My only friends in grade six before I changed schools were (I only had two friends. that is a truth):
1) a kid who picked his nose and ate it, and who's uncle murdered his aunt in the a field where we had track and field.
2) a kid who was the shortest kid in school and grew up to be on a terrible Dawson's Creek rip off.
3) a kid who's dad died from an asthma attack in front of a MacDonald's washroom and grew up to be an accountant.
Catholic guilt:
1) I once stole a lolly pop from a special class display to give to a boy I had a crush on, then the teacher gave us a huge lecture where she pressed the person who did it to admit it to the class, but when I didn't she took us all to confession because no one would admit to stealing it, where I also didn't admit to stealing it.
2) Having returned to school after a long illness I pee myself all over the floor in the middle of class in grade three, it spread everywhere really quickly because I was wearing and tiny plaid skirt. The mean nun I had for a teacher made me clean it up myself while everyone else was at recess.
3) In kindergarten I methodically emptied all the powdered tempura paints into the sink one can at a time because I was fascinated by how they looked pale and almost colourless until water hit them. I was kept behind and made to scrub the sink clean, but I didn't care - it was worth it.
The good times:
1) I got the starring role in school plays fairly often, which I loved. Pretending to be Mary rocked. it may have been a precursor of my life to come, but considering how unpopular I was, it was a mixed blessing due to jealousy.
2) In Gr.2, I came up with the idea to build this incredible, massive, roofed snowfort, and it was the only time I was popular. During it's construction, several of the boys dubbed me "the snowqueen" and forced everyone to ask me permission to do anything because I was the Queen.
3) I somehow lucked in to getting a brilliant nun librarian - she never censored books she suggested, often connecting me with books that (when I look back now) were clearly the sort of things Catholic nuns probably shouldn't keep in their library, never mind recommend to students.
The bad times:
1) I became so lonely and friendless before I changed schools that I did a striptease for all the boys in my class at recess in hopes they would like me (they didn't).
2) I once hid in a bathroom for several hours at school, lighting matches and dropping them into the bowl to pass the time. Some of the younger kids told their teacher, who told the principal that I was smoking in the bathroom (I wasn't).
3) I would tell everyone I had lost my voice just so I didn't have to participate in social interactions with other students in my class. I got away with this until one of my teachers asked my mom about my frequent bouts of laryngitis right in front of me. I didn't understand why neither of them were mad at me about this then (but now I do).
The ugly:
In the first 12 years of my life
1) I had a mullet
2) I had a black eye
3) I had a lazy eye
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Topic: Grade School Confidential (Read 11823 times)