The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Science & Nature => Topic started by: littlefallsmets on March 02, 2007, 12:17:10 am
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Basically the premise of this post is to discuss the misunderstandings we had about sex and the opposite gender when we were kids.
Elsewhere not long ago, we discussed the extent to which our parents did or did not educate us sexually. These items provided insight into the human sexual condition as well as into the strange nature of Western Civilization's complex feelings about sex.
I can start this one as well:
When I was a child, I understood that ladies had pu$$ys but nobody explained to me that there was a tiny pee hole in that area as well and I had to try and deduce out how a girl peed. I roughly decided that it must just come out of her butt as well, sort of like when I had diarreha. This is what I figured tampons and pads were about, controlling the conditions brought on by that fact.
My college roommate said that he misunderstood the same thing but believed that women somehow just peed directly out of their wombs because... logically... boys seemed to directly pee out of their sex part so it only made sense.
My girlfriend, as a child, having only seen men's genitals in sex education literature given to her by her OBGYN-nurse mother... believed that the testicles each had their own individual scrotum and was shocked when she found out different. It seemed that all the pictures she saw were face-on and the c*ck always blocked the detail where you would see that a man's rad chiles lived together in the same house.
When very very young, like, twelve? I believed that if you accidentally tasted your own semen... such as getting tangled up in your sheets after a nocturnal admission? That THAT was how you got AIDS.
I have no idea where I got that one, I must have conflated what little I knew about male homosexuality with what little I knew about AIDS and just created it out of whole cloth. I didn't believe it for long.
Anyone else have any interesting stories of such misunderstandings?
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When I was a child, I understood that ladies had pu$$ys but nobody explained to me that there was a tiny pee hole in that area as well and I had to try and deduce out how a girl peed.
I guess, as testiment to how well brought up I was in regards to sex and biology, I always knew this. I have no idea how I learned that fact but I spent half an hour or so, I recall, at age 7 or 8 I guess, trying to persuade my best friend that indeed, women peed from that same place. He wouldn't have it, despite knowing very little about any of it. As I say, I have no idea how I did. I have no idea if I was even 8, as it's one of those memories where all I remember is walking down the stairs at his house telling him this.
While it doesn't fall under the sex category, my brother was told as a child that adults have about eight pints of blood in them. Up until a remarkably late age, I guess around 11 or 12, he would panic every time he cut himself, or had a nose bleed. Irrationally so in fact. Of course, it turned out my parents hadn't told him you create blood every day to replace that which is lost... A small oversight, but an important one it transpires.
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When I was a kid I didn't understand about veins until my parents got an encyclopedia book that had transparent color plates with different systems of the body. Before then, I assumed that we were big bags of blood splashing around, and I was scared of blood because I thought it meant all your blood would leak out and you'd die.
The other stuff I remember is mostly just hearsay that I heard around the playground and definitely forgettable. Like when a neighbor girl told me that a blow job is when a girl shampoos and blow-dries her pubic hair to impress her boyfriend.
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I used to think that if you urinated on a girl she would never have children again. Don't ask me why I thought this, I have no idea. It really made no sense once I actually learned anything.
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I dunno if this counts as a "misunderstanding" per se; but I never ever went through a phase where I thought boys had "cooties." I always liked hanging out with them just as much as with the girls; and I was also a notorious flirt even at a very young age. I had "boyfriends" in kindergarten, and would make these boys sit next to me at snack time and hold hands with me, and I would tell everyone that so-n-so was my "boyfriend."
My parents and kindergarten teachers all thought this was hilarious. The boys tolerated it, because usually after a good sitting-by and hand-holding session at snack time, I'd really put out and go play Star Wars with them on the playground. Every man's fantasy, I know.
My girlfriends were confounded by this: "Ewwww! Muse! How can you play with Patrick?! He's got coooooooooooooties!" They were utterly scandalized, but I just never saw the logic in "cooties." What the heck was a cootie anyway? I remember looking very closesly at boys' skin, faces, arms, legs, trying to see if I could spot a cootie. And since playing Star Wars and Transformers with them was fun, and I never got sick or anything from it, I figured my girlfriends were just being snobs. Besides, all they ever wanted to do was play stupid dolls.
Although playing dress-up with the girls was fun. As long as I got the long pink princess gown and the biggest tiara in the box.
Contradictions abound. :)
This fascination with boys continued all through my growing up. I was the big heartbreaker all through elementary school, and I spent most of my recess time chasing boys. Of course I never thought about what I might do if I actually caught one--it just never occurred to me to plan beyond the chase, I suppose. Thankfully I never had to worry about it since they were all too fast for me (apparently I had cooties). My girlfriends would always tease me and say I was "boy crazy" and I would just shrug and go, "Yeah?" as if to say, "Isn't everybody?"
