The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Victoria Waterfield on March 30, 2007, 05:25:25 am
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A five-strip week (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03302007), this storyline clearly has Onstad inspired. Though I'm not sure I like the intrusion of American Idol.
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Next stop: America's Next Pornstar.
I love Téodor's expression on panel 3. I believe he's wincing at Ray's ignorance and not at something Steve and Ron are performing on the TV screen.
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I love the 1950s usage of the operator. I half expect it to actually work.
You ever want to wonder about something, man, wonder how the operators in those movies knew how to connect everyone to everyone within the plot of the film. It was like the Clairvoyant Plot-Specific News Radio Network, but even more focused.
Now I have to dig up my tape of MST3K's The Giant Gila Monster.
And get some sleep for once.
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Personally, I thought the best celebrity to come bust up some gay porn would be one of those Predators (from the, uh, Predator movies).
Steve would be all nailin' Andy (and/or possibly Ron), and the Predator would keep trying to interrupt w/ its wide assortment of weaponry (e.g. wrist blades, incendiary devices). It would be quite a crossover adventure.
Also, there would have to be more than one scene shot from the 1st person perspective (Predator totally wrist-slashing at your FACE), possibly requiring 3D glasses.
I wanted to mention this yesterday, but I was too ashamed.
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The idea of a gay porn in 3-D is horrific to contemplate.
I love the expression on Beef's face in panel 4. I imagine that when dealing with Ray, that face gets used a lot.
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The idea of a gay porn in 3-D is horrific to contemplate.
To be honest, I have no depth perception, so I was totally just making a stab at potential awesomeness.
3D movies are up on this weird little pedestal for me.
Vivid childhood memories of being dragged to IMAX theaters, my cretin friends all pawing out at the screen while I sat there and pouted. "This just looks blurrier than usual :("
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The idea of a gay porn in 3-D is horrific to contemplate.
I've seen het porn in 3-D. It was pretty lame, for the most part, although the fact that the obligatory First-Person Object-Thrust-Directly-At-The-Camera shot was of a dominatrix-type thrusting a dildo at the camera was almost worth the price of admission.
(What was really worth the price of admission, of course, is being able to say I went to see 3-D porn. On a date.)
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It is not a new comedy technique... but I'm a sucker for Ray getting a person's name wrong, being corrected for getting it wrong and later restating his error. That joke has always chimed in with me.
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It is not a new comedy technique... but I'm a sucker for Ray getting a person's name wrong, being corrected for getting it wrong and later restating his error. That joke has always chimed in with me.
Word, that joke made me chuckle out loud. So beautiful in its simplicity.
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Word, that joke made me chuckle out loud. So beautiful in its simplicity.
Especially that he's got Cowell mixed up with Simon Le Bon. It makes sense in a "only half-paying attention to famous British people" way. Ray is too much of a player to keep track of dudes named Hugh and Simon.
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I had to register to point out that Simon Le Cowell claimed (http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tm_headline=the-sex-factor&method=full&objectid=18767690&siteid=66633-name_page.html) recently that he was once offered £50,000 to watch a couple in the act and give his opinion. "I stupidly turned it down," he says. So, given a second opportunity, he might just take Ray's offer to critique the men doing maximum cuddles.
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Once again, a strip in which Ray Gets Things Done (TM).
I am amused that the first two people that Ray thinks of are Ellen (who is far past hot at the moment) and the Yankees (who are in pre-season and therefore not really that interesting). I believe American Idol is actually going on right now, but it still only pulled third billing.
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I love how Ray doesn't really pay attention to what people around him say, since he's rich enough to just not need to.
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I love the 1950s usage of the operator. I half expect it to actually work.
It's not like Ray uses Verizon like some normal schmuck. He has the special invitation-only phone service. It's like the AmEx Black card, but with 1950's style operators and an optional olde timey phone number (Murray Hill 93-oh-5)
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To be honest, I have no depth perception, so I was totally just making a stab at potential awesomeness.
3D movies are up on this weird little pedestal for me.
Vivid childhood memories of being dragged to IMAX theaters, my cretin friends all pawing out at the screen while I sat there and pouted. "This just looks blurrier than usual :("
All like Willem in Mallrats not seeing The Schooner.
I have the same problem. An optomotrist once told me that there was an actual physical reason I couldn't see those magic eye pictures or 3D movies. I, like Willem would doubtless have been, was palpably relieved.
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That operator just sits there 24/7 standing by for when Ray needs someone's phone number. He pays her well enough that she can buy her kid a new Xbox game before he even finishes winning the last game she bought him. That's like a kid's definition of wealthy - having a stack of unplayed nextgen games in the fuck*ng queue.
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palpably relieved.
I've been palpably relieved before, but not by means of something the optometrist said to me.
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I've been palpably relieved before, but not by means of something the optometrist said to me.
Heyyyyohh!! ZING!
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At this point, I must ask the question...
Has the idea of The Underground and all of the cats and stuffed animals totally gone out the window?
Is the cat calling the human celebrity without any concern of being discovered to be a cat?
Is he calling the cat version of Simon Le Cowell? Are they watching a human man take the lady's position or a cat person take the lady's position?
The ways in which the "reality" of talking cats is stuck to and not stuck to is fascinating for me.
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I love the 1950s usage of the operator. I half expect it to actually work.
It does still work, though you'll get a nice charge on your bill for the service.
