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[linnea]

For our birthday, our younger sister got us (my twin sister and me) a copy of Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited. In decades past, it was considered quite appropriate for adoption agencies to split up twins and place them with separate families, while never telling either family that their new baby had a surviving twin. They did this under the guise of being "best for the children", but in reality they did everything so they could do a secret psychological study on the children. This was back during the whole nature/nurture debate. Talk about UNETHICAL! But back then, it wasn't illegal.

I actually found the twins' narrative quite irritating, although the book as a whole is a great read. The two identical twins that were portrayed in the book...wow, they were far too honest with all the catty feelings and irritation with each other. One of them, who has huge abandonment issues, was constantly telling the other one that she wanted her old life back, the life she had before she was contacted by the adoption agency and told that she was a twin. That really stung, because the other twin wanted desperately to connect with her twin. It really upset me. However, by the end of the book the "whine, I want my OLD life back" twin lets her twin sister hang out with her and her husband and daughters, so I guess they learned how to work through their intimacy issues.

As a twin with a very strong bond, it was irritating to read. My sister and I have certainly had our share of difficulties, so I was irritated that these two were being so careless with each other's feelings and being so pissy with each other. To be fair, however, I'm sure that growing up together gave us an unfair advantage over the separated twins. They had grown up their whole lives thinking they're singletons, and they didn't have any of the twin coping skills when they finally did meet. It was a crazy read, that's for sure.

Anybody else read it? I highly recommend it for anyone who's interested in the twin experience think it's an interesting read for people who don't know much about twins, since they throw in a few factoids about twinning here and there. Nothing earth-shattering, just mostly stuff that could have been written in Comic Sans and culled from a Twins Club Newsletter. It's a very special-case book, since there aren't many twins who were separated at birth anyway. My sister and I should write a book about the twin experience, since this is more about two singletons who realize that they're separated twins, and is not very indicative of the Twin Experience.

[side_show]

I didn't read the book, but I saw them when they were on Oprah and they were very annoying, to the point where even though I absolutely agree that twins shouldn't be separated, and even though their plight was really sad, I just found them so unsympathetic.  I can't recall which sister it was, but I remember one of them as being sort of rude yet insistant on making her point out of context, and the other sister would either say a few words of agreement, or disagree and then they bickered.  It was odd because they had an opening filmed segment about the sisters that was very engaging, but in the interview they came off as unlikable and grating to me.

[Arachno-capitalist]

I didn't read the book, but I saw them when they were on Oprah and they were very annoying, to the point where even though I absolutely agree that twins shouldn't be separated, and even though their plight was really sad, I just found them so unsympathetic.  I can't recall which sister it was, but I remember one of them as being sort of rude yet insistant on making her point out of context, and the other sister would either say a few words of agreement, or disagree and then they bickered.  It was odd because they had an opening filmed segment about the sisters that was very engaging, but in the interview they came off as unlikable and grating to me.

QFT. They were on another morning show and proved to be completely annoying -  it came to no surprise that one of their commonalities is being single.

[linnea]

QFT. They were on another morning show and proved to be completely annoying -  it came to no surprise that one of their commonalities is being single.

In the book, one was married with a toddler and an infant, and the other was unmarried. It sucked because I really wanted them to be likable, but they just weren't.

[theinevitable]

this reminds me of this NPR bit from This American Life where this guy found this woman who he believed to be his sister. It somehow involved an internet coincidence, I think. He had been raised by a Polish Christian family during the Holocaust, and eventually they said something like "you aren't ours, you're a jew, leave." He never found any members of his family until he happened upon a picture of her, and thought she looked like his mother, if I remember correctly. I am probably messing up this story.
They started talking on the phone (he still lived in Poland, she was in the US) and became good friends, but she didn't believe he was her brother. He was insistent.
Finally, after like a year of this, she flew over to Poland. She was still skeptical. And then she got off the plane, and saw him, and knew that it was true. They both started crying, and ran up and hugged each other. They were so happy to find each other, you know?

I cried so hard. Oh man.

[CortJstr]

How long ago was this study? Maybe I have a twin.

[linnea]

How long ago was this study? Maybe I have a twin.

