Having a job where I don't get tipped (and am supposed to politely decline tips if offered) and living with people who survive on tips, I am really interested in the dynamics of tipping. Overtipping for the relatively cheap foods I get when I eat out always makes me feel really good. Such a tiny gesture can make a big difference in someone's day, which I appreciate. I would also be interested in learning about the history of tipping-- the divisions between who gets tipped and who doesn't get tipped seem so arbitrary. I will look for this information after I take this GRE practice test, and let you guys know.
I have a really hard time communicating "I really appreciate the gesture, but I'm not supposed to take tips" without it seeming like I'm sending a secret message. I am not trying to say "wah wah I can't take tips." I'm not trying to imply that you should try harder to tip me. I am also not offended that you are trying to tip me. I'm just required to inform you that you don't have to tip me. Sometimes people ask questions and I manage to get this across, but a lot of the time people make a pity face or an angry face. I don't want anyone to feel stressed out about this.
Similar problems occur when I am passing pedestrians on my bike (when I bike through the park on pedestrian/bike shared paths). "Excuse me" or "on your left" always feels like I am demanding that they get out of the way. I just want to indicate "don't be alarmed, but I am passing you, so don't start weaving." Probably "passing on your left, thanks!" Or, you know, getting the fuck over it because no one cares. But there is definitely a flip-side to midwestern politeness where people get MAD if they think you aren't being sufficiently polite. At work if I don't say "excuse me!" when I walk too close to a customer sometimes people get all pissy. And their definition of "too close" is really extreme considering how tight quarters can be in a grocery store.
inevs gotta inev.