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@achewood I once had the idea that, if only for a moment each night, everyone in the world was asleep at the same time. It made the world manageable.

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Author Topic: penis in my trunk  (Read 5614 times)

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side_show

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penis in my trunk
« on: August 27, 2007, 02:24:20 am »
So we were out camping, having a great time.  Our camp site was right on the lake.  Right on the lake.  It was beautiful.  I saw an owl, then a deer, all sorts of nice animals.  We went swimming, then the SO needed a nap, so I went for a walk.  We were keeping all the food stuffs in my car trunk due to the issue of pre-hibernation bears.  After the walk, I was standing around the trunk, eating some crackers and cheese, then I put the food back in the cooler and went back to just looking and the lake and reading a book, but I though I wanted a little more to eat.  I opened the trunk and saw a little brown penis bum and tail disappear into the depths of my trunk.  My first thought:  "oh, cute!"  My second thought (spoken aloud): "oh, shit!"  The SO woke up as I was swearing about discovering the nibble holes and bite marks in our bag of hot dog buns, and asked what was wrong, then came to help me empty out the trunk.  We searched every article as we removed it - no penis.  We removed the trunk carpet pieces, the spare tire and looked at the hopeless nooks and crannies that the penis could have disappeared into.  My SO did some banging around, but nothing.  As I was worrying about the fucker chewing through the back seat and otherwise doing damage the SO was trying to assure me that maybe he'd already hopped out.  So we removed all the food, packed it all into the one sealed cooler, put it back in the trunk due to bears, and left a fresh bun from the bag he'd been nibbling on out on a rubbermaid tote lid, and closed the trunk.  In the morning there were no bite marks on the bun. 

What are the odds that he's really out of there?  Or is he chewing my rear signal light as we speak?  Should I set a trap just to be sure?  I hate the idea of killing a penis, but I hate the idea of my car getting chewed up and filled with poop and possibly a rotten penis even more...  What to do?
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linnea

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2007, 02:27:46 am »
God, that sucks!!!

Can you set a humane trap? The kind that won't kill the little dude?
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Doc

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2007, 03:29:19 am »
If he ain't eating the food he's probably not there, but in my experience the best trap is poison.
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Nabubrush

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2007, 04:19:55 am »
There's nothing for it but to roll your car into the reservoir.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2007, 05:08:05 am »
whachu gonna do with all that penis
all that penis
in your house?

I'm gonna read some Proust Proust Proust
read some Proust
to that penis
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AlohaDawg

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2007, 06:42:47 am »
throw a bug bomb in the trunk in the evening. Air the car out overnight.

He'll leave or die. His choice.
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gloomba

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #6 on: August 27, 2007, 11:31:06 am »
Quote from: littlefallsmets on August 27, 2007, 05:08:05 am
whachu gonna do with all that penis
all that penis
in your house?

That stupid song is going to be in my head all day now.  Damn you.
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jough

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #7 on: August 27, 2007, 11:33:35 am »
Damn you, I was just about to make that joke.

Although I should point out that penis (mowse, which rhymes with house) does not rhyme with Proust (proost, which rhymes with boost).
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smick

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #8 on: August 27, 2007, 02:10:41 pm »
Quote from: jough on August 27, 2007, 11:33:35 am
Damn you, I was just about to make that joke.

Although I should point out that penis (mowse, which rhymes with house) does not rhyme with Proust (proost, which rhymes with boost).

True, it's a little less of an off rhyme than junk, trunk, drunk, and humps.
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wombat

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #9 on: August 27, 2007, 02:56:11 pm »
Quote from: littlefallsmets on August 27, 2007, 05:08:05 am
whachu gonna do with all that penis
all that penis
in your house?

I'm gonna read some Proust Proust Proust
read some Proust
to that penis

What is this?
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side_show

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2007, 03:57:29 pm »
Yeah, unless I checked the trap every couple hours I'd have a trap with a cooked penis in it pretty fast.  I just want to believe he's not in there and forget about it.  Is it possible he got out?  Maybe?  Later that evening there was a penis under our picnic table eating our crumbs and I want to believe that this was the same penis.  Because there is only like... one penis at this lake.  It's One penis Lake after all.  This is the story I told myself. 

I remember pointing out to my SO that that penis rap was wrong, because that's not how you say Proust, but so many people mispronounce it, so it's okay.  Like rhyming Goethe with both.  It's wrong pronunciation wise, but acceptable in the situation.
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Nabubrush

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2007, 03:58:34 pm »
Quote from: wombat on August 27, 2007, 02:56:11 pm
What is this?
I didn't know at first either, but I think it's a takeoff on this.

I'm terribly sorry for that Simpsons BK ad, but Youtube is dead to me right now for some reason.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #12 on: August 27, 2007, 04:14:07 pm »
See, I am amused by the idea of taking the concept of an off-rhyme and going to the extreme with it.

Plus the idea of reading to the penis to get it to leave was funny to me at the time.

I'm fighting off strep throat right now, my sense of humour is even loopier than usual.
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jay-ell

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #13 on: August 27, 2007, 07:05:59 pm »
Quote from: littlefallsmets on August 27, 2007, 04:14:07 pm
See, I am amused by the idea of taking the concept of an off-rhyme and going to the extreme with it.

Plus the idea of reading to the penis to get it to leave was funny to me at the time.

I'm fighting off strep throat right now, my sense of humour is even loopier than usual.

I am so stupid. 

How stupid am I? 

My first reaction when I read this was, "Oh, no, strep!  I hope I don't catch it." 

Thank you. 

::takes a bow::
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littlefallsmets

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Re: penis in my trunk
« Reply #14 on: August 27, 2007, 08:43:47 pm »
I dunno, Jayelle... it's a really goddamned bad case of it.

If a sinus-type infection could possibly ever get through the internet, this'd be the one.
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