The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Victoria Waterfield on March 02, 2007, 05:51:43 am
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The Lyle flowchart. (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03022007)
Congratulations to those four people from yesterday's poll.
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Although I can relate better to Beef's, this is definitely the funniest of the three.
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So, so lovely. Also, Lyle is exactly right on when Metallica started to suck.
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Yeah, that is pretty much what going to a bar back in Little Falls is.
Right down to the "a-boom-boom-boom" "a-boom-boom-boom".
Except, in Little Falls, there is also country music karaoke and invariably bumming a joint off a guy who you all later agree was probably a ghost. Such as you turn around and thank him and then he disappears and when you ask the barkeep who that guy was, he goes ashen and says they used to have a regular who looked like that...
...but he died in a car wreck fifteen years ago.
Which is pretty much when you call someone sober enough to drive and gruffle some pancakes at the Dennys in Herkimer, the only place to get food after 11PM within about a half hour drive, unless you don't mind the sketchiness of sneaking into the truck stop and getting some Dunkin'.
But you just got a fuck*ng joint from a ghost hippie. That is a time for sit-down eating.
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I like the blackout box and the drink island.
Has anyone ever done stats regression on things discussed here that later showed up on the strip?
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First - Drinkin' Island needs to have an arrow to the Black Box.
Second - Did the word Gruffle originate in Achewood or is that a CA thing?
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Ah, the eternal TOUAMB question: is Onstad paying any attention?
My completely uneducated guess is that he probably pops his head in once in a great while but is most likely too busy, like, raising a kid and drawing a comic strip and... living in a house where teddy bears and house cats walk on two legs and talk and do drugs and so on than to really take much note of it.
The much-less-likely but second-most-likely scenario is that he's on here all the time and four or five of us are actually him, posing as Normal People, all Internet Comic Strip Prince and Internet Comic Strip Pauper style.
The odds of scenario #1 are like 99.983%. The odds of scenario #2 are like 0.016%.
The odds of scenario #3 where the dude just plain-ol' lurks this board but pretty frequently are 0.001%.
In an odd coincedence, 99.983% is also the percent chance that I enjoy making up percentages.
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Did the word Gruffle originate in Achewood or is that a CA thing?
I definitely picked it up from Achewood.
Anyway, the San Francisco Bay area and the Los Angeles metro area are so culturally different that I don't know if there's a such thing as "a California thing" that encompasses both of those areas culturally.
Native born Angelinos and native born... Friscalinos?... seem to disdain each other in the way that I, as a dude from the Utica area, was trained to distain the New York City area.
To say that LA and SF (or where I grew up and Manhattan) could share a culture is sort of like saying that Tel Aviv and Seoul have a lot in common because they're both in Asia. Or to say that Madeline Albright and the lady who plays Pam from "The Office" are equally sexually desirable because they are both American ladies.
Near as I can tell, as an Adirondack hayseed living in LA for three years now, there is pretty much no such thing as California, except on maps and tax bills.
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Thank you Lyle for teaching me about drinking because I ain't got the enzymes to digest alcohol, and must watch you go "A BOOM BOOM BOOM."
Sincerely and gratefully,
Yours Truly
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No enzymes to digest...hooch? Huh? I've never heard of that.
chuanoplast, you can't possibly be as boring as you claimed in your previous thread. There's a story there, I bet!
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No enzymes to digest...hooch? Huh? I've never heard of that.
chuanoplast, you can't possibly be as boring as you claimed in your previous thread. There's a story there, I bet!
If it's what I'm thinking of, it's actually not uncommon, although it tends to be one of those genetic differences that falls along ethnic lines most heavily. Basically, it involves a breakdown in the alcohol-metabolism chain such that drinking makes you hella nauseous, and usually you puke long before you get tipsy.
(I've actually kind of wondered if I have this. On one hand, both my parents drank heavily in their youth, and I can have a beer or two no problem; on the other hand, the last time I had two hard lemonades in quick succession I felt really seriously woozy, as I did when I went wine tasting during my Cornell interviews.)
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It's not that exciting for me because a lot of Chinese people have the same problem. It's definitely something genetic because both of my parents can't drink much alcohol, and I know the enzyme problem is really serious for my family because my paternal grandfather nearly died from drinking one glass of wine in his youth.
V-Adore, you could possibly have the enzyme deficiency if both of your parents are heterozygous for the no drinkin' gene. I'm not sure what that means for your parents though because I'm not a science major.