What takes the 1950sish fun out of it is that first you get a recording telling you to press a button if it's an emergency, then press another button to use their automated system, then if you don't you might get routed to a voice-recognition system first that thinks you just want directory assistance ... and only thendo you get a real human. Who may or may not be a guy named "Donald" with a thick Indian accent.
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At this point, I must ask the question...
Has the idea of The Underground and all of the cats and stuffed animals totally gone out the window?
Is the cat calling the human celebrity without any concern of being discovered to be a cat?
Is he calling the cat version of Simon Le Cowell? Are they watching a human man take the lady's position or a cat person take the lady's position?
The ways in which the "reality" of talking cats is stuck to and not stuck to is fascinating for me.
Canon and continuity are for suckers.
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Are they watching a human man take the lady's position or a cat person take the lady's position?
A human man take the cat-lady's position.
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As I say, I have nothing against the use of selective continuity.
The Simpsons has long derived many laughs from selectively applying continuity to their stories.
DC Comics would basically no longer have crossovers if not for selective continuity.
I guess I'm just wondering if it is being... consciously done or if the characters and ideas have gotten to a point where the whole Secret World thing just no longer serves the strip creatively.
Either is fine, I just find the process interesting.
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I'd imagine that you can't tell Ray's a cat on the phone, and besides, even if his felinity were discovered, he's rich enough to get away with it. I can't see Ray being particularly perturbed by the possibility.
The whole cat/human business is perplexing, though. If Pat is into human gay porn then he's a strange fellow. That said, there's no particular reason why Ray can't roll out the celebrity-entrance idea as a moneymaker in human porn, even if the idea was inspired by cat-porn.
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There is only one celebrity worthy of busting through the wall of a gay porno.
That's right, the Ultimate Warrior.
(http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/9936/ultimatewarriortw9.gif)
AW HELL YEAH
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I would buy the one where Fritz The Cat comes in through the wall and kills Garfield with a hash pipe all yelling "HAPPY MONDAY, PUMPKIN CAT". That would be satisfying. So satisfying.
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There is only one celebrity worthy of busting through the wall of a gay porno.
That's right, the Ultimate Warrior.
(http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/9936/ultimatewarriortw9.gif)
AW HELL YEAH
I dunno. Kind of looks like he's already starring in the gay porno there.
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I dunno. Kind of looks like he's already starring in the gay porno there.
That's just his style. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kr9TspUvigM)
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The whole cat/human business is perplexing, though. If Pat is into human gay porn then he's a strange fellow.
It's not human, it's cat, really. "Pat", "Steve", "ron", all anthropomorphized cats - they use little clothes and so on, but still cats (just like the GOF - anthro-etc cats). As for who Ray's calling, it's gotta be the humans. He can pretty much run the entire operation via phone, anyway.
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Or perhaps a non celebrity
(http://yourpain.com/~cranky/crazyturtle.jpg)
GUYS STOP THAT DONT YOU KNOW THERE IS A WAR GOING ON
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Or perhaps a non celebrity
(http://yourpain.com/~cranky/crazyturtle.jpg)
GUYS STOP THAT DONT YOU KNOW THERE IS A WAR GOING ON
This image and caption is burned into my retina for at least the next couple hours.
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I guess I'm just wondering if it is being... consciously done or if the characters and ideas have gotten to a point where the whole Secret World thing just no longer serves the strip creatively.
Either is fine, I just find the process interesting.
I'm a bit newer to the comic than many on here... but from what I've been able to absorb, the Underground is a formal concept only partly-revealed. As such there's a great degree of plasticity available to Onstad to evolve the idea (or make up new rules, to put it crassly) as the particular arc demands. Maybe some humans are in on the underground -- but they keep real cool about it.
Then again I'm a dewey-eyed fanboy for Achewood and would like nothing better than the stern condemnation of strict constructionist.
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I'm a bit newer to the comic than many on here... but from what I've been able to absorb, the Underground is a formal concept only partly-revealed. As such there's a great degree of plasticity available to Onstad to evolve the idea (or make up new rules, to put it crassly) as the particular arc demands. Maybe some humans are in on the underground -- but they keep real cool about it.
Although I knew about Achewood almost from the beginning, it was only about six months ago that I really got sucked in and went back and caught myself up from the very beginning. And the Underground was the very last concept that I figured out. Apparently you had to be in on the Sunday-only subscription strips to really grok it. (I keep thinking about subscribing just so I can get one last massive, four-days-on-crystal-meth hit of Achewood - as it's so much fun to read in mega-doses of dozens of strips at a time - but then I never get around to it because I can't wrap my head around the concept of having to subscribe to something that never updates and will charge me in perpetuity anyway unless I cancel it.)
Then again I'm a dewey-eyed fanboy for Achewood and would like nothing better than the stern condemnation of strict constructionist.
You know, I think "The Pleasures of Spanking with Antonin Scalia" could be the ultimate Ray disguised gay porn case. It hides itself while being exactly what you're looking for at the same time.
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It's not every day I coincidentally run into an Ultimate Warrior gif. Glad today is one of them, although they are not uncommon.
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Or perhaps a non celebrity
(http://yourpain.com/~cranky/crazyturtle.jpg)
GUYS STOP THAT DONT YOU KNOW THERE IS A WAR GOING ON
CHRIST. ;D
Can'd.
Yours,
Lurking Can Distributor
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There is only one celebrity worthy of busting through the wall of a gay porno.
That's right, the Ultimate Warrior.
