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Author Topic: Side_Show, Get Your Gun!  (Read 9422 times)

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side_show

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Side_Show, Get Your Gun!
« on: October 08, 2005, 04:23:35 am »

Well, I just had an interesting day.

A point to make things clear before I begin my story:  I work at a children's theatre as my "day job" and I'm currently also on contract with another theatre directing a very adult-themed show as my "other job"

So when it comes to the "other job," after the total failure of both the production manager and the prop person for the show I'm directing to find me a hand gun for the play I'm directing, (which I've been asking for since August)  I rat them out, probably get one of them fired, and spend the entire afternoon in gun shops...

I have been waiting for a gun, asking for it, finally demanding it, since August when our rehearsals began. - it is now a week until the show opens.  Since no one had taken any action on this request (aka: doing the work they are fuck*ng paid to do), I sent a very angry email two dayts ago to the two people running the theatre festival.  The response is to call me in a panic, come to my office, and then they also pass the buck, throw up their hands, and basically told me I was screwed without making any attempt to resolve the issue - aparently they had "looked into it," but getting a decomissioned revolver is - according to them - against the rules.  Naturally, I want to know what these rules are, but no one seems to actually have these rules - infact since the "rules" they refer to seem to change everytime I ask about them, I demand to see a copy of these rules in print.  They never materialize.  

Now, the gun is basically the central prop of the entire play - the play is all about violence, power, etc.  and when the gun appears it's a major deal - probably the most important moment in the play.  A cap gun will not do, and I noted this both verbally and in repeated notes to the production staff.  With all that, they let me know that they had arranged to borrow a pellet gun for the show from a hunting shop called S.I.R.

So I call S.I.R. and make an appointment with the guy who has the pellet gun, knowing full well that it's not what I need.  Since I have time between when I see the guy at S.I.R. and the end of my work day at the childrens theatre (read the other, more professional theatre - my "day" job) I decide to visit the production manager of the children's theatre.  Since the theatre is for the wee ones, there is a "no gun policy," but since no one in the other theatre company had bothered to look into the legality of using a gun on stage, I thought I'd consult with the guy who runs the entire production side of the kid's theatre since he knows basically everything there is to know about theatre.  Within 10 minutes he presented me with the clear concise information I needed, showed me the union rules on gun use in theatre.  Basically I was right in looking for a decomissioned hand gun (a real gun with a barrel stopped up with lead so it is impossible to fire) - it is the standard, and according to him it's what every high end theatre uses in their productions.

Then I headed home to wait for the time of my apointment with the pellet gun guy, feeling even more like I'm about to waste a lot of time.  I get home, and I sit there for a minute, and I suddenly think - "wait a minute - the people who told me they couldn't find a gun were clearly idiots, and are probably lying to avoid doing actual work."

I pick up the yellow pages, flip to "guns" and call the first business listed "Earl's Gun and Tackle"  I ask if they have a decomissioned hand gun - "yes, we do."  I ask if they would mind lending it to me for a play I'm directing.  "Sure no problem."  I tell them I'm heading straight down.   Within 20 minutes of calling the shop I am holding exactly what I wanted in my hands, and the shop owner is telling me he will let me borrow it for free.  It is a real gun.  It is exactly what I had been asking for for over two months with no result.  The first place listed in the yellow pages had exactly what I needed.  After such easy and quick success, I wonder if anyone actually did any real work in regard to this whole issue.  I walk out of the store holding what, for all intents and purposes is a real gun to anyone who should see me holding it.  Now, I know that people get a little dazzled when they hear that I'm in show business, but I have to admit, I found it a little disturbing that I was handed something which I could rob a bank with by a shop owner who didn't even bother to take down my name.

