The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: ianmalcolm2 on December 01, 2013, 10:33:44 pm
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I like collecting bad websites. Like, ones so bad they're sublime. Because the (un)official link discussion doesn't quite seem the place for these, I thought I'd do up a new topic to share the weirdest, dankest corners of the internet we've been to. Maybe post a description as well, if pertinent.
To get the ball rolling, and set the tone:
http://arngren.net/ (http://arngren.net/)
I would buy stuff from here if I could figure out how. The beauty is in this site's total lack of self-awareness. And the elaborate Christmas GIF collage at the bottom.
http://deoxy.org/ (http://deoxy.org/)
Finding this mess was the moment I decided I should probably never do DMT. It's great for clicking around aimlessly in search of conspiracy theory non-sequiturs. Kinda like David Icke threw up on Geocities.
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I'm not clicking any of that.
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There was a post on Facebook recently of totally strange websites. I think it was from the local weekly, but I can't seem to find it now.
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For whatever my word's worth, a-cap, I am not a spammin man. Click and you will not see a lady's nethers smeared in birthday cake.
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http://arngren.net/ (http://arngren.net/)
Oh, wow. This is some next level shit. Even the text that pops up when you hover the penis over the tab is terrifyingly beautiful in its unabashed grodiness.
I'll be adding some of my own specimens to this thread soon, you bet.
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http://arngren.net/ (http://arngren.net/)
(http://www.arngren.net/Porsche.911_turbo_anim.gif)
VRRRRROOOOMMMM
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I'm out.
That really got me giggling.
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If you thought Arngren was nuts, Dejavroom, I'm thusly compelled to bump it up to the next tier of clutter:
Behold: Ling's Cars (http://www.lingscars.com/)! As to why anybody would buy a car from a website this unabashedly skeezy is beyond me, but I'm happy to look at it.
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I'll raise you some cask-strength (http://www.heavensgate.com/) crazy. I love that this link still works.
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Gang, check out this website (http://www.slate.com/). Who can make any sense of that? It makes NO sense!
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Another Day, Another Word (http://anotherdayanotherword.com/)
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wwwwwww.jodi.org/ (http://wwwwwwww.jodi.org/) because fuck you.
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Nobody Here (http://www.nobodyhere.com/).
Nobody sane anyway.
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Medijate (http://larrycarlson.com/medijate/index2.htm)
Like meditate, but more seizure inducing.
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Boobah Zone (http://www.boohbah.tv/zone.html)
Because the creator's previous work, the Teletubbies was too logical.
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And of course... Anything is possible (http://zombo.com/)
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I'm not gonna look it up, but wasn't there a message board just one person posted too forever?
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pmcd9 —— these are perfect! I'm also happy to see jodi.com or whatever again. That was one of the first in my 'crazy' folder. The heaven's gate one is a beauty.
http://www.yyyyyyy.info/ (http://www.yyyyyyy.info/) is a lot of fun, but it lacks the self-seriousness that makes some of these other ones great. Still worth a bewildered perusal though.
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Boobah Zone (http://www.boohbah.tv/zone.html)
Because the creator's previous work, the Teletubbies was too logical.
I think I remember somebody having linked me to this site in college as an 'example of the Kristevan semiotic'. Yeah don't get a degree in literary theory.
http://fablesofadjacentreality.com/ (http://fablesofadjacentreality.com/) is a magic dealio, as well. It really brings one back to angelfire days, 'yknow.
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And of course... Anything is possible (http://zombo.com/)
Gotta love the classics.
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glad to see superbad (http://www.superbad.com/) is still kicking around 15 years after i found it.
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Guys, meet Tana. She's a devil babe. http://www.tanadevilbabe.com/ (http://www.tanadevilbabe.com/)
Piping hot cheesecake guys http://www.tanadevilbabe.com/pics/cheese.htm
Half man, hald lady, ALL BUSINESS (http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/2492/bneq.png)
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I think Tana and Faye Kane (http://fayekane.blogspot.ca/) might get along well.