AW HELL YEAH
This is a man who legally changed his name to Warrior Warrior. Seriously. At a speech to a group of college kids he said, "Queering don't make the world go 'round"
The dude is messed up, even compared to other pro-wrestlers.
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At a speech to a group of college kids he said, "Queering don't make the world go 'round"
And NOW you understand why he's perfect to break into the wall of a gay porno.
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I guess this is why I would be bad at an Internet Comic Strip...
The theoretical crescendo to this all, the closeted angry man from American Idol actually storming in on a Ray-financed gay cat pornography shoot... possibly involving Lyle... and refering to the soundtrack as a "dismal and pathetic chord sequence"?
This is not as interesting to me as the comedy anti-climax of the closeted angry gay man showing up to do the role and just being freaked out that there is this hidden world, not only of talking cats and alive stuffed animals, but that their parallel culture is advanced enough to have high-budget gay cat pornos in production.
Just throw a wrench into the whole proceeding and have the comedy suddenly come from this... famous successful man who built his life around making fun of people who can still sing better than anyone you or I know... comfortable in his cynicism and resting on the solid gold laurels of his life and then, all the sudden...
Cats can talk, teddy bears are alive and... not even that... they have a hidden world that has been going on for at least centuries, roughly at a pace with the human world.
What do worldwide fame and tens of millions of dollars exactly MEAN if everything you know is wrong?
And then the comedy comes from... you know... how do we manufacture an ending that doesn't completely void the premise, ala Springfield ejecting the real Principal Skinner and then putting a gag order on the town under the threat of torture, except when Skinner tries to call Lisa on the intellectual inhonest of finding a cat identical to Snowball and naming it as such and going on essentially as though the last sequence of events never happened even though, if challenged, they could be said to have?
I am sure that whatever Onstad comes up with will be... funnier than that sort of a scenario but... that is where my mind would go with this premise and... that is why I do not have a successful web comic strip.
That and my inability to draw, my inability to build a website and my difficulty with short-form comedy.
Those four factors are why.
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I guess this is why I would be bad at an Internet Comic Strip...
The theoretical crescendo to this all, the closeted angry man from American Idol actually storming in on a Ray-financed gay cat pornography shoot... possibly involving Lyle... and refering to the soundtrack as a "dismal and pathetic chord sequence"?
This is not as interesting to me as the comedy anti-climax of the closeted angry gay man showing up to do the role and just being freaked out that there is this hidden world, not only of talking cats and alive stuffed animals, but that their parallel culture is advanced enough to have high-budget gay cat pornos in production.
Just throw a wrench into the whole proceeding and have the comedy suddenly come from this... famous successful man who built his life around making fun of people who can still sing better than anyone you or I know... comfortable in his cynicism and resting on the solid gold laurels of his life and then, all the sudden...
Cats can talk, teddy bears are alive and... not even that... they have a hidden world that has been going on for at least centuries, roughly at a pace with the human world.
What do worldwide fame and tens of millions of dollars exactly MEAN if everything you know is wrong?
And then the comedy comes from... you know... how do we manufacture an ending that doesn't completely void the premise, ala Springfield ejecting the real Principal Skinner and then putting a gag order on the town under the threat of torture, except when Skinner tries to call Lisa on the intellectual inhonest of finding a cat identical to Snowball and naming it as such and going on essentially as though the last sequence of events never happened even though, if challenged, they could be said to have?
I am sure that whatever Onstad comes up with will be... funnier than that sort of a scenario but... that is where my mind would go with this premise and... that is why I do not have a successful web comic strip.
That and my inability to draw, my inability to build a website and my difficulty with short-form comedy.
Those four factors are why.
Also, Calvin never ages and sometimes his tiger is real and sometimes it's not. JUST LIKE GMr. WonderfulS BALTAR AND NUMBER SIX.
Seriously. More fiber in your diet. Clear that little problem right up.
I recommend McCann's Steel Cut Oats.
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Just throw a wrench into the whole proceeding and have the comedy suddenly come from this... famous successful man who built his life around making fun of people who can still sing better than anyone you or I know... comfortable in his cynicism and resting on the solid gold laurels of his life and then, all the sudden...
Cats can talk, teddy bears are alive and... not even that... they have a hidden world that has been going on for at least centuries, roughly at a pace with the human world.
What do worldwide fame and tens of millions of dollars exactly MEAN if everything you know is wrong?
And then the comedy comes from... you know... how do we manufacture an ending that doesn't completely void the premise...
I think it would be a splendid twist. Currently I'm so used to the Underworld paradox just working smoothly... at some point it would be a great deus ex machina for a human to wander into an improbably-complicated achewood arc and, apropos nothing, just bug the fuck out. Brain completely melted from talking cats in thongs to a stuffed bear cradling his bong while the other stuffed bear films a squir -- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THE SQUIRREL DOING???
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CIRCUS PENIS (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06072005), y'all.
Caftans, airplanes and giving $7 to an otter!. Achewood porn stars are anthropomorphic cats and bears! Teodor was almost in a gay porn! Lyle probably knows them all by their Christian names!
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But Ninja, clearly they are not talking about Stallone's cat equivalent storming in or Simon's cat equiv storming in.
They are talking about the human people intervening, it seems, even though the pornographic acts would be barb-on-barb.
My Amateur Writer Sense tingles toward that conflict, is all I'm saying.
And... exactly, Ham... your scenario is only heightened by the human in question being a human who is famous for making withering non-chalant comments about fairly bizarre people. But in the face of talking cats fuck*ng, would that wit hold strong?
