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[Lister]

I am starting a rumor about Bobby Petrino talking to Michigan about their current coaching vacancy.

It seems pretty plausible.

Also: I apologize for being bad at pretend football this year.

Also also: I really hope that "not named in the Mitchell Report" doesn't equal "didn't do steroids" in the eyes of the public.  That would be stupider than the DH.

[KeithHernandez]

Wait, how will that make the game more exciting and ensure the best players are on the field?

/I don't know if it made sense, but end DH non-bashing.

[littlefallsmets]

I... can't think of something stupider than the DH, though.

Like... for every home run, a fan is randomly taken out of the crowd and executed?

Umpires smashing a watermelon with a sledgehammer to connotate a strikeout?

Adding "God Bless America" to the seventh-inning stretch out of some kind of retarded post-war ridiculousness... oh... wait... uhm...

Okay, THAT was nearly equal in stupidity to the DH.

"A random player who pinch-hits every time for the pitcher without ever going out into the field and the pitcher gets to keep playing and you don't have to cycle through them. Just one old player who can no longer do anything other than hit occasional homeruns shambling around the clubhouse and trotted out like a fuck*ng circus bear once a batting order... and even better, it will fuck up all the managerial strategizing that makes baseball such an awesome chess game so that the drooling goobers in the stands can get a few more dingers! Everybody wins!"

I'll allow steroids legally in the game if we trade the DH for it, just have me sign the paper.

It's less of a perversion of the game than the goddamned DH, I'll tell you that much.

[AugustWest]

I am starting a rumor about Bobby Petrino talking to Michigan about their current coaching vacancy.

It seems pretty plausible.

Oh, I'm so in. 

Also, here's a tiny can for you.

[melack]

I... can't think of something stupider than the DH, though.

Like... for every home run, a fan is randomly taken out of the crowd and executed?

Umpires smashing a watermelon with a sledgehammer to connotate a strikeout?

Adding "God Bless America" to the seventh-inning stretch out of some kind of retarded post-war ridiculousness... oh... wait... uhm...

Okay, THAT was nearly equal in stupidity to the DH.

"A random player who pinch-hits every time for the pitcher without ever going out into the field and the pitcher gets to keep playing and you don't have to cycle through them. Just one old player who can no longer do anything other than hit occasional homeruns shambling around the clubhouse and trotted out like a fuck*ng circus bear once a batting order... and even better, it will fuck up all the managerial strategizing that makes baseball such an awesome chess game so that the drooling goobers in the stands can get a few more dingers! Everybody wins!"

I'll allow steroids legally in the game if we trade the DH for it, just have me sign the paper.

It's less of a perversion of the game than the goddamned DH, I'll tell you that much.

I think we've had this argument before. As an NL fan, you're accustomed to things like pitchers bunting or striking out looking, which is great. As an AL fan, I much prefer being able to watch someone who can actually hit the ball and knowing guys like David Ortiz and Edgar Martinez will be able to have careers.

[littlefallsmets]

But... but... David Ortiz SHOULDN'T have a career.

He can't even field at first base, the easiest defensive position in the game!

Catch the ball if it is thrown directly at you, hold the runner, make half-an-attempt to catch the ball if it is HIT at you. That's... that's about it.

Part of the wonderful challenge of baseball is that everyone plays offense and defense and... if you can hit dingers all day, that's fine, but you've also gotta be minimally proficient at defense... and vicey-versy.

That's part of the fun of the game of base... you have to be at least somewhat rounded as an athlete because there is none of the ridiculous specialization of football, soccer, hockey, etc.

And... lets flip it around... how fuck*ng awesome is it when you've got a pitcher who goes the extra mile, works on his hitting and... can spray .250 wortha singles and be equally effective as a hitter to a defensive catcher or shortstop?

Isn't it rad? Like "uh-oh, no automatic out for you, this guy can hack a little".

It's pretty much the only thing interesting about Dontrelle Willis now, for example, now that everyone figured out his weird timing thing and he's mediocre like he should be. And of course, with that, he's traded to the Tigers.