Kind of like when my classmates would tease me for having a large vocabulary by saying, "Ha ha, you probably read the dictionary," and I'd look at them nonplussed and go, "Uh huh." (Doesn't everybody?)
By middle school and high school I was quite the gregarious flirt. It started to suck once the boys started to like it and respond, because now I was responsible for hurting their feelings if I rejected them. That sucked, because I'm a really gregarious person and I like making people happy. Now that my friendliness was actually hurting people, hoo boy. I had to come up with a new strategy. I have always been boy crazy but ironically, I've never been a ho.
At the risk of oversharing, I was a virgin until I was 24. And not for lack of trying by my boyfriends.
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I was a virgin until I was 24. And not for lack of trying by my boyfriends.
Ah, no shame in that. I'll TMI so that you don't feel too bad...
I was a virgin until I was 20, myself... and my lady was the one who had to initiate because, like, (a.) as a dude trying to be sensitive I basically can't make the first moves at all and (b.) because I have hell of body issues that used to make me very body-shy.
Mostly because I'm a little heavy but also because I have a bad back and stuff.
And I am still with the same lady. So you can do the math there, haha.
But she treats me good so I am not a Dude With Large Regrets.
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I can't remember when I figured it out but I never understood what euthenasia in the news meant. I thought it just meant that kids in china were rioting a lot or something.
re: virginity and being with lady's (while we're sharing), I'm still with the lovely lady who stole my sweet innocence away. My sweet, sexy innocence.
I only mention this because it seems a lot of people agree that staying with the first person to defile you is a Bad Idea but I'm basically too happy to chuck it because of fear I'm not getting enough variety in my banging. What are the board's thoughts on this?
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the girl who stole my sweet innocence... actually was kind of every negative "Eve" archetype. I do not like that girl very much. That was such a bad scene for me.
Since then, it has been All/Only Smooches, All the Time. Largely because since that first girl, the type I am most attracted to seems to be "girl you can't imagine getting it on with anyone, ever."
I am surprised, my "girls I have smooched" number is higher than my "girlfriends I have had" number, as of recently.
TMI out!
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Sad but true: One of my friends who is almost twenty didn't know that girls peed and pooped out of different holes until I told him a couple of months ago.
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At about two, I deduced that a boy would grow up to be a man, but a girl could grow up to be a man or a woman. I guess I thought this because everything in society seemed to say that men are superior to women, so this seemed to be logical. One day, while driving through a tollbooth, I told my mother this information and she claimed that it was erroneous.
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wow.
yeah, one of my friends seemed to think, until recently, that "anal sex" and "doing it from behind" were the same. It was pretty awkward when I drew a diagram for him to explain the difference. He, of course, got flustered and claimed that he knew that, of course.
he actually said something about "both holes going to the same place." Which was... confusing. I try not to think about it.
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At about two, I deduced that a boy would grow up to be a man, but a girl could grow up to be a man or a woman. I guess I thought this because everything in society seemed to say that men are superior to women, so this seemed to be logical. One day, while driving through a tollbooth, I told my mother this information and she claimed that it was erroneous.
See, to me that indicates that women are superior to men.
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And as the news box reminds us isn't too far from the truth if you reverse age the subject back to gestation.
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And as the news box reminds us isn't too far from the truth if you reverse age the subject back to gestation.
I read something somewhere referring to that "fact" and saying that it's basically hair-splitting. In other words, it's not definitive whether ladies start as men or men start as ladies or some weird genderless freaks eventually change to men or ladies depending on genetics.
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Well yeah, I mean you either get your x and y or double x, so your set from the start. But the other explanation is more useful for fueling baseless sexist competitiveness.
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I thought that in embryonic development that the fetus starts out with its preset chromosomes (XX or XY most often) but that its organ development starts as "neutral". The gonads start out in the abdominal cavity, and then as development progresses, they either stay where they are as ovaries, or change into testes and move downwards.
That's where I assumed that jough was getting the "did you know that all humans start out as females and then become male if they are awesome enough?" from.
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I pretty much had the basics correct as far as what fit where (I had access to Gray's Anatomy and similar books at an early age), but I thought that pee was the only substance that came out of there and so deduced that babies came from urine.
I had the knowledge early but the experience late... but apparently it paid off, 'cause my "first time" assertion was met with disbelief. Yay, I guess.
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As a child, I thought that all sex was performed (what what) in the butt. I don't know when I finally came around to reality, but it must've been pretty young... I'm quite sure that by the time I discovered masturbation, I knew what went where.
