The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: MattFish on March 12, 2007, 02:24:16 am
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St. Robert, eh? (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03122007)
I guess y'all got your answer. Now to answer the eternal question: How DOES one class up cornbread mix?
My "Breast Man" cocktail is coming along, by the way. It should be done pretty soon.
There seems to be a typo in Leon's signature, the initials obviously stand for Brian Wheat; as has been proven, however the B is a P for some reason. Prian?
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St. Robert, eh? (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03122007)
I guess y'all got your answer. Now to answer the eternal question: How DOES one class up cornbread mix?
Throw it away and buy something that doesn't taste terrible.
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"haircuts that take took long"? I... assume that's a typo in the alt-text?
I am a big fan of how Ray is shocked and bemused at his own ad-lib about being an amateur automobile historian. The arrogance of a man knowing that his subconscious mind is probably more interesting than his conscious mind is always good.
The way I generally hear of people classing up a cornbread mix is finely chopping some hot peppers and mixing them in. Or putting honey straight into the mix as opposed to drizzling it on top later.
I am fine with cornbread, I will eat it if it is put in front of me, but I would take it or leave it.
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HILARIOUS!
Also one can class up cornbread with various kinds of southern gravy, marijuana, bacon, and many kinds of cheese (including cream cheese and cottage cheese).
If ray can ride Leon Sumbitches for $25 or more he will have won the internet.
::sidebar:: ray's words about working together reminded me of this weekend when i couldn't get into my dorm room and had to ask my r.a. to open it. In the process of waiting for him to open my door my friend ripped down an 8 foot poster about oppression in 3rd world countries. The ra responded "Dude what the hell are you doing!?"
"Oh sorry... Lets put it back up... together."
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Now to answer the eternal question: How DOES one class up cornbread mix?
Obviously you eat cinnamon rolls with icing instead. I have decided that I inspired this little bit. Also, the typo's fixed.
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I love Ray. And I feel I have a deeper understanding of him now, through this story. I no longer fear for the welfare of his Aibos.
I don't work much in cornbread mix, but here's how I might class it up if I were on Iron Chef (NB: I have never actually tried these, and therefore assume no responsibility for any gastronomic misfortune that may arise from attempting these culinary ideas which are, at time of publication, merely theoretical in nature):
1. Tex-Mex Hash.
Combine cornbread mix with necessary ingredients for batter per label instructions. Add to batter one can black beans (drained) and 1/4 cup chunky salsa. Mix well. Bake in shallow tart pan until cornbread batter is set. Top with grated cheddar and/or monterey jack and put under salamander until bubbly. Cut into wedges. Serve with strips of cactus, sour cream, and additional salsa to taste.
2. Poor Man's Polenta.
Make cornbread batter per label instructions. Bake cornbread in a jelly roll pan. Cut into squares. Use as a base for sauteed tomatoes, onions, and basil; or duxelles. Top with freshly grated parmesan.
3. "Big Easy" Ice Cream Cake
Make cornbread batter per label instructions. Bake cornbread in a jelly roll pan. Meanwhile, set out a carton of butter pecan ice cream to soften. When bread is cool enough to handle, turn out onto work surface prepared with parchment, wax paper, or a clean dish towel. Spread ice cream on bread and roll into a jelly roll. Freeze to set.
Option: sautee sliced bananas in butter, cinnamon, and sugar (amounts to taste). Saute until soft and slightly caramelized. Deglaze pan with brandy or cognac. Flame alcohol. Top cake with banana sauce.
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Also, the typo's fixed.
Maybe the alt text, but Prian Wheat still seems to be there.
also: Bacon Months.
I don't work much in cornbread mix, but here's how I might class it up if I were on Iron Chef (NB: I have never actually tried these, and therefore assume no responsibility for any gastronomic misfortune that may arise from attempting these culinary ideas which are, at time of publication, merely theoretical in nature):
Oh wow. Oh wow.
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Also, if you're talking firm cornbread, taking some bacon and cheese and egg and making a fresher version of a MacDonalds breakfast sandwich is a pretty awesome way to slowly die.
Especially if we're talking about frying the cornbread in butter before sandwichifaction.
Similarly, real maple syrup makes anything better. Back home, you could get fresh maple syrup, right from the farmer's house if you were willing to pay a little extra for it and... man... worth it. Drizzle that on some bacon and HOLY SHIT.
It is like the "Sky Blue Sky" of deadly breakfast treats.
