The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Arachno-capitalist on January 27, 2009, 03:37:21 am
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I'm sure Mr.Onstad is enjoying the new house we bought him, but when will the man stop living in the celebration? Get back to work, 'stad. Make with the funnies. You're bordering on like, PBF status right now.
Re: http://chrisonstad.blogspot.com/2009/01/achewood-state-of-union-12009.html (http://chrisonstad.blogspot.com/2009/01/achewood-state-of-union-12009.html)
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I for one do not wish to see strips about crying. I am willing to wait.
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MAKE COMAKICS OSNTAD.
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Ain't nobody gonna get burned on this deal.
Then how come you sold your eyes?
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Um, yeah, I've moved several times before, but I ain't never taken two weeks off work afterwards.
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I just want to make it perfectly clear I haven't bought anyone a house.
I think my fiancee would get jealous if I'd been going round buying houses for other people, you know? You've got to be safe.
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Um, yeah, I've moved several times before, but I ain't never taken two weeks off work afterwards.
Well, remember he's moving both his home and his work, so that's more complicated.
I'm less impatient for a strip than for another blog post explaining the moving story, which sounds dramatic and interesting. But I have been very well trained to expect a strip when I get one, at this point.
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Todd T. Squirrel is the final Cylon.
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Little Nephew shot JR.
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In the Village, Number One is Scrambles the Dog.
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Soylent Green is cartoon cats.
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Roast Beef is John Galt.
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Blister was dead the whole time.
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Pat is Kaiser Soze.
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Lyle killed Dumbledore.
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Ramses Luther Smuckles is Luke's Father.
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What Philippe is standing on is a sled?
I think I am not qualified to play this game.
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Despite his technical and military superiority, Barry Bass was felled by Earth's microorganisms, being unaccustomed to our atmosphere.
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It was all in Phillipe's head, staring into a snowglobe, because he has Problems.
The role of Chucklebot was played by Howie Mandel.
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Italics
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It turns out Molly is a man.
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Roast Beef's insomnia led to a split personality. Roast Beef and Ray Smuckles are the same cat.
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Dumbledore was killed? What the fuck!
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Italics
Education.
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There was nothing more Roast Beef could do. Their secret relationship had eaten Raymond from the inside out. There was nothing left of him but a gnomon of a man, paralyzed by his third stroke. Their love had brought them the greatest joy and the greatest sadness any men have known. And not even the heroin could dull the pain any longer...
Ray whispers to Beef in his last breath... "rosebud..."
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It turns out Molly is a man.
Musical interlude (http://moviethemes.net/music/C/Crying_Game.mid)
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Gramma K was dead all along. Roast Beef would dress like her before killing the motel guests.
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Gramma K was dead all along. Roast Beef would dress like her before killing the motel guests.
Also Phillipe's Mom. Mrs Smuckles is horrifyingly real.
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Pat returns from the Moon and lands on a planet full of beatnik monkeys with HIV. But it was Earth all along.
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The whole archive is backward. It was actually Steven the waiter that killed Tina.[/url]
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The monster is just a guy in a costume. Once Téodor escapes the village of Achewood he finds it is actually the twenty-first century.
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for those of you who dont have a subscription to "premium updates". onstad wrote in one of today's updates that the comic is returning next week. he is getting at least two strips ready. i wonder how many of the two he will think are not good enough for the Viewer
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The roller skate is running the show
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Lyle finally drinks himself to death; after having sex with Polly for the first (and last) time, he dies.
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for those of you who dont have a subscription to "premium updates". onstad wrote in one of today's updates that the comic is returning next week. he is getting at least two strips ready. i wonder how many of the two he will think are not good enough for the Viewer
Onstad will be so mad with you for revealing that! >:(
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Spongebob is Deep Throat
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Pat finally gets his dream of a world without people where he can finally read in peace. But then he breaks his glasses.
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Todd gets a pocketwatch that allows him to stop time at will. In the process of heisting a bank he breaks the watch, freezing time forever.
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On a flight to Berlin, Ray freaks out at seeing a demon-like creature on the wing of Todd's airplane.
On further inspection, it turns out to be Todd.
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Beef posts "Some Cat", "Terrific", "Humble" and "Radiant" on the Prime Time Records message board, but dies alone in the end.
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No one believes that Peter H. Cropes, investment banker in the 80's, could possibly be a serial killer. His crimes go unpunished.
Huey Lewis and the News goes on to win international fame and fortune.
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No one believes that Peter H. Cropes, investment banker in the 80's, could possibly be a serial killer. His crimes go unpunished.
Huey Lewis and the News goes on to win international fame and fortune.
He was into that whole Yale thing, you know, a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine.
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It turned out that when Nice Pete thought he had killed a baby, he had actually killed a rooster.
This broke his spirit irreversibly.
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Bobby, you are earning your can total these days.
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The man who Ray thought was Uncle Culpepper was simply an elaborate facade created and utilised by a #####.
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Polly never remarried. She and Cornelius have four daughters and will celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary in June.
Dr. Teodor Orezscu never returned home...
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Polly never remarried. She and Cornelius have four daughters and will celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary in June.