The girl who gave in to my charms for the first time was my high school sweetheart. The summer after graduation, she left me. She ended up fat, butch, and in the Air Force. A few years later, when she was in town, she invited me to her parents' house. In the dining room, tucked into a mirror, was a picture of her, her daughter, and the man she married because he was the daughter's dad. In FRONT of the picture, in a really nice frame, was our prom picture. Clearly, her parents knew where she went wrong.
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I have always been a big fan of the fact that even though I dated my ex girlfriend for like a year, they never replaced the picture of me with my 10th Grade Prom Date with one of me and the new girlfriend.
Who ended up being kind of horrible?
They finally took that picture down later, when I was dating a different, non-horrible girl. Now I don't know what is in that spot... I will check on spring break.
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As a child, I thought that all sex was performed (what what) in the butt. I don't know when I finally came around to reality.
Now which goes where now? Jeez, no wonder my wife is always pissed off.
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My dad sat me down and explained the mechanics of sex to me when I was two, on account of I had a baby brother on the way and he wanted me to know how this had come to pass. I'm generally pretty gullible, and my dad enjoys taking advantage of this. For example, when I was eleven I said to him,
"Dad, is it okay to mix root beer and dr. pepper?"
"Oh, no, it's not," he said. "If you mix them it'll cause a chemical reaction, there'll be a huge explosion. It'll blow up half the house, probably kill the whole family."
"Oh," I said, "Okay."
Nonetheless, when he told me the tab-A-in-slot-B truth about where babies came from, my reaction was like, "Dad, that's ridiculous. Quit messing with me. Where do they really come from?"
So I knew the mechanics, but I had some social misconceptions about how sex worked. I didn't know that it felt good, I thought it was purely a procreative act, and so I couldn't understand why people would have casual sex or use condoms. I also had no idea what its social context was, for a while. I knew I wanted to have a baby eventually, and I imagined that the scene would go down like this: My future husband and I would be sitting around the kitchen table, having some breakfast. I would tap my fingers nervously, and say,
"Hey, sweety? I was thinking... do you want to... um... have a baby?" Then his face would light up, and he would say,
"Oh, yes Alternate, I do! I want to have several babies!"
"Well, that's great, so do I."
"Okay then!"
"So..." I would say, tapping my fingers again, "You, uh... you do know what we have to do... right?"
"We... we have to do something?" he'd say, his smile fading. "My parents didn't tell me about this!"
In high school I still had a bunch of weird misunderstandings about sex, such as "girls are obligated to do what boys want," and "girls must dress sexy or no one will like us," and "girls can repeatedly hook up with other girls and it doesn't mean we're not straight, it just means we're really good friends."
As for virginity losses: When I was twenty I had done things with ladies that some might consider sex, but I've never really counted that. So by my definition I was a twenty year old virgin when I decided to move from the east coast to california with a dude I'd been dating for three days. So we drove three thousand miles, to a place where I knew no one, me and this older guy I barely knew, this guy who really turned out to be kind of a jerk. When we'd been there for about two weeks my mother called me one morning after the guy had left for work. "We're at war," she said, "The world trade center's been attacked. We're at war, and we don't even know with who." I thought that the world was going to end, or at least that american society was going to collapse, the infrastructure was going to be destroyed, and that if I ever wanted to see my mother again I'd have to go by wagon train and that the wagon train would probably get stuck in the utah winter and the people in my party would have to eat each other in order to survive.
A week later I lost my virginity.
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Best virginity story ever!
Might have been better if it had gone like your childhood fantasy.
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yeah. I spent a long time not understanding why people liked sex.
In retrospect, my childhood sexual fantasies were really terrifying and fucked up. I am scared.
WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THIS!
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Hmm... maybe if you tell us about them, you will feel better? No, I am lying. I just want to know because of morbid curiosity, and if you tell us you will probably feel worse.
Back to the subject at hand, kind of: I remembered a story from a friend of mine, about his own childhood sexual misunderstanding turned bizarre paranoid fantasy. As a kid, he somehow developed this theory that he was the only boy in the world who only had one c*ck. Technically he knew this wasn't true, he'd seen anatomy books, he'd probably seen other boys in the shower, but still this fear haunted him even into adulthood. He was terrified that one day, in a crowded room, someone would hit him in his junk, and he'd double over in pain, exclaiming, "Ow! My one c*ck!"
And then the room would fall silent. Everyone would turn and look at him. They'd glare at him with shock and scorn, and they would say, in chorus, "Just one?"
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mostly they revolved around horrible women who only wanted me for my seed.