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I love plain cornbread. I hate it when people put jalapeņos or whole corn or creamed corn or other crap into it.
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Oh wow. Oh wow.
Oh dear. Did I do something wrong or offensive? Did I display my Nerd Plumage too prominently? What are you "Oh wowing"?
*paranoid*
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I assumed it was like "Oh, wow, thank you for all the information, internet person!"
I can't imagine being offended by a large amount of cornbread recipes.
Unless your parents were... mugged and killed by a piece of cornbread as you were walking home from a screening of Zorro. Which is, admittedly, quite nearly impossible.
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Prian Wheat got fixed. I just love it when these things happen and I get to be a part of it.
yeah, I was just in awe of the off-the-cuff theoretical cornbread upgrades
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Ah. Well I'm deeply flattered. Thank you, Mattgiraffe!
Incidentally, if anyone decides to try any of these cornbread options, let me know how they turn out. I'm curious.
As a total aside, there is a simple card game called "Chez Geek" that basically celebrates and mocks geek culture, simultaneously. It is set in a college setting, so you have cards like... well, here is a link (http://www.sjgames.com/chezgeek/). Anyhow, there is one card in there called "She Who Cooks," and it gives you a bonus to something, I don't recall what; but basically it's the girlfriend who can cook anything out of anything. The tagline on the card is, "You have frozen corn and ketchup packets? Why didn't you say so?" Some friends and I used to play this game on occasion, and shortly after we started, I came to be known as "She Who Cooks." I really have fun looking at a random set of ingredients and trying to come up with a recipe to use them. One of my lifelong dreams is to be on Iron Chef. I totally enjoy the challenge. So yeah... that's one of the many ways I'm nerdy. :)
I'm curious to see how long Ray is going to play this out. How will it resolve?
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The subtle overnight replacement to correct "P.W. A.H.B.P." with "B.W. A.H.B.P" has been noted.
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The subtle overnight replacement to correct "P.W. A.H.B.P." with "B.W. A.H.B.P" has been noted.
Prian Wheat got fixed.
Yes. By me. Already.
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I like how Ray is playing this but I have no idea what cornbread is as I have only seen it in american movies? What is it's texture, it's density? Is it bready as the name implies or more like an english muffin, is it some sort of wheaty spongecake? I cannot imagine it being sweet, though the whole concept reminds me of pumpkin scones (which are simply the best use you can put a pumpkin to by the way).
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I like how Ray is playing this but I have no idea what cornbread is as I have only seen it in american movies? What is it's texture, it's density? Is it bready as the name implies or more like an english muffin, is it some sort of wheaty spongecake? I cannot imagine it being sweet, though the whole concept reminds me of pumpkin scones (which are simply the best use you can put a pumpkin to by the way).
Like a bread pudding, but a little firmer and prone to crumble under pressure.
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Oh
actually that does sound like pumpkin scones.
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Like a bread pudding, but a little firmer and prone to crumble under pressure.
I'd be more likely to describe it as grainy, slightly sweet almost-cake.
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I'd be more likely to describe it as grainy, slightly sweet almost-cake.
And nowhere near as brittle as a scone.
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Yes. Definitely not like a scone. There are a lot of variations, but everytime I've had it I've found it to be slightly sweet and moist/tender. The granular quality comes from corn meal. I generally agree that there should not be crap added, but a few kernels of corn, just lightly added in, are cool with me.
Are there really pre-made mixes for cornbread? It's so damn easy to make though! Anyway, in my book nothing can make cornbread classy - it's just not classy, sorry.
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I do enjoy the diced-up jalapenos in cornbread. And there are indeed instant mixes for cornbread. So, instead of four ingredients, you have two.
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Anyway, in my book nothing can make cornbread classy - it's just not classy, sorry.
Agreed. To borrow a meme, eating cornbread is like eating watermelon. Nothing classy about it. Its not a knock either - but if you have a fork in one hand, scooping hot chili from a bowl into your hungry face, with the other hand wrapped around a buttered hunk of cornbread I can guarantee you're happy. Just don't think that you'll catch Martha Stewart or QE2 doing it.
Of course, how often do you see them happy?
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Agreed. To borrow a meme, eating cornbread is like eating watermelon. Nothing classy about it. Its not a knock either - but if you have a fork in one hand, scooping hot chili from a bowl into your hungry face, with the other hand wrapped around a buttered hunk of cornbread I can guarantee you're happy. Just don't think that you'll catch Martha Stewart or QE2 doing it.