So I have the gun I wanted, but I figure out of courtesy that I should go to the SIR and look at the pellet gun.  I end up in some creepy back office with two guys who clearly think I'm a total moron because I have breasts and a pu$$y.  They are cleary quite surprised when I present them with the decomissioned revolver as an example of what I'm looking for.  They sheepishly present me with their pitiful pellet gun, and though I know it's totally useless to me, I agree to try it out in rehearsals.  Again they offer to let me borrow their pellet gun without taking any information down.  I thank them for their trouble.  As I go to leave, one of the guys comes hurrying behind me:  "You know you shouldn't be walking around with guns in your purse."  I turn to him and say "Oh, don't worry, I'll be a good girl." and leave.  I actually said "I'll be a good girl" out loud.  I was by far the most ridiculous thing I've ever said to another person out loud in public - also as a side note, it wasn't a purse - it was a brief case, but you know, I'm just a girl and all, I need something to carry my compact in...

So there I sat at home, 3 hours after deciding to solve the problem myself, with one gun and one pellet gun and a copy of the rules I need to follow all spread out on my coffee table.  

I ask you, what's more disturbing:  1)the fact that two salaried people couldn't do in over two months what took me three hours in my off time to do or 2) the fact that two strangers allowed me to walk out of their stores with a) a pellet gun that resembles a hand gun with the staff continually stressing "you could rob a bank with that!" and b) a real gun, that only close examination would reveal to be inopperable?
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AugustWest

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« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2005, 04:40:37 am »

Hell, you should just come down here south of the border.  I think in some states you're legally required to carry a gun.
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jough

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« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2005, 04:51:58 am »

I've only been skimming the board of late, but I could have gotten you a handgun within 24 hours (shipping to Canadia being what it is).  You'd have to fill the barrel with lead yourself, though.

So maybe it all worked out for the best.

And I thought guns were like, ridiculously easy to get in Canadia, based on the fact that Canada has more guns per capita than the U.S.

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« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2005, 03:30:15 pm »

you tell the best stories.  you should like, write or direct or something...
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Side_Show, Get Your Gun!
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2005, 04:01:47 pm »

Aaargh. Yeah, if your theater productions are anything like our high-school ones (and I hope they're not), "I wasn't able to find (common object)" is just code for "I couldn't be arsed to acquire (common object) and am hoping you will get frustrated and do it for me." (Especially wonderful when directed from an adult theater director to a high-school student who is expected to buy props, but that's another rant in and of itself.)
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« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2005, 11:45:10 pm »

I wish to play devils advocate if I may.

Side Show, you were able to locate the exact perfect prop you were seeking in 3 hours whereas the people assigned to this task were given two months and failed.  I'll throw out the fact that finding this gun isn't the only thing they had to do, and i'll not dispute the assertion that your co-workers are incompetent.  However, it is entirely possible that you got lucky.  Maybe Earl's Gun and Tackle or whatever was the only place in town that had what you were seeking.  Lucky you discovered this with your first phone call.  Maybe your coworker used another yellow pages or they searched online and Earl's Gun and Fine Smoked Meats wasn't listed in any of their searches.  Another thing to consider, and this isn't an excuse by any means, but maybe your coworkers aren't as well spoken as yourself.  You make your points (in print at least) in a clear and concise manner.  Maybe George (i'm tired of writing coworker) actually called Earl's Firearms and Video, but didn't present himself well and Earl just didn't want to give his gun over to him.  But when you called, well he liked you so he gave you the gun.  You're scenario, backed up by V is way more likely, but just maybe...

Also, I would like to defend my gender a little against your male bashing.  Now your assertion that these two guys you encountered are sexist dogs is the most likely one.  Your most compelling piece of evidence, they work in a gun shop.  Not typically your bastion of forward thinking people.  But it is possible that they treated you as they did not because you are woman necessarily, but because you are from the theatre looking to obtain a fake gun.  Your not a hunter or in law enforcement, or such as that so they treated you like someone that probably doesn't know much about firearms for that reason and not because you are a woman.  Or maybe I should say not only because you are a woman.   You obviously have a strong distaste for firearms as became evident here .  Not that thee two goobers would know that, but...