Also I had a fucked up image of sex from seeing Goldeneye-- there is one sex scene which seems very quiet and un-exciting, and then one (at the time) terrifying sex scene with lots of moaning and growling and biting. And then... she somehow kills him by having sex with him? I originally understood this as somehow involving the fact that if a woman stops having sex with a man "in the middle," he will die/experience horrible pain.
that is basically it. That is basically all of my problems.
PS this is the part where you say "dan, um, that isn't a misunderstanding. it's true."
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In high school I still had a bunch of weird misunderstandings about sex, such as "girls are obligated to do what boys want," and "girls must dress sexy or no one will like us,"
Yeah, you and a lot of other women. This bothers me more than I think anything else that I can think of. This is basically America's fault, because our culture is a bunch of fuckheads. I would like to also point out here that I enjoy the way you write. I am sorry for the digression.
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It's a touch harsh to blame that one on america, sexism and objectification of women had a pretty fair run up before america even got started.
inev: I couldn't tell if you ever figured out what actually happened in that scene from your post so to put your mind at ease she killed him by strangulation, specifically by crushing his diaphram with her large russian thighs. So your perfectly safe so long as you stick to chicks that don't do gymnastics or track or anything.
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It's a touch harsh to blame that one on america, sexism and objectification of women had a pretty fair run up before america even got started.
Surely Alternate's misunderstandings aren't because of the ancient Egyptians, the Incas, or even Louis XIV (or Hitler?) instilling objectification of women in men in those cultures? No, I'm going to go ahead and blame the misunderstandings experienced by women here and now (I'm not thin enough, I should submit to my man, I should shave various regions of my body and apply makeup to the other areas) on the fucked-up culture that we live in and grew up in. We didn't originate it, true, but I think we've done more to ensure that (in this culture) women know, from day one, that they are to be subservient and constantly striving to look different then they naturally appear in order to make the almighty man happy.
Um, don't get me started. Pet peeve. I usually keep it sort of hidden. Sorry about that, Doc. It an't nothing on you.
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No, actually it's fair enough because you're right. Repeating the mistakes of the past isn't an excuse, especially when we can see how goddamn stupid we are being.
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Surely Alternate's misunderstandings aren't because of the ancient Egyptians, the Incas, or even Louis XIV (or Hitler?) instilling objectification of women in men in those cultures? No, I'm going to go ahead and blame the misunderstandings experienced by women here and now (I'm not thin enough, I should submit to my man, I should shave various regions of my body and apply makeup to the other areas) on the fucked-up culture that we live in and grew up in. We didn't originate it, true, but I think we've done more to ensure that (in this culture) women know, from day one, that they are to be subservient and constantly striving to look different then they naturally appear in order to make the almighty man happy.
Um, don't get me started. Pet peeve. I usually keep it sort of hidden. Sorry about that, Doc. It an't nothing on you.
Nabu, I love you.
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yeah, I looked that shit up and finally learned The Truth. man, that puts my mind at ease. I always figured it was something along those lines, but I hadn't thought about it in a while.
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Nabu, I love you.
And you listen to Alicia Keys! What's my wife going to think when she comes downstairs from studying Econ and I'm gone, nothing left but scattered papers in the corners of the room (and an empty glass with melting ice-cubes, true).
Seriously, don't tempt me. I travel through Alaska every two weeks and you know that! Plus, I have experience with the Aelutians, and I enjoyed it! You crazy internet girls, you drive me wild!
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Yeah, you and a lot of other women. This bothers me more than I think anything else that I can think of. This is basically America's fault, because our culture is a bunch of fuckheads. I would like to also point out here that I enjoy the way you write. I am sorry for the digression.
Thanks, man. Yeah, I didn't get much out of my sex ed classes, but I kind of wish someone had just sat me down and told me "Your body belongs to you" about a thousand times, or something. It was sad, not just for me but for the guys I knew. Most of them were good guys, and probably would have liked it if we'd interacted as equals. I just didn't think that would fly, at the time.
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Most of them were good guys, and probably would have liked it if we'd interacted as equals. I just didn't think that would fly, at the time.
Y'know, I think I was pretty much exactly the opposite. If I had known that I could make first moves with a lady without completely coming off like a creepy date-rapist douchebag, I probably could've... like... dated in high school instead of being lonely and pining over girls who...
In retrospect...
Most of them probably would've dated me if I wasn't so afraid of being misunderstood or pushy.
It is weird how much the world has fucked most of us up.
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It is weird how much the world has fucked most of us up.
That is so simple, and so true.
