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Author Topic: Pouring Wine Along One's Pecker  (Read 6973 times)

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keef

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Pouring Wine Along One's Pecker
« on: January 13, 2004, 09:42:54 pm »
"Stout player wants to pour pink zinfandel onto his firm peepee while you watch, helpless."

I love the idea that this is actually someone's fetish.  Especially the "helpless" part.  Like the special lady is actually a wine connosieur tied to a chair saying "NO!  NO!  USE THE PINOT GIORGIO!"
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V-Adore

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« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2004, 09:46:03 pm »
For the ultimate oenophile torture fantasy, boxwine would have to be involved.
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keef

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« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2004, 09:48:18 pm »
YES!  OF COURSE!

I once knew a man-- this was in junior high, so perhaps "boy" is more appropriate-- who mixed yeast with Snapple to create a delightfully intoxicating jar of disgust.

But box wine just might be more disgusting.
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slink

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« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2004, 12:15:41 am »
Quote from: "keef"
who mixed yeast with Snapple to create a delightfully intoxicating jar of disgust.


DUDE! UGH!
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St_Zartan

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« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2004, 01:49:23 am »
So wait - did this mixture in the jar create some sort of ungodly quasi-organic fucksleeve, or did he just do it as an exercise in "I Can Make Bad Smells"? Because I'm not seeing the whole along the pecker connection here, otherwise.

Also I am not hearing you people talk shit about the Box Wine. I love the Box Wine; I have for years. There is a particular variety of Box Wine in Australia (in fact, if I'm not mistaken, the classy bastards invented it; in any event their inside-bags are made of shiny space age foil stuff instead of cheapass clear plastic but BYOB restaurants inexplicably still frown upon one toting a bag on in) called "Fruity Lexia" that I would not necessarily kill but almost certainly Assault With Intent to get my hands on again.

IT IS FOR CADILLAC DRUNKS ON EL CAMINO BUDGETS
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pmcd9

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« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2004, 02:50:26 am »
Quote from: "St_Zartan"
So wait - did this mixture in the jar create some sort of ungodly quasi-organic fucksleeve, or did he just do it as an exercise in "I Can Make Bad Smells"? Because I'm not seeing the whole along the pecker connection here, otherwise.

Also I am not hearing you people talk shit about the Box Wine. I love the Box Wine; I have for years. There is a particular variety of Box Wine in Australia (in fact, if I'm not mistaken, the classy bastards invented it; in any event their inside-bags are made of shiny space age foil stuff instead of cheapass clear plastic but BYOB restaurants inexplicably still frown upon one toting a bag on in) called "Fruity Lexia" that I would not necessarily kill but almost certainly Assault With Intent to get my hands on again.

IT IS FOR CADILLAC DRUNKS ON EL CAMINO BUDGETS


I've been meaning to say this for a week.  Zartan, if you write a book, i'll buy it.

~Paul
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keef

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« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2004, 05:55:59 am »
Quote from: "St_Zartan"
So wait - did this mixture in the jar create some sort of ungodly quasi-organic fucksleeve, or did he just do it as an exercise in "I Can Make Bad Smells"? Because I'm not seeing the whole along the pecker connection here, otherwise.


No, dude!  The intention was to wait for it to ferment and then drink it.

Which I believe he did.

In other news, most of the box wines I have enjoyed have, in fact, been in bags of space-age foil material.  Which no doubt only added to their flavor.
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Choop

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« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2004, 06:06:38 am »
Handy tip to you outdoors-types: save the shiny bag from a box of wine, rinse it out, and take it with you when you go camping. You can fill it with water, let it heat in the sun, hang it from a tree, and have a warm shower or two in the afternoon.

Or, you know, just skip the camping and use the indoor plumbing.
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AlohaDawg

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« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2004, 06:49:43 am »
Another handy tip for you indoors, toilet sticking out of the wall next to your bunk, showering in groups-types:

Saving your fruit juices and bread scraps can yield you a not-so-tasty but alchoholism fulfilling beverage, if your celly doesn't get to it first.

Don't ask me why I know these things. And hiding a bedspring in your ass to stab someone pretty much only works on 'Oz'. And only if the guy walks up to YOU while your hand is in the back of your #####, because you ain't walkin' nowhere with a bedspring in your ass.

A good rule of thumb in prison is to keep as many things out of your ass as possible.
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St_Zartan

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« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2004, 07:05:44 am »
Quote from: "AlohaDawg"
A good rule of thumb in prison is to keep as many things out of your ass as possible.


FOR A FREE PAMPHLET, SEND A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE TO

FREE PAMPHLET
THE ASS COUNCIL
PUEBLO, CO 81001
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slink

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« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2004, 02:35:48 pm »
Quote from: "St_Zartan"

FOR A FREE PAMPHLET, SEND A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE TO


Damn, that's the book you writing?
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Gimpson

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« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2004, 02:46:36 pm »
Modern Drunkard Magazine did an article on jailhouse hooch, including taste tests, in their most recent issue.  Unfortunately, it doesn't look like it's available on their website yet.  [/url]
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Gimpson

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« Reply #12 on: January 14, 2004, 02:52:15 pm »
Quote from: "St_Zartan"
Also I am not hearing you people talk shit about the Box Wine. I love the Box Wine; I have for years.


Although I'm sure this is beyond the pale and I will be (rightfully) mocked for bringing it up, some raver friends of mine used to drink a drink that they called a "Mochacinno", which consisted of equal parts "Chillable Red" box wine and Coca Cola over ice.  

It was actually not too bad.  Nothing Cadillac about it, though.
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slink

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« Reply #13 on: January 14, 2004, 05:14:21 pm »
Quote from: "Gimpson"
which consisted of equal parts "Chillable Red" box wine and Coca Cola over ice.  


Much as I hate Coke as is, it always amazes me what new and vile things people seem to come up with to do to it.
Red wine, JD, OJ... Dear god...
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ferocious j

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« Reply #14 on: January 14, 2004, 07:25:01 pm »
Combining cheap red wine and orange soda in a 1:1 ratio is something the Spaniards do, I'm told, and it tastes pretty not-bad.
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