That is not exactly the same as critiquing a nerdy Asian man for singing poorly on purpose so he can be on television.
A hardened violent criminal wakes up weaponless and nude, restrained and surrounded by aliens and hurtling past Neptune in a spaceship is not going to react the way he would if restrained by, say, two police officers with batons. A dude's reflex is to fight back at two normal dudes in a scenario that he must have at least considered before if not having been directly in that situation before.
But this is not four blocks from LAX in a MacDonald's parking lot.
This is OUTER fuck*ng SPACE and these things you've never seen are holding fuck*ng LASER SWORDS OR SOMETHING.
The comedy comes from his different reaction to a theorethically-similar situation with a few important differences.
Simon WOULD probably react to human pornography the same way he would to purposely-bad singers, this is not so much an interesting comedy premise or, at least, for more than a one-panel joke. But a motherfucker is not just trying to comment wryly on two people fuckin' in a manner as he would to butchering "Free Bird"... his sense of the universe's order is being violated at the same time as he is trying to crackwise about a crack which is wise to the feel of a cock.
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You overthink. You overthink too much.
not that there is anything wrong with that
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Overthinking leads to things like this:
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/167/439339895_25a704fd98.jpg)
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Pictures like that make me want to love everybody.
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Oh, no doubt about it.
A friend is re-editing a mostly-unfunny film to make some cash on the side and... there is a mostly-unfunny scene about a man getting hit in the nuts with something and... I just can't get over the fact that the object hitting him in the nuts clearly hits the dude in the dick and not the nuts. Which... hurts but is just not as world-shatteringly painful as getting hit in the nuts.
And it just... kills me. It kills me in my brain. I can't get over it.
EDIT: Also, I guess it is telling of me that the picture does not cause me to re-examine my own over-thinking, rather it causes me to want to read whatever pamphlet the Easter Bunny is handing out. The Easter Bunny went to all the trouble of painting a sign, the least I can do is consider his theory.
"Hm, the Easter Bunny thinks that the government allowed it to happen, thinking it was only going to be a hostage crisis that could be blamed on Iraq but Osama double-crossed him and used the planes as missles. Well, he IS the Easter Bunny, he's probably privy to some inside information due to his connections with The North Pole..."
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Oh, no doubt about it.
A friend is re-editing a mostly-unfunny film to make some cash on the side and... there is a mostly-unfunny scene about a man getting hit in the nuts with something and... I just can't get over the fact that the object hitting him in the nuts clearly hits the dude in the dick and not the nuts. Which... hurts but is just not as world-shatteringly painful as getting hit in the nuts.
And it just... kills me. It kills me in my brain. I can't get over it.
Listen.Seriously. I want you to go on a fiber bender. Just drink lots of fluids and eat so much fiber that you will clear out your system. Raw oats, okra, kefir, grapes, bananas -- lots of bananas! -- kale, spinach, bran, cabbage. Just hell of a fiber bender. Drink lots and lots of water throughout.
Then, sit back, relax, clear your mind -- if you get my drift -- When you're done you will find all those bad, obsessive qualities swept away.
FO REALZ
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That's right. Eat fiber, relax and for God's sake avoid prose written by David Foster Wallace (particularly "Inifinite Jest"; that fucker will be to your obsessed little brain what the last groove in Sgt Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band vinyl was for the stylus and I don't care if my convoluted analogy makes no sense to any of you).
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Sadly, the only fibrous item I've ever discovered that can actually stop my brain from churning renders me useless for anything other than listening to Pink Floyd for the rest of the day, is illegal and is mostly out of my current budget range.
The last concern, of course, is the only one that is actively holding me back.
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This has nothing to do with the current conversation, but David Foster Wallace is a professor at my college. Unfortunately, I've never seen him walking around or talked to him.
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This has nothing to do with the current conversation, but David Foster Wallace is a professor at my college. Unfortunately, I've never seen him walking around or talked to him.
If you do, give him a couple swift kicks in the crotch for us.
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I wonder if when he converses1 he has odd mannerisms2.
1. In person.
2. Namely, oral footnotes.
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TOUAMBIE Category: Best use of formatting to drive home the joke.
The TOUAMBIEs are so hardcore underground that they only exist in our imaginations.
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Man someone strap littlefallsmets to a chair in a quiet room and make him read "Run Spot, Run" for like a day. Try to slow down his mind. The dude just outputs too much goddamn text.
;)
Back on topic - I love Beef's expression in panel 4. He's just thinking, "The man was in Apollo 13 too, I should have said that. I should have said that."
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Man someone strap littlefallsmets to a chair in a quiet room and make him read "Run Spot, Run" for like a day. Try to slow down his mind. The dude just outputs too much goddamn text.
;)
Back on topic - I love Beef's expression in panel 4. He's just thinking, "The man was in Apollo 13 too, I should have said that. I should have said that."
Chair in a quiet room and Tom Jones music videos on endless repeat.
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I think it would be a splendid twist. Currently I'm so used to the Underworld paradox just working smoothly... at some point it would be a great deus ex machina for a human to wander into an improbably-complicated achewood arc and, apropos nothing, just bug the fuck out. Brain completely melted from talking cats in thongs to a stuffed bear cradling his bong while the other stuffed bear films a squir -- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THE SQUIRREL DOING???
