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[robot_god]

There is this bird that has been chirping outside since 3:00 AM.  WTFFFFF???  Man, I really want to punch this bird BAD.
(It is 4:15).

Sometimes a bird will start chirping around 4:30 AM, and that pisses me off real bad, too, because I haven't gone to sleep yet.  I mean seriously now, learn some respect you garbage bird.

[side_show]

You know what pisses me off?  Squirrel wars.  When one squirrel and another square off and start yelling at each other in Squirrelese.  Why the hell won't they knock that shit off?  The birds have never bothered me, but I get your point.  My dad had this issue with grackles.  You know, once grackles move into the neighbourhood, it becomes a problem.  There's just no reasoning with them.  Maybe you just need to encourage them to party elsewhere?  Get one of those plastic owl things that look totally pissed off, and just set it up outside your bedroom window?  This worked for dad.

My main night time animal noise problem continues to be our cat, who likes to yowl like he's being murdered for 15 min - 1 hr somewhere between 3:30 AM and 5:00 AM most nights.  He has free range of the house, and is allowed in the bedroom and such, but he always does it in another room, or in the echo-y stairwell.  He can be doing this in the basement, and I can here him all the way on the top floor.  And he's all "Wooooooow!  Mooooooooow!  MaaooooOOOooooow!  Roooow!  Wawawooooow!  Mamooooow!"  He is fixed and in good health.  The only explanation anyone can give is that he's part Siamese and sometimes they just do that.  I've tried reasoning with him, threatening to murder him, playing with him before bed, ignoring him... nothing works. 

What I'm telling you r_g is that sometimes animals are dicks.

[wombat]

What I'm telling you r_g is that sometimes animals are dicks.

Oh man too true.

As for birds, they are not my area of expertise, but my understanding is that all that pretty singing translates to "THIS IS MY TERRITORY ASSHOLES! GO AWAY IF YOU ARE A DUDE AND COME FUCK IF YOU ARE A LADY."  I guess since they only do this during the mating season they are in a rush to get started early in the morning.  We always have a whole bunch before dawn but I've also heard that thing of the one bird who's way earlier.  I've always guessed that he was the new guy or the nerdy one, hoping he'll get a girl if he gets the jump on everyone early in the morning. He hasn't heard that all the early bird gets is the worm.

[pmcd9]

Maybe you just need to encourage them to party elsewhere?  Get one of those plastic owl things that look totally pissed off, and just set it up outside your bedroom window?  This worked for dad.

Oh man, here we go with the plastic owl suggestions again.  You want to encourage this bird to party somewhere else alright, HELL, blow his fuck*ng head off.

Seriously though, it sounds to like you have restless bird syndrome RG.

[theinevitable]

damn. Just get the bird some damn etiquette lessons. You know, little Emily Post bird, being all "don't chirp before the lady-birds are out, that is just crass. They will not be impressed that your Ranger has a Keen Fiery Longsword +5."

[Arachno-capitalist]

I keep a scoped hunting air rifle with hollow points next to my window for this exact reason.

[V-Adore]

As for birds, they are not my area of expertise, but my understanding is that all that pretty singing translates to "THIS IS MY TERRITORY ASSHOLES! GO AWAY IF YOU ARE A DUDE AND COME FUCK IF YOU ARE A LADY."

This is basically true. (Ah, memories of my sophomore-year Animal Behavior class and the lab which required us to get up at approximately Jesus Christ AM to listen to blackbirds by the pond. fuck*ng blackbirds, would it have killed you to sleep in for once?!)

Also, on the cat situation: Smells, that reminds me a lot of a weird activity (that I've probably mentioned before on the board, but hey, checking the archives is hard) that our senior cat engaged in in the few months when she was the only cat in the house. At odd hours of the night, typically around 3 AM, we'd start hearing/be woken up by this melancholy yowling... that sounded like nothing more than how you would attempt to render "hello?" if you were a cat. While being woken up by normal mournful cat noises would have been troublesome enough, being woken up by "haaaaawoooo! Haaaaaawoooo!!" was deeply unnerving. (This behavior stopped immediately once we got a new kitten, so I'm guessing this human impression was tiring for her to keep up, too.)