Of course, how often do you see them happy?
Actually, HRH keeps cornbread in her little purse.
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Actually, HRH keeps cornbread in her little purse.
Well, I'm glad the Colonies benefited the Empire in some, small way.
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This "Cornbread" of which you speak sounds pretty dang good. I love the fact Leon Sumbitches is getting so tired of explaining that he is in fact Brian Wheat, that he must come up with an acronym to convey said fact. This is probably the scammer equivalent of LMFAO or something.
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Dannnng, cornbread is so good.
I'll probably end up trying Muse_of_Fire's cornbread recipes soonish, because I like kitchen experiments and have been known to make up recipes on the fly as well. I shall post pictures of my success and/or failure.
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During much of the time I was General Counsel to the State Fire Marshal's Office, the State Fire Marshal's nickname, which he went almost exclusively by, was "Cornbread".
God I love this state.
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the State Fire Marshal's nickname was "Cornbread".
Cornbread? Ain't nothin' wrong with that.
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Pronounced "Khaaanbread"?
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Pronounced "Khaaanbread"?
If by that you mean how Chris Rock would say "cornbread"... sure.
If by that you mean how William Shatner would say "cornbread"... not so much.
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I like how Ray is playing this but I have no idea what cornbread is as I have only seen it in american movies? What is it's texture, it's density? Is it bready as the name implies or more like an english muffin, is it some sort of wheaty spongecake? I cannot imagine it being sweet, though the whole concept reminds me of pumpkin scones (which are simply the best use you can put a pumpkin to by the way).
Oh hells no! Cornbread is awesome and a much-loved food in the South. Southern American food can be very tasty. My mom is Southern and grew up poor, so she ate cornbread at almost every meal of her life and thusly hates it and never prepared it for us. I love it, though. I am not sure if there are any Southerners from America in Queensland, but I bet you could cook up a batch of cornbread from a recipe and it would be just as good.
It's got a texture similar to yellow cake, but it has ground corn in with the flour so it has a different texture. It is slightly sweet, but very good. I highly recommend cornbread.
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Actually, sometimes the bread part is pronounced more like "bret".
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Please, more of you exteme Yankees tell us all about the whys and wherefores of Southern Cornbread! Maybe we can get someone who lives at the actual North Pole to tell us about Southern culture...
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Alton Brown is our token Southerner and we're pretty much just spouting his words back.
It has worked well for Northern and Far-Western food nerds for a long time now, giving us just enough rope on the topic of Southern cuisine without having to actually produce effort.
No point in stopping now.
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Please, more of you exteme Yankees tell us all about the whys and wherefores of Southern Cornbread! Maybe we can get someone who lives at the actual North Pole to tell us about Southern culture...
Ahh, thank you for the gracious invitation - I've just been waiting for that!
Shit, forgot to wind the ol' sarcasm detector again.
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Shit, forgot to wind the ol' sarcasm detector again.
Southern sarcasm is pretty much the subtlest sarcasm of all.
It is as though sarcasm down there isn't intended to actually be understood by the target, as if it is just a private joke amoungst Southerners and you're not SUPPOSED to know they're making fun of you.
Everywhere I have lived, sarcasm is intended to directly hurt the target. He or she is supposed to know what is going on and be hurt. Southern sarcasm, you're not supposed to know they're being sarcastic, that's how subtle it is. That's why you go back to Myrtle Beach the next year.
"Oh, we love having Northern Catholics at our hotel. No one around here actually believes that the Pope is a lizard-man and you follow him blindly, that is totally a joke. If a papist like you were president, there is no way we would ever blow your head off in Dallas. That's just silly. Also, don't forget to buy M-80s in the giftshop."
You would think, on paper, that upon hearing that, you would completely understand the sarcasm.
But they are just that good at sarcasm. They would find just the right tone of voice where that would not only not be offensive but you would also buy some extra bottle rockets on the way out, just because they were so nice and polite.
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Cornbread must be prepared in a cast iron skillet which has been preheating in the oven. Mix up the batter, get the skillet out, put it over flame, pop some butter in and cook the water out, then (before the butter burns) in goes the batter. This puts a crust on all sides, which is wunnerful.
Of course, cornbread's ultimate dream is to be a part of cornbread dressing, which is in advanced class. You can only learn how to make that from old ladies.