HOLY CHRIST IS THAT AN ALIVE STUFFED ANIMAL (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312001)
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the last groove in Sgt Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band vinyl was for the stylus and I don't care if my convoluted analogy makes no sense to any of you).
ok, does yours just infinitely re-play the last groove? My friend told me that, and I told my dad and he said it was a lie. But... I have never actually thought to check on the actual album.
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HOLY CHRIST IS THAT AN ALIVE STUFFED ANIMAL (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312001)
Yes! Just like that.
From the land before alt-text no less... thanks for the history lesson!
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Hammish, your avatar is bad.
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Hammish, your avatar is bad.
Good bad or bad bad?
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Good bad or bad bad?
Wrong and evil, like Chucky. Or perhaps Bjork. Who I have an unrequited crush on.
Speaking of avatars, Jough, if yours is a picture of you from small times, you were an absolute spitting image of my best friend from 1st through 6th grades. When I first logged onto TOUAMB I was astonished that I would reconnect with him after all these years - but it soon became apparent that you are 1) Younger than me (although perhaps not substantially) and 2) Not Australian. I wonder if 38-year old Stephen Cross looks at all like you.
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Wrong and evil, like Chucky. Or perhaps Bjork. Who I have an unrequited crush on.
Yessssssssss
:: does the clenched fist draw back/pump thing with eyes closed in awe of my own coolness ::
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Bad is the new good bad.
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This has nothing to do with the current conversation, but David Foster Wallace is a professor at my college. Unfortunately, I've never seen him walking around or talked to him.
A can for you, sir, me envy you long time. Also, you can find what he looks like when he talks on the 'tubes. Google video has him on Charlie Rose, and I find him very endearing speaking, all cringing because the words he speaks do not match the world in his head.
And as for the Sgt. Peppers thing, for what I gathered from old people around here looks like it depends on the model of the record player? Apparently only those w/out automatic something would keep spinning forever?
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I know where David Foster Wallace's office is, so if anyone has a message for him, I'll slip it under his door and run for my life before he sees me.
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I checked on wikipedia: apparently non-us copies had a cut in the groove so it would re-play that one groove forever.
awesome.
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I know where David Foster Wallace's office is, so if anyone has a message for him, I'll slip it under his door and run for my life before he sees me.
Haha, that would put his little gears a-whirring, wouldn't it? "Do I dare disturb the Universe?" Don't tempt me.
But really, I might try to think of something... something of course very clean and nice with maybe a twist of surrealism, like "there are people from brazil watching you" or something ^^.
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TOUAMBIE Category: Best use of formatting to drive home the joke.
Aw shucks, that's low lying fruit.
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I checked on wikipedia: apparently non-us copies had a cut in the groove so it would re-play that one groove forever.
awesome.
Not quite - all records have a run-out groove, the circular part of the groove at the end of the record where the stylus will keep circling unless your record player has an automatic tonearm return. On the British record, the run-out groove had that collage of sound recorded in it, so it would constantly repeat until you took the record off your record player. The US version simply had a silent run-out groove, like any other record.
The other difference between the two versions is that, just before the run-out groove, at the end of the spiral, there's a high-pitched, almost inaudible tone on the UK version which isn't there on the US version. John Lennon wanted it there to drive dogs crazy.
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ah, I didn't realize it was on the run-out groove. That is clever.
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Sadly, the only fibrous item I've ever discovered that can actually stop my brain from churning renders me useless for anything other than listening to Pink Floyd for the rest of the day, is illegal and is mostly out of my current budget range.
I have much the same problem as LFM in Real Life. That thing he is alluding to there is pretty much the only reason my relationship is as functional as it is. Actually, that's pretty much what taught me to stop analyzing all the freaking time and just enjoy shit. Also, booze.
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damn, I need that. To what are you referring? I'm looking up what is strong in fiber... beans? Do you mean beans?
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damn, I need that. To what are you referring? I'm looking up what is strong in fiber... beans? Do you mean beans?
So innocent. They are talking about marijuana.
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damn, I was really hoping that beans would solve all of my awkward-white-boy problems.
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damn, I was really hoping that beans would solve all of my awkward-white-boy problems.
They are the magical fruit.
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Marijuana, for all the negatives if may or may not possess in its frequent use, when used somewhat sparingly is the most effective medicine known to deal with the most difficult to treat psychological problem in America today... Only Above Average's Syndrome.
For those of us smart enough to see the problems but in no way smart enough to fix them, it can be the one truly effective form of relief... other than suicide, of course, which is too extreme a solution.
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Marijuana, for all the negatives if may or may not possess in its frequent use, when used somewhat sparingly is the most effective medicine known to deal with the most difficult to treat psychological problem in America today... Only Above Average's Syndrome.
For those of us smart enough to see the problems but in no way smart enough to fix them, it can be the one truly effective form of relief... other than suicide, of course, which is too extreme a solution.
Jesus Christ I wish Pfizer or AstraZeneca made some sort of pill form of Shut The Fuck Up and Enjoy Life Cause It's Always Gonna Have Problems and You Aren't Expected to Fix Them so Just Have some fuck*ng Fun you Emo Goth Whiner (shutthefuckupine HCl 50mg) for fellows like you with the mental equivalent of Restless Legs Syndrome: a made up malady brought on by idleness and excessive consumption and lack of productive activity.
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Restless Legs Syndrome: a made up malady brought on by idleness and excessive consumption and lack of productive activity.
I just heard about restless leg syndrome (that's what I get for watching March of the Penguins on the Hallmark channel) and I thought to myself, "man, that is some made up bullshit right there."
