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Author Topic: Need some feedback.  (Read 13835 times)

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littlefallsmets

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Need some feedback.
« on: October 25, 2007, 05:17:26 am »

As I have mentioned, I finally started an attempt at a full novel.

I'm around 50 pages into the first draft... which is amazing to me, actually.

It's kind of about mourning the spent potential of the American experiment, it's kind of about time travel, it's kind of about not knowing how to let go of your grief, it's kind of about John Lennon, it's kind of about my three main male role models... my dad the put-upon factory worker, my cousin who was murdered at the age of nineteen and my uncle who slipped into schizophrenia in his early twenties and lives mostly like a spirit. The father, the son and the holy ghost.

It's kind of about all the things we lost and gained between Altamont and 9-11.

Basically, I have batting around a lot of titles.

It started out as:

"Just Like Starting Over" but no one liked it.
"The Things We Tell Ourselves At Night" is evocative but too wordy.
"The Faith of My Father" is perfect but misleading, as that sounds like a religious self-help book.
"The Dream is Over" works but is really really obvious.

Any of those titlles really ring true?

Any other suggestions?

I'm far enough along where having at least the first draft of a title would help a dude.
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lprkn

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2007, 05:28:43 am »

wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooo ooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwssssssssssssss sssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhxxxxxxxxxxxx xx...Little feedback for ya.

Sorry, couldn't resist.


Well, without having read it, I'd have to say I vote for "The Things We Tell Ourselves At Night." I'm a sucker for those evocative titles, man. But I guess it'll come down to what you want in the end.
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theinevitable

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2007, 05:36:40 am »

based on which one I would pick up based on the title if I saw it on a shelf... probably The Faith of my Father.
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pmcd9

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2007, 05:37:26 am »

Well, without having read it, I'd have to say I vote for "The Things We Tell Ourselves At Night." I'm a sucker for those evocative titles, man. But I guess it'll come down to what you want in the end.

He's made it abundantly clear he doesn't want it in the end.
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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2007, 10:05:08 am »

I have to be straight up honest with you, if I saw those names on the shelf I'd assume the book was a complete wank-fest and would thus miss out on what (from your summary) sounds like an interesting read. I like the faith angle since it can play on personal, symbolic and national levels (faith in the country/faith of the country) but agree that "Faith of my Father" doesn't sound so great.
If the time travel is prominent and sciencey I'd call it 'The American Experiment' but I fear that would marginalize the bits more related to your personal history.

I would also think a title isn't that important that you should fuss too much over it, find a line of dialogue in the book you like and just use that.
Any chance of us getting some proof-reading action in?
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wombat

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2007, 11:54:19 am »

Don't forget to try this! It's maybe not actually useful but it's fun.
http://www.lulu.com/titlescorer/index.php

What's wrong with "Just like starting over"?
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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2007, 02:34:41 pm »

What's wrong with "Just like starting over"?

Isn't that a cheesy George Harrison song?
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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2007, 03:06:00 pm »

from what ive learned about writing, the title is the last thing you write. By that point that choice is obvious.
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JorgeFabregas

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2007, 03:25:28 pm »

Well, John McCain has a recent book called Faith of My Fathers, so that's out.

I agree that none of the titles really do it for me--I suggest picking short line or phrase from the book.

How about Father, Son, American Ghost.
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wombat

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2007, 04:45:13 pm »

from what ive learned about writing, the title is the last thing you write. By that point that choice is obvious.

I only wish that were true. Lucky people that you heard that from, I guess.
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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2007, 05:12:11 pm »

if you're looking for a Lennon-y title, how about "Nobody Told Me"? 
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littlefallsmets

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2007, 05:52:11 pm »

Hmmm. You guys and ladies have been helpful on this one, I seriously apprecilate it. I think my best course of action would be to keep "The Things We Tell Ourselves At Night" as the working title and then hope that something more dead-on pops up somewhere near the end.

As I get closer to the end of the first draft, I may well ask proof-reading of some of y'all. I would definitely apprecilate that as well (I once heard Popeye say "apprecilate" instead of "appreciate" and it just stuck with me) but it'd be kinda premature when I'm not even a quarter of the way into the beast, yet, y'know?

Right now, my only proofreaders are my dad and... the best prose writer I've ever real-world met, my good friend from high school Amanda who I mooned over for years and have finally been able to recoup a normal friendship with now that I have basically found my lifemate in my Adrian.

It says volumes about me, I suppose, that I could only re-coup my friendship with a girl I once had a Major Thing for when in a very committed relationship.

I suppose it says volumes about Los Angeles that I have been working around the entertainment industry for four years and the best prose writer I have ever met is from upstate New York and is working in a children's clothing store in San Francisco and has never been professionally published at the age of twenty-nine.

"The Things We Tell Ourselves At Night" is... of course... a variation on the Lennon song where he asks McCartney how he can sleep at night.

"(Just Like) Starting Over" was a Lennon solo song, too.

"Life Begins At Forty" is another Lennon solo song but that's just so cliche and it doesn't sound like science-fiction at all.

Sounds like something that my mom would buy at Starbucks by the Tuesday with Morrie guy.

That's basically my goal, here.

I want something that applies to what I'm writing without sounding like something you'd buy in Starbucks.

Y'all are helping, though, and I do apprecilate it. Any more ideas, I'm open to them.

You are rad ladies and dudes.
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wombat

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2007, 05:58:21 pm »


has never been professionally published at the age of twenty-nine.


You say this like this is a tragically ripe old age.

Ah, youth.
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melack

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2007, 06:04:15 pm »

After the Explosion, Before the Collapse

(sorry, I have 9-11 themed titles stuck in my head)

littlefallsmets

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Re: Need some feedback.
« Reply #14 on: October 25, 2007, 06:15:32 pm »

No no no, that's not how I meant it.

What I meant is that she has basically never even tried yet.

She's the most naturally gifted writer, of any kind, I've ever met in my life... she can do what so many have to take ten drafts to do, just automatically typing, and she basically hasn't even tried anything full-effort.

There is a difference between "still fighting the fight" at twenty-nine and "ah, still haven't even fully tried yet" at twenty-nine.

Y'know? Does that make more sense?

EDIT:

Oh, also, I've considered just ripping off Neil Young and calling it "After The Gold Rush" even though Neil Young isn't a character.

He's just one of the two people quoted in the introductory page. Him and James Joyce.

"History is a nightmare I'm trying to wake up from." - James Joyce
"Hey hey, hi hi. Rock and roll will never die." - Neil Young.
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