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[AugustWest]

Dear Yahoo,

Thanks for telling me that Ryan Howard would miss the rest of the series against Arizona with a quadricep injury. Per your instructions, I benched him tonight. This is the same game that he would later come in for to get a pinch hit grand slam.

Fuck You,
Melack

Cheer up, Hamburger.

[melack]

You're right. I should cheer up. Out of my two newest pitchers one got a win, and the other had a no decision complete game shutout. It may not be a W, but 9 scoreless innings should do wonders for my team's ERA.

[Lister]

Dear Yahoo,

Thanks for telling me that Ryan Howard would miss the rest of the series against Arizona with a quadricep injury. Per your instructions, I benched him tonight. This is the same game that he would later come in for to get a pinch hit grand slam.

Fuck You,
Melack

NEVER trust Yahoo's injury experts.  They are wrong in infuriating ways.  I know this from fake plastic football, where the "experts" have given me incorrect advice on no fewer than 10 bench decisions.  In particular, Yahoo got Stallworth's situation exactly wrong last year, stringing me along for FOUR WEEKS when he didn't play, then telling me he was definitely out the week he got 180 yards.  Just remember that Yahoo is getting their information from the coaches/managers, who want the opposing team to assume the worst.

[melack]

I guess they were at least partially right, because now Ryan Howard is on the DL without having played a single inning since that pinch-hit appearance. He must have come in injured to get that grand slam.

Either way, it's all well and good because I finished 9-1 last week. Back in third place! However, I am worried that there seems to be no end in sight to LFM's sheer dominance.

[littlefallsmets]

Well-played, Motherfuckers.

The only reason I squeaked out two or three of those categories was Mourneau finally deciding to show up for me, for one day, on Sunday and go 3-5 with three runs. Glaus going down with injury REALLY kicked my ass, lemme-tell-ya-what.

A dude now goes up against Venomous Monkeys, the dude most likely to wipe the smile off my face.

A dude needs more run-scoring, a dude needs more speed, a dude needs maybe oooooone more closer.

A dude needs another shortstop, a dude needs another catcher, a dude might need two more shortstops if Glaus DLs.

But a dude likes the core of his team a LOT. It's just a matter of shuffling the bench for maximum strength.

[melack]

The fact that you could ever play Glaus, an immobile 6'5" man-beast, at short is itself a sin against God. If there was any justice in this world, you'd have had this problem a long time ago.

But then again, my shortstop is Derek Jeter, who is really only a "shortstop" in the sense that he stands in that location. The typical shortstop duties, like fielding routine groundballs, he is exempt from. You gotta love that Gold Glove award!

[littlefallsmets]

Aaaaaaaaand benching Glaus on Monday means that, of course, he's well enough to play and go 2-4 with a homer and three RBIs. Holy wow.

[melack]

Felix Hernandez makes his first start in nearly a month today! I could not be more excited, especially since the sickly Angels offense gives him a chance to ease himself back into the game. With Chris Carpenter's right elbow now sitting in 12 different pieces, Felix is my ace. Watch out, Other Guys.

[littlefallsmets]

I'm slowly coming to peace with my ownership of Justin Mourneau, in that... dude isn't gonna hit .300 but... his home runs and RBIs are slowly balancing it out. I've also come to grips with the fact that unless I had a multi-position catcher, more than two catchers would be sort-of a waste of a roster spot.

So I've now whittled my "as of right now, barring injuries and slumps" roster carousel down to:

WANTS
a third shortstop who hits for average, steals bases and can play some other position
a fourth reliever with a high save count, regardless of other factors
an upgrade over my fifth starting pitcher

COULD GIVE
Brandon Webb if the deal was right
Shawn Green if the deal was extraordinary
Jeff Kent if the deal was extraordinary

[melack]

Shawn Green is still alive?

[melack]

I forget who Venomous Monkeys is, but good call on dropping Jarrod Washburn right before he got shelled by the Angels. As a Mariners fan, I can tell you that his sub-3.00 ERA absolutely wasn't going to last.

I've taken to giving my regulars an occasional day off, even though it really makes no sense. It does in real life, when real stamina needs to be taken into account, but in fantasy baseball there's really no reason for it. Still, it helps me delude myself into thinking one of my stars who's only doing okay just needs a quick break before he can really take off.

I really hope my plan to drop power in favor of speed pays off.

[littlefallsmets]

Shawn Green is alive and well and hitting .325 with five home runs.

Dude ain't fielding a goddamn lick but... Lord knows he never did anyway.

[melack]

But... gold glove! Those things are sacred!

[littlefallsmets]

I have definitely given up on trying to catch the VMs in the SB category.

If I can just take any five categories this week, it's victory enough.

[melack]

Here's what I was shown after clicking on Chris Young from my roster page:

May 19 Arizona Diamondbacks OF Chris Young (groin) was pulled from the game, Friday, May 18, against the Pittsburgh Pirates, after having suffered tightness in his right groin, according to the Associated Press. He will be re-evaluated Saturday, May 19.

(I have Chris Young, the pitcher for the Padres)