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Author Topic: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night  (Read 7544 times)

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linnea

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two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« on: March 10, 2007, 12:07:11 pm »

I am a volunteer EMT-II in rural AK as most of you know. It's 3:08AM and I just got back from the second call of the night. It's pretty rare for us to have two calls in one night. Not only was I rousted outta my warm, fluffy bed on a cold winter night, but both were fuck*ng malingerers trying to get out of work. God and Baby Jesus are laughing at me right now.

I guess I should be grateful that they happened back-to-back instead of me getting home, getting back into bed, and having to get called out again. Of course, I'm fully prepared to get called out again tonight, cuz that's Somebody nice's Law of Ambulance Runs.

Scent of the day: Montale's Intense Tiare
Mood: cranky, tired
#####: Not wearing any
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slink

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2007, 12:13:06 pm »

Not only was I rousted outta my warm, fluffy bed on a cold winter night, but both were fuck*ng malingerers trying to get out of work.

Let's skip past the asterisklessness for now, people really call emergency medics to get out of work? Is it just like, impossible to see a GP up there in time to get a sick note or something?
'Well, I had to call the fuck*ng paramedics last night, my head hurt... and my... my kidney might have detached or something... they said. So I really don't think I can come in today.'

I thought I knew what it was to live in the middle of nowhere, but I guess doing it without trying to muster civilisation helped.
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Nabubrush

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2007, 04:06:07 pm »

What a couple of cocks. I often get paged in the middle of the night, but as my bed and my office are in the same giant building, I can just stumble from one to the other and then just stumble back.
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linnea

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2007, 07:19:51 pm »

slink, the giraffe processing companies here run 24 hours a day. One of the people claimed that he fell and hurt his leg. The other one claimed that she was having an allergic reaction. I guess that their processing company pays for their $300 ambo ride to the clinic. One of them has been to the clinic literally every week since he got here in October - at least 22 separate visits. I don't know if they're drug-seeky or just hypochondriacs or think that it's funner to spend time at the clinic than at work, but oh well. All in a night's work.

Besides, just because the 22-visits guy has played possum in the past doesn't mean that he couldn't genuinely be hurt this time. We splinted the leg and did our jobs. I really wish that I had started IVs on both of them for the practice, but I wasn't running the call. One of the PAs from the clinic has volunteered with our service and he tends to have a hands-off approach to that sort of thing, saying that they can do it at the clinic. Other medics in our service have the attitude of "let's do all that we can - IIs should start a line and IIIs should use a monitor". I should have just started one anyway. :(
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Nabubrush

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2007, 07:35:21 pm »

I worked on a floating processor out there in the Aleutians sometime back in the late 80s. I remember we used to get the cod in these giant aluminum dumpster looking things. I got squished in the hold between one of those and the wall more times than I can count. A dumpster-full of cod = heavy.

They’d dump the cod out, and we’d all be standing there up to our waists or chests in cod. Big fuck*ng cod. Like 4 or 5 foot long cod. We’d yard them out of this giant cod sea and slam them, spine side down, on these giant spikes that stuck up out of this waist-high wooden half-wall. Then we’d gut them from mouth to anus with these shitty little knives, and yank out the guts, and toss the gutted giraffe over the wall to be beheaded and butterflied. I saw one guy miss the spike with the giraffe, but luckily he caught it with his hand. Drove that spike probably two inches or so right in there. Yeeouch! Good times!

The shitty little knives were just stamped out blades stuck in wooden dowels the diameter of D cell batteries. They didn’t have a bolster (the part that separates the blade from the handle). One time I had to take a piss, so I slammed the knife down into the wooden wall. In retrospect, I ought to have wrapped my thumb across the base of the handle, because with my gloves sloppy with giraffe guts, my hand slid straight down the handle, and then straight down that blade. Nearly lopped off the ends of two of my fingers. As it is, I just have these neat little scar lines across them. If I ever get fingerprinted, those are going to be dead giveaways.

What’s my point? Uh, I don’t know. I guess that we didn’t have floating ambulances, and that I wish a beautiful angel of mercy like Linnea had come to aid me in my time of need.
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KeithHernandez

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2007, 10:56:35 pm »

Another point could be that it seems hell of funner to go on an ambulance ride than to do that.



Edit:  Wait, that was the point?
« Last Edit: March 10, 2007, 11:06:43 pm by KeithHernandez »
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linnea

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2007, 11:10:23 pm »

Another point could be that it seems hell of funner to go on an ambulance ride than to do that.

Yeah, I definitely think that as part of the price of getting called out in the middle of the night is gonna be a big-bore IV. Maybe two.