[side_show]

Come on Paul, those stern looking plastic owls are awesome.  Before that a sling shot was occasionally engaged, which I was not pre-warned about.  Then mom said "hey take out this garbage" and I took the lid off the can to an angry looking, freshly killed black bird.  I thought for a minute it was alive and jumped back in surprise.  Why didn't my dad at least have the decency to bag it?  Anyway, after the plastic owl the birds were no longer a problem.

V - your cat's behavior does sound similar to mine. He does sound like he's saying "hello," or sometimes like a dead hades style baby crying.  He's got serious anxiety issues, so it's more than likely tied to this.  He's started doing it during the day, and like at night, it's always when he's on another floor from me (there aren't any doors closed to keep him from coming to where ever I am either night or day).  We've been following the vets advice and totally ignoring him, but it just keeps getting worse.

[linnea]

Two of my friends in Denver, Mike and Liz, had three cats: Melvin, Spike, and Lux. Because they were afraid of the cats tearing everything up at night, they would lock them IN the bedroom with them. Their Bengal, Lux, derived great joy from screaming bulletins at his human-mom-and-dad at around 3AM.

"MELVIN'S IN THE BATHROOM! SPIKE IS IN THE BATH-ROOOM! MELVIN'S IN THE SIIIIIIINK! MELVIN'S IN THE SINK EVERYBODY! MOM AND DAD ARE SLEEEEPIN'! I WANT MORE TOOOOYS!" until Liz would be weeping with exhaustion and would grab the screaming Lux and exile him in the downstairs bathroom, in kitty solitary confinement, until morning.

I'm pretty lucky. Milan is the Sweet and Good One and he is either sleepin' in his kittybucket or he's asleep next to my head. There's a big circle of white cat hair on my dark purple flannel sheets where he likes to sit. Occasionally "Lost Lenny" will start hollering in the middle of the night. Sometimes I'll hear him banging on teh cabinets, trying to get at the catnip or get under the sink. I yell, "LENNY!" and he (usually) stops.

[theinevitable]

this is a reason that I will never have pets. when I am asleep, non-humans in my house need to be asleep or quiet.

[chuanoplast]

Birds: There are evil bluejays around my house that only exist to torment creatures that are not bluejays. They are not loud, and don't squawk at odd times at night. All they do is wait for some unsuspecting creature (my cat) to go outside, and then the bluejays reenact The Birds. Luckily I am at school so there are no bluejays that want to eat my eyes.

Cats: My cat is not noisy because she is super lazy and sleeps the entire day.

Neither Cats nor Birds: The worst noise problems in Reno are the gosh darned coyotes. My house is situated in the hills, so there are a lot of empty spaces where the coyotes skulk about. The coyotes are not noisy in the fall, winter or spring. No, they are only noisy when I am actually at home in the summer. Waking up at three A.M. to a group of howling coyotes that just won't shut up is not fun. Nearly walking into a group of these same coyotes is not fun either.

[theinevitable]

I just remembered this freakish thing that happened when I was younger...
I woke up really early in the morning (and this was pre-college, so early was actually early instead of "before 9"). The reason I awoke was one: an entire flock of some variety of bird had landed on trees outside my open window. The entire flock was trying really hard to get their bone on, apparently. It was beautiful, but I wanted to sleep so much.

[chuanoplast]

I think I'll just take my dad's sword and run into the midst of them howling coyotes shouting some undetermined battle call. I can have a friend shoot arrows or something for back-up.

[jaydub]

You should probably work out that battle call beforehand.  Imagine the embarrassment of charging your enemy murmuring "All such as, meow" (being the first thing to pop into your mind).