The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8   Go Down

Author Topic: Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.  (Read 25337 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

wombat

  • English-Speaking Pizza
  • Moderator
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 644
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 12493
  • Yeah man, these are pugs, not some fuck*ng lolcat.
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #90 on: November 30, 2005, 05:19:55 pm »
This thread has been decisive.  I am definitely going to apply for a job at the local bookstore when my current job is over.  I had no idea it would be so fascinating.
Logged
What is this, the fuckin' Algonquin Round Table or some shit?  - Nabu

If you're going to change your life then you have to change it every day, not just the days the world isn't taking a shit on you. -Doc

acoxcae

  • Todd
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 1
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 314
  • Because I don't have one. Never have.
    • View Profile
    • My Blog
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #91 on: November 30, 2005, 05:27:45 pm »
Yes, my SO has worked at a few bookstores in her day, and whenever she's there, she always comes back with a kooky tale or two.  However, by far the worst was last summer, when Donny Osmond visited her humble bookseller - suffice it to say that I had NO IDEA that Donny Osmond had such a vigorous - nay, insane - following among middle-aged women.  Women were shouting and fainting and assaulting and all kinds of madness - from a distance, it was hilarious, but if I were Donny, I'd be TERRIFIED.

And surprisingly short.
Logged
this new board has a shitload of buttons.

why are there no zippers?
-thanks ark

wombat

  • English-Speaking Pizza
  • Moderator
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 644
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 12493
  • Yeah man, these are pugs, not some fuck*ng lolcat.
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #92 on: November 30, 2005, 05:28:45 pm »
Quote from: "Bozack"
.At work today, a woman walked up with a copy of Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice and asked if it was based on the upcoming film. Not if the upcoming film was based on it, but if it was a novelization of the film.


Oh and - how did you answer?  Did you manage to keep your wits about you to be polite?  I'm not sure I am qualified for a job in a bookstore, because I'm not sure that I'd be able to.
Logged
What is this, the fuckin' Algonquin Round Table or some shit?  - Nabu

If you're going to change your life then you have to change it every day, not just the days the world isn't taking a shit on you. -Doc

Bozack

  • Most Melancholy of Batmen
  • Moderator
  • Onstad's Left Shoe
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 10
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1651
  • stop this car, i'm getting out
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #93 on: November 30, 2005, 08:02:52 pm »
I was beautific. I said, "Oh, no, the film is actually based on that book." and then I smiled really wide. I have the best shit-eating grin/customer service voice in my store.
Logged
Hey, things are going okay now!

miles

  • Stinkfist
  • VIP
  • Ocular Shenanigans
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 10030
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 3476
    • View Profile
    • Last.fm
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #94 on: November 30, 2005, 09:07:31 pm »
Jane Austen is one of the greatest novelizers of our time.  Second only to William Shakespeare, I would guess.
Logged
Order is indeed the dream of man, but chaos, which is only another word for dumb, blind, witless chance, is still the law of nature. - Wallace Stegner

AlohaDawg

  • Mod Squad
  • LAZARUS, Tasseled Loafer of the Powerful
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 79
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 4184
  • Crawlin' back to prosperity
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #95 on: November 30, 2005, 10:41:11 pm »
Quote from: "miles"
Jane Austen is one of the greatest novelizers of our time.  Second only to William Shakespeare, I would guess.


I hope she got to approve the screenplay.

I think 'Shakespeare' was more than one person.
Logged

Hobo Frenzy

  • Showbiz
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 3
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 222
  • fuck*ng Moto Guzzi
    • View Profile
    • the best site in the universe
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #96 on: December 01, 2005, 12:49:30 am »
I have a question. Why is it that when you're eating an ice cream cone at the computer you never notices it's leaking from the bottom until it's way too late? I need paper towels, a screw driver, and a shoulder to cry on STAT!
Logged
Hey, what's this? Cursive?

wombat

  • English-Speaking Pizza
  • Moderator
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 644
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 12493
  • Yeah man, these are pugs, not some fuck*ng lolcat.
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #97 on: December 01, 2005, 01:23:13 am »
Poor Hobo, there are certain foods you should NEVER eat at the computer, and you have just discovered one of them.

