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[linnea]

There's also Clint Malarchuk.

Warning: Not safe if you have ever had food in your stomach.

Holy shit, dude. That's insane.

[Nabubrush]

Yeah, I remember this one.  Highly unpleasant.  The arena had an ambulance parked at that end of the building, and they were able to hustle him out and get him medical attention.  They said if he'd had to go the length of the ice to get to it (i.e. if he'd been in the other net), he probably would have bled out.

Article I read said their trainer had been a medic in 'Nam and if he hadn't have been there, he'd have been dead. Probably the guy used up about all his good luck in one event.

[CortJstr]

Okay, so the length of this thread has me wondering something. What's the longest non-baby updates thread in the history of TOUAMB?

By replies it goes Baby Updates, Pretend Sports, Today I'm Gonna.

http://touamb.com/index.php?action=stats

[littlefallsmets]

I realize that many of you are moving more toward imaginary football than imaginary baseball but...

I continue to be confounded with how much my pitching looks like it should actually be really good from their overall numbers and yet seem to pretty much suck in every given week.

I didn't really take a whole lot of math classes in my life, as I much prefered the subjects where you could make everything up, but I am pretty sure that math doesn't work that way. Reasonably sure.

[melack]

I realize that many of you are moving more toward imaginary football than imaginary baseball but...

I continue to be confounded with how much my pitching looks like it should actually be really good from their overall numbers and yet seem to pretty much suck in every given week.

I didn't really take a whole lot of math classes in my life, as I much prefered the subjects where you could make everything up, but I am pretty sure that math doesn't work that way. Reasonably sure.

And yet the sum total of their weekly suckiness has somehow been good enough to keep you in first place for basically the entire season. Be thankful your best pitcher isn't sitting on the couch right now with a brand new ligament in his elbow, presumably one transplanted from his butt.

My best pitcher is in that very position. His name is Chris Carpenter. I can't complain too much, though. My best hitter is having a great year even by his standards.

[Nabubrush]

Yeah, lfm, in my experience it is sort of bad form to complain about how poorly your team is doing when you have been in first place I think every single week of the season.

Perversely, in my experience it is better form to come in here and say "You may feel a slight sting. That's pride fuck*ng with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps."

[littlefallsmets]

Worry not, Nab.

My complete lack of football knowledge will provide my comeuppance.

[Nabubrush]

Worry not, Nab.

My complete lack of football knowledge will provide my comeuppance.

I couldn't help but notice that your pitching is slowly but surely burying me this week, on top of you having the offensive side of the ball wrapped up already.

[littlefallsmets]

Oh, I think the pitching balance will be changed today.

I have no starting pitchers today, you have two. That'll basically lock up the strikeout, win, ERA and WHIP categories. You get a couple saves and a couple stolen bases and you've worked out a win.

EDIT: In just a few hours and half the day, you've already locked up WHIP and Ks and tied me for stolen bases.

[Nabubrush]

Oh, I think the pitching balance will be changed today.

I have no starting pitchers today, you have two. That'll basically lock up the strikeout, win, ERA and WHIP categories. You get a couple saves and a couple stolen bases and you've worked out a win.

EDIT: In just a few hours and half the day, you've already locked up WHIP and Ks and tied me for stolen bases.

Holy crap - that might be my first SB since July!

[KeithHernandez]

My new house has horrible internet and no a/c (in August, in Oklahoma) so I am always gone and pretend sports have become secondary to not dying (see what I did there).  I didn't start Wakefield yesterday for a win that would have given me a tie in that category (as of last night).  I thought A-CAP's incompetence (sorry buddy) would make it not matter but he made a comeback last night and I am afraid that might keep me out of the playoffs (were I obviously would have dominated).  anyways, yeah, hopefully I get in or lose by enough that that would not matter.  (I guess I like using parenthesis (apparently)).

Edit: actually it would not have put me in a tie.  I need medication for my sleep depriv-aa-ttion.

[linnea]

My new house has horrible internet and no a/c (in August, in Oklahoma) so I am always gone and pretend sports have become secondary to not dying (see what I did there).  I didn't start Wakefield yesterday for a win that would have given me a tie in that category (as of last night).  I thought A-CAP's incompetence (sorry buddy) would make it not matter but he made a comeback last night and I am afraid that might keep me out of the playoffs (were I obviously would have dominated).  anyways, yeah, hopefully I get in or lose by enough that that would not matter.  (I guess I like using parenthesis (apparently)).

Edit: actually it would not have put me in a tie.  I need medication for my sleep depriv-aa-ttion.

Getchself a window A/C unit. You'll need one.

[KeithHernandez]

Yeah, the utilities are turned off because my roommate didn't pay the bills before I moved in.  A window ac unit is about a fourth of the cost of the bill so I think I am just going to loan him money so I can have other nice things like a stove and hot water.  It was the only place I could find until December-which is when I get my useless History degree- and I need to get out of this town badly so...

I didn't know about this before I moved in, but the December thing is almost the only thing I care about at this point.  Hello decent West Coast city after that.

[jaydub]

I think the pretend football thing has me looking past the preseason even more than usual this year.  I'm watching a Giants/Jets game right now and the intensity is still obviously in preseason mode.  Ed Hochuli needs to cut down some more - his guns are a little doughy.

[littlefallsmets]

See? The Venomous Monkeys totally worked the tie in stolen bases, may have overtaken for batting average and clinched for WHIP and Ks. All I'm really guaranteed on is runs, RBI, HR, wins and saves.

A win for the Gilded Age? Sure. But hardly a drubbing.