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[miles]

For some reason, the very idea of a spider on you is repellant but on your eye is all the more horrifying.

Do you know why you're afraid of spiders?

Evolution!

Until she washed it off whenever I heard her in the hallway I would yell out, "Man oh man I am jacking off in here so good, this is such a good jack off!"  or "I wish I could get some things done but I can't stop jacking off!" or simply "WOOOO JACKIN' OFF!"

Does this make me Pat?  I don't want to be Pat.

No, definitely not Pat.  I'm pretty sure it makes you rad (and the "WOOOO JACKIN' OFF! is like that strip where the bots are mooning passersby).  The bitch totally thought you would be shamed by letting the other residents know that you jack off, but little did she know that it's basically you're entire identity, and you aren't ashamed of it at all.

But really, that was certainly the best way to handle the situation.

[misterqueue]

Do you know why you're afraid of spiders?

Evolution!

No, definitely not Pat.  I'm pretty sure it makes you rad (and the "WOOOO JACKIN' OFF! is like that strip where the bots are mooning passersby).  The bitch totally thought you would be shamed by letting the other residents know that you jack off, but little did she know that it's basically you're entire identity, and you aren't ashamed of it at all.

But really, that was certainly the best way to handle the situation.

Thank you miles, I know I can always count on you, my brother in Sick Fuckitude.

I actually kinda miss yelling it out, but in the end it worked.  My washer is clear of permanent marker onanism accusations now!

[Hobo Frenzy]

People in my dorm think it's the best idea to sing and shout with extremely voices while in the shower. I don't get it. These guys play basketball or sometimes football at 11:00 pm then apparently come back to the dorm for a refreshing circle jerk? Jocks are stereotypically speaking supposed to hate "gay" stuff. So why are they singing and giggling in the shower at 1:00 in the morning?! I live right across the hall from the bathroom too, so it's pretty much impossible to sleep.

Also, it seems your taste in music goes down as your speaker size preference increases and your common courtesy shrinks. The guys next door to me play really bad music with the bass cranked at all times of the day. It's horrible!! I can feel it and I've started to hum along with the bass line (which is the only part I can hear). Did I mention they only have about one or two CDs worth of music? It gets really redundant.

By the way, my dorm has "quiet hours" starting at 11:00pm. Yeah that helps...

[Carlos del Vaca]

Actually I'm pretty sure Vlad would say, "The jackink off, is so delicious; is sood good."

Vlad doesn't need to jack off.  He gets it whenever he wants.

You take.  Take take take.  You take.

[lprkn]

I don't think you would hear Vlad say anything at all.

There would only be the click of a gently closing door, and a single red rose on the washing machine.

[CortJstr]

Actually I'm pretty sure Vlad would say, "The jackink off, is so delicious; is sood good."

Before or after he ate the soap?

[theinevitable]

misterqueue, I hope that someone calls me a jackoff.
because I want to steal your joke.

Actually:
may I please use that, if someone calls me a jackoff? I could pay royalties...

[misterqueue]

misterqueue, I hope that someone calls me a jackoff.
because I want to steal your joke.

Actually:
may I please use that, if someone calls me a jackoff? I could pay royalties...

You may, but you actually owe me 20 dollars just for using jackoff in your post.  I have already registered this word.  I would let it go but I need to protect my intellectual property; you understand.

[Hobo Frenzy]

By $20 do you mean a tiny can?

[misterqueue]

No of course not, that would be silly.  Plus I don't want to incur any more wrath.  SHHH

[Golfhaus]

Wow... all my neighbors are doing is dying.

The two couples across the hall from me in the condo were both elderly. In their 70's and 80's. The man right across the hall just died, the man next to him just got back from a scary stint in the hospital. Sara and I gave our phone numbers to both of them to call us if they needed help with anything - the one that just recently died once slipped in the parking lot because our GODDAMN CHEAP JERKOFF LAZYASS condo association decided to wait until ALL the leaves fell to call the groundskeeping service so that they'd only have to pay them once. It's kinda sad, the four(/three) of them are all super-nice old people that are really glad the young people across the hall are keeping an eye out for them, but really wish we didn't have to bother.

[pmcd9]

Wow Golf, that sucks for them, but it sucks for you too.  Now instead of nice, polite, considerate old people you'll most likely get obnoxious, loud, inconsiderate asshole young people for neighbors.  Read the rest of this thread for proof.  It's your future.  Sorry, didn't mean to bring you down lke that.

I've never lived in an apartment, and I've only had a (non romantic) roommate once and that for only a short time.  Whenever I read horror stories like this thread I thank my lucky stars I've never had to go that route.  However, in two weeks i'll be moving to Utah and most likely i'll be moving into an apartment.  The HR guy told me they are mostly garage apartments on individual houses and not apartment buildings.  That sounds pretty good, I think i'll try to go that route.  Oh yeah, that's one plus of Utah over Miami, the rent is dirt cheap.  The per diem in Utah is like 200 dollars less than Miami, but the rent is easily 1000 less.  That's money in the bank.

~Paul

[V-Adore]

Yeah, I gotta say, the roommate thing just tends not to work out. Ironically, my ex-roommate (about whom some of you may remember some sturm and drang from just about two years ago now) is living on the floor above me; aside from her tendency to have EXTREMELY LOUD conversations with her suitemates in the stairwell about science fiction at all hours of the day, she's reasonably non-odious this year. Thank God.

[sunnystar]

I'm glad I have no horrible roommate stories. Of course, I live with Alex mainly, which is pretty good. And I had one crazy roommate sophomore year, but she locked herself in her room most of the time and was, thus, not that much of a nuisance to society. Which was nice.

I did have to move dorms between semesters of my freshman year though. But it was because of the girl across the hall. Does that count? I still talk to, and remain great friends with, my roommates from that year. Hooray!

[miles]

...Ironically, my ex-roommate (about whom some of you may remember some sturm and drang from just about two years ago now)...

Among my German friends (not my friends that are German, but my friends with whom I have studied German) the term 'sturm and drang' has become a euphemism for sweaty and violent sex, especially when talking about the gay guy of the group and his on/off-again and slightly abusive boyfriend.  So basically this sentence is hot.