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@achewood Today's sad thing: A reeking tweaker couple looking in the gas station freezer for "that pizza that was good in the microwave last time."

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Author Topic: 10/03/05 - Titty Twisters  (Read 16044 times)

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Imperator Severn

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #75 on: October 12, 2005, 02:15:19 pm »
Dating advice?  I've always gotten more action when I've forgotten to shower.


Seriously, I'm not just saying something stupid to try to be funny.  I don't understand it, either.
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Mueran todos los reyes.

jough

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #76 on: October 12, 2005, 04:38:35 pm »
Carlos - I'm just sick of explaining it.  I could tell them I'm a writer, but then people ask what kinds of stuff I write, the ubiquitous "Are you PUBLISHED?" question, then maybe they want to see my work, etc.

I don't need that kind of pressure.  If I'm just out with friends and other guys ask me what I do I tell them I'm a janitor at a nursing home.  That pretty much ends the Jough's Employment conversation quite swiftly.

"I work with computers." generally puts the kibosh on further explaining too, and they will assume that I make some decent money (if only) so that's all they need to hear.

Not that I'm saying all women are money-grubbing bitches.  Of course they're not all bitches.
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Mantonio

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #77 on: October 13, 2005, 01:00:43 am »
Quote from: "side_show"
then there are stupid wooden blocks glued together in the shape of an outhouse with some dried flowers glue gunned on and meant to be hung at someone's cabin as a toilet paper roll holder.


You know what I love? (and by "love," I mean utterly despise.) It's when some enterprising craftsman finds a wild animal turd, sticks a couple of dowels in as feet, glues on a couple of those little googly eyes, tacks on a few feathers and something to serve as a beak, mounts it on a block of wood and calls it "The Original Turd Bird" or some such. To be fair, the turds in question are of the hoss & cow variety rather than dog feces. Still, people are paying money to buy turds. Turds!
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Imperator Severn

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #78 on: October 13, 2005, 01:19:03 am »
I must avoid this "Lake Sabego."
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Mueran todos los reyes.

wombat

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #79 on: October 13, 2005, 01:39:13 am »
Quote from: "jough"
 If I'm just out with friends and other guys ask me what I do I tell them I'm a janitor at a nursing home.


I wish I'd thought of this in the old days. I could have skipped all those stupid conversations where I had to explain what linguistics is.
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What is this, the fuckin' Algonquin Round Table or some shit?  - Nabu

If you're going to change your life then you have to change it every day, not just the days the world isn't taking a shit on you. -Doc

Bobby Isosceles

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #80 on: October 13, 2005, 03:51:20 am »
Quote from: "wombat"
Quote from: "jough"
 If I'm just out with friends and other guys ask me what I do I tell them I'm a janitor at a nursing home.


I wish I'd thought of this in the old days. I could have skipped all those stupid conversations where I had to explain what linguistics is.


People mishear Whorf-Sapir as "Worf-Tapir" and have an image of a klingon sodomizing an ungulate...
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Mantonio

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #81 on: October 13, 2005, 04:15:51 am »
Quote from: "Imperator Severn"
I must avoid this "Lake Sabego."


Turd birds are more of a west of the Mississippi thing. Most of the shit-based art here in Maine revolves around moose droppings, or at least so sayeth the site I link to below.

Anyway, this site shows two fine specimines of turd bird.

Oh, and I live east of Lake Sebego. And west of the Atlantic. That's just my fancy way of saying I live in Portland, Maine.
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Bozack

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #82 on: October 13, 2005, 05:14:14 am »
Jesus, the worst we have at our art fairs are sort of ill-concieved bad neo-impressionist pastels of historic buildings. People seriously sell animal shit to other people?
God. I thought Louisville was a little off, but you people are just fuck*ng insane.
I give my occupation as "poet-warrior." Not really, as of two days ago I started giving it as "fiction clerk at the 82nd street and broadway Barnes & Nobles!" And I say it with the exclaimation mark, because I'm actually sort of enjoying the job. Isn't that weird? I finally sold out to the man, and I really like it. I was getting paid more at my last job, and I do a lot more at this one, but I never got to show a really attractive girl where the Joan Didion essays are, and then say, "You know, if you like Didion, I think you should probably check out my cock. I think you'd really like it."
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Hey, things are going okay now!

pmcd9

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #83 on: October 13, 2005, 05:57:43 am »
This thread is starting to remind me of that scene in Yellowbeard where the waif asks John Cleese "would you like to buy a clump of shit?"  Also, "You know, if you like Didion, I think you should probably check out my cock. I think you'd really like it." is pure gold.  I'm taken aback by the sheer honesty of that statement.  Pleased be to report here any dalliances that may take place in the essay section.  

~Paul
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I hope I never have to refer to a scone in spoken conversation.

CortJstr

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #84 on: October 13, 2005, 01:12:34 pm »
Quote from: "Bozack"
I was getting paid more at my last job, and I do a lot more at this one, but I never got to show a really attractive girl where the Joan Didion essays are, and then say, "You know, if you like Didion, I think you should probably check out my cock. I think you'd really like it."

Does your B&N has chicka-wa porn music playing in the background or something? Because that would increase the effectiveness of this line by like 200% Maybe even right there in the aisle.
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aparrish

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #85 on: October 13, 2005, 02:30:39 pm »
Quote from: "Bozack"
"fiction clerk at the 82nd street and broadway Barnes & Nobles!"


Shit, I go there all the time.  I've probably been there since you started and have been intimidated by you!  Why is it that you have separate sections for sci-fi/fantasy, mystery, and romance but all the horror is just interspersed with the other fiction?  I spent like an hour looking for "The Haunting" (previously published as "The Haunting of Hill House").
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Mantonio

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #86 on: October 13, 2005, 03:10:22 pm »
Quote from: "Bozack"
People seriously sell animal shit to other people?
God. I thought Louisville was a little off, but you people are just fuck*ng insane.


THAT'S whats the matter with Kansas, people.
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side_show

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10/03/05 - Titty Twisters
« Reply #87 on: October 14, 2005, 02:21:17 am »
Quote from: "CortJstr"
Does your B&N has chicka-wa porn music playing in the background or something? Because that would increase the effectiveness of this line by like 200% Maybe even right there in the aisle.


Bozack and CortJ - you are both rays of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day.   Also, please note the updated sig.
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Abuse of power comes as no surprise.
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