The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Arachno-capitalist on March 01, 2007, 06:30:22 am
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http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03012007
Turn the mother out already. Enough with this deliberate net of cognition!
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Is this Ray on the phone with Beef? Who is responding? Is this Ray's trying to tell Beef to buck up?
Also, I love: Ray's idea of Snuggling includes Braveheart, and also Ray's description of Baseball Games. I love going to baseball games, and long for the days when I will be able to get loaded at Baseball Games (baseball season AND my 21st birthday come in a month!) However, I would never puke in a cap, for today they are hell of expensive.
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This is Ray on the phone with anybody.
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DISAGREEMENT BOX
I don't need the rest of the strip. That'll totally do.
Well, okay, the Logic Backsiphon Prevention Bar also wins.
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It should be "cue," not "queue," for the braveheart.
also, this is basically a good way to go through life.
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For some reason the Logic Backsiphon Prevention Bar immediately reminded me of the Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squad... It must be all the references to turning mothers out.
This one I may actually consider buying, but I think I'll hold out in case he does one for Téodor that I might like better. Is there going to be a full series of these? I think I would enjoy them enough not to mind there not being an actual comic. Pat and Nice Pete flowcharts would be especially entertaining.
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I really like this.
I am imagining my chart right now, and it would have a lot of similar "disagreement bars". Ouch.
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I particularly identify with Ray's question as toward whether the cashier is hot.
For reasons I cannot completely explain, there are few things that make me happier than seeing a very pretty lady performing a job that you would not generally assume a gorgeous woman would be doing or rarely see a woman of any appearance performing.
Hot long-haul trucker lady. Hot DMV bureaucrat lady. Hot motorcycle cop lady.
At one point in college, friends of mine and I were driving into the suburbs to go do some Rock N Bowl and... we saw an extremely hot Thruway toll booth lady? Man. There was hell of high-fives and talk about seeing a hot lady working in a toll booth for weeks.
Hot Fed-Ex Driver Lady? I'm instantly crushing on her, even though I would never actually cheat on my girlfriend... ditto for Hot CVS Clerk-Type Person Lady.
Oh man, Hot 7-11 Worker Lady? I'll become completely entranced by that. How could a hot lady be working such a depressing job? Generally, if there is a hot lady working a convenience store, it usually turns out that her parents are Ethnic and own the place and she's working out of family obligation as opposed to HAVING to work in a 7-11... or as I call it "The Eighteen".
But down in Hollywood? The 7-11 at Cherokee & Sunset is occasionally staffed by a young woman of Indian-Subcontinental descent who just... is too great-looking to be working there. She is clearly the daughter of the owner.
Is it contrast that draws me to this? Their beauty given harsh relief against the lonely dusty toll booth or the goddamn week-old hot dogs? Is it a boyish giddiness of realizing that there are pretty ladies everywhere if you just keep your eyes peeled?
I have no idea.
But I feel Ray on this one.
I wholeheartedly agree with the imaginary cat.
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The disagreement box was the first thing I saw when I looked at the comic. My eye was practically drawn right to it. And then I see a no going in and a yes going out with absolutely no reasoning whatsoever and I was DONE.
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It is not your business to turn out a funeral.
Life lessons, dogg.
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By "Night baseball," I'm not sure if he means the actual game that's played at ballparks, or the goofball poker variation in which you get a whole bunch of cards face down and turn them up one at a time until you have the best hand on the table.
Still, good strip, I didst laff.
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Ray's decision making chart makes me want to Seize the Day, at least for a second before I remember I am not that kind of person. But a good feeling anyway.
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I almost skipped this strip, thinking that it was still yesterdays. I am glad I did make such a massive error. Otherwise I never would have learned proper mother turning out procedures.
Pat's flowchart would have all decisions pointing to "indignant rage"
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Why isn't Pat on the poll?
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Why isn't Pat on the poll?
I concur. That seems like a pretty gross oversight.
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Why isn't Philippe on the poll?
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I am more disturbed by the idea of a TOUAMB hive mind.
The combined knowledge of the regular and semi-regular posters on this place would be a dangerously eclectic beast and could probably wreak all sorts of havoc if turned to ill means.
Also, "eclectic" never looked right to me. Too many "c"s for such a small word.
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Why isn't Philippe on the poll?
Because his appeared in the lower right hand corner (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02282007) of Beef's chart.
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It should be "cue," not "queue," for the braveheart.
also, this is basically a good way to go through life.
Or "Queue up Braveheart in the list of movies I'm going to watch." If that list is empty, Braveheart is coming on next.
Speaking of queues, I wonder what Ray's Netflix queue looks like.
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BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
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Speaking of queues, I wonder what Ray's Netflix queue looks like.
Rich people don't have Netflix. Rich people just... buy DVDs and then stick 'em in a corner somewhere.
Though he is an imaginary cat, he is an obscenely rich imaginary cat. He's probably in a club that just sends him every DVD that comes out every Tuesday. Roast Beef probably offered to come up with some sort of organizational system back when the pile was still manageable but now...