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And you listen to Alicia Keys! What's my wife going to think when she comes downstairs from studying Econ and I'm gone, nothing left but scattered papers in the corners of the room (and an empty glass with melting ice-cubes, true).
Seriously, don't tempt me. I travel through Alaska every two weeks and you know that! Plus, I have experience with the Aelutians, and I enjoyed it! You crazy internet girls, you drive me wild!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not a homewrecker! The last thing I need is Mrs. Nabubrush drinks a lot hunting me down with a Bowie knife in her teeth. Plus as you are well aware, visiting Alaska is a lot like...visiting Canada. I'm a hell of a long ways from the north slope.
It's actually really funny how gossip runs in a small town. A woman asked me once if I "was okay." I said, "Uh, yes...?" She said that she'd heard that "Jane" had come to my workplace and threatened to beat my ass if I didn't stop messing around with her husband. ??? I just stared at her, dumbfounded. I finally said, "Uh, you know what? I'm not a homewrecker, Jane and I are friends, and I am also PLATONIC FRIENDS with her husband who is in the fire department with me."
Y'know, I think I was pretty much exactly the opposite. If I had known that I could make first moves with a lady without completely coming off like a creepy date-rapist douchebag, I probably could've... like... dated in high school instead of being lonely and pining over girls who...
In retrospect...
Most of them probably would've dated me if I wasn't so afraid of being misunderstood or pushy.
It is weird how much the world has fucked most of us up.
That had to have been really frustrating. However, it's better than the alternative of being a guy who takes advantage of women, or who is pushy and scary. I remember being at a club once where this hella ugly guy must have figured that "jerks get the chicks." To put it mildly, the dude was not well versed in the communicative arts. He approached woman after woman with this really hyper-aggro "Dance with me NOW. Come on, let's dance." Women were fleeing from him in droves, and you could tell that at each rejection he was just getting angrier and angrier. It was really scary to watch, and I stayed as far away from him as I could get. I was astounded that he was being such an asshole. I pitied the girl who was too afraid to say no to him.
A lot of women are trained to think that you MUST be nice to men at all costs. that reminds me of a story from when Kellichou were undergrads in university and we road-tripped to a convention in a neighboring state. We got into town at like 2AM. When we got to our room, two of the other girls met us there and we hung out for a little bit before we turned in. The other two girls were really upset.
1. They had driven into the large parking garage and started to get out of the car and retrieve their luggage.
2. A VAN FULL of drunk men pulled up behind them and tried to convince them to go with them to a house party or a bar or something.
3. Instead of getting BACK into the car and locking the doors and calling 911, the girls tried to be "nice" to the guys because they "didn't want to make them mad."
It was blind, dumb luck that they were not dragged into the van and assaulted. If those men had been out to kidnap someone that night, those girls would have been toast. I was incredulous and I could not believe their reactions - why on earth would they try to talk to those guys?? Thank heavens that they weren't harmed, but I hope that they learned something from their experiences. Obviously it would NOT have been their fault if something bad had happened, but you shouldn't trust anyone. Sheesh.
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I want to agree and say that I too am afraid of making the first move for fear of being creepy... but that is probably a lie.
I am afraid of looking creepy basically 24/7, though. This is mostly due, however, to finding out in 7th grade that this good friend of mine thought I was annoying. He did not really like me. I realize now that I was an annoying little kid... and only that kid being a complete jackass to me made me realize it.
So now, I am constantly afraid of appearing too Enthusiastic when meeting a new person-- basically I have applied the "wait 3 days before calling" rule to every facet of my life. If I see a new friend in public, I am afraid to say hi to them, lest they think "oh god, there's that Daniel kid. What, does he think we're friends now?"
I am partially exaggerating. I also do a weird thing where I develop like... there is not a word. it is like a crush, except that instead of wanting Smooches I want to be Friends with the person.
So basically the best thing ever was 2 weeks ago, when I helped out with all the KWUR Week Shows (ie, a week of free concerts put on by the radio station) and I got to hang out with all the cool people I am afraid to approach.
John said hi to me in public! *swoons*
And he commented on how much work I did!
HE NOTICED! (for the record, I am purposely mocking myself. I realize that this is over the top.)
...I become more like Beef every day. Just in terms of developing weird neuroses about things.
I feel like this board is either Bad for my mental health or Good for it. Depending on whether it is good or bad to notice how many weird things you are freaked out by.
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I cannot think of a time where I dated a lady without her asking first or kissed a lady without her starting the kiss. Ever. Good Christ, I hope my girlfriend remains alive and loving me for a long time because the early stages of dating are a crap situation.
The early stages of dating are THE crap situation.
