After much scientific research (most of it involving alcohol and the Nintendo Wii) I have finally determined Onstad's methodology.
I will now outline my theorized step-by-step Onstad-patented comic strip creation style.
Step one: start with a sentence. It can pretty much be any sentence, as long as it somehow relates to the current storyline, or is something one of the characters might be likely to say, or sounds cool. I will use the following sentence for further examples:
This is a sentence.
Step two: Select the character who will be saying it and, using their own personal lexicon, translate it. (This is probably done by *****s, but cannot be proven)
For example:
Roast Beef:
um basically what we have here is a couple of nouns and a verb clause not to mention hell of pretty much useless words that definitely will not be used when programming any computer even in Java
Vlad:
Is sentence. Not most useful for startink make-outs, but perhaps is good practice for 10 year olds with not too many make-outs yet.
Next, he will choose at least one 4 or 5 syllable word to use as the word of the day, and to contrast, find one very short word that is unusual or almost un-related to the actual topic and use them.
Cornelius:
This is a positively pulchritudinous phrase.
Ray:
yeah, this wording is rude!
Further editing will require the addition of drug or alcohol references, as that is the main form of entertainment in the Ache-world.
Nice Pete:
Using nothing but the congealed words from my tongue I have created a potent beverage which I shall call the "Named Bourbon", so called because it draws it's proof from the titles of those I have felled, and when each name is invoked, it produces a queasiness not unlike that from being locked in the trunk of a moving - (Cut off due to time restraints)
Lyle:
This sentence is DEFINITELY the formula for the perfect jay. This time we'll get it RIGHT.
Often something offensive, disgusting, or just wrong will need to be included if the sentence does not seem to create the desired effect.
Urtra Peenut:
Feereep! You too young to have seen mickey penis dong but he accidentally cut it off because you said wrong thing to him! Now there no more talking mice to say sentences!
Todd:
I ain't paying for no broad to cancel the deal! She don't want to deal with my f-f-frickin' potency she shouldn'ta been sportin' that short skirt and said all those damn words to me! Who the hell wouldn't j-j-jump the bones of a chick who talks about bein' mocked in gym class cause her mom wouldn't let her be in a co-ed class where boys could see her extra-early tits?
Lie-bot:
The saddest thing is the first man who discovered language. He tried to explain it but no one could understand what it was or what he was saying, and they beat him to death with the poem he wrote describing his love for nature. The poem did not survive either.
And lastly, after all the concepts, plots, and character development has been included, he will mostly add cusses as the garnish on the meal.
Roast Beef:
SHIT man why you still TALKING you dumb FUCK can't you see they GET IT YOU ASSHOLE
Little Nephew:
Fuck... Sentences!
And there you have it! The creative process behind the most beloved comic strip based on stuffed animals and drugs.
Hope you enjoyed it. Next week, why your children want to tape over your old VHS's of live boxing matches.
Brought to you by:
Big Red Chewing Gum: An acceptable alternative to toothpaste.
Ebay: For letting me get outbid on that game I wanted.
Television: For having poor programming that drives me to other media sources.
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Topic: The Creation of an Achewood Comic (Read 2162 times)