Now, Beef dreads the idea of being taken up on the offer because it is one thing to organize a couple hundred DVDs and it is another thing to organize six or seven thousand DVDs. Especially when so many of the DVDs are probably kids' movies or weird direct-to-video stuff they'd never watch and... so very many situations where they have four different versions of the movie with all different bonus features.
Beef all waking up at night, wondering if he'd put the fullscreen version of Silence of the Lambs ahead of the "You Look Like A Rube Edition" of Silence of the Lambs or behind it, screaming out the possibilities in terror.
"Shh, honey..." Molly might say on reflex, "you've had this nightmare before. Remember, you'd organize them in order of DVD release date, earlier first. It's okay, it's okay, go back to sleep."
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LFM-- YES!
I am also a fan of the thing where you find a really attractive girl in a place where there -ought- to be really attractive girls, but there usually aren't.
The only example I can think of is when I came into the radio station for my first show to find a mind bendingly hot girl doing a show. And playing really good music. I died a little bit.
Also, it made me realize why I like glasses so much. She was utterly terrifying and I was basically afraid to even say hi to her until she put on her glasses. Somehow they make a girl seem accessible.
At least, for me. Fuck, she is so rude.
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I confess I'd love to see the TOUAMB flowchart, if only because it would inevitably involve a box labeled "Giraffe placenta?" with the options of NO or HELL NO.
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TOUAMB Flow Chart (rough draft)
"Sick Fuck or Hot Nerd Girl?" if "Sick Fuck" then "How sick?" if "Hot Nerd Girl" then "Rude Titties?"
If "Hell of sick" then "Well what entertainment product is this person into?" If "Only minorly sick" then "How can we make him sicker?"
If "Full-On Rude" then "Hell yes!" if "Not exactly rude" then you cycle back into "Well what entertainment product is this person into?" because as long as you are a nerd girl, it is totally okay if you do not have rude titties.
We still want to talk about entertainment product. We just wanted to know.
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LF mets - CANNED
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I am now running back to work before that LFM post makes my penis roll over and open Visio 'cause then I would be like all having to make this and I just can't spare the time right now...NO I MUST DO STUFF FOR THE AUSSIES AND KIWIS...
(we'll see)
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Because his appeared in the lower right hand corner (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02282007) of Beef's chart.
Why would that mean I shouldn't get to vote for it?
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Why would that mean I shouldn't get to vote for it?
A fair criticism, and one that appears to have been acknowledged in the poll.
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I was going to vote Lyle, but his chart is probably like Phillippes - all with just two things on it.
Drink <----> Do something crass
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I voted for Ray because everyone needs a Lesson Corner. It is one of the most important things in life.
I think mine would be this:
You should not drink caffeine-----Why?--->Because last time you did, you destroyed ceramic roof tiles that were ON a two-story building by walking on them.
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How did you manage to do this, even under the influence of the demon java?
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I'm sensitive to caffeine and impulsive, and the roofs at my college are easily scaled, plus some friends wanted to walk on the roof. The destroying thing happened when I thought it would be a great idea to pick up roof tiles and drop them down a ventilation shaft. Not a good idea.
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Hm. Okay, I suppose I understand.
My issues are anxiety which is kinda the exact opposite of an impulse control issue. My problem isn't about stopping myself from throwing roof titles, my problem's with not having so much sense that I don't even get out of bed in the morning.
Also, caffiene is pretty much just a part of my system, I am brewing a pot of coffee which will include my sixth coffee of the day as we type. Basically the only thing any drug has ever made me do out of my nature is, like, occasionally making me want to lay down and listen to "Odelay" more than I might usually wanna lay down and listen to "Odelay".
We are very different people, you and I.
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It's a little scary, the enthusiasm for the Nice Pete flow chart in the poll. Times like these I am glad you are all imaginary.
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OK, so in one of the Calvin & Hobbes books where Watterson writes little comments on the strips, there's that run of dailies wherein Calvin's Imagination Game ultimately results in him just getting bigger and bigger and bigger, stepping over the city, poking his head through the clouds, wading through the ocean, balancing on the globe, tumbling through the stars.
Watterson comments something to the effect that he wanted to just do a silent series of Calvin growing for a full month but decided against it.
Mr. Onstad might be at a similar moment of decision. Having blown the brains of his most popular two characters all over the Visio wall, he debates the merits of doing up the rest of the cast vs. getting in more food jokes and fancy illustrations of cars and whatnot. Will it alienate the readers? Will it just be a dumb distraction? With a little bit of writer's indecision, he glances at the forums. There, standing like a gang of middle-school friends, gawking up at their shake-kneed companion on the highdive, we chant:
do it
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It's a little scary, the enthusiasm for the Nice Pete flow chart in the poll. Times like these I am glad you are all imaginary.
1. I am very very real. Much to AugustWest's chagrin.
2. Nice Pete is the most complex character in the whole crew and an insight into his mind would be priceless.
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Colmore. Though you did not really do what I am about to say, you have just made me realize what the new frontier of Strange Obsessive Internet Things is going to be:
Fan fiction about the author.