This one is undeniably NSFW. As far as I can tell, "Faye Kane's Fuck Sanctuary" is the blog a of BDSM-inclined schizophrenic physicist who lives in the woods with a bunch of outdated computer equipment. A strain of crazy like no other, but tread carefully—some of this stuff is just plain unsavoury.
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BDSM-inclined schizophrenic physicist who lives in the woods with a bunch of outdated computer equipment.
Oh my God, a perfect thing to say!
*SPLUT!*
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Unsavory indeed. Yikes!
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Sorry Paul——I should've gone beyond the requisite NSFW when warning about this site. It veers frequently into stuff that even I have difficulty treating with levity. Sometimes we must turn to darkness in order to throw the light into sharper relief. I guess. Maybe.
You gotta admit though, that "putting the ass back into Aspergers since 2003" is Certainly A Thing To Say.
What worries me is that I don't remember who sent this to me in the first place.
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Oh, I'm not so easily offended. You need not worry.
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If I take every statement this girl makes at face value (which is unwise, I know), at the very least she's followed through with her principles and made a life for herself that most people would consider impossible.
And that tent/cave is a pretty cool setup.
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I think Tana and Faye Kane (http://fayekane.blogspot.ca/) might get along well.
This one is undeniably NSFW. As far as I can tell, "Faye Kane's Fuck Sanctuary" is the blog a of BDSM-inclined schizophrenic physicist who lives in the woods with a bunch of outdated computer equipment. A strain of crazy like no other, but tread carefully—some of this stuff is just plain unsavoury.
I must be really warped, then, 'cause I read most of it as witty satire. Not the disingenuous kind -- no Modest Proposals here -- but the kind that takes something that is outside the mainstream but still true for the writer, skews it just a hair, and then throws in a dash of over-the-topitude just to shock the norms.
I recognize that voice. I know real-life people like this. Not coincidentally, many of them have Aspergers and/or are scientists of some kind.
The gangbang metaphor to explain spontaneous symmetry breaking is fairly brilliant, if you ask me.
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It's true that the main thing she seems to want to get across is that 'geeks' are repressed and that she has found some kind of autistic paradise existence, but I'm not sure if I could call this stuff 'satire'. I agree that there's some definite wish-fulfillment involved, and while the voice does seem believable, the facts are undeniably distorted.
Some of the writing is pretty fun, admittedly. This blog is the kind of thing I like to find every so often, if only because it presents a reality so far from the one inhabited by myself and most people I know.
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I didn't read any of her writings, just watched a little bit of her rape and torture videos.
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The gangbang metaphor to explain spontaneous symmetry breaking is fairly brilliant, if you ask me.
It's a tour (tourette?) de force, really.
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I... I'm very sad. One of the bafflingest websites... artifacts... things in existence is in Portuguese, and so it's out of reach for most of the rest of the world. Or-or perhaps I'm very happy and relieved because the breakout is contained down here. I say breakout because having contact with this... presence really makes one think of a dimensional breach of some kind, from where some colour out of space or alien toxic entity could leak in.
Ok, I'll do my best here, but keep in mind you'll be protected from the full blast by the language barrier, the inadequacy of my words etc. Believe me, *there's no way I'm overselling it*.
It's a website, but this website, as huge (it's *so* huge), irretrievably bonkers and groin-grabbingly byzantine as it is, is just the marketing vehicle/support for a book (and only now as I'm writing this I realize how utterly lovecraftian this whole thing is starting with a cursed tome), actually 12 volumes of a maxiseries called "Gea".
The book was written by Claudio Cesar Dias Batista, the genius/bonkers brother of the genius/bonkers Batista brothers of Os Mutantes fame (yeah, they had another brother who dabbled in electronics and actually created some crazy instruments and equipment for them back in the day), and... I can't really hope to tell you what the damn thing is about, but... wait! wait a second!