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Restless Leg Syndrome is the name of my radio show. Thursdays at 1 AM central time.
I am a big fan of when people who are not doctors have opinions on whether things are diseases. not that restless leg syndrome is necessarily for real... I have no way of knowing this in one way or the other.
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Jesus Christ I wish Pfizer or AstraZeneca made some sort of pill form of Shut The Fuck Up and Enjoy Life Cause It's Always Gonna Have Problems and You Aren't Expected to Fix Them so Just Have some fuck*ng Fun you Emo Goth Whiner (shutthefuckupine HCl 50mg) for fellows like you with the mental equivalent of Restless Legs Syndrome: a made up malady brought on by idleness and excessive consumption and lack of productive activity.
Plus the medication (http://overcompensating.com/posts/20070122.html) for Restless Leg Syndrome causes Leaky Heart Valve Syndrome!
Anyway, not everybody can just disregard The Anxiety and live a blissful Ray-like existence. That is where meds come in.
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I supposedly have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a light case of OCD (mainly trichotrillomania). I find that the best cure for it is pot, booze, a social life, school, and a job in tandem. I crushed panic attacks. I don't have time for panic attacks anymore. Fuck you, panic attacks.
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Jesus Christ I wish Pfizer or AstraZeneca made some sort of pill form of Shut The Fuck Up and Enjoy Life Cause It's Always Gonna Have Problems and You Aren't Expected to Fix Them so Just Have some fuck*ng Fun you Emo Goth Whiner (shutthefuckupine HCl 50mg)
I don't think I am an Emo Goth Whiner but I would totally beg my doctor for some of that.
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Fuck you, panic attacks.
That's pretty much how I see it. Try to see them as bitchy-bitch fucks that are out to screw you, and make a point of honor that you outscrew them, because in the end it's just not worth it. Your brain doesn't have to be your best friend, and hell, most of the time it isn't. But there are diversionary tactics that can buy you time, and that is more than enough to carry you through the day.
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HOLY CHRIST IS THAT AN ALIVE STUFFED ANIMAL (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10312001)
I miss the one-offs. It used to be all one-offs. Now, it's all story arcs and shit. Well, fuck that.
Philippe is standing on it (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012001), bitch. Clear, concise, and doesn't have anything to do with anything.
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I crushed panic attacks. I don't have time for panic attacks anymore. Fuck you, panic attacks.
Aw man, if it was that easy for me. I'm not saying that isn't the truth for you and what you're dealing with, Rumjay?
But, aw man, if it was that easy for me. Actual Doctor Medicines are only able to... tamp mine down. Even 'em out. Slow 'em down.
Ain't nothin' has made 'em go away entirely, ever.
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Restless leg syndrome is a real disease. Simply bouncing your leg when you're sitting on the bus or at the DMV is not restless leg syndrome. It's usually a kicking around when you're trying to sleep, and often interferes with sleep. Those are the people who need the drug. However, the drugs are marketed to hypochondriacs and those people who like to believe they have every medical abnormality. There is a sound reason for the drugs to exist, but blame the commercials on those devils in marketing.
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Of course,what I recommended might not work out at all when there are neurological/chemical factors involved. That is actually extremely hard, I would believe, and I don't have a medicine cabinet. Makes one think that, if your brain is the tool through which you receive the world, if that tool gets wrecked or diseased, it might be very disheartening to live in a basically sick reality. What can I say, rough chuckles.
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Back when I was a boy, we didn't have any 'Restless Leg Syndrome'. We called it the wacky dance, and we considered ourselves lucky when it happened. We figured it was more or less a carnival ride that we didn't have to pay for.
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Anyway, not everybody can just disregard The Anxiety and live a blissful Ray-like existence. That is where meds come in.
This almost sounds like you are claiming moral superiority over those of us who don't require drugs to deal with our problems.
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What can I say, rough chuckles.
Man, you wanna hear some rough chuckles?
My mom's best friend at her job died today, after a long battle with Cancer of the Everything. My mom all trucking down to Cooperstown every single night to just hold her hand and bring food to her friend's family for three or four weeks straight. It has been pretty hard on my mom.
So upon hearing this, I call my gramma... her mom... and those two are on pretty frosty terms, gramma and mom. Stuff from long before I was on this planet. And I have a long conversation that comes down to my trying to subtly say to my gramma "Hey, her best friend just died, maybe you could call her and not make her reach out to you this time?"
Because mom and gramma are basically those people in a play who won't talk to the other one until the other one talks to them and so on.
And... gramma's sympathetic to the fact that someone universally known as a Nice Lady died? But she also makes it indirectly clear that she still can't be the one to pick up the phone to mom. And then gramma gets to talking about how... y'know... sometimes it's a blessing to go if you know you're gonna go, so that the pain doesn't last forever and so on. The suffering ends and so on.
And she's all like "Mikey, when my time comes, I'm gonna put a plastic bag over my head and tie it off and go to sleep while I can still do it with my own two hands. Don't worry about me, it probably won't happen for a long time yet but goddamn it, I'm going out on my own terms. Throw a party in honour of that."
And... man, gramma. Rough chuckles.
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This almost sounds like you are claiming moral superiority over those of us who don't require drugs to deal with our problems.
I have no idea what you're talking about, dude.
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Aw man, if it was that easy for me. I'm not saying that isn't the truth for you and what you're dealing with, Rumjay?