Were you adopted through the Louise Wise foundation in New York City in 1960-1975?? Also, have you requested your adoption records from the adoption agency? That is how Elyse and Paula found out that they had a twin - at the age of 33, Elyse requested her records and was stunned to see that she had a twin sister.

[CortJstr]

No and no. I'd love for there to be some way of getting a family medical history while still keeping everybody's identity secret. Because I don't want to know who my parents are and I don't want them to know who I am. But my doctor would love to know if any diseases run in my family.

[linnea]

No and no. I'd love for there to be some way of getting a family medical history while still keeping everybody's identity secret. Because I don't want to know who my parents are and I don't want them to know who I am. But my doctor would love to know if any diseases run in my family.

You should be able to contact the adoption agency and ask for Nonidentifying information. One of the twins in the story did this because she wanted to find out as much as she could without learning who her birth mother was. As she put it, once you find someone, you cannot UNFIND them.

Through asking for nonidentifying information about your birth parents, you can get your birth mother and father's vital stats and medical hx without learning their names or divulging any of your personal info to them. You can do this and remain hidden, although you will obviously have to give your name and information to the case worker. Even if your birth mother has never elected to share her personal information with you, laws in any state should permit you to find nonidentifying information about your family hx.

[CortJstr]

Right now all I know is that my birth mother was allergic to penicillin but I'm not. That and stuff like height, weight, eye color, religion, &c. I'm guessing that's all I would get now, not more in-depth stuff like how did my grandparents die.

[Golfhaus]

That's still a lot better than the program I saw on Dateline or 20/20 or whatever on sexual taboos, where dude found out he had a half-sister he didn't know about. They contacted each other, met, and promptly starting making out. They were planning on getting married (possible because their dad didn't get listed on the illegitimate one's birth certificate). And maybe trying to have kids.

[side_show]

No and no. I'd love for there to be some way of getting a family medical history while still keeping everybody's identity secret. Because I don't want to know who my parents are and I don't want them to know who I am. But my doctor would love to know if any diseases run in my family.

Yeah the stuff in the adoption records is only the stuff at the time of birth.  It doesn't have a lot of value in regards to tracking genetics, inherited illnesses, etc.

We found all my mom's birth family, but it only lead to more questions.  People don't generally like to talk about illness, especially those of our parents' and grandparents' generation, plus they tend to come from a time when doctors didn't really keep families all that well informed.  There's an attitude that it's indelicate to discuss these matters.  There are a lot of medical things that are still a total mystery.  I've asked blunt questions but people are either made uncomfortable by them or they really don't know.  Grandma died at 56.  Why?  Kidney Failure.  Brought on by...? No one knows or will tell.  Uncle died in his 20's -why?  No one knows or will tell.  Lots of mental illness issues - what kind?  No one knows or will tell.  Even my dad's family (he was raised by his biological family) didn't like to talk about health stuff.  To this day no one has any clue what the mystery illness that made my grandfather so sick before he killed himself was.  He didn't talk about it and avoided getting tested.  Even having tracked down my biology, I have no answers, and am treated as impolite for asking.  Right now I'm dealing with some scary stuff health-wise, awaiting tests for genetically based diseases.  I've very stressed out, because the symptoms I'm experiencing are similar to what I remember my grandfather having, though he never found out what was wrong with him, or if he did, he never told.  Sigh.

[melack]

I am for separating identical twins on the grounds that this reduces their chances of being given rhyming and/or same-first-letter names. I grew up next door to a pair of twins named Cory and Rory. They were the worst human beings of all time.

[linnea]

I am for separating identical twins on the grounds that this reduces their chances of being given rhyming and/or same-first-letter names. I grew up next door to a pair of twins named Cory and Rory. They were the worst human beings of all time.

Pediatricians  and twin specialists recommend - and have been recommending for decades - that parents refrain from giving their twins retarded rhyming names. It is retarded, but I hear about twins with cursed names all the damn time. Have some dignity, people.

[AlohaDawg]

How long ago was this study? Maybe I have a twin.

Your birth certificate usually lists whether you were born as a single birth or not. Mine does, and I'm adopted.

Of course, there could someone out there who adores a minuet, the Ballet Russe and crepe suzette as much as you like rock and roll, while hotdogs make you lose control.

Or something.