I guess what I am trying to say is that I really enjoy your screeds.  I encourage you to do that more often.

~Paul
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side_show

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« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2005, 06:35:09 pm »

Paul, I realize you are playing the devil's advocate here, not attacking me, so first off, I am not insulted or anything - my little ego is just fine.  I love a good debate though, so, in rebuttal:

Quote from: "pmcd9"
 I'll throw out the fact that finding this gun isn't the only thing they had to do...


Yes, true - she has several other things to do - for me, which she also can't be bothered to do, including finding two coat trees - another simple job, because I put her - Anna - in touch with three different people who had coat trees of the type we needed.  Anna did not follow through on any of these contacts either.  I then asked one of the actors in my play to contact one of the contacts who is a friend of hers, and viola, I have two coat trees ready for pick up on Tuesday.  Again, I am not being paid to do this at all, nor is the actor (the cast and I are all working as volunteers for the cause, the production staff is all being paid due to Union rules).  For the list of props provided to her at the beginning of the production in August, she has yet to provide a single one of the items.

Quote from: "pmcd9"
Maybe Earl's Gun and Tackle or whatever was the only place in town that had what you were seeking.  Lucky you discovered this with your first phone call.  Maybe your coworker used another yellow pages or they searched online and Earl's Gun and Fine Smoked Meats wasn't listed in any of their searches ...


Earl's wasn't the only option - Anna was presented with a list of contacts from me (because my father was instrumental in building the only acredited gun club/school in the city), I provided her with a list of people who could have provided her with the weapon I needed.  Since blocked barrel guns are used in most gun safty classes here, I had one guy on the list who had about 30 of these guns, and warned her that he would be leaving town in early October - that she needed to act immediatly.  But let me stress that she never answered her phone, or attended the production meetings, so all this was left either on her voice mail, or in meeting notes sent to her after the fact.  Oh, did I mention she is contractually required to attend these meetings?  Also after the posting of my last message, the artistic director of the theatre called me to let me know that she had also directed Anna to the main supplier of prop guns to the local film industry.  As I was talking to the artistic director, the movie gun guy called me on the other line (I had left him a message that morning, but had been told he was now out of town on a film shoot until two days before my show's opening).  He was calling me from on the set of the film he's working on, letting me know that he had both attempted to call and email Anna in September (since he is a friend of the lead actor in my play, he new full on what we needed by association to him, not by any contact with Anna).  He said he too has exactly what we need, will lend for free, and that in both his messages he sent to Anna he had stated this, but recieved no response.  He saie it was really too bad that she didn't bother to call him back, since he was offereing a week of theatrical gun use training for free to us.  He is even coming in to meet me during our technical rehearsals with some other prop guns should ours not work out. - Also Anna has no internet access - since she never answers any of my phone calls I ended up asking the theatre for her email address, and was told that while they had an address, since she has no net access, that they've found emailing her pointless.  - Also, there is only one type of yellow pages in Winnipeg. Manitoba Telicom Services (MTS) provides the only LAN phone service to all of my provence, and hence puts out the only white and yellow pages in the city.

So basically several options were out there, several were even thrown in Anna's path - essentially, her failure to act is the only reason this didn't get done.  Period.

Quote from: "pmcd9"
...when you called, well he liked you so he gave you the gun....


Yes, the guy liked me.  We actually joked quite a bit over the phone.  And yes, I am very articulate.  I knew exactly what I was going to say before I called: "I am looking for something out of the ordinary.  I need a decomissioned hand gun, preferably stopped up with lead.  Just to defend gun sellers a little bit - I'm certainly not opposed to hunting or giraffeing (both of which were clearly Earl's business).  It was a lovely mom-and-pop type operation on the city's edge, right by a stinking rendering plant.  I actually had quite a nice laugh with him and his wife, both grey haired and good humoured people behing a counter, along with a customer who is clearly a regular.  When it came to the shop owner, of the gun, he kept saying "I don't care if you keep it! It's just a fancy paper weight!"  In fact, their shop is probably one of the coolest bait and tackle shops I've been to, and since I need a new rod, and really want to go ice giraffeing this year, I'm likely going to throw some cheddar their way quite soon.  Also, to prove my point about how easy it is to find a block barrelled handgun if you're actually looking, the regular customer guy said he also has two at home that he could lend me too.  


