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@achewood Terrible dream where Bobby Flay came to my childhood home, danced on the table, recited verse, and we had nothing interesting for him to do.

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Author Topic: Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.  (Read 25260 times)

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wombat

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« Reply #90 on: November 30, 2005, 05:19:55 pm »
This thread has been decisive.  I am definitely going to apply for a job at the local bookstore when my current job is over.  I had no idea it would be so fascinating.
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« Reply #91 on: November 30, 2005, 05:27:45 pm »
Yes, my SO has worked at a few bookstores in her day, and whenever she's there, she always comes back with a kooky tale or two.  However, by far the worst was last summer, when Donny Osmond visited her humble bookseller - suffice it to say that I had NO IDEA that Donny Osmond had such a vigorous - nay, insane - following among middle-aged women.  Women were shouting and fainting and assaulting and all kinds of madness - from a distance, it was hilarious, but if I were Donny, I'd be TERRIFIED.

And surprisingly short.
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wombat

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« Reply #92 on: November 30, 2005, 05:28:45 pm »
Quote from: "Bozack"
.At work today, a woman walked up with a copy of Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice and asked if it was based on the upcoming film. Not if the upcoming film was based on it, but if it was a novelization of the film.


Oh and - how did you answer?  Did you manage to keep your wits about you to be polite?  I'm not sure I am qualified for a job in a bookstore, because I'm not sure that I'd be able to.
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Bozack

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« Reply #93 on: November 30, 2005, 08:02:52 pm »
I was beautific. I said, "Oh, no, the film is actually based on that book." and then I smiled really wide. I have the best shit-eating grin/customer service voice in my store.
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miles

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« Reply #94 on: November 30, 2005, 09:07:31 pm »
Jane Austen is one of the greatest novelizers of our time.  Second only to William Shakespeare, I would guess.
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« Reply #95 on: November 30, 2005, 10:41:11 pm »
Quote from: "miles"
Jane Austen is one of the greatest novelizers of our time.  Second only to William Shakespeare, I would guess.


I hope she got to approve the screenplay.

I think 'Shakespeare' was more than one person.
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Hobo Frenzy

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« Reply #96 on: December 01, 2005, 12:49:30 am »
I have a question. Why is it that when you're eating an ice cream cone at the computer you never notices it's leaking from the bottom until it's way too late? I need paper towels, a screw driver, and a shoulder to cry on STAT!
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wombat

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« Reply #97 on: December 01, 2005, 01:23:13 am »
Poor Hobo, there are certain foods you should NEVER eat at the computer, and you have just discovered one of them.

Similar rules that I have learned the easy way, through other's mistakes:
1. Never put a cup of tea next to the laptop
2. Take the cell phone out of the ##### pocket before you launder the #####
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miles

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« Reply #98 on: December 01, 2005, 05:39:17 am »
Quote from: "wombat"
2. Take the cell phone out of the ****** pocket before you launder the ******


Wow, wombat.  I've washed a receipt before, but never an object like a cell phone.
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V-Adore

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« Reply #99 on: December 01, 2005, 05:59:47 am »
My only impressive washing mistake was a blue gel pen, in the pocket of khaki trousers, which I still wince over. The word "explosion" was an understatement.
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wombat

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« Reply #100 on: December 01, 2005, 12:24:40 pm »
I hasten to clarify that it was the spouse who washed his cell phone, not me.  The worst I've done lately is wash a tube of lip balm which also turns out to be a bad idea - if you then put the clothes into the drier, anyway, which sets permanent lip balm grease stains into the fabric.

It is one of my goals in life to someday always check the ##### pockets before I do the wash.
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arkabee

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« Reply #101 on: December 01, 2005, 02:20:16 pm »
when using an automatic clothes washing machine contraption,
it is important to RECONSIDER putting bleach into the device
before in fact putting bleach into the device.

and keep reconsidering that decision until your consideration leads you to not putting bleach into the thing.
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« Reply #102 on: December 01, 2005, 02:43:04 pm »
Quote from: "jough"
The left lane in most places is NOT used for passing in the U.S., and certainly not on any interstate highway.

In a number of places a dashed yellow line means that you can pass on the side where the line is dashed (double line with one line solid and the other dashed).  On a one-lane-in-each-direction road that usually means passing into oncoming traffic, if any.

The left lane is for fast moving traffic.  Right lane slow, left lane fast.

In many places this is emphasized with the sign: "SLOW TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT."

Also, trucks should not drive in the left hand lane.  There is actually a LAW to this effect in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.


Actually, in many states it's exactly the opposite.  The left lane is designated for passing.

And chew on this.  If you are driving in the left lane and there is someone behind you who wants to pass and cannot because you are in the way then you aren't fast moving traffic, are you?

The point is if you are keeping someone from passing by driving like Pappaw in the left lane -- get the fuck out of the way!
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Bozack

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« Reply #103 on: December 01, 2005, 04:08:40 pm »
Quote from: "AugustWest"
The point is if you are keeping someone from passing by driving like Pappaw in the left lane -- get the fuck out of the way!


Drive it like you stole it!

The last time I did laundry, as I was pulling my clothes out of the wash, I found out I had left a pen in my pocket, which had fallen apart (but not exploded). I found everything except the top, with the clicker and the little clip; I still wonder where that top went.
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AlohaDawg

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« Reply #104 on: December 01, 2005, 05:45:48 pm »
Quote from: "wombat"
I hasten to clarify that it was the spouse who washed his cell phone, not me.  The worst I've done lately is wash a tube of lip balm which also turns out to be a bad idea - if you then put the clothes into the drier, anyway, which sets permanent lip balm grease stains into the fabric.

It is one of my goals in life to someday always check the ****** pockets before I do the wash.


Your automatons have pockets?
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