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Author Topic: Bicycle! Bicycle!  (Read 10843 times)

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linnea

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #15 on: August 27, 2007, 02:16:28 am »

Have I ever told you people about how I won a brand new, extremely fancy mountain bike by drinking lots of booze? 

I am too tired from camping and worry about the penis in my trunk to do all that typing right now.  I try to remember to come back later and tell you about it.

Ooooh! A new bike?? That is awesome. Get some rest, tell us later.
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jay-ell

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #16 on: August 28, 2007, 03:46:09 pm »

Have I ever told you people about how I won a brand new, extremely fancy mountain bike by drinking lots of booze? 

This is exactly the kind of thing Americans expect to happen in Canada. 

How we adore our drunker, hardier, more frostbitten neighbors to the North! 
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Nabubrush

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #17 on: August 28, 2007, 04:56:18 pm »

This is exactly the kind of thing Americans expect to happen in Canada. 

How we adore our drunker, hardier, more frostbitten neighbors to the North! 

If I lived in Canada I'd be that fucker with the $312 million lottery ticket.
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side_show

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #18 on: August 28, 2007, 11:23:00 pm »

Yes.

So I frequented this bar.  It was the sort of bar that had a cage of chainlink fence surrounding the dance floor, where people wore a lot of black and danced to the Smiths and the Cure and such.  And I always ordered this horrible peach cider.  It tasted real bad at first, but grew palatable the more of it you drank.  This was back in my heavy bar drinkin' days where I'd be there Thurs-Sat with the occasional Wednesday (80's night!) and Sunday (The Breakfast Club - where if you stayed until closing they'd let you stay after the bar closed and serve you breakfast!) thrown in.  And I always drank the same cider without fail.  Then this brand new mountain bike appeared, suspended above the bar.  A ballot was given each time you bought the particular cider.  I didn't think much of it... but I was drinking 4-6 ciders a night, 3-4 nights a week for about a month.  And I always filled out the entry form, mostly because one of the bar tenders was a really pushy classmate of mine who forced me to do so.  I really, didn't think much of it.  I was sitting there, half drunk one day, looking up at the bike thinking that it would be really great to have a nice bike since I was about to move out and live within bikeable radius to school home and work.  But the bartender apologized and said they were all out of ballots, that the draw would happen soon.  Shortly there after my classmate/bartender called me to inform me that I'd won the bike.  I skeptically asked her if she'd fixed the draw, but no - she actually hadn't been the one to do the draw the owner had to do it since the prize was so great.  I actually had to go down and sign a waiver due to the $2000 value of the bike when I claimed it.  I walked through winding hallways of odd back room art involving mannequins and car parts.  I chuckled as I loaded a bike worth more than the value of my car into my car's trunk.  It was fall, and I remember riding that bike as the leaves fell down, the fall I first moved away from home and tasted freedom.  I actually used the bike to ride drunkenly home from the bar through a near by park on various occasions.  It's still a great bike. 

Years later a bar employee at this bar went missing.  There were posters everywhere.  He went missing in November.  In August, prompted by unrelated complaints from several business in the interconnected block that contained the bar about an awful odor that came up whenever it got hot, dogs were brought in.  The employees body was found between the wall and drywall of the bar's basement.   No foul play - he had crawled in between, possibly as a joke, or possibly due to intoxication, and had died there.  Needless to say business was effected by this, and the bar actually closed down for good just this month.
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linnea

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #19 on: August 29, 2007, 12:17:56 am »

Jesus Christ, Mel!! That is... a crazy story.

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Nabubrush

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #20 on: August 29, 2007, 01:40:58 am »

I remember way back when, before this board was started, when I thought I was a relatively talented writer and storyteller. Not publishable, mind you, but I figured I could hold my own with the people I know.

Compared to you and lfm, the things I write are like a weak Bazooka Joe comic, written on a toilet liner in crayon.

If it wasn't for being the hunk of the board, I don't know what I'd do.
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iron_felix

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #21 on: August 29, 2007, 08:30:20 am »

Having grown up in a neighborhood with no sidewalks, I never learned to ride a bike without training wheels.  Earlier this year I gave it the old college try, figuring it couldn't be anything near as scary now as it's supposed to be when you're a kid.  I think I averaged about ten expletives per foot I had covered before I went down and bashed my ankle.  Fuck bikes.  Why can't rocket belts get invented already?

