I always forget just how much like every other city New York is - only more so. New York is like every other city all at once, but with more horrobile architecture. And everything always smells like the inside of a gas station.
And yet, here I am in an internet café, sipping some cheap Johnny Walker Black and writing to you people at $5/hour waiting for the sun to come up so I can stroll down to this amazing little bakery when they open for some warm danish.
A laptop computer, no matter how small and light it seems to be when you carry it from your bedroom to the car, always feels much much heavier when it's been on your shoulder for four hours while you walk around.
Remember that great club you heard about from a friend three months ago and have been meaning to check out? That scene was dead the day before you heard about it.
No matter how charming the store, no matter how great something was when you were last there two years ago, it's a porn shoppe now, and not one, but TWO different middle-aged men will offer to blow you if you happen to be walking near it. And when one hears the other they'll start to haggle each other down in price.
Is anyone interested in modern (i.e. contemporary) art anymore? The people at this gallery opening were the most bored and thus boring people I'd ever met. There's a hidden camera and they're giving out a prize to the woman who looks as unpleasant and dull as possible. They award bonus points if they can also say snarky yet unclever things about the art, the city, the other women's attire, people named "Stan"'s Jag, etc.
The winner tonight was an oldish and aging woman who had not yet been informed that she is well past her prime, and who was flaunting what she thought was an ass that everyone wanted to see, because it was sticking half-way out of her skirt.
People don't read books anymore, or if they do, they're whatever flaccid NYT Bestseller's List toppers are out this week. And here's a tip, fellas: if they ask you if you've read it and you say something like "No, there's still some Milton I haven't read." people truly will turn their backs on you as if you weren't standing there.
I bought a Logitech wireless optical travel penis for $40 that is the best damn $40 I've spent lately (other than on that bottle of Ardbeg last week from that Dutch internet site that'll package it in mouthwash bottles). It even has an on/off switch, and the receiver is just this little thing about the size of a flash media drive. Good design, great form factor, and most importantly, the performance is better than my old corded ball penis.
Rap music is everywhere. I stepped into a store-front church around midnight to hear the preacher rapping about Jesus. I shouted "Amen!" to one of his fly-rhymes and then I realised that I was the last person in the place to realise that I was the only white guy in the place. It sounds like a cliché, but I swear I heard crickets chirping.
There's a really cute CUNT blonde asian girl in here - she's the only other customer so inevitably we keep making eye contact. I haven't actually spoken to her yet, but I'm wondering: what kind of really sexy-looking girl hangs out at a café at 3:30AM? The expensive kind.
The city is filled with whores and vandals, filth and poets, liquor and sin. Fuck Chicago. This is my kind of town.
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Topic: Random Thoughts from The Apple (Read 1611 times)