Dr. Teodor Orezscu never returned home...
*weeps*
(with joy)
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"This may seem an inopportune moment to ask, Chris... but do you think you could give us one more chance. dogg?"
RAY SMUCKLES - PUBLIC DEFENDER
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND
"Daddy! Mom! This is Roast Beef, the boy who molested me last month! We have to get married."
"uh yeah um we should discuss this some other time sir if you don't mind"
C. "ROAST BEEF" KAZENZAKIS - EDITOR
NATIONAL LAMPOON MAGAZINE
"C-c-c-come out of t-t-t-there! C-c-c-come on out, you b-b-b-bastards?"
"WHO IS IT"
"Y-y-you know d-d-damn well who the fuck it is!"
"YOU WILL HAVE TO COME AT ANOTHER TIME I AM DOING THE DISHES. LOOK AT MY THUMB"
"G-g-gee you're d-d-dumb, you fucker!"
TODD TODD TODD TODD T. SQUIRREL
NIXON WHITE HOUSE AIDE
RAPED IN PRISON
TÉODOR OREZCU - GYNAECOLOGIST
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA
" Excuse me. Pardon me."
(screaming) REYNOLDS!
PAT REYNOLDS
KILLED IN VIETNAM BY HIS OWN TROOPS
MR. GARY
SENSITIVITY TRAINER
ENCOUNTER GROUPS OF CLEVELAND, INC
(laughing)
PETER H. CROPES
WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN
"Don't you guys think you've had enough? Okay, now l'm really mad. Now you've had it!"
"Officer, please, for God's sake, they're looting the Food King!"
"Come back and fight!"
"NO PRISONERS!"
CORNELIUS AND POLLY - MARRIED 1964
DIVORCED 1969
MOLLY SANDERS - TOUR GUIDE
UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, HOLLYWOOD
SENATOR & MRS. LYLE GABRIEL
WASHINGTON, D.C.
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Beef wakes up, the past 7.5 years have all been a dream and Suzanne Pleshette is in bed next to him.
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Cornelius grows old, outliving his wife and seeing his daughter grow up to be a scientist. She discovers that the planet is dying, irreversibly, and the people of the planet build a probe to tell the universe of their existence. Suddenly Connie wakes up on the bridge of the Enterprise -- what was, to him, a lifetime, was only twenty minutes. Inside the probe is the same flute he learned to play.
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Only now I'm back to the ol' internet fandango, so I just got aware of this thread. I am amused, and must do the ol' can-can now, it seems...
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This thread is why I read the board and not the comic.
Hi everyone, btw. It's been an interesting however long I haven't been around.
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Wha... Hey! Come back here! Where've you been? What have you been doing!
DAAAAAWG!
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I think it's gone way beyond vacation or book tour or moving or whatever at this point. He must have made too much money on his book tour.
We got 2 strips this month (January). Seven each in December and November. He didn't take off this much time when he had a newborn baby.
I think he's working on something else. Are the premium updates still coming? Maybe someone gave him the greenlight to write an Achewood screenplay. Maybe he feels like he's got enough of an archive he can throw out a strip or two here and there to keep the characters alive and coast on merchandising while he works on other more lucrative things.
There are a lot of explanations that make a lot more sense than I just moved so I need a month off. Basically what I am saying is I think that Achewood may be over.
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There are still premium updates, including two strip previews.
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It's not rocket science, people. He wants to do the best work possible. Because he has fingers in various contractual pies at the minute with Myspace, Darkhoss, and others we don't know about yet, and in addition to that may be suffering the perfectly normal stress and anxiety that would accompany having to move from your home very unexpectedly with family in tow, he is feeling (was feeling?) unable to concentrate on creativity. We talked about this. It happens to Bowie, it happens to Banksy, it happens to Kate Bush and Andre 3000, Milan Kundera and the Coen brothers. Spike Lee spent a year sitting on a toilet seat crying before he suddenly jumped up and filmed a great new movie (probably). All will be fine.
Achewood's not dead. Just exploited.
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I read this as "it's not rocket sauce, people" and...
He's right, you know. It ain't rocket sauce.
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He can't produce the comic because he's wasting all his time on Facebook?
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Maybe it is over. If it is, we've gotten 7 great years worth of Achewood. Onstad will do something else.
Life goes on. Everything changes. This too shall pass.
That fuck*ng guy.
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I read this as "it's not rocket sauce, people" and...
He's right, you know. It ain't rocket sauce.
Now I want some rocket sauce. I don't know what it would be, but it sounds good.
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Now I want some rocket sauce. I don't know what it would be, but it sounds good.
Mustard and honey based barbeque sauce heavy on poblanos.
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The walrus was Todd.
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Roast Beef wasn't rescued at all, he just retreated into madness while being horribly tortured.
Which is as close to a happy ending as you could get.
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...but Ray had been sitting outside the pizza parlor the whole time, waiting for Beef to come take him home.
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Only after Nice Pete saved his life for no reason at all did Roast Beef realize that the origami unicorn was meaningful.
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...but Ray had been sitting outside the pizza parlor the whole time, waiting for Beef to come take him home.
Noooooooooo!
/weeps