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example:
Gail Simone raised the cup of coffee to her lips, no lipstick, it was not that kind of morning. Today was a day for working. She sauntered over to the word processor and asked herself, "what should the Black Canary do in this situation? Should she run away with the Green Arrow and get married? Should she punch Dr. Light in the nuts? Should she totally make out with the Huntress?"
She paused and thought to herself, "hm" and sipped the coffee again. Needs more sugar.
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Oh, man. So awesome. I look forward to this trend.
Especially when the self-insert and/or slash author fan-fiction begins.
Whole new worlds of desperation and depravity to feel better then.
We need to slip this idea under the pillow of the fan-fictsters.
We need to make this happen.
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2. Nice Pete is the most complex character in the whole crew and an insight into his mind would be priceless.
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04092003 (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04092003)
I really think Todd's thinking would be the most complicated... but it would just be a maze with only one or two exits.
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I really think Todd's thinking would be the most complicated... but it would just be a maze with only one or two exits.
I agree, but I suspect that Nice pete would have overlapping boxes and arrows that point out into nowhere and just a big box that says KNIVES with several arrows pointing towards it.
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Colmore. Though you did not really do what I am about to say, you have just made me realize what the new frontier of Strange Obsessive Internet Things is going to be:
Fan fiction about the author.
When I read this, I immediately thought of NPR's Robert Siegal and Terry Gross fan fiction, even though they aren't authors. I don't know why, unless my subconcious is trying to tell me something.
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my favorite part is "HE IS UGLY" "HILARIOUS"
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NPR's Robert Siegal and Terry Gross fan fiction
Oh. Man. This doesn't actually exist, right?
Christ. I am now completely afraid that someday a pop-up ad will fill my computer with Garrison Keilor/Amy Sedaris slash fiction and I will have to shoot it. I will have to shoot my computer so as to make sure the slash fiction does not come back.
...not that Amy Sedaris isn't kinda hot in a "okay, she's a little too old for me but..." way.
But Garrison Keilor definitely is not.
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LFM: You have just won the internet. Your Quest is over. We present you with a new Quest.
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I was paralyzed with shock and fear after LFM wrote those two names that are not horrible by themselves but together somehow create the worst possible image ever seen. I'm going to go wash my brain with brain-soap now.
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Im glad my poll was popular, but I honestly did not expect lyle and the hive mind to place and show.
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this just in, I realized upon the Facebook Stalk (TM) that the girl I was mentioning from the radio station...
she looks like Hobot. And I almost told her this. Except... i would have said Hobot's real person name?
Does that count? I realized that I would have had to add "except, you know... Indian." So I chose to keep it to myself.
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this just in, I realized upon the Facebook Stalk (TM) that the girl I was mentioning from the radio station...
she looks like Hobot. And I almost told her this. Except... i would have said Hobot's real person name?
Does that count? I realized that I would have had to add "except, you know... Indian." So I chose to keep it to myself.
India as in the country India, or Native American?
I'm confused.
Also, theinev, good job on the internal-voice-only. that would've sounded...odd, to say the least.
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yeah. I mean, it's not like I really would have said that, I'm pretty good about not saying incredibly stupid things (in real life).
and yes, I mean Indian from India. that would have been even worse, on such a high level... that would have been overachieving in being creepy and offensive.
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Jesus Christ, I come back to this thread and it's all NPR slash fic references everywhere. Thanks a bunch guys, I think I'll go set fire to my brain now.
LFM, I would also have to shoot my computer if that happened. Not so much because the slash fiction might come back, but rather because a computer that had displayed that on its screen would be permanently tainted and corrupted, like an electronic homeopathic solution.
I am glad there is a poll here now, though. That much is good. Also, a Nice Pete flowchart would have to include this (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=11272006) box.
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...not that Amy Sedaris isn't kinda hot in a "okay, she's a little too old for me but..." way.
I dunno, pictures like the one near the bottom of this page (http://www.amysedarisrocks.com/ilikeyou.htm) kinda make the age thing irrelevant.
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I dunno, pictures like the one near the bottom of this page (http://www.amysedarisrocks.com/ilikeyou.htm) kinda make the age thing irrelevant.
That's printed on the inside of the front cover, if you haven't seen the book.
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"A baseball cap can hold the average puke" is length and meter-perfect for one line of a heroic couplet or the last lines of a sonnet, I think.
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By all means, sir, elaborate.
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Shall I compare thee to my last party?
Nay, my fair maid, I shall not so rebuke;
A baseball cap can hold the average puke,
But my care for thee overflows the sea.
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Looks like someone just beat the Internet, there.
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...not that Amy Sedaris isn't kinda hot in a "okay, she's a little too old for me but..." way.
Actually, she is hot in an unmodified "hot" way.
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I dunno.
She's old enough to have conceived me after graduating high school.
I am a huge fan of slightly-older-ladies but I gotta give her hotness a caveat.
As always, your mileage may vary.
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I dunno.
She's old enough to have conceived me after graduating high school.
I am a huge fan of slightly-older-ladies but I gotta give her hotness a caveat.
As always, your mileage may vary.
I told you goddamn kids to stay the hell off my lawn. If I didn't have the rheumatiz, I'd get out of this chair and whip your sorry butt.