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So are we getting another one of these on Monday, or is it a Friday thing now? And is Onstad going to offer personalized versions for all of them?
I like how Lyle starts out in the "Fuck You!" box. That and the blackout box (and its relative smallness) made the strip for me, although as a whole it seems a bit confused as to whether it's a map of cognitive processes, a narrative of events, or some sort of board game. Of course, this is all entirely appropriate for Lyle.
I'm kind of glad that Todd was incorporated into the Lyle flowchart. In theory it would be cool for him to get his own chart, but the end result would probably be closer to Jackson Pollock on some really bad acid.
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But you just got a fuck*ng joint from a ghost hippie. That is a time for sit-down eating.
Ok, I'm only going to do this once. I mean no offense to anyone, but I think announcing that you are giving someone a can is kind of a Hunt's move: I won't do it. However, something like the above quote is an exception. This is the first and only time I will do this.
As far as the Onstad scenario goes, I put my bet on #3.
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Damn, this is definitely the laugh out loud funniest, though Beef's might have more long term viability.
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The best part of this strip was
Oh my god I see it
Like it is some kind of revelation, an epiphany, if you will.
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Hey, shut up, I liked Load.
Gimme that highball.
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(I've actually kind of wondered if I have this. On one hand, both my parents drank heavily in their youth, and I can have a beer or two no problem; on the other hand, the last time I had two hard lemonades in quick succession I felt really seriously woozy, as I did when I went wine tasting during my Cornell interviews.)
Speaking from experience, you might get over this with practice. But I guess the question is whether it's a useful skill to acquire. We know how Lyle would vote on that question of course.
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If it's what I'm thinking of, it's actually not uncommon, although it tends to be one of those genetic differences that falls along ethnic lines most heavily. Basically, it involves a breakdown in the alcohol-metabolism chain such that drinking makes you hella nauseous, and usually you puke long before you get tipsy.
Cecil drops some knowledge on the subject (http://www.straightdope.com/columns/061020.html)
Also:
Chazz: Who'd win in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?
Chris Moore: Lemmy.
[Rex imitates a game show buzzer]
Chris Moore: ... God?
Rex: Wrong, dickhead, trick question. Lemmy *IS* God.
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V-Adore, you could possibly have the enzyme deficiency if both of your parents are heterozygous for the no drinkin' gene. I'm not sure what that means for your parents though because I'm not a science major.
I have read recently in New Scientist (http://www.newscientist.com/home.ns) that the no-drinkin' gene is dominant, which means that even if someone has just one copy they still have the no-drinkin' effects, which means that you can't have it if both your parents can drink without ill effect. Unless, of course, the gene has undergone a novel, analogous mutation in you.
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Ok, I'm only going to do this once. I mean no offense to anyone, but I think announcing that you are giving someone a can is kind of a Hunt's move: I won't do it. However, something like the above quote is an exception. This is the first and only time I will do this.
Announcing that announcing that one is giving someone a can is a Hunt's move, and then announcing that one is making a one-time-only exception to that rule, and announcing that one is giving someone a can, seems like the greater Hunt's move.
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Ah, the eternal TOUAMB question: is Onstad paying any attention?
He used to participate from time to time, but as I recall someone told him to go fuck himself in the neck, twice, sideways, when he said something nice about Los Angeles. He never posted after that.
Native born Angelinos and native born... Friscalinos?...
"San Franciscans". A friend of mine and I also coined "Bay Aryan", which is delightfully politically incorrect and descriptive, but also can have hell of sodium and negative connotations.
Also, Lemmy is the Mayor of Drinkin' Island! Classic Lyle.
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I have read recently in New Scientist (http://www.newscientist.com/home.ns) that the no-drinkin' gene is dominant, which means that even if someone has just one copy they still have the no-drinkin' effects, which means that you can't have it if both your parents can drink without ill effect.
I think V should celebrate this fact with a drink!
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I thought Lyle's chart would only have two boxes (Drinking <---> Crass Actions). He's a lot more complicated than I thought. I love the raucous laughter on that top tree - what is that song though? Is it a real song or is it just the last thing out of Lyle's mouth before he passes out?
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Announcing that announcing that one is giving someone a can is a Hunt's move, and then announcing that one is making a one-time-only exception to that rule, and announcing that one is giving someone a can, seems like the greater Hunt's move.
Well, I had to come real, but I couldn't make a new thread about it. That would have been the Huntsiest.
