The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: MattFish on March 19, 2007, 02:24:23 am
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How does one pronounce Heńs (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03192007) anyway?
Delving a tad far into the realm of customer-service-related gay porn, Onstad delivers his least decision-making decision-making flowchart yet. I suppose everybody must be screwing someone
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My first thought was that onstad chose Pat in order to fool us into thinking he was reading the forum.
Then I saw the lines: "List of 100 Local Profit-Turning Companies Published ---> THEY MUST BE SCrEWING SOMEONE! ---> HM HOW TO PrOTEST A BALLOON STOrE"
Then I knew the truth. I knew Onstad knew us.
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The piggybacker box actually has a snout and curly tail. All is right with the world.
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I actually think this is the best flow chart. I especially love the NO. YES. NO! YES!!! okay yes. part and the buying of five videos so no one will notice his porno. I've always wondered how actively gay Pat is - he mainly just complains about other Gay Men. I also wonder how Nice Pete would react to "Hot Busboy Nights."
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the buying of five videos so no one will notice his porno.
Who hasn't done this? Like the clerk is all thinking you picked the porno up by accident and he's getting over by renting it to you.
I like the little Ray filmstrip.
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man, it must have sucked to be alive before free and easy porn on the internet.
also: this reminds me of the combinations of things people would buy with condoms when I worked at the supermarket.
which led to my concept... of buying a box of condoms, and a bag of balloons.
AND/OR
asking for a price-check on a box of condoms, then buying balloons instead.
which reminds me of:
pregnant girl in my friend's Bio class: "if you don't have a condom, can you use a plastic bag instead? that seems to me like it would work just as well."
teacher: well... I would say that it looks like it didn't work, now did it?
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man, it must have sucked to be alive before free and easy porn on the internet.
You know how there's that meme of the old geezer talking about the good old days? That old geezer is not always wrong. Sometimes change is not always completely for the better.
Also, new porn sucks.
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Poor Pat. I'm sure that the video clerk doesn't care at all that he's renting Hot Busboy Nights, but Pat's neuroses make the exchange so much funnier.
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1. This is an excellent flowchart.
2. It better be the last of them.
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1. This is an excellent flowchart.
2. It better be the last of them.
I don't know, I would kind of like a Todd flowchart. Though that might be too simple. Same with Cornelius. Though it would be wonderful to read (can you imagine the language he'd use) it would be too well ordered. The beauty of these things is in the chaos.
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I would like to see the Onstad strip-making flow chart.
Do I want to create new artwork for this strip? --> YES --> NO! ---> No it is!
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I am a fan of how disappointed Ray is to be turning off the flashlight.
He just loved pretending to be a ghost.
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I would be so disappointed if someone told me to stop being a ghost.
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I can't believe that Ray, for all his bravado, would allow himself to be cowed by Pat. Then again, he has been sort of passive-aggressive in his Pat management in the past, such as the 2000 Flushes Party.
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nobody is discussing the Heńs, this hurts me.
Seriously what person would consider a jalapeńo stuffed with mustard in any way an emulation of a small cooked bird?
Hen-yays? Henyins? Henonion?
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He-TILDENS.
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I would say Henyes. Rhymes with Kenyas.
Seriously what person would consider a jalapeńo stuffed with mustard in any way an emulation of a small cooked bird?
The same people who consider a roll of squished wheat gluten or tofu a chicken?
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The same people who consider a roll of squished wheat gluten or tofu a chicken?
yeah but like at least a roll of gluten or tofu is a piece of slightly elastic, textured material that has a uniform flavor and will take on some of the flavor of what it is marinated in. A pepper stuffed with mustard is a rubbery, almost obnoxiously spicy sack of pungent goo. I can't even imagine that being pleasurable to eat under any circumstance let alone the guise of a gallus-based delicacy. It would be like spooning vinegared fondue cheese into your mouth in between bites of unflavored gelatin spiked with Unca Cletus' 10,000-Alarm Anus Scorcher.
