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[side_show]

Dear god!  Just found out thru our mortgage broker that my SO and I have been pre-approved to have a brand-spankin' new house built for us thru a special program for low-income familes!  Holy hell.  Holy hell.

I am excited and horribly terrified.

Have made multiple trips to our future neigbourhood to stare at the empty lot where our house will be.

My emotions are all generally positive, I get that fultter-y feeling - sort of like the "just before x-mas/b-day" feeling you get as a kid.  But this is so big.

Do I really want to be a grown-up with real adult responsibilites like a mortgage?  Dear god.

A house.  A house.  

All makin' decisions on what colour backsplash goes in the kitchen.
All not havin' a landlord to call when the fridge breaks down.
All takin' on a huge debt load.

My SO is so totally chill about this, he's all "Ya, we'll be fine."  And I'm all "what about the fact we have to, like, build and fence?  What about buying, like major appliances like a fridge and stove?  What about the fact the neighbourhood is still in a 'redevelopment faze' with a mix of sketchy neighbours and regular folk?  What about if we get a dog?  What about the garden we built at the house we rent right now?  What about?  What about?  What about?'

Holy hell.

Interestingly enough, everyone I've told about my SO and I getting a house is all like, "So are you guys getting married?"

Hmm.

[V-Adore]

On the marriage thing -- I think because buying a house together is such a huge, adult-type responsibility, the assumption is that it's connected to other big, adult-type responsibilities. Not necessarily true, but it's an easy logic hole to fall into.

Also, congratulations! May your house be lovely.

[jough]

Well, if you live together (in sin!) in a house and share expenses and sleep in the same bed the only difference between that and marriage is ideological.

Also, I don't know how that works in Canadia, but in the U.S. if you live together like that for seven years (in most states) you're legally married anyway, whether you perform the ceremony or not.

[Bozack]

Wow, good luck! That sounds really awesome. Your house. Will be. Rad.

[side_show]

What makes the "are you getting married" question so interesting is that a) we've been living in sin for over two years b) the person who most ardently insisted that home ownership and marriage somehow interconnect was a friend, who's new boyfriend moved in with him less than a week after they started dating. c) my SO and I are not at all religious.

In Canada, or at least Manitoba (it's a provincial 'thang here) since the whole legalization of gay marriages thing happened, there has been a restructuring of what makes a couple common law.  It used to be 7 years if the couple shared no offspring and 3 if they did, and you had to go out and fill out a form if you wanted to be included in either clause.  Now it's changed so that after three years a couple is common law, across the board, no form, no nothing.  

So give it another year and my SO and I are common law anyway.  My bestfriend just got married this summer, and she's all "just get married - you won't believe how much money people give you."  And I know this is definitly true - I was her maid of honour - I saw the piles of cash and the oodles of gifts.  But I don't want my number one motivator to getting married to be greed, but that bling, is also nice.

Strangely though, all the questioning from others has given me the itch.  My SO and I have talked about it and he's said "you deserve a wedding."  and "I want to marry you." etc.  I know he's looking for me to be all oh-boy-yes-lets do this!  But I spent my adolecence taking care of my mentally ill mother, and even though I try to limit my time with her, she tends to make me very, very miserable with her extreme passive agressivness and intentional problem causing.  I witnessed my parents car-crash marriage.  They're still "together" but dad regularly takes jobs that take him out of town for long periods of time.  Even though he "retired" years ago he's taken on yet another job that takes him out of the city that starts in January.  When I was a kid that meant I was stuck with mom, now it means she's stuck alone.  

A wedding would not be a fun thing for me because of her, and there is no way to get married without excluding her unless we excluded all of my SO's family, who I sincerly love to pieces.  I don't want a Vegas wedding, but I don't want to spend months of misery planning an event with my mother, and I can't just cut her out. I know it's a mental health thing and in the end it's out of her controle too.  My SO and I have talked about this, and if we get married he really wants his family there - and logically so, they're great loving people.  

Hell.