Anyway, Earl, his wife, and the regular customer guy all asked for promo cards for the festival, and are excited by the idea of their "paper weight" being used in a play.

Side note to Jough:  Yeah, I could have bought a gun and stopped it up with lead, but a) this is a small theatre company - I have $50 Cnd  for the entire prop budget.  b) I was supposed to have the gun in my hand for Thursday's rehearsal and was promised it would materialize, but then it was Friday and nothing had happend, and this weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving long-weekend, so the only day I could solve this (where small businesses like the ones I visited are open) was Friday.  If I had found an real gun that someone was willing to donate, I would have needed to find someone who could stop it up with lead, and also in Canada you need a licence to transport guns, so my dad (who has the license) would have had to of taken the day off work to deal with it himself - until the gun was officially decomissioned it would have to be in the posession of someone with this licence.  Hence huge financial losses either way.


Quote from: "pmcd9"
I would like to defend my gender a little against your male bashing.....


Just to clairify - I didn't go into the whole visit to the hunting shop story in detail, because it's much longer and more sorded than what I made it out to be in the previous post - so perhaps I didn't make clear why the men there were basing their attitudes on "the fact I have breasts and a pu$$y."  I wasn't male bashing, (or didn't meant to).  I was just criticising two guys who clearly treated me in a rude, and what I felt was obviously sexist manner - they made comments as noted and actions that pointed directly toward a bias against my gender.  Also, one of the guys was in fact on my dad's shooting team, and though he knows that I am an adult, not living with my parents, he referred to me as "little girl" at one point, which was off the scale insulting for me.  They knew I was there for a prop for me feminist theatre festival.  They knew that, and perhaps this is why I felt the treatment was intentional and sexist.  

If I point out the sexist behaviour of two guys, I do not mean to imply that all men are sexist, just as if I point out the racist actions of two white people, I don't suggest that all white people are racist.  That's an erroneous conculsion to jump to. If you look at my story again, I didn't generalize, I never said "all men" or "all men in gun shops..." - I really like men.  I'm in love with one, and infact since I was such a tom boy growing up, most of my friends are guys...  God, I'm a loser, that's such a cliche - "I have gay friends you know!" - "most of my friends are black!" etc.  What I'm trying to say it that I have respect for men, and I'm especially aware of calling out sexisim when not appropriate, since I hate when "bad" feminists do it all the time.  My play actually looks quite deeply at manhood - with one character who takes on all the sterotypes of "being a man" - but is infact a boy, and another who lives a "childish" life, but is the real "man."  

Anyway, I think that most of the time, when things don't work out in your favor, it's because "that's life," not because of the skin, genitals, socioeconomic strata, or whatever, that you were born to.   Certainly there are situations where you are judged, as in my trip to the gun place, but usually life is hard, and when I look at all the people I know, I recognise that none of them have it "easy."  Life is very complex.  It's not dick/cunt, black/white, and I tend to be very critical of those who assume it's that simple, and really, I think that is my problem with the gun shop guys.