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like spooning vinegared fondue cheese into your mouth in between bites of unflavored gelatin spiked with Unca Cletus' 10,000-Alarm Anus Scorcher.
I am in flavour country.
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I'm surprised nobody has commented yet on the delightful granularity of the alt text here. I mean, the film features busboy-on-busboy, busboy-on-waiter, and busboy-on-customer action. That's a separation of kinks that could only be enjoyed by two classes of people, assuming they are really two distinct classes: jaded aficionados of restaurant-focused gay porn, and Pat Reynolds.
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It would be like spooning vinegared fondue cheese into your mouth in between bites of unflavored gelatin spiked with Unca Cletus' 10,000-Alarm Anus Scorcher.
Since that alone made me laugh out loud in the middle of my office, for you Sir, a Can.
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Also, new porn sucks.
There is no way that this line is anything other than a basic set-up. Yet nobody is taking the bait.
In my head I'm saying hen-yays. Mainly because I recall the name of the letter itself being pronounced en-yay.
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It's kinda unrelated, but I don't want to start a new thread just to link to this guy (http://www.truthandbeautybombs.com/bb/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=225) who made a Phillipe flow-chart.
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It's kinda unrelated, but I don't want to start a new thread just to link to this guy (http://www.truthandbeautybombs.com/bb/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=225) who made a Phillipe flow-chart.
Sorry friend, that guy copied it from Roast Beef's flow chart: http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02282007
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dude it's extremely disrepectful to call christ onstadt by his last name 'onstadt' it's like you know him
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nobody is discussing the Heńs, this hurts me.
That's because no one has gotten there on the flowchart yet.
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I am in flavour country.
It's a big country.
I mean, the film features busboy-on-busboy, busboy-on-waiter, and busboy-on-customer action. That's a separation of kinks that could only be enjoyed by two classes of people, assuming they are really two distinct classes: jaded aficionados of restaurant-focused gay porn, and Pat Reynolds.
Says you - that's a far-reaching statement.
dude it's extremely disrepectful to call christ onstadt by his last name 'onstadt' it's like you know him
I'm not surprised you think it's disrespectful, given you've accepted him as your Messiah. Most of us consider him human.
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That's a lot of extraneous 't's there also.
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And he registered just for that, and his email is in his profile.
Fuck THIS guy! (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11052004)
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I had jalapenos and mustard today. Delicious! I didn't however think it was a chicken.
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And he registered just for that, and his email is in his profile.
Fuck THIS guy! (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11052004)
At least he posted. Unlike member #667 who ruined the 666 count and never did anything.
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And #667 also had a weird braggy handle too. "havardgrad"...truly, fuck this guy.
I also thought that the "onstadt" comment was kind of funny and snarky. But the poor spelling would suggest otherwise.
Thanks to Nabubrush for linking to that comic, it's one of my favorites ever.
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I feel like I have a better understanding of Pat now. Should I feel dirty now?
Pat is not an easy person to be. Pat does not enjoy being Pat. However, Pat does enjoy not enjoying being Pat.. He really likes how difficult it is to lead his life.
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thinking about it, I have had people tell me a similar thing when I referred to how much I love "Cobain." "Dude, do you know him or something? Why the last name thing?"
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Well, to be fair to you, if someone said "I love Kurt!" I'd assume Vonnegut, not the Nirvana guy.
Of course, I was the one guy still wavin' the GNR flag through the grunge era so perhaps I'm not the guy to ask. Kurt Vonnegut and Axl Rose are the last two people on Earth interesting enough to want to stalk for non-sexual reasons. Just to see what they're up to and so forth.
Just a coupla Hoosier dudes, too weird to live, too strange to die.
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Well, to be fair to you, if someone said "I love Kurt!" I'd assume Vonnegut, not the Nirvana guy.