(http://i.imgur.com/xTeQSw5.png)
Now, it's like this, in tone, but the content is actually just a teensy bit more coherent... it's possible to be *very* bizarre while still being coherent -- and he is a very cultured person, so it's not like he's completely out there... but he's clearly hanging by a thread.
For starters he's completely oblivious to how megalomaniac the whole thing is. All throughout his website he boasts that "Géa" actually "surpasses all the millenia-old religious texts of the world". "My book has more than 3.400 characters!", he yells from another page. He says that the book contains twice the size of Shakespeare's lexicon (30.000 words), that it reveals the deepest truths and ultimate meaning of the life of *every reader*, and he is capable of writing earnest copy like: "Géa is everything. Everything is made of Géa. But Géa is not only that." He opens the website with a line about it being the biggest literary work "on Earth".
Reading his text, both the one where he talks about the book, and the book itself (there's plenty of samples scattered throughout the site) yields gem after gem after gem of insanity and obliviousness and... and yet part of me has to concede that some nugget of relatable humanity gleams somewhere down there (even if irretrievable, lost forever, like the last twinkle of sanity in Friedrich Holderlin's eyes). It's like someone actually imparted some very basic notions about storytelling, its role in the formation of human consciousness, the power of myths etc. etc. to a very peculiar, drug-soaked mind (Os Mutantes, the 60's) and then set it loose to work and, fuck, I'm exhausted and I haven't even touched upon the IMAGES.
At least here we'll reach full understanding, and hopefully you'll be able to extrapolate the esthetics of the images and arrive at a (thankfully) blurry idea of the man's text, since they're cut form the same wobbly cloth. See, this guy is *very* active and *thorough* (as touched people often are), so he also is making 3D illustrations for his book (along with animations and songs and). This is what I mean by being coherent while at the same time being ludicrously *out there*: You see a head on top of a shoulder, and two arms and legs, etc, it's all there, and yet...
(http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/gea_em_quadrinhos_ky_ansata_terceira_figura_a_908x1304.jpg)
(http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/10-2297-7+2298-1_arqueu_pele_roupa_estudio_escuro.jpg)
(http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/li3_f14_clausar_gia_e_felix_perto_comput_pentio_a.jpg) <--- I have a problem with spiders. So of course he had to go and create this.
(http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/capa_disco_de_a_volta_dos_atlantes.jpg) <--- It's playing an harp amidst flames! It's playing an harp amidst flames!
(http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/li2_f60_dalv_close.jpg) <--- this handsome feller is a vampire. His name is "Dalv", because: a) "Vlad", and b) Fuck you
(http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/li9_f35_todos_se_abrigam_na_boca_de_akaky.jpg)
He thinks this is commercial-grade illustration work. He really thinks that.
Picture him. Picture it. Picture this man, day after day of his life, night after night, isolated somewhere in the country, laboriously building this Ark, this maze of interconnected dementia, drawing one crude 3D image after another, bound to this labor of arrested love, slowly amassing a book the size of 10 James Joyce's "Ulysses" that nobody will read because its style is repellent to human minds, and building a bloated, obsessively documented and annotated website on top of that...
I can't... I can't... here, there's an image gallery (there are I don't know how many other image galleries somewhere in there): http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/livro_nono_de_geinha.html (http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/livro_nono_de_geinha.html)
Here's a page in English with an abhorrent 3D animation to download! http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/ky_danca_proust_bale_video_english_version.html (http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/ky_danca_proust_bale_video_english_version.html)
Here is the inconspicuous maw of madness... abandon all hope, etc: http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/ (http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/)
Sorry, I can't go on. I haven't even scratched the surface and I'm already disintegrating, I knew this would happen. In trying to touch Géa, I'm being absorbed, eaten alive, as it always happens. Lost in countless open tabs, not remembering where I came from or where I'm going, drowning in endless text and horrifying images which look like if they were vomited by a computer who doesn't understand the concept of HUMAN. The website is fractal in its fragmentation, so pretty much every page you visit will have links to countless other pages with more deranged publicity text, the history of the website (which includes a lengthy, painstakingly recorded fight with Google on account of I DON'T CARE LET ME GO!), excerpts of the book which are already almost illegible in Portuguese because of course he had to *create a language specifically for the story which is only Portuguese if you squint real hard* (which is why he compiled a whole dictionary to go with it) and...