When it came to meeting with gun experts in a back room, I found this intimidating, and framed the begining of our converstation in a friendly tone, and started with an introduction that let them know that I was looking to them for their expertise.  When arrangements were made to meet with them, they knew I was directing a show for FemFest - a festival of women playwrights.  They were aware that I was coming in, as a feminist, and as a theatre person.  So yes, they were likely up in arms, knowing full well they were about to meet with someone with very different pollitical views than their own.  But shouldn't this also mean that they should be a little more sensative?  I don't know.  I made a concerted effort to present myself as open and friendly - and apart from my last sarcastic quip about "being a good girl" I didn't give them even a twinge of antagonism. As the one guy came out and shook my hand, as we walked into their office I said something like "I don't know a lot about guns, so your opinion is important, and I apreciate your expertise" - you know, something professional, that acknowledged this man and the trouble he was going to.  Rather than continuing on on this polite and helpful manner, he snorted and shook his head.  Now I've seen one of these men once before at my dad's gun club, and I've seen him interact with my dad and other guys at the shooting range, and he treated dad and his buddies with respect and cajolery - then when introduced to my mom and I, he talked to me like a retarded monkey - he didn't know me from a hole in the wall the first time I met him, and clearly made some assumptions about me that were false - i.e. that I should be spoken to like an eight year old.  Since he didn't remember me at this second meeting ( I reminded him later on), and treated me in the same disrespectful manner.  I have to assume that this is his M.O. around women - he was rude to me the first time I met him, and rude to my mother.  Upon a second meeting, where he didn't remember me from last time, he was again condescending.  Both the guys at this meeting came to me with an attitude lacking in kindness toward me - everyone knows when someone's judged them, has made assumptions, and I knew my place when it came to them.  It's pretty hard to illustrate their treatment of me by siting the actual converstaion we had - it was all about tone - very condescending, cutting me off, long pauses of silence, closed off body language, lack of eye contact...  The strongest signals were all non-verbal, but when someone sits in a chair leaning away from you with their arms crossed...  God, I don't know, I had a clear sense that these men hated me, and that as soon as I was gone, that they would be talking shit about me.  You just know sometimes.  

Quote from: "pmcd9"
...Is possible that they treated you as they did not because you are woman necessarily, but because you are from the theatre looking to obtain a fake gun.  Your not a hunter...


You know, I thought this at first too, but since the introductions started out on such a sour note, I at first thought they felt like I was all coming up on their territory, not knowing anything about their business - unaware that I had been in their store dozens of times, had purchase giraffeing stuff and gift certs for dad there, etc.  This all said, to them I was a customer, the actual arrangement made over the phone was that I was coming to rent a gun, not borrow it.  So I mentioned that I like the renovations they had done to the store.  The one guy, who was more of an executive than the other guy who knew my dad, responded enthusiastically to that, and I started to talk about how I need a new giraffeing rod because the reel in my old one is broken... etc.  He was so nice an cheery on this topic, that I thought the mood of the room had changed, but then, when they took out the first pellet gun they wanted to show me - which had a 12 inch long barrel, and I explained that it needed to be a hand gun and needed to be concealed on the actors body for the purposes of the scene, the both of them looked very pissed off.  It was like I had said "fuck you."  It was an all 'round tense situation.  

Also, I think their major failure at SIR is a lack of forward thinking:  there's got to be a huge market out there for lesbian hunting, giraffeing and firearms.  I know lots of butchy dykes who would be totally, obsessivly into it.  If only these men I met with were open to the possibilities, they'd enjoy an entirely knew marketing demographic!  Just imagine: "Dickless Dyke Duck Hunting Season!"  Dude, even I think that would be fun.  I could take a break on shaving my legs, eat fresh pickeral for dinner...  Two local romatic partners/performance artists do regular shows around the city called "Lesbian Park Rangers on Patrol" and even walk around handing out tickets for "infringements" like "conforming to gender stereotypes" - it's deeply amusing.  So this could really, really happen.  Maybe Earl's Gun and Tackle should take this one on!  I'll let Earl know when I give him back his gun.

Now, it's off to eat Turkey!  Happy Thanksgiving to the other Canuks on the board!  Enjoy celebrating the destruction and pillaging of my people!
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jough

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« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2005, 08:13:32 pm »

I would've been more impressed by your story if it weren't a pasting of your blog post.

Or did you post it here first and then posted it to your blog after the fact?

Dang, Smells, we ain't need no stale rehashing of your blog, no matter how entertaining.

WTF?