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it's better than the alternative of being a guy who takes advantage of women, or who is pushy and scary.
There are other options though. I know that's not what you were saying but a lot of the time guys are made to feel like it's not actually be ok to express any kind of interst in women which is why a lot of us who care revert to the moronically timid default mentioned above. This kind of stereotype is just irritating since many of us can use our brains to totally overrule our rad chillies for minutes at a time.
Just sayin'
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I would like to think that knowing when to smooch a lady is the one social situation I am pretty successful at.
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I'm sorry if I sort of irreperably damaged this thread.
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I wouldn't sweat it man, if we couldn't change topics like that it wouldn't be TOUAMB. 'sides childhood understandings of sex to sexual stereotypes is a fairly natural progression, I'm sure we'll be back to cat cocks soon anyway.
They have barbs you know.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not a homewrecker! The last thing I need is Mrs. Nabubrush drinks a lot hunting me down with a Bowie knife in her teeth.
She's worldly. Let me know when you're in Anch. No, no - we could just hoist a cold one at the Bear Tooth or something!
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She's worldly. Let me know when you're in Anch. No, no - we could just hoist a cold one at the Bear Tooth or something!
A plane ticket to ANC costs at least $900, unless I can take a medevac in on the weekend. The last time I took a medevac and was late to work I got written up. I seriously doubt I'll be taking any more of those. :(
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A plane ticket to ANC costs at least $900, unless I can take a medevac in on the weekend. The last time I took a medevac and was late to work I got written up. I seriously doubt I'll be taking any more of those. :(
I suppose it wouldn't defray the expenses enough if I told you I'd buy the first round.
Seriously, though - if you ever do end up planning to go, let me know. It'd be the most convoluted TOUAMB meetup ever!
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Nabu! Quit coming back and taking over the women-folk!
Charm filled bastard
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Nabu! Quit coming back and taking over the women-folk!
Charm filled bastard
I thought that said cream filled, so help me God. A might troubling, that.
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I know this is a ways back in the thread, but...
one of my friends seemed to think, until recently, that "anal sex" and "doing it from behind" were the same.
I didn't really understand the distinction until it was, uh...."demonstrated" for me. I'm also a late bloomer, having not been kissed until I was 18 (almost 19), didn't get a boyfriend until I was 19 (almost 20) and not losing my virginity until I was 20. Which is fine by me, I'd rather lose it late to someone I care about. No biggie. I was just a loser until college.
In retrospect, my childhood sexual fantasies were really terrifying and fucked up. I am scared.
Mine were too, and I don't like to think about them. I was also really, really terrified of AIDS. It was like the boogeyman for me.
Come to think of it, it still is. I practically had a nervous breakdown over it last summer.
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I didn't really understand the distinction until it was, uh...."demonstrated" for me.
Whoa, whoa - if you're gonna be saying shit like that, the avatar's gonna have to go. Is that Fred whatshisname?
Mine were too, and I don't like to think about them. I was also really, really terrified of AIDS. It was like the boogeyman for me.
I was afraid my country was going to end up a hellstorm of radioactive death, personally. But yeah, AIDS is bad too.
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Michael Jackson, (http://www.mmjworld.de/galerie/michael/thriller/83_00_00_thriller/images/83_00_00_thriller_52.jpg) Danger penis (http://www.allposters.com/-sp/-Posters_i334179_.htm) and Optimus Prime (http://img29.photobucket.com/albums/v87/kenm2474/Optimus_Prime.jpg) were my imaginary boyfriends when I was little. 'Nuff said.
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Michael Jackson, (http://www.mmjworld.de/galerie/michael/thriller/83_00_00_thriller/images/83_00_00_thriller_52.jpg) Danger penis (http://www.allposters.com/-sp/-Posters_i334179_.htm) and Optimus Prime (http://img29.photobucket.com/albums/v87/kenm2474/Optimus_Prime.jpg) were my imaginary boyfriends when I was little. 'Nuff said.
Those relationships probably would not have worked out in real life.
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Whoa, whoa - if you're gonna be saying shit like that, the avatar's gonna have to go. Is that Fred whatshisname?
EW! Totally right. I will change that posthaste.
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I had an acquaintance in summer school between Freshman and Sophomore years of high school (so, we're talking 14 years old) who thought you impregnated a woman by urinating in her. I can only assume he was developmentally delayed as I'd found out about 2 years earlier that urine isn't the only thing that goes through a c*ck.
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This is not a childhood misunderstanding about sex or naughty bits, but is a funny story nonetheless.