Here you have the synopsis of the book mangled by Google translator, extracted from the guy's bio at Wikipedia (I really think Google translator improved it):
GEA , the main work of CCDB is an online publication consists of twelve volumes (plus a thirteenth with glossaries and cross-references ) . The narrative focuses on the history of Clausar , an alien planet in their quest for GEA GEA Luz.10 has a vocabulary ( or lexicon ) thirty thousand words , being the thirteenth volume dictionary and glossary that léxico.10 The plot the " GEA " includes science fiction, drama , politics , sex and mysticism. Thirty thousand words is double the lexicon of William Shakespeare and six times the lexicon of Camões in " The Lusiads " 11 .
Besides Gea , Claudius Dias Baptista wrote juvenile Geínha work ( twelve volumes) and the book ) to ( likewise wrote the technical audio book CCDB - . . Geadágio Professional Recording is a collection of thoughts and adages of the author , gifts work in GEA .
Participated in drafting the screenplay for the film 's American filmmaker Jeff McCarty 12 , and Steven Kedrowsky Bread and Circuses 13 (in production ) , as well as the animated short film Mutantes and the Garden of Notes14 the same author on the same subject , in which you can see animations and photographs representing Claudius Dias Baptista and his name in the final thanks .
CCDB has produced illustrations and works Gea Geínha , the covers of all your books and to disseminate the written work , composed many songs , both alone and in conjunction with other authors .
Main characters [edit | edit source code ]
The total work of CCDB includes 3,455 characters . GEA includes 1,267 characters , 15 including :
Clausar , alien planet Gea , reached the stars in search of Ansata .
Gia , Clausar wife , came to him from the waves on the beach of Arion .
Ra, son of Clausar and Gia , penetrated the core of the star that bears his name .
Ky , daughter of the first marriage Clausar , is the biggest dancer of the universe .
Serious subjugated the planet Ro Penta Bolinei with the sound of gravitational Etérila of Soládio .
Ardo is great musician and middle brother of Clausar ( firstborn ) and Serious ( youngest ) .
Ra - El , Clausar best friend and expert pilot spaceships war .
Atlantis is the musical group created by Clausar and Ra - El , in which play Serious , Ardo and Ree .
Geárion , Being of Light , Ky. One of Species .
Toxia in grammes of deadly poison.
Posenk , bio- computer that came to life .
Talia , Ra dream girl .
Terrar , the Terran .
GEA , the female part of the One - the final chapter .
Geo ( God ) , the male part of the One - the final chapter .
I don't know, man. I wish Jorge Luis Borges was alive and I knew him, and he wasn't blind, and I could show him this.
I will leave you now with this knowledge, envying you and not envying you for your ignorance.
Over and out.
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I am weeping. I am trying to watch SNL Christmas and drink a beer and there are just tears.
Thread closed. Carbonation. Give this man your carbonation.
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(Found a bunch of pages in English: http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/english_pages.htm (http://www.ccdb.gea.nom.br/english_pages.htm)). For your pleasure, ian. Don't mention it. Shhhh.
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Good Lord!
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Not clicking on any of this. Because that is my role here and I'd hate to disappoint.
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*Makes whiny voice*
C'monnnnnnn....