Also, LFM has discovered my secret to Insulting People Who I Still Need To Like Me. Dammit.
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(my mother's friend, visiting and planning on moving to SC): "you know, the one thing I haven't seen since I've been in South Carolina is a real Southern Mansion! You know, a plantation, ante-bellum, one of those big white houses like in Gone with the Wind"
her husband: yeah! That'd be great!
Realtor: "Funny y'all want to see 'em... y'all Yankees burnt 'em all down."
"oh. well. *they end up not moving to SC.*"
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Southern sarcasm is pretty much the subtlest sarcasm of all.
It is as though sarcasm down there isn't intended to actually be understood by the target, as if it is just a private joke amoungst Southerners and you're not SUPPOSED to know they're making fun of you.
Everywhere I have lived, sarcasm is intended to directly hurt the target. He or she is supposed to know what is going on and be hurt. Southern sarcasm, you're not supposed to know they're being sarcastic, that's how subtle it is. That's why you go back to Myrtle Beach the next year.
"Oh, we love having Northern Catholics at our hotel. No one around here actually believes that the Pope is a lizard-man and you follow him blindly, that is totally a joke. If a papist like you were president, there is no way we would ever blow your head off in Dallas. That's just silly. Also, don't forget to buy M-80s in the giftshop."
You would think, on paper, that upon hearing that, you would completely understand the sarcasm.
But they are just that good at sarcasm. They would find just the right tone of voice where that would not only not be offensive but you would also buy some extra bottle rockets on the way out, just because they were so nice and polite.
Congratulations on deciphering level 3 of Southern Cultural Sarcasm. Only 6 levels left to figger out. Y'all come back now, y'hear!
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Please, more of you exteme Yankees tell us all about the whys and wherefores of Southern Cornbread! Maybe we can get someone who lives at the actual North Pole to tell us about Southern culture...
I think that AW is still miffed that I said the 24-year-old impostor professor on Wikipedia was a yokel from Kentucky.
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The last 48 hours on these boards have pretty much been hell for me. I am out of food in my apartment except for a block of cheese and some cereal*, and too lazy to go shopping for more, and it seems like every single damn thread has been about food or has veered onto that topic at some point. I don't know how much more of this I can take... I think if I read one more food-related thread I will be forced to eat my keyboard. This is evidenced by the fact that even a thread about cornbread is making me hungry.
There was some author - I think it was Daniel Pinkwater - who described the phenomenon where in any group of kids at the movies, one kid will always get the idea to stick his bag of popcorn under a water fountain and fill it up such that it turns into inedible mush, at which point the kid tries it and throws up. I have never done this, but I have eaten cornbread. Actually, cornbread is nothing like that. All cornbread I have tasted has been incredibly dry and endowed with the popcorn-like quality of inducing mad crazy thirst.
The taste is okay, but kind of bland. Perhaps my cornbread experiences would have been better were they not limited to dorm room feasts of cornbread and... more cornbread. Is it one of those foods like saltines that just isn't meant to be served as a main course? On the other hand, I have never been a huge fan of whole or partially corn-derived foodstuffs anyway, although thanks to federal subsidies that includes basically everything these days.
* Wait, no! I have some Tuscan bean soup! In a bag! Excuse me, I'll be back in a little while.
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I think that AW is still miffed that I said the 24-year-old impostor professor on Wikipedia was a yokel from Kentucky.
Harrumph.
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yellow cake
Cornbread was starting to sound pretty damn good until I saw it described in terms I am used to hearing used in reference to urinal deodorant blocks.
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Cornbread was starting to sound pretty damn good until I saw it described in terms I am used to hearing used in reference to urinal deodorant blocks.
yellow cake is also uranium concentrate.
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Yeah, but I've never has to scrape concentrated uranium from a men's room sink to which it has been adhered with human faeces, so it doesn't hold quite as much power over my appetite.
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Yellow Cake is best with a fine dusting of Green Salt.
Or whichever made-up scary term is beatin' the drums this week.
"They aren't buying the war against Iran yet. We're going to need another scary term for a radioactive thing."
"Does it have to be a colour and a food again?"
"YES. Christ, Barry, just accept that it has to be a colour and a food. Brainstorm with me."
"No! No, why does it have to be a colour and a food? It doesn't make any sense!"
"Barry. The president only understands so many nouns. Do you remember when we had to explain the word 'mission' to him for that banner?"
"...yeah."
"Remember how long that took?"
"...yeah."
