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[palm trees]

and yes that's 06/01, america.

anyway, a fine return to form from ray (especially now he's started writing less. by the end of the last run i was getting sick of the size of the column). the nipple paragraph and the snowflake/bedpan mixed metaphor were totally fuck*ng insane.  

Also, perhaps religion is like a watermelon sandwich: no one knows where it came from, or why it was made, but there it is, and you gotta behave, 'cause you don't know what the hell is happening.

[reigunred]

Great column highlighted by "Immediate Cravvings" but the return of the guy with explosive diarrhea is overkill.  The joke was classic, but had run its due course.

[CortJstr]

and yes that's 06/01, america.

Did I ever tell you about the time I went to London on my 18th birthday and the bar wouldn't serve me? They insisted 8/12 was December 8th and was 3 months away. I had to produce a passport with "August" written out because she didn't believe we wrote the date the other way in America. Even though my license said it expired on 8/31.

anyway, a fine return to form from ray (especially now he's started writing less. by the end of the last run i was getting sick of the size of the column).

Agreed. They were always entertaining but the length was getting inconvenient at the end.

I thought the guy's ghost haunting Ray was actually a really funny way to go. Now if the ghost becomes a running gag that could get old quickly.

[jay-ell]

and yes that's 06/01, america.

Did I ever tell you about the time I went to London on my 18th birthday and the bar wouldn't serve me? They insisted 8/12 was December 8th and was 3 months away. I had to produce a passport with "August" written out because she didn't believe we wrote the date the other way in America. Even though my license said it expired on 8/31.

This is why I always write out the month.  Although to be honest, putting the day first makes hella more sense.  Which is why I usually write, for instance, 6 December 2003.  It comes from working at a job where I corresponded with a lot of people from overseas, I think.  

Back to topic: This was neat.  It's nice to revisit this style of writing, if only to mix things up a little.  And, yeah, nothing beats Ray's metaphors.  

I wish I could help out on the spyware thing, but I haven't a clue how to access the system registry on a Mac.  If he had a PC, no prob -- I spent 6 hours removing spyware from my Mom's computer on Christmas Eve, so it's all fresh in the memory.  I don't even think Ad-Aware makes a Mac version.  But I'm sure someone knows...

[St_Zartan]

I wish I could help out on the spyware thing, but I haven't a clue how to access the system registry on a Mac.  If he had a PC, no prob -- I spent 6 hours removing spyware from my Mom's computer on Christmas Eve, so it's all fresh in the memory.  I don't even think Ad-Aware makes a Mac version.  But I'm sure someone knows...

Here at the Public Library, our Free Internet Computers (the sociological equivalent of a compost heap, trust me on this) end up absolutely choked with spyware, and of course no one does a goddamned thing about it until Jane Q. Soccermom fires up IE and is greeted by a throng of nimble and vigorous lesbians. Then it's all HOW DO WE FIX THIS SAINT ZARTAN and I'm all SURE I DON'T MIND BEING PAID STARS AND GARTERS LESS THAN TECH SUPPORT FOR THIS VERY REASON

The best way to avoid spyware is to stop clicking yes on every fuck*ng dialog box that opens up.

"Would you like to make MonkeySpank search your homepage?" UH DUH SURE GET OUT OF MY WAY QUESTION BOX YOU'RE BLOCKING THE TITTY

"Your computer is broadcasting an IP address! Click here to fix this!" OH SHIT WHAT IF THE WIFE FINDS OUT I LIKE SAILOR MOON PORN

"Would you like to have the weather for your area displayed on your desktop?" GEE I GUESS SEEING AS THAT HUGE BANK OF WINDOWS IS LIKE NINE FEET AWAY

Also, if you must visit a shady website (ahem FREE XXX PASSES), do it with a decent browser that blocks pop-ups and actually lets you see where the links you're clicking actually go. Prevention, people.

[CortJstr]

"Your computer is broadcasting an IP address! Click here to fix this!" OH SHIT WHAT IF THE WIFE FINDS OUT I LIKE SAILOR MOON PORN.

But I don't even go to your library.

[slink]

Prevention, people.

Yes. In England they're allowed to teach that in school.
Oh, wait...

[jough]

Ad-Aware is next to useless unless you get the pay version.

Much better is "Spybot: Search & Destroy" available here:

http://security.kolla.de/

And best of all, it's free, and offers lots of other cool features.

BEWARE: It is not for the faint of heart - you can render your computer unusable with this thing if you just go randomly clicking away at stuff like a spastic.

[Thak]

Haha, love that watermelon sandwich bit.

[jay-ell]

I used ad-aware to identify the spyware program, then ran a google search for manual removal instructions.  Worked pretty well for me.

[gnpaaron]

Is it just me or does ray's writing style seem... different ("shitty")... since he returned? Is Onstad still writing it, or has he outsourced it to a lesser mind?

[andalucia]

variety hour

[jough]

Yeah, seriously, Ray's Place kicks ass in light of the tepid stank that was the Variety Hour.

YOU PEOPLE JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO BE GRATEFUL