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[AugustWest]

You rock, Tony!

[Sub_Topical]

...like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on...

For this little pearl ('mongst others): LOVING IT.

[melack]

He hit the nail on the head with Rachael Ray, Sandra Lee, and especially this all-too common ridiculousness:

Have her take a few lonely, awkward stabs at the plate, then feign enjoyment with appropriately orgasmic eye-closing and moaning.

But aside from that, I still enjoy watching the Food Network - even kitsch-personified, Marc Sommers. I guess he just brings me back to my Double Dare-watching youth.

[littlefallsmets]

Does anyone else look at Giada and think "her head would look proportional... and she'd be mildly attractive... if she could just manage to weigh more than seventy pounds?"

I do not accept that a woman could be that painfully thin without some sort of wasting disease or eating disorder.

I'm sure I've discussed my feelings on Rachel Ray, that I had a large crush on her before she started dressing and make-upping like... an upper-middle-class Italian woman from the East Coast who believes that she can evade aging by wearing too much make-up and dressing like a whore and frosting her hair and stuff.

Man, I had a crush on her when she was the ditzy girl next door.

Now she's become... the mom of the rich kids I knew in college, trying to pretend they're their daughters' older sisters. And, like, ick.

As for Sandra Lee... it must be weird to be the cameraman on that show, when your entire job is about making sure that her cleavage is at the centre of every shot. Dude probably occasionally thinks about... using a different lens or a steady cam or some interesting tracking shot and then he realizes...

His only job is to keep her cleavage in focus. And then he spins the revolver again and weeps to find himself alive.

[CortJstr]

I don't know Giada or Sandra Lee. Are they one of the ones in the recent Food Network commercial where she pretends to drive a convertable directly at the camera while smiling a creepy and unnerving smile that's completely rectangular to totally unnatural?

I just don't get why Rachel Ray refuses to have any beverages or leave tips of $40 a Day and why her recipes never seem to include things like "2 Tbs Olive Oil" and instead talk about this vague concept of "turns around the pan." And heaven forbid she acknowlege that regular olive oil has uses.

[littlefallsmets]

Creepy Convertable Girl would be Giada.

Some of the food she makes is kinda interesting but from some angles she looks like a crazed praying mantis.

[V-Adore]

This is one of those blog posts I'm not sure if I should be offended by. After all, I'm way closer to the "Cheeto-covered crapulence" level of food production/consumption than I am anywhere else, and his rant about Throwdown kind of seems to miss the point, which is that Bobby by and large doesn't know how to cook the things that his competitors do. (I'm not going to argue that the show is any good, but it's not bad for those reasons.) On the other hand -- yeah, I'd rather watch people who are good at cooking in a way I'm not, as opposed to someone whose function is apparently to make me feel good about myself and be unnervingly pseudo-attractive. Cooking for Frat Boys ahoy!

[robot_god]

Now she's become... the mom of the rich kids I knew in college, trying to pretend they're their daughters' older sisters. And, like, ick.

Now, I've never watched an episode of her show, but what ain't hot about that?  From all I can tell, she still looks good.

[littlefallsmets]

Clearly, you've never seen the horrific denial of reality that is a gaggle of mid-forties bleached tucked faked-tan surgified purgified prescription-stoned Long Island hausfraus at a Syracuse University Parents' Weekend.

Ain't nothin' hot about it.

[theinevitable]

yeah, dude, it is terrifying.

[Muse_Of_Fire]

Oh man, someone said what I've been thinking all this time... thank god someone said it. The state of food just breaks my heart these days--people who have no idea what they're putting into their mouths but they know all the right words to say.

Cooking, for me, is prayer. It's meditation. I grew up in the kitchen and food for me is a way to commune with the divine. Maybe I sound like a nutjob but I don't care. I don't even watch the FN because it distresses me on a deep visceral level.

People make fun of me when I get transcendental about what I'm eating: "When you eat a steak, Muse, you not only can taste the grass the cow ate, but also the bee shit on it, and what kind of flower the bee ate from."

Well of course. That's the whole effing point.

The FN makes me very upset. All these personalities, they've sold their souls to the devil. And the frosted-tip tucked faked tan whatever ladies just eat it all up. It's disgusting. You people have no idea what you're experiencing! You don't even know what foie gras means. To you it's just tasty liver! You don't get it, and you never will. You can talk the talk, but if someone asks you to bone a chicken or use a duck press, you freak out. fuck*ng Philistines.

Nobody knows how to do real food anymore. REAL food.


I've stopped trying.

*sigh*

[theinevitable]

I am not looking up "duck press"... I will be happier just imagining what it is.

OK, I was right. it -is- what it sounds like, people. Gross.

[Muse_Of_Fire]

lol.

Okay, gross, sure. But most food is. I mean, foie gras? Have you ever made your own? Groooooosssss. Pulling veins out of a diseased raw liver=ewww. But that's the whole point. Yeah, a duck press is icky: you squish a duck. But it's a huge part of culinary history/tradition. And IMO 3/4 of the point of food is that visceral interaction. I'm not going to go into it because you'll likely consider me too nutty even for this bunch. But those people who want good food but don't want to get their hands dirty? Fie on them!

I have a busy life; full time job and a part time job on top of it; unemployed husband, volunteer commitments; a lot that gets in the way of the "ideal" food experience on a regular basis. So do I eat stuff out of cans and boxes, do I take shortcuts when I need to? Sure. I'd be stupid not to.

But to claim that that's "real" food? No way in hell.

Maybe I'm kind of a Nazi about it, but IMO unless you obtain it yourself, or are at maximum three steps removed from obtaining it yourself, and doing all the prep (at least once, since in a professional kitchen you have minions to do the prep for you) yourself, and don't cook it unless it's in season, you're not really cooking. You're just heating nutrient paste at that point.

But again, cooking is pretty much a religion for me, so I realize that compared to the normal population I'm kind of extreme and pretty unrealistic.

Calming down now.


(cooking is a big passion for me, in case you can't tell)

[AugustWest]

DO NOT TALK BAD ABOUT GIADA!  SHE IS TEH HOT!

Also, kudos to Bourdain for giving props to AB.

[theinevitable]

good lord-- i wouldn't even -eat- foie gras. no way in hell.

the idea that some food is not Real food is bizarre. Did you mean that?