[melack]

A good-hitting pitcher is awesome in the same way a bear who can play guitar is awesome -- because they're so fuck*ng rare. For every one Micah Owings there's a hundred Ezequiel Astacios who couldn't hit a baseball with a tennis racket. If I'm given the choice between watching pitchers go through the motions of hitting while natural DHs embarrass themselves at first (Hi, Prince Fielder!) over being able to see someone like Edgar Martinez who's had knee injuries rob him of the ability to move laterally but not affect his sublime hitting, I'll take the latter every time.

Baseball is a beautiful game, but not all that beauty comes from tradition.

[AlohaDawg]

But... but... David Ortiz SHOULDN'T have a career.

He can't even field at first base, the easiest defensive position in the game!

Catch the ball if it is thrown directly at you, hold the runner, make half-an-attempt to catch the ball if it is HIT at you. That's... that's about it.

Part of the wonderful challenge of baseball is that everyone plays offense and defense and... if you can hit dingers all day, that's fine, but you've also gotta be minimally proficient at defense... and vicey-versy.

That's part of the fun of the game of base... you have to be at least somewhat rounded as an athlete because there is none of the ridiculous specialization of football, soccer, hockey, etc.

And... lets flip it around... how fuck*ng awesome is it when you've got a pitcher who goes the extra mile, works on his hitting and... can spray .250 wortha singles and be equally effective as a hitter to a defensive catcher or shortstop?

Isn't it rad? Like "uh-oh, no automatic out for you, this guy can hack a little".

It's pretty much the only thing interesting about Dontrelle Willis now, for example, now that everyone figured out his weird timing thing and he's mediocre like he should be. And of course, with that, he's traded to the Tigers.

OK, except for Soccer. The great thing about soccer in the first place is that it's accessible to people because of minimal equipment requirements (all you really need is a ball and feet; you can be on the Steppes of Mongolia or the streets of Tashkent and still play). And it's great for kids of all ages to get introduced to a team sport because, basically, you run and kick. Way more kids can pick up and play soccer than baseball because baseball requires more harder-to-teach skills and more equipment.

I love baseball, but soccer has universality.

[Golfhaus]

OK, except for Soccer. The great thing about soccer in the first place is that it's accessible to people because of minimal equipment requirements (all you really need is a ball and feet; you can be on the Steppes of Mongolia or the streets of Tashkent and still play). And it's great for kids of all ages to get introduced to a team sport because, basically, you run and kick. Way more kids can pick up and play soccer than baseball because baseball requires more harder-to-teach skills and more equipment.

I love baseball, but soccer has universality.

I think what he means is that in soccer, you have specialty players. Your goalkeeper doesn't have to have the ability to run all the way from one side of the field to the other - he just has to be able to move within his little box. Indeed, unless your team is practicing Total Football, much of your team can really keep themselves within 1/3 of the field. I get into soccer from time to time, usually during World Cups... it's just hard to find it on TV half the time here.

I would pay extra money to get the sports network that carries Aussie Rules Football in the States, but it's not even an option unless I give up cable for a dish.

[KeithHernandez]

Fox Soccer carries it, and if I still had cable I would watch it all the time.  Second best sport, behind baseball.

[Golfhaus]

Fox Soccer USED to carry it. Now it's carried by something called Setanta. I don't get Fox Soccer channel anyway.

[KeithHernandez]

Okay, that makes since as I haven't had Fox Soccer channel since 2004.  Still, I love me some Aussie Rules.

[Arachno-capitalist]

Fox Soccer carries it, and if I still had cable I would watch it all the time.  Second best sport, behind baseball.

Rugby is the king of all sports. Back when Fox Soccer Channel was called Fox Sports World they would run Rugby at like 2AM. Those were the days.

[littlefallsmets]

Oh, I was never a jock, absolutely. I know nothing about how sports work from the inside, I just know for brilliantly analyzing them from the outside.

I am the anti-Joe-Morgan in this fashion.

[littlefallsmets]

Also: I'm not counting any chickens before they hatch here but...

I'm feeling pretty good so far in terms of pretend-football playoffs this week.

I might pull off making the second round despite my losing regular season record.

Which would be the exact opposite of my pretend baseball team.