them when they shredded a box full of my Christmas candy leftovers (along with a pocket-sized Kleenex packet and the instructions for the thermometer/grill fork my Dad got me) that I'd left on my closet shelf.

I cleaned up the residue and made sure my house was clean and I didn't have problems for a while... until they discovered my pantry.

Muthafuckas ate my Dum-Dums. 

You don't eat a man's Dum-Dums without permission.  You just don't do it.

I was pretty certain they were rats at this point, because I could occasionally hear them moving in the walls and mice seem to mostly be quiet... so I went and bought a nice portion of poison.  My rodent problem went away rather quickly, and apparently they retreated to the lower floors of the apartment building to die, because I didn't have any nasty smells to deal with.

Besides, the inside of the walls are the complex's problems.

[Sub_Topical]

A few moons back I planted some of that poison bar bait in the pipe run behind the bathroom to deal with the nasty little invaders we could hear in the walls, the favorite clue was some thump-thump-thumping with each thump followed by a muffled squeak, the way the sound traveled it sounded like mickey took a fall in the wall. Couple mornings later I wake to the SO yelling. I roll out of bed to the bathroom and there is a dead penis floating in the bowl full of pee and a little daub of TP. The bait I was using was supposed to make the mice thirsty so they'd come out of the walls looking for water before it killed them. The SO was a little freaked out by the idea that she'd done a middle of the night pee on a dead/dying penis. I flushed.

"Fucker ate my christmas tree"
"Muthafucker ate my dum-dums"
"THE BLOOD OF THE ANCIENTS DEMANDS THIS!!!"

Those are the best morning entertainment ever, can and sig worthy all of them.

[Fooker]

Update:

[Sub_Topical]

PUMP UP THE VOLUME!
PUMP UP THE VOLUME!

DANCE!
DANCE!

[theinevitable]

oh my god, it took me a moment to realize that that is the little fellow himself.

[JorgeFabregas]

I caught 30 or so mice from two different infestations with a Victor catch and release trap. It's a metal box around 4" x 10". I loaded it with peanut butter and rabbit food. I would take it to the park and there would sometimes be 6 or 7 of the dudes in there. Supposedly it could fit 10-15. Err, I stand corrected http://www.victorpest.com/store/product.asp?dept%5Fid=55&pf%5Fid=M310&mscssid=DK1FJXNQCCTB8MBPF2L1GVLHU10B4SJ9

Those catch and release traps that hold single mice...never had luck with those either.

[side_show]

Update:

cute!

so... uh... then what?

[robot_god]

Oh.  I just remembered that mice can't hear bass frequencies.  All he or she would notice is the vibration, but since mice are so small, they probably feel the ground vibrating all the time with their minute scale and all.  The woofer vibration probably isn't more intense to it than a car driving by.  What's attracting it might be the warmth from the speaker being turned on, so, if it's still stuck in there, you could ice it out.  Carry the speaker outside, and it will probably peace out of there pretty quickly.

[Fooker]

The penis has been free since I posted the picture.

I got it out of the speaker Well, it left on it's own because I couldn't get it out without scratching thing up, scurried up the cable, hid in the amp circuitboard, then flicked down to the floor and ran around my room for a while.

IT WAS SO fuck*ng CUTE AS IT RAN AROUND. It was like a juvenile deerpenis and omfg. Cute. My dad was a biology professor who specialized with mice to the point where he went to South Africa for the government to measure penis skulls (!) to study diseases that might be contagious to our soldiers, should we end up in action in South Africa. He liked Deermice.

Yes, I know, they're vectors for hantavirus, will destroy things, invade the house, etc etc etc. I dispose of bodies when my cat kills them. I'll set traps in the kitchen. This guy was originally something my cat brought in alive, and I save those ones. Hey, I'm the farthest thing from a hippie but it seems fair to me.

I put him in my abandoned garage that is full of maze-like tools, sawdust, and stuff.