But, aw man, if it was that easy for me. Actual Doctor Medicines are only able to... tamp mine down. Even 'em out. Slow 'em down.
Ain't nothin' has made 'em go away entirely, ever.
Oh, man, I hell of don't want to judge. It's not like they go away 100%, but I would have had to go on meds had they been like they were this summer.
But anyway, I certainly don't want to judge anyone. Whatever you feel is necessary. Every situation is not the same. Your body your choice and all that.
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And she's all like "Mikey, when my time comes, I'm gonna put a plastic bag over my head and tie it off and go to sleep while I can still do it with my own two hands. Don't worry about me, it probably won't happen for a long time yet but goddamn it, I'm going out on my own terms. Throw a party in honour of that."
And... man, gramma. Rough chuckles.
Whoa! Jeez, Gramma...not what your grandson needed to hear.
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Restless Leg Syndrome is the name of my radio show. Thursdays at 1 AM central time.
I am a big fan of when people who are not doctors have opinions on whether things are diseases. not that restless leg syndrome is necessarily for real... I have no way of knowing this in one way or the other.
Did Hippocrates write about Restless legs Syndrome? Did Pliny the Elder? Or maybe any of the great Chinese healers?
What about people in the era of Jonas Salk and the triumph over polio?
No?
It is a made up disease brought by affluence.
Restless legs do not exist when you spend all day plowing a field or hunting a wildebeest on the African savannah as we evolved to do.
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Did Hippocrates write about Restless legs Syndrome? Did Pliny the Elder? Or maybe any of the great Chinese healers?
What about people in the era of Jonas Salk and the triumph over polio?
No?
It is a made up disease brought by affluence.
Restless legs do not exist when you spend all day plowing a field or hunting a wildebeest on the African savannah as we evolved to do.
To play Devil's-Advocate-But-Sort-Of-Not: the lack of reporting in ancient sources does not indicate that a disease is not medically legitimate. Consider, for example, Alzheimer's Disease. Do you see a terribly large amount written about this in the ancient world? No -- but that's because most people didn't live long enough to develop it, and even among those who did, it was generally assumed that even the most severe senility was just a natural function of age. Alzheimer's could be said to be a disease "brought by affluence," but this is because "affluence" means "lifespans increase and people stay healthier for their entire lifespan." It sure as hell doesn't mean that Alzheimer's is a fabricated disease.
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To play Devil's-Advocate-But-Sort-Of-Not: the lack of reporting in ancient sources does not indicate that a disease is not medically legitimate. Consider, for example, Alzheimer's Disease. Do you see a terribly large amount written about this in the ancient world? No -- but that's because most people didn't live long enough to develop it, and even among those who did, it was generally assumed that even the most severe senility was just a natural function of age. Alzheimer's could be said to be a disease "brought by affluence," but this is because "affluence" means "lifespans increase and people stay healthier for their entire lifespan." It sure as hell doesn't mean that Alzheimer's is a fabricated disease.
So Lazy Legs Syndrome is the result of affluence that means the legs have excess energy (or "qi"). Solution: Toil in the fields, you fat, soft, white-collar fucks. Toil in the fuck*ng fields and wear those twitchy legs out. Stop drinking fluids filled with stimulants. Stop inhaling smoke containing stimulants. Stop watching a broadcast meant to stimulate and tittilate to sell consumables, while sitting there and not channeling the stimulation. Work. Play. Masturbate. Do something. Soft overlord class! Soft overlords and their pathetic diseases of affluent dominance? Restless Legs Syndrome gets as much sympathy from me as the fuck*ng gout.
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wow dude, they also didn't write about men landing on the moon, or how some people are just born gay, or how sometimes a cat has a party because his toilet is real blue. They didn't write about AIDS or communism or genetic disorders. They did not know what these things are. People have different problems in different ages, and you not considering them legitimate doesn't make them go away. I mean, Vergil also wrote that black people are black because they were burnt by the sun coming too close to them because the sun's son borrowed the sun-chariot from him. You can have your little cynical theories about how modern people have bullshit made-up problems, but that doesn't make these problems not real.
I mean, my mom opined that depression was the result of our affluent and lazy society-- and then I read a statistic that the people most at-risk for depression are children who grow up in fucked-up situations, without parents, etc. Or, you know, people who have genetic problems.
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Those dudes were also big on the four humours and wouldn't have believed you about bacteria.
This is not to say I am completely in disagreement with you.
To steal a turn of phrase from LFM I am basically Bill Hicks when it comes to marketing.
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Those dudes were also big on the four humours and wouldn't have believed you about bacteria.
This is not to say I am completely in disagreement with you.
To steal a turn of phrase from LFM I am basically Bill Hicks when it comes to marketing.
There is a fundamental difference between attempting to explain an observed phenomenon (and failing, due to lack of knowledge) and observing a phenomenon that was not observed before, for thousands of years. The more so if this observed phenomenon is a human health condition, given that the human physiology hasn't changed in hunreds of thousands of years.
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Fair point, and I was being a bit silly, but we do live an a more affluent society and so what we classify as an inconvenience and a disease has changed and that's not entirely a bad thing. I agree that there is a limited amount of time and effort that should be dedicated to preventing your leg jumping around but at the same time if it's messing with a person's sleep and they have the ability and resources to remedy it then why not.
I am totally with you on the subject of people being convinced by various parties that there is something wrong with them that does not actually exist (or at least that they would never have noticed on their own) that shit is ill.