My first day of kindergarden, I went out to the bus stop with my older brother. He was kind of holding court with some of his neighborhood friends who were also older than me. I hung around the edge of the circle and listened in.
"You know that jelly, Smuckers? If you take off the SM and put on an F, you get Fuckers!" Dave said. His friends all laughed. I had no idea what this meant, but I got the idea that it was funny.
So that evening before I dinner, I went to my dad and said, "Dad, did you know that if you take the SM off of Smuckers and put on an F, you get Fuckers?"
My dad chuckled. "Oh really? And where did you hear this?"
"From Dave."
"I see. Well, you shouldn't go around repeating that."
"Oh, OK." And that was the end of it.
Good thing I chose to say that to my dad rather than my mom. She'd have had a cow. Dad just got a kick out of it.
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My little brother did that a few times to me. It was responsible for "beatings from the blue".
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I know this is a ways back in the thread, but...
yeah, one of my friends seemed to think, until recently, that "anal sex" and "doing it from behind" were the same.
I didn't really understand the distinction until it was, uh...."demonstrated" for me.
So, I add the above, to:
As a (relatively) hot(ish) nerd-girl
And I then point out that Fred isn't going to work as a representative avvie, and you go with Ray? You may have missed the nub of my gist.
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the nub of my gist.
Dear sir, you have just invented the greatest slang for the clitoris ever.
This tiny can could not even begin to recompensulate such a wonderful deed...
But I have to try.
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What I THINK he is saying is that...
If there was a issue of the disconnect between the image of the dude from Limp Bizket and your reality as a Lady-of-Some-Beauty... there is just as much of a disconnect in that case as there is between the image of Ray gettin' his druzzle on and your reality as a Lady-of-Some-Beauty.
I think he is just saying that if you were attempting to remedy that disconnect, you have simply gone from one disconnect over to a second possibly greater disconnect. This is the feeling that I got.
I guess he COULD be saying that he wants to be saying he wants a picture of you in some manner of undress but... I doubt this theory.
Only the crappiest of crap dudes would come in with the expectation of a racy picture of a lady as a prerequiste to her ability to converse on an internet board. Granted, pretty much 83% of the internet seems to be that type of crap dude but... at the same time, this board seems to be an island away from that sea of crap dudes.
I have no prior evidence of him being a crap dude in any way, so I'll discount that theory...
And default to the "equal disconnect" theory.
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As do I. I guess I just missed the nub of his gist completely. And I look like a crap nerd-girl, all assuming people were interested in my purported "some beauty". Damn.
Shit, now I don't know what I meant. That Myspace thing, though - I don't really get that. Maybe you should put up a picture of Flannery O'Connor as your avatar. A boudoir pic, if you've got one.
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Perhaps it's fitting that we have adult misunderstandings in a thread about childhood misunderstandings.
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Don't take that in a crap-way, Rumjaynumbers. Not at all!
You have said that you are a good-lookin' lady and I in no way doubt on this Truth.
You are a rad lady and probably rad looking too. That's not what's in question here.
I'm just saying... I am still relatively new here but... this is one of the few message boards I have ever been to where dudes and ladies seem to be able to discuss sex topics openly and honestly without it turning into some weird knuckle-dragging AOL-chatroom-in-1996 thing of asking the ladies to post pictures of themselves and, later, racy pictures.
I believe I have said before that I have pulled away from a couple of forums because they fell into that trap, into a weird escalating clusterfuck of lookisming and internet-drama and imaginary one-sided romances and...
That is pretty much why I left or mostly-left those places.
Whereas here, ladies are people first, ladies second and less-or-more-pretty ladies a distant third.
I ain't saying either way on whether you are easy on the eyes, either way, dear madam.
What I'm saying is that I just think that to Nabu and to me and to most of the people here, it matters more that you seem to be an awesome person who likes to talk about awesome thing than how rude or not rude you may potentially be physically.
The concern with your look was merely in the way it was dissonant to your avatar.
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You are a rude dude, LFM. What a rude forum this is.
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What I'm saying is that I just think that to Nabu and to me and to most of the people here, it matters more that you seem to be an awesome person who likes to talk about awesome thing than how rude or not rude you may potentially be physically.
The concern with your look was merely in the way it was dissonant to your avatar.
Well, especially with some topics. It was more for fun, really.
Although, LFM, this is the internet, so oftentimes ladies are actually men first, and then the other things afterwards.
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You are a rude dude, LFM. What a rude forum this is.
But still classy.
I also might spoil this classiness by saying that Smell's choice of boyfriends would make me fall in love with her if I hadn't already called dibs on two of them.
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Don't take that in a crap-way, Rumjaynumbers. Not at all!
