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[linnea]

That is a pretty shameful Kevin-Smith-esque recap of what straight men envision lesbians to be. "I don't get lesbians, man...everybody needs dick." 

Also it appears that Pat is renting videos from his local Blockbuster or something?

[Nabubrush]

This is fine and all, but it's not like straight or bi porn is any less shameful. The clerk doesn't want to see you renting Saving Ryan's Privates. The clerk does not even wish to touch the case.

[Nabubrush]

JIZZ-MOPPING IS NOT A CAREER CHOICE, PEOPLE.

[AugustWest]

People still rent porn from video stores?

[littlefallsmets]

"I don't get lesbians, man...everybody needs dick."

See, I always felt the exact opposite. I can understand ladies wanting ladies. I can't get enough of them, why wouldn't ladies feel the same way? It's what men OR ladies could see in dudes that I don't get.

The male body is an ugly utilitarian device, good at what it was designed to do but... nobby and shaggy and inelegant. Naked, we look like Christmas trees that someone only bothered to decorate at the groin.

And man-parts, aw man, are man-parts ugly. The nastiest. Again, they do what they were designed for... but... so ugly.

Any ladies or dude want to explain what could be attractive about a dude body?

I've never understood.

[Nabubrush]

The male body is an ugly utilitarian device, good at what it was designed to do but... nobby and shaggy and inelegant. Naked, we look like Christmas trees that someone only bothered to decorate at the groin.

And man-parts, aw man, are man-parts ugly. The nastiest. Again, they do what they were designed for... but... so ugly.

Not to be a dick, but this bit is tired. We've all seen a stand-up who did this reiff. The male body may not appeal to you, and that's cool, but it's odd that our culture would lead someone to believe that the breakdown is 20% straight girls and 60% bi girls who all love dick, and then 90% straight guys who all hate it. Bzzzzt - methinks somebody doth protest too much. And the self-hatred inherent in a guy talking about how ugly the male body is . . . is just sad. The human body is a beautiful thing, male or female.

[RMJ12345]

And man-parts, aw man, are man-parts ugly. The nastiest. Again, they do what they were designed for... but... so ugly.

This is what virgins at women's colleges sound like.

[littlefallsmets]

It isn't a bit. I really don't get it.

I'm as non-homophobic as a straight dude can get, it has nothing to do with that. I was genuinely asking.

A fat dude looks like some sort of deformed animal, a muscular dude looks like a machine for lifting things, a skinny dude looks like a cartoon character. And the wang is definitely a veiny animal type thing. The lowest of low things.

Even a mostly-unattractive lady probably has one trait that is beautiful. Some of the otherwise least-attractive ladies have the best breasts or eyes.

ALSO: I would also like to know who the hell still gets porno from video stores. Didn't President Gore invent the internet so that we could get our pornography without awkward desk exchanges? A friend admitted to us that she still rents porn DVDs a couple of weeks back and she never heard the end of it. She will never hear the end of it.

[iron_felix]

Not to be a dick, but this bit is tired. We've all seen a stand-up who did this reiff. The male body may not appeal to you, and that's cool, but it's odd that our culture would lead someone to believe that the breakdown is 20% straight girls and 60% bi girls who all love dick, and then 90% straight guys who all hate it. Bzzzzt - methinks somebody doth protest too much. And the self-hatred inherent in a guy talking about how ugly the male body is . . . is just sad. The human body is a beautiful thing, male or female.

Amen.  When you really think about it, the female body is actually pretty lumpy and awkward too.  Even non-gender-specific things like limbs are like that.  And what about noses?  What's the deal with noses?  They just kind of stick out from your face.  Have you ever stopped for a moment to ponder how weird noses are?  If people can accept these things as being as beautiful as they are, why not man-parts as well?

What type of gay porn would the Finnish produce?  I am imagining a couple of fully-clothed men sitting around in a hotel room, drinking vodka and acting kind of dour.  The presence of (double) subtitles suggests that they do speak to each other at some point.

[Nabubrush]

Even a mostly-unattractive lady probably has one trait that is beautiful. Some of the otherwise least-attractive ladies have the best breasts or eyes.

So, even ugly women can have beautiful features, but all men are ugly, even you? Yeeesh.

[littlefallsmets]

Oh, man. I am the ugliest of all. Oh. Man.

Seriously, for all this "oh, you're just riffing" no one is actually explaining what could be attractive about a dude.

I am serious in my question. This is like when you ask someone why they believe something about Jesus or God and they answer "Because it's in the Bible!" and then, you're like, you know, you start explaining to them that the New Testament was probably written two or three generations after Jesus at the earliest and its been mistranslated ten ways to Sunday and it was politically shaped in various Vatican Councils and so on and so forth... to which they reply:

"BUT IT'S THE BIBLE!"

And a dude is left with no answers.

It is as though I am asking how a man could be sexually attractive and y'all are saying "BUT IT'S IN THE BIBLE!"

[Nabubrush]

Oh, I could get into it, but all of a sudden everyone would find other things to do and would never come back. If you want me to tell you, I could send you a personal message.

Of course, it's all subjective, isn't it. You could tell me that you like women, but the reasons you like women are your reasons, and I wouldn't necessarily relate to them. Some people like really lean, thin women. I think they look malnourished if I can see their ribs, and good luck finding women without visible skeletons in today's media (especially porn). I like women that don't look like all their hair has fallen out due to radical new medical treatments, but all women in today's media (especially porn) seem to think hair is evil unless it is above thier shoulders. There is nothing inherently wrong in having armpit hair, women. Don't believe the lies. It doesn't fall out on its own because it is supposed to grow there.

[littlefallsmets]

An open discussion, involving dudes and ladies of all sorts, would probably shed the most light on the subject?

But if this topic is hell of blush-making for you, by all means, even one person's explanation in private would help.

EDIT: Also, leg hair on a lady does not bother me one bit, except when it's in that two or three day window where it's really itchy. And a woman fully-shaved DOWN THERE is pretty silly and weird to my eyes, though trimming a little so it doesn't go 1970s stag-film is acceptable.

But EVERYONE should shave their armpits, man, lady, gay, straight and other. That shit's nasty.

[Nabubrush]

Goddamn this thing lately - it keeps saying I already posted, and then my post isn't there.

This subject won't make me blush. Nothing about this subject will make me blush. But some folks come here just for the discussion of talking cats and alive stuffed animals.

Armpit hair is about the collection and exhibition of pheromones. Pheromones are attractive, that is what they are for. It is genetics, not personal preference. The culture's bias against armpit hair is, at its roots, making women scientifically less sexy.

[littlefallsmets]

Yeah but Pheremones are Old-School. Like, back in the trees of Madagascar two millions years ago and such. Back when we were swinging on vines and eating bananas and suchforth. I'm drinking a coffee and using a computer. I don't need pheremones.

When functioning within a civil society, dudes and ladies are much more oriented to personality, social positioning and appearence. Mostly appearence. This is why the Lady Display is now in the chestical area as opposed to the rump as it was in the trees of Madagascar. It is about putting the Lady Display where the eyes go, not where the scents are.

I want to get with a lady because of her looks first and then I fall for her romantically because of her personality.

I have a coffee and a computer. Armpit hair can get on outta my face.

Perhaps this is part of why I can't appreciate the male form, though, as I so associate it with animalness. This is a theory.