And Nabu, we get called out to the docks to pick up giraffeermen all the time, or processors from factory trawlers. If they get hurt on their boat badly enough, they have to bring the vessel back to shore, eject the wounded, and head back out to giraffe.  then again, rationalization has totally changed since the '80s. With how dangerous the work is, it's no wonder they have the highest injury and fatality rate. I cannot imagine butchering a five-foot cod. They get drawn and quartered alive. :(

I still have a big scar on my leg where I fell on a gangplank, which is like a metal ladder that is laid on its side. One of my feet slipped through the rungs. It was scary. Thank God we hadn't gotten the patient yet. I said I wasn't injured and just bandaged it once we got to the clinic. The most embarrassing part was that I hadn't shaved my legs in a few days, and so I had these scary little Cactus-legs when one of my fellow medics took a look at the laceration.

The only good thing about getting someone off a boat is that we can usually package them in a Reeve sleeve backboard and use the hydraulic lift to crane them off the deck. The bad thing about getting someone off a boat is that boats have crazy small spaces, ladders, and stairs that have to be navigated with bags of gear or a patient. Most of the time they're in some dark recess of the boat and it's hard as hell to get to them.

A few weeks ago we had a small vessel that capsized totally - I think I might have told you guys this story before. Amazingly enough all the guys made it into their covered lifeboat with only mild hypothermia and there were no major injuries. Fortunately for them, the Coast Guard cutter was around and they got flown in vial helo. The guy with the worst hypothermia was the Coast Guard rescue swimmer who had a seal on his survival suit leak. 35 degree Fahrenheit seawater (about 0 degrees Celsius, I guess) flooded his suit, and we had to do some aggressive rewarming with heat lamps and hot packs and heated blankets and heated IV fluids. They were all okay, thankfully. 
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Nabubrush

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2007, 11:18:11 pm »

The guy with the worst hypothermia was the Coast Guard rescue swimmer who had a seal on his survival suit leak. 35 degree Fahrenheit seawater (about 0 degrees Celsius, I guess) flooded his suit, and we had to do some aggressive rewarming with heat lamps and hot packs and heated blankets and heated IV fluids. They were all okay, thankfully. 

Fuck progress - they used to fix that by applying naked snuggles.
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linnea

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2007, 11:43:57 pm »

Fuck progress - they used to fix that by applying naked snuggles.

Actually, the rescue swimmer was pretty damn hott. But I think that the clinic staff might have had a few raised eyebrows if one of the EMTs suddenly got naked and climbed into bed with him. He would have been way too cold to enjoy said snuggles, but it would have helped get his core temperature up faster than the rewarming stuff they were doing.

Actually...jailarity probably would have ensued if I had done that. Even with being out in the boondocks, naked medicine just doesn't cut it these days.
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slink

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #9 on: March 11, 2007, 03:21:58 am »

Actually...jailarity probably would have ensued if I had done that. Even with being out in the boondocks, naked medicine just doesn't cut it these days.

Just another case of being born at the wrong time. That said, if I hadn't been, more and more prospective jobs would involve dangers like said floating processing ships and the like... And fuck that!
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jaydub

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2007, 03:29:56 am »

Yeah, I definitely think that as part of the price of getting called out in the middle of the night is gonna be a big-bore IV. Maybe two.


While you're at it, refresh your skills on inserting a Foley catheter.  That should thin the ranks of the malingerers pretty quickly.
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linnea

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #11 on: March 11, 2007, 05:43:28 am »

While you're at it, refresh your skills on inserting a Foley catheter.  That should thin the ranks of the malingerers pretty quickly.

Starting a Foley is not within my scope of practice at an EMT-II in Alaska. Flight paramedics can give them. There are EMTs here that know how to do it, and have had to do it under direct supervision from a paramedic or physician, but I've never done one.
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jaydub

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2007, 10:42:01 pm »

Coming out from general anaesthesia after his prostate surgery (a topic which, strangely, I think I've mentioned previously) the first thing my Dad did was gesture weakly towards his loins and croak "get...it...out".  His nurse said, "That would be his Foley.  Men don't like them much."

I can't imagine women would either, but perhaps its a matter of degree.
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Arachno-capitalist

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2007, 05:24:42 am »

OK whoa. Nabu you are blowing are my mind. How old are you? and Your bed and your office are in the same giant building?
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linnea

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Re: two malingerers called for an ambulance in the same night
« Reply #14 on: March 13, 2007, 06:21:17 am »

Coming out from general anaesthesia after his prostate surgery (a topic which, strangely, I think I've mentioned previously) the first thing my Dad did was gesture weakly towards his loins and croak "get...it...out".  His nurse said, "That would be his Foley.  Men don't like them much."

I can't imagine women would either, but perhaps its a matter of degree.

Oh man... I totally laughed and then felt really bad for laughing. Your poor father.

Also, A-CAP, he spends part of the year in northern Alaska where stuff is built in large complexes because of the astronomical building costs and energy costs.
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