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[melack]

That might entail reading it in Latin with a priest hovering over you making sure you don't fall asleep.

[jay-ell]

If you want to read it as Literature, read the King James. 

If you want to read it for Religious Instruction and/or Spiritual Growth, try The Message.  It's a modern-day translation from the original texts, and it's both thought-provoking and accessible.  They even made some effort to make the Psalms rhyme and stuff like that.  It's not a work of classical beauty like the KJV, but it's at least good writing. 

[side_show]

I'm not sure if this is the case where you live, but locally all used book and thrift stores give away any of the standard (i.e. without fancy illustrations or gold leaf, etc) versions away for free.  The King James version is what both my catholic school and catholicism classes required.  I tried to read the bible from beginning to end, but got really bored by the biblical lists and all the stuff.

Once in a textual analysis class back when I was studying English, one of my Jewish classmates showed me a fascinating version of the Torah (ie Genesis through Deuteronomy) where each page had the "original" translated text in the centre, with the earliest analysis in the first outer margin, the second earliest analysis and/or response to the previous analysis in the next margin, up to the most recent "accepted" discussion.  It sort of looked like a rectangular version of the rings of a tree.  I thought this was one of the most scholarly and interesting versions of the Bible I'd ever seen.  I'm not sure of the specific name for this version of the Bible (because I grew up in a highly antisemitic church, I'm usually pretty embarrassed to ask questions about Judaism to people in the know because I'm terrified I'll say something ignorant and jerk-like) but it may be something that's pretty well known to anyone you know who's a practicing Jew.

[jaydub]

The worst, is likely the LOLCat Version.

Oh my Lord:

 OK so liek if threads iz havin mildews /
 or anyting iz havin mildewz /
 and if mildewz iz greens or redz, den must be showed to priest of Ceiling Cat.

(Lev 13:47-49)

Jebus seed tehm sed "Oh hai, sup?" They sed "Oh hay Teachr, ware ur place?" /
Him sai ovr heer. So they chillt wit him an eated cheezburgrz.
Andrew was 1 those gais./
Andrew telled his brother Simon "Oh hai we found teh Messiah. He was behind teh sofa."

(John 1:38-42)

Is there a bot doing this?

[melack]

The bots are the ones who read it and find it hilarious.

[CortJstr]

I'm not sure if this is the case where you live, but locally all used book and thrift stores give away any of the standard (i.e. without fancy illustrations or gold leaf, etc) versions away for free.  The King James version is what both my catholic school and catholicism classes required.  I tried to read the bible from beginning to end, but got really bored by the biblical lists and all the stuff.

Once in a textual analysis class back when I was studying English, one of my Jewish classmates showed me a fascinating version of the Torah (ie Genesis through Deuteronomy) where each page had the "original" translated text in the centre, with the earliest analysis in the first outer margin, the second earliest analysis and/or response to the previous analysis in the next margin, up to the most recent "accepted" discussion.  It sort of looked like a rectangular version of the rings of a tree.  I thought this was one of the most scholarly and interesting versions of the Bible I'd ever seen.  I'm not sure of the specific name for this version of the Bible (because I grew up in a highly antisemitic church, I'm usually pretty embarrassed to ask questions about Judaism to people in the know because I'm terrified I'll say something ignorant and jerk-like) but it may be something that's pretty well known to anyone you know who's a practicing Jew.

I got as far as catholicism and bible and my brain shut down. Maybe it's different when one goes to catholic school, but I know that growing up my CCD classes never involved the bible, unless it we talked about that week's reading from church. The idea of reading the parts of the bible not covered in the missals seemed like it never really occurred to anybody. We'd talk about stuff like the ark and Goliath and whatnot but there were no actually passages or anything.

[jay-ell]

When I was nine, I read the whole bible (NIV) front to back in ninety days on a bet.  The bet was made with my pastor, who didn't think I'd finish.  The prize: a stack of books. 

I was...a deeply, deeply geeky kid. 

[theinevitable]

hm.

the version SS is talking about sounds soo familiar. I know there is a word for it that is on the tip of my tongue. I remember it from reading The Chosen, I think.

[linnea]

hm.

the version SS is talking about sounds soo familiar. I know there is a word for it that is on the tip of my tongue. I remember it from reading The Chosen, I think.

There is a similar Christian bible called the Amplified bible. It is pretty great from what I hear.

Theinev, I'd start with the New Testament because it's shorter. I am a huuuuge fan of the updated, "modern" translations like the Message. I'd pick up one of the newfangled editions and breeze through that. Another option is to get a "The Bible in 1 year" books and just read the daily chunks out of that. There are also guides online that will direct you to read specific chunks (like the Anglican Daily Lectionary, which I really love) so that you cycle through the entire bible over a period of several years. I am not sure that reading it straight-through is the best idea. I that the Amplified bible would be better for study groups and other situations where you are studying only one small passage at a time, and you have other people reading it with you so that you can discuss it. That's how true understanding is formed, imho.

JL, did you just have to "read" it in order to get the prize, or actually demonstrate concepts or passages from the bible? Because I'm a fast reader, and I have actually read the entire Bible myself. I did not retain any of it because I just read it straight through.  If there had been quizzes or mandatory written synopses of each book, I would have actually learned something.

[Doc]

I'm not religious but I used to be and it always throws me a little when the Lady (who came up through an anglican school like I came up through a catholic one) doesn't get it when I throw out bible references. I don't put the same emphasis on those stories as a lot of people do but I think they are still worth knowing not only because they inform our society so much but because a lot of them are actually quite good stories and then when you get into the history surrounding the time they were written they get even more interesting.
Plus: Jesus curses the fig tree.

[Limmo]

My personal favorite is The Black Bible Chronicles.

[side_show]

hm.

the version SS is talking about sounds soo familiar. I know there is a word for it that is on the tip of my tongue. I remember it from reading The Chosen, I think.

Oh, I just remembered one of my best friends is an extremely scholarly fellow and also a Jew- I didn't think of him because he lives far away and I don't get to see him that often, but as it would happen he's in town and coming over with his lady tomorrow night.  I'll try to remember to ask him.

[linnea]

The lolcat Song of Solomon is pure fuck*ng comedy gold. This is awesome.

[Victoria Waterfield]

If you're reading it as literature, the King James Version is indeed the way to go; if you want a good modern scholarly text, I'd recommend the New Jerusalem Bible. Being a Roman Catholic edition, it includes all the deuterocanonical books (the ones Roman Catholics consider to be part of the Bible, but Protestants don't) in the right places too - many of these are excellent and well worth reading. The Susanna and Bel and the Dragon chapters of the Book of Daniel are basically "Daniel, P.I.", and Maccabees has war elephants. If you don't go with a Catholic bible, there are also quite a few Protestant editions that will have them in a separate section, most likely between the Old and New Testaments, labelled "Apocrypha".

[AugustWest]

You know, I went to the Lolcat Bible link and grooved on the Genesis 1.  I thought that was the whole joke, as well it could have been.

But no.  Somebody out there spends his time translating Habakkuk and 2 Timothy into Lolcat.

It is a seriously fucked up world.