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I feel like... drinking 2 hard lemonades would make me feel pretty woozy, too? I feel like 2 in quick succession is a pretty good amount, if you aren't used to drinking.
also: someone said something about Hunt's catsup the other day, and I laughed at them real hard.
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I opened a bottle of lillet to make vespers last night and I drank three in an hour and consequently didn't do my homework.
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"The Mayor of Drinking Island" sounds like something Mr. Bear could have written back in his "Chug-A-Lug" phase. (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03262002)
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I opened a bottle of lillet to make vespers last night and I drank three in an hour and consequently didn't do my homework.
Can I just mention that I approve of people drinking vespers in the real world? That's pretty awesome.
Anyway, thank you, thread, for dropping the science like Galileo dropped the orange. I doubt there is anything actually biochemically wrong with me, and that in future I should just avoid drinking alcohol quickly when under stress and/or in formalwear.
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Can I just mention that I approve of people drinking vespers in the real world? That's pretty awesome.
Anyway, thank you, thread, for dropping the science like Galileo dropped the orange. I doubt there is anything actually biochemically wrong with me, and that in future I should just avoid drinking alcohol quickly when under stress and/or in formalwear.
Do you think it is rad to have alcoholism thread
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Ok, I'm only going to do this once. I mean no offense to anyone, but I think announcing that you are giving someone a can is kind of a Hunt's move: I won't do it. However, something like the above quote is an exception. This is the first and only time I will do this.
I'm just relieved that there's no universal canning protocol hitherto unbeknownst to me. I'd been feeling all awkward giving people tiny cans without telling them and not being sure if maybe I was expected to at least PM them or something. It's good to know this isn't actually the case. Let the Dr. Pepper flow like wine... enzymatic problems nonwithstanding.
I actually have sort of the opposite problem, thanks to my medications: I get ridiculously drunk long before I've had enough alcohol to feel any physical effect. At least it makes me a cheap date. On the other hand, I'm not technically supposed to drink at all because I could get seizures, but... I do. And I don't. So I'm not too worried. In the past when I went to parties I warn the host to put a blanket under my head if anything like that happened, but then people stopped letting me drink at their parties. There's nothing more boring than being completely sober and surrounded by drunk people.
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wow, really? I find drunk people really entertaining.
Especially this combination:
-guy who gets really silly when he's drunk
-he just read a thing online about taking Pepto Bismol in order to counteract the "asian flush." He is a real smart guy, I don't know why he thinks this would work.
-a bunch of guys in my floor were studying for the Psych 101 midterm, and were on "placebo effect"
-they had a bunch of bottles of sparkling white grape juice... with the labels removed.
the answer:
yes, he thought he was so drunk. He also claimed that the Pepto was "mostly" working when he looked at himself in the mirror.
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Man this thread is some rough chuckles The Morning After.
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I agree with theinev, drunk people are hella entertaining. Since I can't go on EMS calls during the day, I'm usually on call nights and weekends, so I'm at the bar with my radio and a Diet Coke while everyone else is getting hammered. It's hilarious.
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I would like to say that I totally approve of "Pint Jacks" night. That would be my bar. Hell, that would probably be my HOME.
I have a half-Korean, half-white friend who breaks out in hives when he drinks. Kinda scary to see. I think he drinks on Halloween for the effect.
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Being the sober one in a group of drunk people is hilarious if and only if your friends are all good/funny drunks. In college, it was occasionally a raging asspain because someone who was a bad drunk would decide to tie one on and spoil everyone's fun. I had one friend, normally a very bright and interesting person, who would get stressed and descend into the most obnoxious drinking m.o. imaginable:
1) Arrange to get drunk much more quickly than anyone else at the party (for example, by bringing and drinking a bottle of homemade screwdrivers at a wine-and-cheese social)
2) Once thoroughly drunk, start hitting on inappropriate people: those of genders/orientations that didn't align with hers, incredibly awkward people, people in relationships, or as many combinations of the above as possible
3) At some point, just start having a psychotic episode (at the wine-and-cheese social, it was screaming)
This meant that any party where she played this trick turned quickly into, to reuse a phrase, damaged-person wrangling, and the brunt of it always fell to the sober. Not cool.
(This is before we get onto the subject of mass hysteria, i.e. "Hey guys! It's 2 AM and we're all drunk! Let's walk to the Green River and go skinny-dipping! How can this go wrong?!")
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Being sober around drunk people is only fun for me if they are people I like. I tried being sober a while at a party of my brother's once until I remembered I considered most of his friends to be constantly nattering vapid assholes, I then proceeded to drink till I fit in.