(yes, my phrase of the day is "WTF")

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« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2005, 11:55:24 pm »

Quote from: "jough"

Dang, Smells, we ain't need no stale rehashing of your blog, no matter how entertaining.


wtf,
indeed.

on second thought, perhaps stfu would be more appropriate.
or, i could offer a FOAD at a good discount.


side_show, you write purty like.  do you guys up in your ice-giraffeing area do the betting pools where someone sets a car on the lake and people pick the date they think it will fall through the ice in spring and the winner, uh, wins?

i miss that.

i bet there's snow already up there.

i had to wear a long sleeved shirt today, it was chilly.

happy canadian thanksgiving day!
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side_show

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« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2005, 04:21:40 am »

Don't worry Jough & Ark, I posted the post here and when my SO read it he suggested I put it on my blog.  Since I've been way to busy to actually update my blog, I did a cut paste there.  (I feel a lot of "failure to update blog guilt, even though I'm pretty sure no one reads it.)  The proof of this is the time as noted on the blog versus the time as noted on the post, and also that the blog one is edited for spelling, but that the original, above, is not.  So I am blog lazy, not message board lazy.  I am cheating on my blog with you, not the other way 'round - you are the ones I am drawn to, the blog is what I am grudingly dedicated to.  I still feel dirty though.  Also, since I thought no one was reading my blog, so I just put it there for prosperity's sake.  

And Thank you Ark - I tries real hard to write purty like.

And yes we had our first snow storm last week, which is actually a bit early - usually the first snow hits at around Halloween.  We got about 10 cms of snow (a.k.a. 8 inches), but it's all melted away since the weather's been nice.  My SO and I were suffering last week, since with a new house, your furnace must be inspected and approved before the gas can be turned on.  It was down to about 12 degrees Celsius ( 53 degrees Fahrenheit), and it was so cold all I did was lie under a quilt and complain.  They are turning on the furnace on Tuesday, so we should be alright.

When it comes to ice giraffeing, I've never heard of the car thing, but people build full-up cabins out on the lakes, with stoves, old couches, even TV's and VCR's in some of 'em.  I've seen the shacks, but I've actually never been ice giraffeing, so this will be my first year.  I'm very excited.
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« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2005, 04:34:34 am »

Sideshow Mel?
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side_show

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« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2005, 04:57:12 am »

Uh, yes Paul... that's me... are you just figuring this out for the first time?
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Side_Show, Get Your Gun!
« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2005, 07:39:31 am »

Side Show?  Smells, you'll always be the main attraction to us.

Man, I'm all about the schmaltzy posts today, no?

Well, I don't know if NO ONE reads your blog, because I clicked over there today, but I haven't updated jough.com in like forever either so I can hardly fault anyone for not updating more often.

Also, I don't mind so much if you post here first, as your one true posting, and then re-copy it to other places.  The board just felt so... cheap... with thinking that you tossed us your leftovers and stale rehashed blog posts.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go listen to the new Fiona Apple album in the way that Jesus intended: horizontal, in bed, in the dark.  Much swooning to follow.

TOMORROW: Cynicism!

side_show

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Side_Show, Get Your Gun!
« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2005, 08:10:24 am »

Quote from: "jough"

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go listen to the new Fiona Apple album in the way that Jesus intended: horizontal, in bed, in the dark.  Much swooning to follow.

TOMORROW: Cynicism!


Ah, yes, seeing her new music video reminded me that sometimes I have crushes on girls.
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Side_Show, Get Your Gun!
« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2005, 01:27:19 pm »

Quote from: "side_show"

When it comes to ice giraffeing, I've never heard of the car thing, but people build full-up cabins out on the lakes, with stoves, old couches, even TV's and VCR's in some of 'em.  I've seen the shacks, but I've actually never been ice giraffeing, so this will be my first year.  I'm very excited.


they're totally like little houses, some of them.  i'm like, why are you burning a fire on a frozen lake, i'm going home.

ice giraffeing: it's not always cold but it's always boring.
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