"Remember how Steve just had to tell him it meant 'giant fight' and then the president was refering to how Pearl Harbor started 'World Mission Eye-Eye' for a week?"
"...yeah."
"So... fuckin' brainstorm with me, Barry."
"Blue... gelatin? Purple... steak? Purple steak plutonium? No... orange... orange..."
(together) "ORANGE MUSHROOM!"
"Imagine the headline on the NY Times: GUY IN TURBAN HAS ENRICHED ORANGE MUSHROOM. YOU MUST HATE ARABS NOW!"
This is how government works.
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Cornbread was starting to sound pretty damn good until I saw it described in terms I am used to hearing used in reference to urinal deodorant blocks.
DAMMIT! Don't you damned heathens have cake in your country? White cake, Angel Food cake, red velvet cake... yellow cake is vanilla flavored cake. Like this.
(http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000EMQG52.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_SL160_V55099185_.jpg)
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We are pretty big on cake but I've always found most people I know to be suspicious of any foodstuff that is chiefly defined by its colour.
But then when mushy peas are a part of your national cuisine it's probably wise to pretend that colour just doesn't exist when it comes to culinary matters.
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cornbread can't be described in terms not relating to its color though because its primary characteristic is that it is yellow. violently yellow.
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Except where its a toasty brown
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Ah, now we're back on track. I will eat pretty much anything that is a toasty brown.
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During much of the time I was General Counsel to the State Fire Marshal's Office, the State Fire Marshal's nickname, which he went almost exclusively by, was "Cornbread".
Everybody knows me. My name Cornbread. (http://www.hrwiki.org/mirror/bubs_cornbread.mp3)
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I'm glad that my theory that being into Achewood and being into Homestar overlap bears out.
There is an extent to which their approaches are kind of similar, excepting how deep Onstad's characterizations go and how for some reason the Bros Chap seem to tie one hand behind their back by keeping the whole thing PG.
I mean, I guess that's also why they're probably making more money than Achewood is and... that's probably why they're much closer to the mainstream Zeitgeist than Achewood is but... man, that ain't no excuse.
When your material isn't specifically child-focused, refusing to work blue irks me.
It's 2007 for Christ's sake. Everybody knows that sex exists.
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Oh, I dunno. I think that's part of the H*R charm. They're not like every other damn Internet cartoon. I couldn't imagine the concept if they were playing with more adult themes. Homestar bragging to Strong Sad about finally getting Marzipan to "squirt?" No thanks.
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Homestar bragging to Strong Sad about finally getting Marzipan to "squirt?" No thanks.
if you can get a fuck*ng broom to ejaculate I think you're doing pretty good
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I tend to agree. I think H*R refusal to work blue is more of an aesthetic choice rather than a moral one.
I have a good friend with otherwise very good taste in pop cultural matters. But he has repeatedly made comments to me along the lines of "Can you imagine how much funnier Yosemite Sam would be if he used actual cuss words." No. No I can't, because I believe Yosemite Sam would be much less funny in that case.
I feel the same way about the Homestar world. Just because it focuses on PG-13 type themes doesn't make it puerile or bland.
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Okay, Yosemite Sam wouldn't be funnier if he could swear.
But I do say he'd make awesomely funny sounds if he was having sex.
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Okay, Yosemite Sam wouldn't be funnier if he could swear.
But I do say he'd make awesomely funny sounds if he was having sex.
Well duuuuh.
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I have to humbly disagree on the grounds that Yosemite Sam gave me nightmares as a child and would also be hell of hairy.
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Ah, but you know that after he cums, he yells:
"Ahhhhhh HATE you!"
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I'll probably end up trying Muse_of_Fire's cornbread recipes soonish, because I like kitchen experiments and have been known to make up recipes on the fly as well. I shall post pictures of my success and/or failure.
We are holding you to this. Little foxy cornbreads please.
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the Bros Chap seem to tie one hand behind their back by keeping the whole thing PG.
When your material isn't specifically child-focused, refusing to work blue irks me.
It's 2007 for Christ's sake. Everybody knows that sex exists.
My mother loves Homestar Runner, if it weren't PG she wouldn't so much and she certainly wouldn't show it to the 5 year old.
It almost sounds like you are demanding they work blue. Maybe they just don't want to.
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I have to humbly disagree on the grounds that Yosemite Sam gave me nightmares as a child and would also be hell of hairy.
He has a hellacious moustache.