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Author Topic: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread  (Read 4112 times)

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Doc

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2011, 04:27:52 am »
So I was an idiot and didn't read the original article and somehow got the impression you guys were talking about justifying extreme emotional reactions instead of emotional manipulation. In case it wasn't clear up above I was trying to draw a correlation to someone who reacts violently to conflict (which I think most of us agree is basically never acceptable) vs someone who falls in a heap and assumes a helpless victim sort of role (which seems to be more acceptable but no less dysfunctional, to my mind). I wasn't trying to say anger or violence is better or worse than this gaslighting thing, I'd say both are fairly unhealthy coping mechanisms.

[Second half of post deleted because pointing out one set of unhealthy behaviours doesn't justify another]
« Last Edit: September 19, 2011, 04:34:10 am by Doc »
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side_show

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2011, 03:57:35 pm »
The important thing is that inev's fight ended in tickling.  How's that for a resolution?!
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theinevitable

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2011, 05:18:32 pm »
oh, she hates tickling. That was my revenge.

...but seriously, we never really resolved the fact that we cannot discuss anything without me yelling and storming off, or her crying and collapsing.
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Nabubrush

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2011, 07:16:43 pm »
Quote from: theinevitable on September 19, 2011, 05:18:32 pm
oh, she hates tickling. That was my revenge.

...but seriously, we never really resolved the fact that we cannot discuss anything without me yelling and storming off, or her crying and collapsing.

You guys are in my first marriage. It's like the Twilight Zone.
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jay-ell

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2011, 10:02:25 pm »
I just told someone the other day that when you get married/move in together, you will spend the whole first year fighting about the way you fight. Once you're committed and can't easily walk away from the relationship, fighting suddenly becomes extremely important, and since almost no two people fight the same way, there's a huge adjustment period while you figure out what you can and can't do (and what you can and can't accept from your partner). If you work at it, accept that you are different people with unique backgrounds and perspectives, and spend that year coming to terms with your differences and finding ways to communicate and compromise, you will be fine.

If you spend that first year screaming and throwing plates, or silently hoping that it will get better when she finds a better job/you have kids/money's not so tight/you buy a house/whatever, you're going to either be miserable for the next 40 years, spend a lot of money on couples therapy, or get divorced.

Hopefully not all 3.
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pmcd9

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2011, 02:06:42 am »
Man JL, you are really selling me on this whole marriage thing.
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miles

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #21 on: September 20, 2011, 03:22:46 am »
Oh man, flashbacks to a relationship that ended years ago...

Our biggest and most persistent argument was over name calling. Not simply over whether we should call each other names, but also the appropriate manner of name calling. For example, "you are being such an asshole" was totally fine, while "you are such an asshole" was off limits. I thought that was ridiculous. Try that with any racial epithet, doesn't make a bit of difference. But seriously? Christ, if I could do my 20s over again. I guess I learned a lot?

My last relationship ended due to real life issues, somewhat beyond our control. No name calling involved.
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Nabubrush

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #22 on: September 20, 2011, 12:50:05 pm »
Quote from: miles on September 20, 2011, 03:22:46 am
Christ, if I could do my 20s over again. I guess I learned a lot?

If I could have done my twenties and been with my wife during that time, we would have had a lot of fun.
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jay-ell

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #23 on: September 20, 2011, 02:58:12 pm »
Quote from: pmcd9 on September 20, 2011, 02:06:42 am
Man JL, you are really selling me on this whole marriage thing.

I ain't gonna lie, it's not for everyone.
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Nabubrush

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Re: The Hysterical Female / Gaslighting Thread
« Reply #24 on: September 20, 2011, 09:24:02 pm »
Quote from: jay-ell on September 20, 2011, 02:58:12 pm
I ain't gonna lie, it's not for everyone.

Word. Truth be told, it's probably not for most people who get married.
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