I feel the need to point out that this is how Bozack turned into Bozack. It was a pretty rapid transition from "that guy with all the numbers" to "synonym for genitals." Then like a day later Jough put a filter on the board making it impossible for Bozack to even show up.
[edit: apparently the filter has been removed]
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rumjay####--- I wish you hadn't put that facebook link on your myspace. It would be so easy.
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it would be so easy....to what? i am havink another misunderstandink.
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um, it would be so easy to friend you on facebook? even though I know that that would be a silly thing to do.
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um, it would be so easy to friend you on facebook? even though I know that that would be a silly thing to do.
i feel silly for the second time in this thread! so many misunderstandinks.
if you feel so moved, please do facebook me.
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I... might.
I normally try to refrain from friending people older than Sophomores. Because I hate being "that freshman."
But...
you may have a friend request?
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You know something?
Facebook is much scarier to me than Myspace and I have no idea why.
I... have a myspace and I have a facebook but I have barely touched the facebook account and yet occasionally modify my myspace account. Really, they should both be pretty scary but... myspace, less so.
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BOTH are creepy, really. Facebook is more all-encompassing, I find, but it's easier stalking on myspace.
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Jesus, people - stop it.
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facebook is awesome, though! shit! Myspace is just like... I don't even know.
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Damn punk kids and their facebooks and myspaces and short #####... GET OFFA MY LAWN!!!
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as opposed to the tall *****s you had back in the day? what?
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It literally stuns me, what some of these damn Kids Nowadays will put on their Myspaces. I walk around town and I see kids, and I want to yell at them, "Take that dang cussin' and drug talk off your MySpace!" but I don't want them to think I'm creepy or something. It's seriously just ... wrong.
When I first got onto MySpace I was stunned at what my little cousins were posting. I made my profile Private because I don't want future employers looking at my relatively benign MySpace page and saying, "Huh, this candidate's MySpace page is pretty tame, but one of her contacts lists 'masturbation' as a hobby. Let's look at the next candidate."
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I acted all uppity when kids were getting their livejournals on because they weren't writing their own html so you don't want to hear what I think about myspace. I'm not sure what facebook is.
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I think what makes Facebook more palatable to me than MySpace is the page-design thing, honestly. Facebook... okay, you can do some terrible, hideous things with Facebook, and it ends up being a stalker utility whether you like it or not, but the basic page design is very clean and nice. It looks like a mature website, whereas I have never been on a MySpace page that was not hideous and impossible to get any actual information from. MySpace is worse as a stalker service only because you can't stalk through a completely nonsensical interface full of spinning skull anigifs.
(Note: I have a Livejournal which, since 2002, has been in powder blue and uranium-Fiestaware-orange, so I really have no right to talk about this subject. Oh, well.)
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Hmm maybe I should look at facebook, it's just that every myspace page I've ever seen has been made by someone who doesn't realise that really tiny brightly coloured images do not make good tiled backgrounds if you want to read what is on the page. I guess it's lucky I generally don't want to read the page.
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I feel like the essential difference is that Myspace tries to make it like you're making your own webpage, basically. they're just doing a lot of it for you.
whereas Facebook is just a social networking thing. type in your responses to questions and it will display them, and let people search for you through this.
I friended Ira Glass!
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as opposed to the tall #####s you had back in the day? what?
Not *****s, #####. Duh.
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Until the age of seven I believed women conceived by having the dude piss (urinate? Is that better?) all over their stomachs. This was the result of some poorly explained, imaginative information from my parents, who obviously weren't content leaving me wondering exactly how special that special cuddle was.
Of course, it was only relatively recently that I learned about a certain sexual fetish which may involve the more golden side of a male's liquid parts. I try not to apply this to the people who brought me into this cruel, ironic world.
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I acted all uppity when kids were getting their livejournals on because they weren't writing their own html
Exactly. DANG these kids today.
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Jeffrey Rowland says (http://overcompensating.com/posts/20070306.html) that Rupert Murdoch makes a cool $25 million a month (http://www.journalism.co.uk/news/story3180.shtml) off MySpace ad revenues.
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Until the age of seven I believed women conceived by having the dude piss (urinate? Is that better?) all over their stomachs. This was the result of some poorly explained, imaginative information from my parents, who obviously weren't content leaving me wondering exactly how special that special cuddle was.
Of course, it was only relatively recently that I learned about a certain sexual fetish which may involve the more golden side of a male's liquid parts. I try not to apply this to the people who brought me into this cruel, ironic world.
Oh man how this rules. I'm sometimes a wrong kind of person in various ways, but this is my favorite new person posting of all time, I think.