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Did Hippocrates write about Restless legs Syndrome? Did Pliny the Elder? Or maybe any of the great Chinese healers?
Well actually here's something that was on NPR:
There are some early references to what appears to be RLS in the scientific literature. An English physician named Thomas Willis wrote a description in 1683:
"Wherefore to some, when being in bed they betake themselves to sleep, presently in the arms and legs. Leaping and contractions of the tendons and so great a restlessness and tossing of the members ensure, that the diseased are no more able to sleep, than if they were in the place of the greatest torture!"
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7815991 (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7815991)
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Well actually here's something that was on NPR:
There are some early references to what appears to be RLS in the scientific literature. An English physician named Thomas Willis wrote a description in 1683:
"Wherefore to some, when being in bed they betake themselves to sleep, presently in the arms and legs. Leaping and contractions of the tendons and so great a restlessness and tossing of the members ensure, that the diseased are no more able to sleep, than if they were in the place of the greatest torture!"
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7815991 (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7815991)
Can'd because I love being all "Well, actually..." It is frequently cited as one of my most distinctive traits by friends.
Also, just because the surviving sources of medical knowledge before common era didn't document it didn't mean that nobody noticed or talked about it. Maybe some doctor in Pompeii was all "Ipsum tebia eritis pro meum jumpius" and had like crazy theories backing it up, and then he took a break to play dice and got burned by a f*cking volcano.
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There are some early references to what appears to be RLS in the scientific literature. An English physician named Thomas Willis wrote a description in 1683:
Damn but RLS brings it OLD SKOOL.
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Of harmes manye the one byrnyng as fyre Syndromme Fatigue most Chronycke is; felte it by Professynales Urbyne Younge is.
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So Lazy Legs Syndrome is the result of affluence that means the legs have excess energy (or "qi"). Solution: Toil in the fields, you fat, soft, white-collar fucks. Toil in the fuck*ng fields and wear those twitchy legs out. Stop drinking fluids filled with stimulants. Stop inhaling smoke containing stimulants. Stop watching a broadcast meant to stimulate and tittilate to sell consumables, while sitting there and not channeling the stimulation. Work. Play. Masturbate. Do something. Soft overlord class! Soft overlords and their pathetic diseases of affluent dominance? Restless Legs Syndrome gets as much sympathy from me as the fuck*ng gout.
So, do you not believe in movement disorders in general? Is "tiring oneself out" a cure for Tourette's syndrome?
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So Lazy Legs Syndrome is the result of affluence that means the legs have excess energy. Solution: Masturbate.
Always good advice, if you ask me.
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God said to me sloooow down. Fuck, I was going that fast?
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Mrh?
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So Lazy Legs Syndrome is the result of affluence that means the legs have excess energy (or "qi"). Solution: Toil in the fields, you fat, soft, white-collar fucks. Toil in the fuck*ng fields and wear those twitchy legs out. Stop drinking fluids filled with stimulants. Stop inhaling smoke containing stimulants. Stop watching a broadcast meant to stimulate and tittilate to sell consumables, while sitting there and not channeling the stimulation. Work. Play. Masturbate. Do something. Soft overlord class! Soft overlords and their pathetic diseases of affluent dominance? Restless Legs Syndrome gets as much sympathy from me as the fuck*ng gout.
I had Restless Legs Syndrome for a couple nights in a row once (which I guess makes it more like Restless Legs Incident). Likely it had something to do w/ Things Put Into Body That God Did Not Want There, so I wasn't bitching about it, but it was still a little freaky. I mean, insomnia due to racing thoughts is one thing, but uncontrollable twitching can be quite off-putting. I'd always get like this close to conking out, and my legs would go, "Fuck this! Let's party!"
I wasn't about to just let insomnia rule me, though, so I tried burning off the energy in pretty much all of the ways suggested. I ran around the block like 8 times. I shot a BB gun at things. I listened to White Town's "Your Woman" roughly 900 times on repeat. I [choose one (http://www.worldwidewank.com/synonyms2.html)]'d at least a couple of times. And then, when I finally tried crawling back in bed... *twitch*
Maybe it isn't the most legitimate disorder, but I was definitely glad when the spell passed. And if people out there have it regularly, they deserve relief from it, even if the thing is somehow their own fault. No one needs leg hiccups.
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I had Restless Legs Syndrome for a couple nights in a row once (which I guess makes it more like Restless Legs Incident). Likely it had something to do w/ Things Put Into Body That God Did Not Want There, so I wasn't bitching about it, but it was still a little freaky. I mean, insomnia due to racing thoughts is one thing, but uncontrollable twitching can be quite off-putting. I'd always get like this close to conking out, and my legs would go, "Fuck this! Let's party!"
I wasn't about to just let insomnia rule me, though, so I tried burning off the energy in pretty much all of the ways suggested. I ran around the block like 8 times. I shot a BB gun at things. I listened to White Town's "Your Woman" roughly 900 times on repeat. I [choose one (http://www.worldwidewank.com/synonyms2.html)]'d at least a couple of times.
I looked at my clock it said 2:42, I said "God Damn!!" ;)
I think I got some leg twitching after I ran the Seattle marathon last November, but it didn't bother me cause I just figured something was bound to happen. It probably wouldn't have bothered me if I started bleeding out of my butt-hole - that is the state of mind you're in after that kind of event.
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It probably wouldn't have bothered me if I started bleeding out of my butt-hole - that is the state of mind you're in after that kind of event.
You've sold me on marathons.