Being sober around drunk buddies is fun times though.
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(This is before we get onto the subject of mass hysteria, i.e. "Hey guys! It's 2 AM and we're all drunk! Let's walk to the Green River and go skinny-dipping! How can this go wrong?!")
I just love it when that happens.
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I just love it when that happens.
Sadly, I was one of the sober people saying "guys, uh, you might die." Thankfully, everyone got very quiet about it when our resident Creepy Kinda-Predatory-Lookin' Guy mentioned that he would insist on chaperoning, since he had lifeguard training and all...
Instead, we made smoothies, and nobody died!
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You got that right and wrong but thanks for the memories...
::KISS KISS::
Zombie Poster!!!
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Sadly, I was one of the sober people saying "guys, uh, you might die." Thankfully, everyone got very quiet about it when our resident Creepy Kinda-Predatory-Lookin' Guy mentioned that he would insist on chaperoning, since he had lifeguard training and all...
Instead, we made smoothies, and nobody died!
Ew. that's one story where I was actually grateful for a Scary Creep to get involved. Yay you guys for choosing the correct path and not dying!
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Ew. that's one story where I was actually grateful for a Scary Creep to get involved. Yay you guys for choosing the correct path and not dying!
Well, to be fair, this dude is/was not actually a Scary Creep; he is, in actuality, one of my best friends from college and is a very stand-up guy. However, he's one of those dudes who kind of has the Aura of Creep about him, and there were a couple of years early in college where he was a bit feral, so he still has a semi-joking reputation of being "ooh scary." The upshot of it was that, while he probably would have been very helpful had people actually gone (and would have gone to make sure nobody died), he is the kind of guy whom it seems a bad idea to be watched by at 2 AM while skinny-dipping drunk, is all.
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Man, I totally start at FUCK YOU!
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Ok, so this is a cool comic and thread to wake up to because four punk rock bands played loud music in my kitchen last night.
And yeah, if it had been summer, we would have wound up breaking into somebody's pool or going to the river and swimming naked. It's kinda what happens in Georgia. Am I the only one here who hangs out with a bunch of dead-enders who party like Lyle? I mean, I'm not like that very often, and it's only one chunk of the social circle, but they're there.
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I live in a very quiet apartment complex with a bunch of 21st century hippies and a good proportion of Lyles as well. Yesterday I woke up at 2pm to a two keg party just getting started 3 feet away from my door in the courtyard of our apartment complex. By 5:30 we had a huge fire right there. The cops came by 7:00 and made us turn down the music, but did not care about the mix of fire and beer. Then I got high and went to the bar at like 11 with my friend and his girlfriend. He spilt beer on a person celebrating her 21st birthday and blamed it on her. That might have worked, but she didn't even start drinking yet and my friend got kicked out. On his way out he drank like 5 peoples drinks and threw them on the ground and me and his girlfriend had to carry him back. Yeah, I know some Lyle.
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And yeah, if it had been summer, we would have wound up breaking into somebody's pool or going to the river and swimming naked. It's kinda what happens in Georgia.
Hey everybody, it's Jeff Buckley!
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Hey, I've been lurking on this board for a wee while now, but I've been draw out from the shadows by the awesomeness of these last few strips. So hello from a Huggins-come-lately (at least in board terms) to all you Knuckleheads from Old Times. Also, the phrase "Skinny like a tall dog's leg" blows my mind!
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Q: What's a Benway?
A: Usually around 180 pounds.
Hello.
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Q: What's a Benway?
A: Usually around 180 pounds.
I wish.
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Really?
Pretty much every Ben I've known is a skinny little dude.
It's funny how certain names evoke certain traits.
I don't think I've ever known a gay Bill, for example.
I mean, I understand that some of these things are cultural (Christians spelling it "John", Jewish fellas spelling it "Jon"... gay Thomases spelling it "Thom" and straight Thomases spelling it "Tom"... Italian dudes pretending that Anthony doesn't have an "h" in it, etc...) but this cannot be the whole deal.
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180 is skinny?
goddamn. I need to work on this whole Eating More and Working Out thing which I don't do enough of.
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Well, like, because I am pretty tall, if I were 180 pounds, I would be like... dying skinny.
My brother is around six foot even and he's 180 and... he's a wiry kinda skinny but the dude is skinny.
It sure is good that I weigh... like... 120 more pounds than that.
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fuck, dude. I am 6 foot even. I weigh around 55 lbs less than that.
Damn.
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I don't think I've ever known a gay Bill, for example.