Similar rules that I have learned the easy way, through other's mistakes:
1. Never put a cup of tea next to the laptop
2. Take the cell phone out of the ##### pocket before you launder the #####
Logged
What is this, the fuckin' Algonquin Round Table or some shit?  - Nabu

If you're going to change your life then you have to change it every day, not just the days the world isn't taking a shit on you. -Doc

miles

  • Stinkfist
  • VIP
  • Ocular Shenanigans
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 10030
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 3476
    • View Profile
    • Last.fm
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #98 on: December 01, 2005, 05:39:17 am »
Quote from: "wombat"
2. Take the cell phone out of the ****** pocket before you launder the ******


Wow, wombat.  I've washed a receipt before, but never an object like a cell phone.
Logged
Order is indeed the dream of man, but chaos, which is only another word for dumb, blind, witless chance, is still the law of nature. - Wallace Stegner

V-Adore

  • Guest
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #99 on: December 01, 2005, 05:59:47 am »
My only impressive washing mistake was a blue gel pen, in the pocket of khaki trousers, which I still wince over. The word "explosion" was an understatement.
Logged

wombat

  • English-Speaking Pizza
  • Moderator
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 644
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 12493
  • Yeah man, these are pugs, not some fuck*ng lolcat.
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #100 on: December 01, 2005, 12:24:40 pm »
I hasten to clarify that it was the spouse who washed his cell phone, not me.  The worst I've done lately is wash a tube of lip balm which also turns out to be a bad idea - if you then put the clothes into the drier, anyway, which sets permanent lip balm grease stains into the fabric.

It is one of my goals in life to someday always check the ##### pockets before I do the wash.
Logged
What is this, the fuckin' Algonquin Round Table or some shit?  - Nabu

If you're going to change your life then you have to change it every day, not just the days the world isn't taking a shit on you. -Doc

arkabee

  • VIP
  • -=Ray=-
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 153
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1280
  • i still hate the new forum software.
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #101 on: December 01, 2005, 02:20:16 pm »
when using an automatic clothes washing machine contraption,
it is important to RECONSIDER putting bleach into the device
before in fact putting bleach into the device.

and keep reconsidering that decision until your consideration leads you to not putting bleach into the thing.
Logged
"God forbid I'd ever be separated from my Duran Duran for a single minute!"
-August West
"Maybe Hanson or the Jonas Brothers might finally lose their shit one day."
-Nabubrush

AugustWest

  • Over Easy
  • Philosopher King
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 774
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 10549
  • Bulbous, also tapered.
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #102 on: December 01, 2005, 02:43:04 pm »
Quote from: "jough"
The left lane in most places is NOT used for passing in the U.S., and certainly not on any interstate highway.

In a number of places a dashed yellow line means that you can pass on the side where the line is dashed (double line with one line solid and the other dashed).  On a one-lane-in-each-direction road that usually means passing into oncoming traffic, if any.

The left lane is for fast moving traffic.  Right lane slow, left lane fast.

In many places this is emphasized with the sign: "SLOW TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT."

Also, trucks should not drive in the left hand lane.  There is actually a LAW to this effect in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.


Actually, in many states it's exactly the opposite.  The left lane is designated for passing.

And chew on this.  If you are driving in the left lane and there is someone behind you who wants to pass and cannot because you are in the way then you aren't fast moving traffic, are you?

The point is if you are keeping someone from passing by driving like Pappaw in the left lane -- get the fuck out of the way!
Logged
Infinitely vast, infinitely detailed.

Bozack

  • Most Melancholy of Batmen
  • Moderator
  • Onstad's Left Shoe
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 10
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1651
  • stop this car, i'm getting out
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #103 on: December 01, 2005, 04:08:40 pm »
Quote from: "AugustWest"
The point is if you are keeping someone from passing by driving like Pappaw in the left lane -- get the fuck out of the way!


Drive it like you stole it!

The last time I did laundry, as I was pulling my clothes out of the wash, I found out I had left a pen in my pocket, which had fallen apart (but not exploded). I found everything except the top, with the clicker and the little clip; I still wonder where that top went.
Logged
Hey, things are going okay now!

AlohaDawg

  • Mod Squad
  • LAZARUS, Tasseled Loafer of the Powerful
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 79
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 4184
  • Crawlin' back to prosperity
    • View Profile
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« Reply #104 on: December 01, 2005, 05:45:48 pm »
Quote from: "wombat"
I hasten to clarify that it was the spouse who washed his cell phone, not me.  The worst I've done lately is wash a tube of lip balm which also turns out to be a bad idea - if you then put the clothes into the drier, anyway, which sets permanent lip balm grease stains into the fabric.

It is one of my goals in life to someday always check the ****** pockets before I do the wash.


Your automatons have pockets?
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8   Go Up
« previous next »