[wombat]

The question is do you want to be married?  If so you should be married.  Go to the justice of the peace or however they do it in Canadia and be married. That's what really matters.

Then have a party to celebrate. There's no reason it has to be some kind of extravaganza that takes months to plan.  If you're eligible for a low-income house, then presumably you don't have money to burn on products and services of the wedding-industrial complex.  You don't have to get sucked into all that.

People need to focus less on what kind of a party they are going to have and more on the end result.  In my humble opinion.

[andalucia]

[marriage debate past as it pertains to side_show split off]

[side_show]

back on the freakin' topic of the freakin' house...

My SO and I are meeting with the builder guy soon and when I spoke to him, he reminded me to bring "a list of add-ons."

me "what do you mean by add-ons?"
him "things you'd like your house to have that will improve your quality of
       life."
me"oh, okay."

My SO and I have been drawing up a list, the house comes standard with all the basic things we'll need, will have a super-efficient furnace, hot water tank, etc.  So we're looking at the other stuff... the add-ons.

Sooo... What things would you add on to your home to make it...home? (I'm not saying the SO and I can nessisarily afford all that much, but this is a list of all those wonderful practical things that you need to live)

[wombat]

Um, I think 'add-ons' is builder's lingo for 'things you really can't afford,' so don't let them talk you into anything.

But there is one really simple thing I wish I had in my house, which is a bathtub that is big enough to be completely submerged in.  This shouldn't be that hard, since I am only five feet tall, but I don't have it and it drives me crazy.

[AugustWest]

But there is one really simple thing I wish I had in my house, which is a bathtub that is big enough to be completely submerged in.  This shouldn't be that hard, since I am only five feet tall, but I don't have it and it drives me crazy.

Dang, couldn't you use like a big cooler or something?

Follow the yellow-brick road! Just kidding.

[Nabubrush]

In-floor heating and one of them on-demand hot water tanks, where it doesn't keep the water sitting there, but heats it as you need it. Very economical. My ex-in-laws have both, and they're great.

Big bath tub, certainly, that's a must.

Front loading washer, if you are also doing the appliances now. Those are the coolest. I miss mine so bad. Very economical, also.

[Nabubrush]

On electrical: if not included, make sure GFCU wall sockets are set up to protect line runs in particular areas, like bathrooms and wash/utility rooms.  That way you can have an accident and just trip the circuit instead of having a fire or an electrocution.

Most places this is mandatory, isn't it?

On garage (if applicable): What kind of door and is it well sealed, possible upgrade.  Is the garage drywalled and insulated?  May be a worthwhile upgrade.  Does the garage have a heat vent or another means to keep it above freezing?  If not, see what upgrades are available.

Also, if you are going to be spending time there (other than just storing cars/crap) more light is better. Many builders skimp on the garage lighting.

[wombat]

Front loading washer, if you are also doing the appliances now. Those are the coolest. I miss mine so bad. Very economical, also.

What's better about a front-loading washer?  Doesn't it get the floor all wet when you open it to add the things you forgot to put in at the beginning?

[Nabubrush]

Most places this is mandatory, isn't it?

From this guy

Ain't no thing, Ash - I did not research where this specific house is being built, this was sort of off the top of my pointy head. I cannot be expected to remember where everyone lives based on their comments here. It's all I can do to find my own way home.

Front loading washer, if you are also doing the appliances now. Those are the coolest. I miss mine so bad. Very economical, also.

What's better about a front-loading washer?  Doesn't it get the floor all wet when you open it to add the things you forgot to put in at the beginning?

Ha! If for no other reason, it is better because it has a window in the front to allow you to wash your clothes become cleaner. If you don't understand how that is better, you are a heathen. It makes a chore into an entertainment!

Seriously, it saves a significant amount of water and detergent (if you don't hate the Earth), and it does substantially less damage to your clothes.

[CortJstr]

I've always heard builders refer to this stuff as "options." So in that case don't forget a garbage disposal.

I've always wanted the on-demand hot water heater. Those things are so choice.