Of course, I was the one guy still wavin' the GNR flag through the grunge era so perhaps I'm not the guy to ask. Kurt Vonnegut and Axl Rose are the last two people on Earth interesting enough to want to stalk for non-sexual reasons. Just to see what they're up to and so forth.
Just a coupla Hoosier dudes, too weird to live, too strange to die.
I would have liked to be hanging around when Axl and Buckethead decided it wasn't going to work.
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I think it went a little bit like:
"Look, if we're gonna talk about this like adults, you're gonna have to take the bucket off."
"Look, if we're gonna talk about this like adults, you're gonna have to get out of the dolphin tank."
"FUCK YOU!"
"FUCK YOU TWICE!"
Door slam!
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And then Les Claypool was all "a bucket on your head? I've seen stranger things. Hell, I've done stranger things. Get on in here."
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This is probably as good a place as any to bring up an odd duality that occurred to me the other day. Apologies if this is old news:
(http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a274/Nabubrush/devilock.jpg)
Devilock
(http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a274/Nabubrush/angelock.jpg)
Angelock
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Since when is referring to someone by last name only considered overly personal? I mean, I talk about Shakespeare all the time, and it's not like he's ever gotten in his time machine to accuse me of wanting Maximum Cuddles with him, unlike a certain webcomics artist I could name.
I will never forget.
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I don't know which is more unnerving, the idea of Maximum Cuddles with Mr. Shakespeare or with Mr. Onstad.
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thinking about it, I have had people tell me a similar thing when I referred to how much I love "Cobain." "Dude, do you know him or something? Why the last name thing?"
Okay, writer geek moment here: According the the MLA handbook, which is the standard format for academic writting 'round these parts, after referring to an author, artist, researcher, whoever, buy their full name once in a piece of writing, it is proper format to refer to them by their last name only. So, really, it's not informal to refer to a person by their last name - it is in fact proper form.
Back out of that into the porn store stories... I was going to tell this story again, (http://touamb.com/index.php/topic,1741.msg36136.html#msg36136) but then I remembered I already did, almost exactly two years ago. Anyway, take a look at my second post down about the standard pattern of porno rental, the three video stack: movie, movie, porno. I like to think that Onstad read this and is now riffing on it, but really that's just my ego talking. I think it's part of man-nature. You can't just walk up with one porno. Even if the business is predominantly porno, it's just too brazen for most.
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Okay, writer geek moment here: According the the MLA handbook, which is the standard format for academic writting 'round these parts, after referring to an author, artist, researcher, whoever, buy their full name once in a piece of writing, it is proper format to refer to them by their last name only. So, really, it's not informal to refer to a person by their last name - it is in fact proper form.
But isn't New York Times style to always use the title?
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But isn't New York Times style to always use the title?
This is why I have to do a global search and replace before reading anything in the NYT. Their style book is so incredibly stilted and old-fashioned that I just avoid reading them at all.
Based on what I've read rule 1 for all reports is "assume the readers are morons." I remember back during the Napster deal they had 4 stories on various aspects of the case. All 4 took several paragraphs explaining what mp3s are, the difference between uploading and downloading, and how the copies don't degrade like tapes. This left about 1" of column space for actual content. It was maddening.
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But isn't New York Times style to always use the title?
You get a can for being even more geeky than me.
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I don't know. I never realized there was a specific style-guide for this board. What's wrong with Chicago Manual of Style? Or Strunk & White? AP? Everybody has their own. Should I not be posting until I get the right one?
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You get a can for being even more geeky than me.
Well dang nice to know it's good for something.
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But isn't New York Times style to always use the title?
I don't know about New York Times style, but the AP Stylebook (as of 1988, alas...) requires that one use the full name and title on first reference and thereafter just the last name.
Damn. Now I can't find my AP Stylebook...
Also, I don't work for the AP or any of its subscribers, so I'll use the AW Stylebook, thankyewverymuch.