I may be wrong, but I think the pre-requisites for living here are:

Smoker - I quit a few months ago
Tattooed
Drinker - I will from time to time, but mostly I drive, to support the ladyfriend's habit.
Pierced - 3x Nipple
Bicyclist - Check

I don't know how many you have to achieve, but tattooed may be make-or-break.

...I'm pretty sure I'm not understanding that correctly.  You wouldn't happen to be Fungus the Bogeyman, would you?
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side_show

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #22 on: August 29, 2007, 01:53:04 pm »

Having grown up in a neighborhood with no sidewalks, I never learned to ride a bike without training wheels.  Earlier this year I gave it the old college try, figuring it couldn't be anything near as scary now as it's supposed to be when you're a kid.  I think I averaged about ten expletives per foot I had covered before I went down and bashed my ankle.  Fuck bikes.  Why can't rocket belts get invented already?


Wait... what do sidewalks have to do with it?  I think your parents just didn't want to teach you to ride a bike.  I learned on a gravel back lane.

Nabu - don't be so down on yourself.  Your sparkling prose makes you one of the more real imaginary people on this board.
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smick

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #23 on: August 29, 2007, 02:05:22 pm »


...I'm pretty sure I'm not understanding that correctly.  You wouldn't happen to be Fungus the Bogeyman, would you?

Sometimes in piercing places you'll see a sign: 1 nipple $45, Both Nipples $70, Third Nipple Free.

The guy I went to, he was not joking.
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theinevitable

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #24 on: August 29, 2007, 02:22:37 pm »

my dad was taught how to ride a bike by the following:
1. Take bike to top of hill
2. get on bike
3. go down hill

the survival instinct is pretty strong, I guess.

I learned by driving around my driveway for hours and being terrified. In the logic of the day, I had decided that I would never ride a bike, it was just TOO HARD, and I would end up a bum on the streets without this basic skill. I still remember my friends asking "why aren't you riding a bike??" and seeming utterly incredulous that I couldn't figure out how to do it.
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jay-ell

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #25 on: August 31, 2007, 08:05:34 pm »

my dad was taught how to ride a bike by the following:
1. Take bike to top of hill
2. get on bike
3. go down hill

the survival instinct is pretty strong, I guess.


This is how I learned to ride a bike, basically.  My mom ran behind me for hours, holding onto the banana seat of my pink bike so I wouldn't fall over.  I rode on the grass so that in case I did fall, I wouldn't get hurt. 

Then my Dad came home from work, and my mom, exhausted, went inside to cook dinner.  Dad put me at the top of the steep driveway facing two-way rush-hour traffic on the main road of my small town, stood at the bottom of the driveway, and said, "GO!"  I flew down the driveway, and when I reached the bottom he grabbed the handlebars and turned them -- hard -- to the left to put me onto the sidewalk. 

Mom was pissed, but I learned how to ride. 
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Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #26 on: August 31, 2007, 09:24:02 pm »

I taught myself to ride a bike because there was this pizza place across town, and i was damn hungry.
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Nabubrush

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #27 on: August 31, 2007, 09:31:39 pm »

I taught myself to ride a bicycle because we wanted to hold jousting tournaments and we didn't have hosss.
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linnea

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #28 on: August 31, 2007, 11:58:40 pm »

Every time I get on a bicycle after a long hiatus I get pretty freaked. What if I fall down? what if I fall down and break my face? What if I fall down and bust out all my damn teeth?? Then the ol' inner ear kicks in, and my muscles work in sync with the information they receive from my little internal gyroscope thingus, and then I ride down the street.
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Beatrice

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Re: Bicycle! Bicycle!
« Reply #29 on: September 26, 2007, 01:45:36 am »

i bike all over forever everywhere.  sometimes it is lame to not have a car in asheville, but louisville was always most excellent for bikage.  the rad bus system helps.

i've been intending to build myself a bike since the summer started, but it hasn't happened yet.  and now i'm drinking my savings so i've got to get a job before i can think about it again.  but watch out, fixed gear, here i come! if nohing else it can be a winter project. 

some day i will traverse at least one state and hopefully several on a bike, and i will also travel to bike friendly cities.  probably amtrak it this summer or something.
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