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It's true that the main thing she seems to want to get across is that 'geeks' are repressed and that she has found some kind of autistic paradise existence, but I'm not sure if I could call this stuff 'satire'. I agree that there's some definite wish-fulfillment involved, and while the voice does seem believable, the facts are undeniably distorted.
Some of the writing is pretty fun, admittedly. This blog is the kind of thing I like to find every so often, if only because it presents a reality so far from the one inhabited by myself and most people I know.
Whereas, I actually know people in 24/7 D/s relationships, and I recognize that the places where practicality interferes are most definitely NOT the places most people would expect. I'm also pretty cognizant of the apparent discord inherent in the phrase "consensual nonconsent." I have no doubt that the facts of her experience are true. I also have no doubt that people with no exposure to the kink community either wouldn't fully believe or couldn't fully understand how it's possible that she'd choose such and existence and find it satisfying. I could never do it, but talking to people who have, well. It's an interesting perspective.
Also, ian, since you are newish here I feel I should let you know that my kids are both autistic, I'm very interested in the autism community, very pro-neurodiversity, and I know a lot of autistic adults. There's a very distinctive kind of autistic/Asperger's voice that enjoys disturbing the "norms" that really skirts the line between truth and satire, and that's what I feel here. (I'm not offended by anything you've said about autistic people, just thought I'd throw out my credentials.)
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There's a very distinctive kind of autistic/Asperger's voice that enjoys disturbing the "norms" that really skirts the line between truth and satire, and that's what I feel here. (I'm not offended by anything you've said about autistic people, just thought I'd throw out my credentials.
This is an important thing that I've gotta remember——I'll be the first to admit that my interest in 'outsider' thought-processes comes from a really privileged position in that I have almost no experience with truly neurodiverse persons. Thanks for providing an opinion that isn't just the result of a "wouldn't it be cool if" mindset, and I'll be more respectful in the future
And the kink aspect you brought up too was interesting. "Consensual nonconsent" is something I can understand, and it's interesting to note that even in this mindset, there's gotta be a point where the submissive party's personal autonomy has to break out of the roleplaying frame, if only for practical purposes. Because of this, I guess the "Faye" voice that writes this post has to be at least partly a "character," in that her attitude toward her own autonomy seems so one-sided. But that being said, kink culture is a thing I've only got a passing interest in, and I have no experience in the matter. Whereas it appears you have cooler friends than I. :(
I'd like to hear your thoughts on it though. Especially the "unexpected" places where practicality interferes. Or just good ol' stories of dungeon bizarreness.
Oh, and thanks for hosting a welcoming and pretty frikkin sweet community.
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This is an important thing that I've gotta remember——I'll be the first to admit that my interest in 'outsider' thought-processes comes from a really privileged position in that I have almost no experience with truly neurodiverse persons. Thanks for providing an opinion that isn't just the result of a "wouldn't it be cool if" mindset, and I'll be more respectful in the future
And the kink aspect you brought up too was interesting. "Consensual nonconsent" is something I can understand, and it's interesting to note that even in this mindset, there's gotta be a point where the submissive party's personal autonomy has to break out of the roleplaying frame, if only for practical purposes. Because of this, I guess the "Faye" voice that writes this post has to be at least partly a "character," in that her attitude toward her own autonomy seems so one-sided. But that being said, kink culture is a thing I've only got a passing interest in, and I have no experience in the matter. Whereas it appears you have cooler friends than I. :(
I'd like to hear your thoughts on it though. Especially the "unexpected" places where practicality interferes. Or just good ol' stories of dungeon bizarreness.
Oh, and thanks for hosting a welcoming and pretty frikkin sweet community.
And welcome to it. :)
I'm not totally comfortable sharing my experiences with kink culture out here in the open, and I suspect it might make for a certain awkwardness that I'm not willing to generate. But you can totally email me at the address I'm PMing to you if you want to continue this conversation privately.
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Not clicking on any of this. Because that is my role here and I'd hate to disappoint.
And that's why we love you.