Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[MattFish]

I know guys who would be afraid of jerking off in the same house as their friend's girlfriend only because they wouldn't wanna tempt the lady in question. There are people like that in the world. More than you would ever care to think.

Despite of course the fact that the possibility of such a situation taking place is almost completely nil as anyone who would get jumped by a woman if he were to be discovered jerking off in their house would have such a powerful draw as to not ever require jerking off?

[wombat]

I know guys who would be afraid of jerking off in the same house as their friend's girlfriend only because they wouldn't wanna tempt the lady in question.

Ladies: Is there something wrong with me, or are such guys totally out of their gourds to think that there would be anything, um, appealing about this scenario?

[littlefallsmets]

Of course that couldn't REALLY happen... or has only happened a few scattered times in human history where the lady was genuinely mentally unhinged and... the whole situation probably didn't end well at all. But that's not the point.

The point is... there's a lot of dudes out there whose images of sexual fantasy were molded by their readings of "real life sex stories" in the letters pages of porno-mags and lad-mags like FHM and Maxim and so on. These guys are, yeah, insane to believe them but...

That kinda shit can imprint on you when you're thirteen. Especially when you're a guy which... is a kind of being crazy already. Millions of dudes are rolling around thinking that things like that are happening ALL THE TIME. Just not to them.

Millions of guys think that the only reason they aren't getting into sexy shenanigans like that are because they are crap dudes and... smooth-talking motherfuckers are having weird sexy adventures like getting busted in on jerking off by their best friend's mom and then totally getting jiggy with Mrs. Robinson all the time.

They believe that they are losers for not getting into those situations, not that those situations don't happen.

Ray is just one of those dudes. Dude was all twelve and memorizing Playboy letters, trying to figure out how to get into those situations. A third of the guys I knew in high school were like that. Half the dudes I knew in college were like that.

Probably for the better, my young sexuality was molded by talking video store people into renting me the uncut versions of the softcore B-movie comedies they used to show on USA Up All Night with the boobies and the butts and the swearing cut out.

In that universe of sexual fantasy, yes, shenanigans are afoot and nakedness goes down but... at the end of the day, the protagonist is really just trying to get his bone on with the one girl he actually loves. There was a sweetness to them, they weren't about cruising for faceless random boning encounters.

But, in summary, yes, to think Wacky Penthouse Letter Sex Events happen a lot is totally unrealistic and gross but, yes, many many men are still imprinted with the idea that... those kinds of things happen to guys cooler than them all the time and that they are awesome events.

[theinevitable]

um, I feel like this kind of thing happens to Ray all the time.
I seem to recall

her thong underwear was visible above her low-rise jeans, and pretty soon we were getting mad rutty

in reference to a social worker who came to talk to him about LN.

I am not proud of remembering those phrases.

[RMJ12345]

I think the biggest question I have is who is Ray talking to on the phone?

I like to think he's talking to the guy who wrote "Esquire's 100 Favorite Sex Positions", from this strip: http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04212005

[Alternate]

Hmm... while ray may have once been in the habit of getting mad rutty with thonged social workers, lately even in his fantasies he just goes to the library and reads about coins. I like to believe that in spite of all the boning he's done, and in spite of all the talking about boning he's done, deep down he's still afraid that if he masturbates without the water running, his mother will somehow know.  Miles away, she'll feel a disturbance in the force.  She'll put down her cocktail and say, "My, I do wonder if little Raymond is alright.  Perhaps I ought to drop by and see how he's doing."  Run the water, though, and she'll be none the wiser. 

Oh, also:  I just made this avatar of a shark jumping out of the water, but now that I'm looking at it I'm thinking it looks really familiar.  Did someone already use this picture for their avatar?  Did I steal it? 

[littlefallsmets]

In Soviet Russia, shark jumps you.

[Alternate]

Oh man!  I was totally going to say that if someone mentioned jumping the shark in response to my avatar.  You premptively stole my joke, so now I feel less bad about possibly stealing someone's picture. 

[linnea]

So did we cover the Treasure storyline in Ray's blog where Ray said that he was one of the few guys who doesn't spend time alone in the bathroom with the water running?

[iron_felix]

Don't forget Ray's date with the (also thonged, if I remember correctly) art store clerk, where she passed out before the mad rutting could commence.  I remember thinking until last summer that baking bread at home would make such an awesome date.  It's novel, and it has a hands-on kind of feel to it, but I have this nagging suspicion that a lot of women would just get weirded out if I asked them to bake bread with me.  My own version (following a rather loose interpretation) involved buying a kit from a website from which to assemble an authentic candlestick rotary phone from the 1920s.  I planned to buy such a kit and then store it somewhere in my apartment until such a time as I asked a girl on a date, at which point I would invite her over to help put the phone together.  Fortunately, I realized how silly this was before I had actually bought anything and got an already-assembled replica phone for about $300 cheaper.

I'm not really sure why I wrote all that, actually, but it's worth sharing anyway.

[Alternate]

A few years ago my then-boyfriend turned to me and said,
"You know what?  I think I'm going to go to a thrift store, buy an old rotary phone, and take it apart." 
"That's amazing!" I said.  "Can I help?" 
"Yeah," he said, "It'll be fun." 
For weeks I thought about the impending project, and about what a great relationship we had.  It's easy to find a guy who'll buy you dinner, but guys who'll buy you a rotary phone and take it apart with you are few and far between.  I imagined how we would sit over the phone, look down at it, talk about the memories it evoked.  How we would search its surface for removable parts, then run our eyes over its insides.  Together we would figure out how it worked, and explain it to each other, weaving our ideas together, sharing every revelation, working to build a conceptual rotary phone in our heads while deconstructing a physical one with our fingers.  At last one day we went to a thrift store, but they didn't have a rotary phone.  We planned to check back later, but he left me before we got around to it. 

[Arachno-capitalist]

I once took my girlfriend to this really old Virginia town with a small river running through it and footbridges. The town had some great pie shop where you could get any kind of pie and eat it outdoors in this garden/courtyard. There were historic signs about the history of the small town remained small town and the mayor's house was on main street where it had always been since the civil war or what have you. It was beautiful.

Then I locked her in a bathroom at the pie shop so I could smoke a cigarette.

[jaydub]

A few years ago my then-boyfriend turned to me and said,
"You know what?  I think I'm going to go to a thrift store, buy an old rotary phone, and take it apart." 
....At last one day we went to a thrift store, but they didn't have a rotary phone.  We planned to check back later, but he left me before we got around to it. 

Somehow, this sounds like Dutch cinema.