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[Fooker]

Knife-shaped flatbread. (insert italian translation)

Literally a piecrust or flatbread dough that is rolled out too thick, perhaps to the height of 1/4", yet topped and placed in the oven. When baked to the point where it is browning but still essentially very warm dough, it is flattened with a sharp kitchen knife in forceful downward smearing motions, not unlike a masonry trowel.

The result is a medley of toppings intermingling with the strata of the dough, flecks of red pepper, chunks of tomato, a spray of basil and parmesan all forming a uniform, flat surface plane.

The 1/6-1/8" thick and considerably wider flatbread is then baked until crisp.

[robot_god]

Cigarette Cake

One of those log cakes with white whipped cream topping, smear peanut butter over one sixth of the cake using the bottom of a ladle.

[Fooker]

I took a can away from you so hard that your number went up instead of down.

[linnea]

When I read flipped through pages of Julia Child's Mastering The Art of French Cooking at a friend's house... well, let's just say that you could have posted any number of those techniques, such as the Larding Needle to dress rabbit, and I would have believed that they were fictional gourmet techniques, because who the fuck does that?

[littlefallsmets]

An alcohol drink called the "I Was A Teenage Communist for the FBI".

Extract the essence of marijuana into half-and-half somehow. Probably with steeping and heating.

One part Kaluha, one part decent vodka, one part espresso, three parts essence-in-half-and-half.

Shake over ice, strain and serve with a single coffee bean crushed into dust on top of the drink.

[Doc]

'Eye of the Needle'

This is a classic serving technique originating in 15th century eastern europe is based on the concept that all good things must involve struggle. The food of choice is surrounded by artistically arranged items that would cause the diner great distress, whether this might be small snapping lizards or the tattered remains of a beloved childhood toy is dependant on your guest and how intimate you wish the experience to be.
For polite society with good friends to aquaintences we can recommend the following good old standbyes:
 -A light souffle encrusted lovingly in razor wire.
 -A delicious filet mignon with a rabid doberman chained up nearby.
 - For the vegan member of the party: A small soy-bacon quiche surrounded by artfully arranged thick blue steaks.
 

[Gimpson]

I can't read this thread.  It just brings up too many painful memories of the unrealized Tomorrow Chicken.

[Golfhaus]

We'll get there, dammit.

You think Bobby was excited about Tomorrow Chicken, you should have seen him the day I told him the news that Air Greenland was going to start flying out of Baltimore in May, bringing him a step closer to realizing another impossible dream.

[Arachno-capitalist]

You will watch a video of a slaughterhouse in a developing nation with a picture in picture box showing your wild boar being cooked by an oily man who wipes sweat from his brow and does not wash his hands.
Then you will be presented with the wild boar on a frozen steel slab.
The boar is cooked perfectly to your liking and seasoned with the finest herbs and presented with a wide array of your favorite sauces.
When you take your first bite you hear the sound of a gun shot and an animal crying and moaning. Finally when you take your last bite you hear a whimper and a thud.
Then the waitstaff and oily man sing you happy birthday while holding pictures of your mother in tender moments of your childhood.

[theinevitable]

man, are you french or something? that captures it perfectly.

[AugustWest]

You will watch a video of a slaughterhouse in a developing nation with a picture in picture box showing your wild boar being cooked by an oily man who wipes sweat from his brow and does not wash his hands.
Then you will be presented with the wild boar on a frozen steel slab.
The boar is cooked perfectly to your liking and seasoned with the finest herbs and presented with a wide array of your favorite sauces.
When you take your first bite you hear the sound of a gun shot and an animal crying and moaning. Finally when you take your last bite you hear a whimper and a thud.
Then the waitstaff and oily man sing you happy birthday while holding pictures of your mother in tender moments of your childhood.

Holy crap but you get a can for that.

[Teatime]

This is a work of sheer mastery.

[jaydub]

Isn't this more of a presentation technique however?

[Nabubrush]

You will watch a video of a slaughterhouse in a developing nation with a picture in picture box showing your wild boar being cooked by an oily man who wipes sweat from his brow and does not wash his hands.
Then you will be presented with the wild boar on a frozen steel slab.
The boar is cooked perfectly to your liking and seasoned with the finest herbs and presented with a wide array of your favorite sauces.
When you take your first bite you hear the sound of a gun shot and an animal crying and moaning. Finally when you take your last bite you hear a whimper and a thud.
Then the waitstaff and oily man sing you happy birthday while holding pictures of your mother in tender moments of your childhood.

Beat it, Chris.

[theinevitable]

oh my god, yes. That is why... yes.

Beat it, Chris.