I know a drag queen named Bill.
It's kind of funny: all of the queerest people I know have the straightest names. My gayest friends are named Cindy Marie, Melody, and Veronica. The drag queens are named Larry or Bill or Wayne.
fuck, dude. I am 6 foot even. I weigh around 55 lbs less than that.
So, you weigh 125? Jesus.
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Aw, man. Cindy Marie sounds like the most awesome lesbian Southern belle ever.
All petticoats and a strap-on. Like a young lesbian Blanche from "The Golden Girls".
Also: I agree 125 pounds at six foot sounds insanely thin.
Can we send you food or something, Inev?
About the only thing I agree with Republicans on is my constitutional right to be heavy-set.
My fellow lefties are a little overobsessed with "eating right" and "exercising" and "being able to use a flight of stairs" and "living past forty-five" and "not sweating butter" for my tastes.
EDIT: Also, also...
Knowing a gay guy named Larry is pretty much amazing.
Especially if he's a mechanic.
"Oh, your fan belt's slippin'? Get on down to Ol' Gay Larry's place. He'll fix ya right up."
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I don't know any gay Bills or Larries. Does a gay Vinny count?
Also: I am severely obese, so even if 180 ain't thin it's better than I'm doing.
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I don't know any gay Bills or Larries. Does a gay Vinny count?
Well. I know multiple gay Vincents. Perhaps it is a little odd that a gay Vinny wouldn't demand to be called "Vincent" and like all act in low-budget vampire movies or something. But my gut says that we are discussing a statistical abberation.
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Aw, man. Cindy Marie sounds like the most awesome lesbian Southern belle ever.
HAHAH. She's actually dating a hot-nerd-chick, Rachel Ruth (another good friend of mine) who is kind of a Southern belle lesbian. But Cindy is actually a Phillipino lesbian. Which is also awesome.
Larry works at MAC. I know him through my roommate, Emily Clare,who's kind of like Julie Andrews in Victor/Victoria: a drag queen in a woman's body. Emily is also queer.
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But Cindy is actually a Phillipino lesbian. Which is also awesome.
My brother works in a laboratory that is pretty much 50% Philipino and... you'd think that would lead to me learning more about their culture but... pretty much all he's told me is that the Philipino word for c*ck is "pinga" and...
That's probably not that useful a word to Cindy, all things considered.
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I realized lately (and by realized, I mean... my parents have been telling me for years) that part of the issue is my lack of some sort of regular schedule. So rather than just eating at Dinner Time, I eat whenever. And sometimes, the cafeteria is closed. Or I'm busy. Or something. I have a low drive to eat is what I'm saying. Plus I don't hold weight anyway.
I am working on this.
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Dan, go eat something right now. Go.
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fuck, dude. I am 6 foot even. I weigh around 55 lbs less than that.
Damn.
Wow. That is even skinnier than my brother, who is five ten and weighs 130 pounds. But then, he's a runner so his thighs are bigger than his collective arms.
But still, I think somebody needs more ice cream sandwiches in their diet.
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I realized lately (and by realized, I mean... my parents have been telling me for years) that part of the issue is my lack of some sort of regular schedule. So rather than just eating at Dinner Time, I eat whenever. And sometimes, the cafeteria is closed. Or I'm busy. Or something. I have a low drive to eat is what I'm saying. Plus I don't hold weight anyway.
I am working on this.
Fuck you, man. Just fuck you sideways. Skinny little puke.
Not really. Sorry Inev. Lost control there. Take care of yourself -- eat right and be wholesome.
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I realized lately (and by realized, I mean... my parents have been telling me for years) that part of the issue is my lack of some sort of regular schedule. So rather than just eating at Dinner Time, I eat whenever. And sometimes, the cafeteria is closed. Or I'm busy. Or something. I have a low drive to eat is what I'm saying. Plus I don't hold weight anyway.
I am working on this.
Noooo!! We TALKED about this, dammit. Skinny guys are hot. There is nothing wrong with that. Strut your skinny ass down the street and love yourself for who you are, dammit.
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yeah, I am sad because Grace and I were supposed to make soft-boiled eggs tonight. But instead... we went to the student-run 10-minute play festival? One of the 4 was pretty good I guess.
And then I totally had a Roast Beef moment. The guy didn't take our order and started asking people beyond us, and I was too freaked out to say anything. Grace had to say something, and the guy behind the counter gave me a look.
But yeah, I'm real thin. A lot of it is also that I have very very little muscle. I am working on this, as I said.